That’s the second time I’ve been knocked unconscious. I was really getting tired of this routine of getting savagely beaten, or injured of any kind. Now, I’ve been taken away by these blue eyed creatures to god knows where. I only hoped that this wasn’t going to be my last night of existence. That would have really sucked.
I started to slowly regain consciousness, but all I could see was pure darkness. No matter in which direction I looked, the color black was all that was present.
“Great. I’ve gone blind.” I thought to myself, “Too many blows to the head really does get rid of the eye sight.”
As I sat up, I could feel something very strange underneath me. Some kind of substance stuck to my back, making the process of getting up a very tough act. A gross squishy noise could be heard, as I fully stood up off the cold, possibly stone floor. I touched my back slowly, and felt a sticky, smelly substance cling to my hands.
“Why am I sticky? Did I miss something disgusting?” I said to myself in room tone.
Suddenly, I became surrounded by a pack of glowing blue eyes. They cackled with evil delight, as they circled me, ready to do whatever bad things they had on their minds. Well, at least I didn’t go blind. Bad news is that these could possibly be the last things I would see.
“I must warn you, I don’t do well with confrontation, but if I must, I’ll fight you!” I did what I could to sound tough, putting up my mitts like I was ready to rumble with these demons.
“Good. I could use a bit of fight!” An evil, yet slightly seductive voice said.
Before I could wonder where that voice came from, green fire shot out from the floor behind me! I turned to see the fire illuminate a stone staircase, leading to a massive throne, also made of rock, and a black, pony like figure. Her eyes open, revealing the glowing green eyes, that are different from her minions. I get a good look at these figures; they looked like ponies, but they also looked like insects. They hiss, bearing their sharp looking fangs, which gleam off the fire. The voice began to laugh with ferocious glee, making me turn my attention back to her.
She gets up from her throne, and slowly walks down the steps. More green fire emerges from various corners of what I can now see to be a massive cave, as I look upon a gigantic army of these insect pony things. The ringleader makes it down to my level. She was tall; about an inch or two taller than I am, her hooves were long and lanky, with holes in them like swiss cheese. Her body was thin, her horn was sharp and distorted like a tree in a Tim Burton movie, and her wings were like that of a fly, only large and also with holes. She looked down upon me, with a demonic smile.
“Hello.” she says, licking her fangs.
“Um…hi. How’s it going?”
“Pretty good. Yourself?”
“Not bad. Just in a cave with a bunch of insect ponies.”
“Hah!” she chortles, “These ‘Insect Ponies’, as you so foolishly called them, are Changelings, and they are my unstoppable army!”
“That’s cool.”
“And they shall…Wha?” her evil speech is suddenly transformed into a normal-ish voice. It still sounded evil, just not AS evil. “You think it’s cool?”
“Yeah. Why not? It’s a massive army of Changelings. I give you props, I like it.”
“Ummm…thanks. Anyway…” The flames get stronger, as she laughs maniacally. “Tremble in fear at my power! Look upon me, pathetic weakling! Are you afraid?”
“Not entirely.”
The flames die down to normal. She looks at me, confused.
“Why not?!” she asks.
“Don’t get me wrong, you got this Evil Queen thing down very well, especially calling me a ‘pathetic weakling’ like that. I’m just saying now that I’ve SEEN you, the fright factor is diminished a little bit. It’s okay though, you’re still pretty scary.”
“Like, on a scale of one to ten, how scary am I?”
“About maybe an eight point five.”
“Well, that’s good, right?”
“Yeah. It’s very good. Like I said, you’re still scary. I’m really digging it.”
“Digging what?” she looks around the ground, “What are you digging? I don’t see any holes or shovels around here.”
“No.” I chuckle, “I mean, I’m liking the setup you have here.”
“Then, why aren’t you shaking in your shoes?”
“Believe me, I’m trying my best not to scream and run away right now. I just like hearing you talk.”
“I see. Well then…” she clears her throat for another barrage of evil words. The flames shoot up again, brighter than ever. “NOW, I SHALL….what do you mean you like hearing me talk?” The flames die down.
“It sounds like two voices are going off at once. Very evil. I find it interesting.”
“You know, I don’t think you’re actually scared of me.” she looks at me questioningly, “Sounds to me like you’re just messing with me, trying to make a fool out of me and my army." Her expression then turns into one of anger. " I’LL SHOW YOU!”
Her horn glows an awesome green, as she uses her magic to pick me up! Being lifted off the ground by magic was something I never experienced before. She lifted me up a good five feet, before letting me go, sending me right down into a puddle of goop.
“Yuck! Not this again!” I said, attempting to get the slime off me. “What the hell is this stuff, anyway?”
“That is secretions, created by me and my army! I use it to make more minions!”
I stand up; the goop is extremely hard to get off.
“It’s still gross. But at least I know it’s not what I thought it was.”
“And what did you think it was?”
“Nevermind. Can you just tell me why you brought me here?”
“I have heard about you, and your…exploits in the town of Ponyville. I demand that you indulge me with the same courtesy, so that my army can feed!”
“Exploits? What do you…” I figured it out. She read the paper too! Is there nopony in Equestria that didn’t read it? Other than Twilight’s parents, interestingly enough. I immediately facepalmed at the discovery.
“Seriously? That’s why you brought me here? To have your way with me?! That’s just great! You know, I’m really getting sick of all the crap that’s been happening to me lately! I’ve been knocked out, trampled on, rammed into, molested, tackled, and just recently dropped into a puddle of Changeling goo from five feet up! Can’t I get a GODDAMN BREAK FOR ONE FRAKKING SECOND?!”
All the Changelings, the Queen included, stopped and stared at me in frightened awe. Their mouths wide open, standing in shock at my outburst.
“I…I’m sorry.” she said. “I didn’t know you went through all that.”
“Yeah! And that was for the first week! THE FIRST WEEK! I wonder what’s going to happen the second week? I can guess! I’ll probably get torn apart by rabid salmon! Or, better yet, fall off a cliff into a Hydra pit that includes horny Cerberus’! That would be amazing! And just so you know…THAT’S SARCASM!”
The Queen looks upon her minions. She gestures them to move on elsewhere.
“Leave us.” she ordered. They do so without any hesitation. She walks up to me. “Sounds to me like you’ve had it pretty rough.”
“No kidding. After the initial shock, I thought it was going to be fun, living here. Now, I’m not so sure. Especially since I’m here in this cave, about to be murdered by you.”
“Who said anything about murdering you? I wasn’t going to do that. I’m not in the business of murder. Too messy.”
“Right, I forgot that I interrupted your little speech about what you planned to do with me. Please, continue.”
“First off, do you even know who I am?”
“Not really, no.”
“I’m Chrysalis. I’m the Queen of The Changelings.”
“I got the second part from the way the others were treating you. Chrysalis, huh? Nice name. I’m Matt.” I extend a hand out. She meets me for a shake. “So, you read the tabloids, and figured that I would do the same with you?”
“Well…yes.” she uses her magic to get the newspaper. She shows me the incriminating picture of Lyra and I. “See the way you were holding her? I wanted you to do the same to me.”
“That’s going to be a little difficult, since you’re taller than I am. She was about four feet, like the average pony.”
“I know that. But I’m a Changeling, I can turn into anypony.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Observe.” In a quick flash, she transformed into Twilight Sparkle. It was a flawless transformation, with nothing out of the ordinary. “Are you not impressed?” she asked, with the same voice as Twilight. If I didn’t know any better, I would have assumed this was the real Twilight.
“Actually, I'm really impressed. Since you transformed into Twilight, I assume that you know her?”
“I tried to sabotage her brother’s wedding by posing as his fiancé, for my personal gain.” she explains, transforming back into her normal self.
“She had a brother? Wow; learn something new every day, I suppose. Anyhow, that should sound horrible, considering I’m her friend, but that’s a very interesting story. What happened?”
“She found out, and I was cast back into the Everfree Forest, where I began plotting my revenge.”
“That’s rough, buddy.”
“I know. Don’t expect some kind of retaliation, though. After a while, I found the whole revenge angle a little on the boring side.”
“Okay, let’s back up for a second. You…the Queen of the Changelings…kidnapped me…brought me to your cave…which is pretty nice, by the way...just so you can do the horizontal monster mash with me?”
“The what?”
“Sex.”
“Oh…right. Yes. We could do that.”
“You said that your army also needed feeding. What do Changelings feed on, anyway?” I wondered.
“We feed off the power of love. It’s what gives us strength, and makes our magic strong.”
“That’s pretty neat, but let me explain something, Chrysalis. What’s going on in this picture…” I point at the image, “…has nothing to do with love. She jumped me, and tried to have her way with me. Then, Twilight’s assistant caught us in the act, and took a picture. We didn’t actually DO IT, despite what this paper probably told you.”
“I see. Well…this is embarrassing.”
“What do you mean?”
“It seemed to me like you did this kind of stuff willingly, so…”
“Hold up. Are you saying that you weren’t going to force me into something like this?”
“No. I mean, I could. But it wouldn’t be the same, really. We find having a willing subject to be more fruitful.”
“What is with you ponies…”
“Changelings.”
“Whatever. Both of you have this strange sense of morality, that I’m not sure I’m entirely getting.” I look at Chrysalis, and she is staring down at the slimy stone floor, disappointed. “I’ll tell you what…” Her ears perk up, and she looks at me. “You guys feed on love, right?” She nods. “How about I just give you a hug, or something? It’s not what you seem to be looking for, but it’s a form of love. Besides, I don’t hate you, and in all honesty, I could use a hug right now.”
Chrysalis stares at me, thinking carefully about this proposition. She brings a hoof to her chin, methodically tapping it, as I hear her hum to herself.
“Yeah.” she replied, “It’s a little unorthodox, but…sure, okay. I’ll give it a shot.” She motions over for me to come closer to her. I do so. I open my arms and wrap them around her, forming a nice embrace.
Her smooth exoskeleton is shockingly comfortable, like trying to hug a leather couch. She puts a hoof around my shoulder, giving her own special hug, calmly caressing my back. It felt rather nice.
“I have to say…”she softly says, “…this is pretty comfortable. Makes me wonder why I didn’t do this in the first place.”
“I admit it’s not too bad.”
We separated from the hug, and looked at each other, with grins on our faces, both rather satisfied at this outcome.
“Are you feeling better?” she asks me.
“Yeah. I’m feeling much better. Thank you.”
What happened next…is a little harder to explain.
After staring at each other for what felt like minutes, we both lunged for each other’s faces, locking lips and proceeding into the weirdest make out session that I have EVER been a part of!
Unlike Lyra, this time, I was more than willing, and yet I had no idea why I was doing this. Whatever came over me at that moment, it was far too late to turn back. Her forked tongue slithered its way into my mouth, and our tongues danced with one another in a rough and tumble bout of utter strangeness.
What’s even odder is that I should be weirded out by my actions, but I wasn’t.
“What’s happening?” I asked, breaking away from the kiss.
“I don’t know, but I like it!” she says, as she shoves her mouth back into mine.
Suddenly, I feel her magic surround me, and pick me up again. She hurriedly carried me past her changeling army, and to a stone door.
“Where are you taking me?” I asked.
“Be quiet!” she said with authority.
She kicked open the stone door to reveal her chambers. She tossed me onto her bed, as she closed her door shut with great force.
“I have to tell you, Chrysalis…I haven’t done….”
“SILENCE!!! YOU’RE MINE!!!” she yelled, as she leapt onto the bed, and right on top of me.
*THE NEXT THOUSAND OR SO WORDS HAVE BEEN DELETED FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT IS DECENT IN THE WORLD OF EQUESTRIA*
If I bothered taking up smoking, I could have really used a cigarette right about now.
Both Chrysalis and I lay in bed, covered in sheets, looking up at the ceiling, and refusing to look at one another, after what we just did. We mildly shifted about, but that was all that happened during ten straight minutes of absolute silence. I was the first to talk.
“Well…that was…” I started.
“An unexpected turn of events.” she finished my thought.
“Yeah. That’s what I was thinking.” More silence ensues. “Um…so…what happens now? Are you going to like…erase my memory or something?”
“Only if you mention this to anypony.”
“Oh no. Definitely not. This’ll just be between us.”
“Okay. And don’t get all weird on me. This is a one-time only deal, alright?”
“Yeah, yeah. We got caught up in the moment, and shit got crazy, I totally get it.”
“Good. Last thing I want is you hounding me like a dog.”
“You know, I was trying to tell you that I never did this before.”
“That’s great.” she sarcastically utters, “I really wish you didn’t tell me that. Now I feel bad.”
“No, don’t feel bad. Thanks…I guess.” Another long pause passes. “Do you want me to go?”
“If you don’t mind.”
“Alrighty then.” I get up, looking around the room for my pants. I found them after a brief search. “It was nice meeting you, Chrysalis.”
“It was nice meeting you too. See you when I see you.” she continues to stare at the ceiling. “And Matt…you did fine.” she immediately put her hooves on her face for admitting that. “Dammit. Just go on.” I ran out the door, as she continued to wallow in regret. Hey, at least she got what she wanted.
I walked out of her room and right into the Changeling army standing before me. They all stared at me with grand curiosity. This awkward moment just became a million times more awkward.
“Uhhh…hey.” They didn’t say hi back, only more deer in the headlights stares. “Did you all hear that?” They all nod. “Shit, okay. Um…which one of you know their way to Ponyville?” A few raised their holed hooves. “Right, good. Take me there, now.”
The Changelings escorted me through what I would know to be the Everfree Forest, and straight into Ponyville by the time the afternoon came along. I thanked them for taking me back home, and they flew off back to their cave without so much as a word. I walked through town, as everypony stared at my still wet and sticky clothes from all that cave goop.
They continued to watch me, until I got to Twilight’s house. I knocked on the door, and before I got to the third knock, the door flew open, with Twilight on the other side, with the happiest of faces. She quickly embraced me in a tight hug.
“Where have you been?! We were so worried!”
“We?” I look inside, to see the other ponies inside, happy to see me. “Oh…hey guys.”
The ponies got up from their seated positions, galloping over to me in relief that I wasn’t a carcass on the side of the road.
“After what I did, I felt so bad, I went outside to let you in, but you weren’t there!”
“When Twilight told us what happened, we went on a super duper investigation, but you didn’t turn up anywhere!” Pinkie Pie said whilst wearing a Sherlock Holmes style hat.
“Where did you go off to, darling?” said Rarity.
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. I’m just happy to see you girls.”
“Awwww…” they simultaneous let out. They all gathered around me, and hugged me tightly. Little did they know…
“Um…I don’t mean ta pry sugarcube, because it’s real nice to see you back and all, but…why are ya sticky?” Applejack asked.
They all separated from me; now they all had cave goop on them. They let out a collective “EEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!”
“It’s a long story AJ. I’ll tell you…some of it…later. Right now…I need a nice hot bath to get rid of this stuff.”
Twilight sniffed my clothes, recoiling back in disgust.
“Not in my bathroom, you’re not.” Her horn glowed, picking me up. I’ve gotten used to this kind of treatment by now. “I know just where to take your stinky self.”
They all brought me over to the bathhouse, where I was greeted by two spa ponies. I was carried all the way over to the gigantic bath, which was all prepped and ready to go. Without any warning whatsoever, I was dropped right into it, with my clothes still on. The water was hot, and ever so comfortable. I could feel the stench of all the cave slime coming off.
As I started to doze off into dreamland…
The door burst open, and the other ponies came rushing in, breaking me out of my relaxed state.
“Geronimo!” Applejack yelled, as she was the first to dive in.
The others followed suit, jumping in the bathtub, and soaking everything in soapy water. Now I was really happy that my clothes weren’t removed for this.
“What the hell?! What are all of you doing?!”
“You made our coats all sticky, darling! Now you’re going to clean us!” Rarity said, floating a loofah in my face. I take the loofah, and look at all the ponies smiling at me. I put the loofah down behind me in refusal.
“Look, I’m tired, and I didn’t get any sleep last night. Do you mind if we wait on the craziness just a little bit longer?”
They looked at each other. They nodded in agreement.
“Okay Matt.” Twilight said, “But, this bathtub is big enough for all of us. So, we’re staying.”
“Fair enough. Just…” I yawned, “Give me five minutes…maybe more.” I closed my eyes, finally calmed at relaxed. I hear the water moving, and soon, I feel the others gathered around me, resting their heads on me.
“Matt…” Twilight said, “I’m very sorry that I kicked you out of the house”
“I’m sorry mah brother and sister damaged your back, and…your other areas.” Applejack said.
“I’m sorry that I crashed into you.” Rainbow Dash apologized as well.
“I’m sorry that Angel tried to hurt you.” Fluttershy practically whispers.
“I’m sorry I lied to you, so you could make cupcakes with me.” Pinkie Pie said. She didn’t have to apologize for that one, since it didn’t result in pain. I was too sleepy to say anything.
They all looked at Rarity, expecting some form of apology from her. She scoffs at their stares.
“What are you looking at me for? I haven’t even done anything yet!” They continue to stare. She rolls her eyes, and joins in on the little hug that they had going.
“It’s alright, girls. At least I have an interesting story to tell, one day. For the time being though, I would like to relax.”
“Matt?” said Applejack, “We are glad that you’re here.”
I smiled.
“Me too, AJ…me too…”
I fall asleep.