//------------------------------// // Put Your Best Hoof Forward! // Story: Waking up as Rarity. // by TonydBrony //------------------------------// As I stepped out into the chilly city streets, I felt the pang of sadness that had plagued my heart fade away. It's a gorgeous day and the sun in shining high in the cloudless sky. It’s fabulous days like these that help me wake up in the morning. I felt the sun shine down on me, warming my pristine white coat, and with a melancholy grin slapped against my face, I let the steady rhythm of the singing winds carry me on their breeze. “Oh! What horrible person would commit such animal cruelty! That purse simply does not match that scarf!” Someone is dissing your choice of accessories. You gonna take that? “Would you care to repeat that, darling?” I retorted with venom in my voice, as I turned to face the tasteless rat who dares to talk down upon MY sense of fashion. “Ah! It talks!?” I heard as I turned to look at the thing and was greeted by a cringe worthy excuse of an outfit, that would be better off displayed at a cheap art gallery. The freak of fashion that stood before me was wearing a neon green leather jacket, a horrifyingly bright yellow ascot, and purple skinny jeans, but that’s not the worst of it! He also had these gaudy purple felt platform shoes AND a little sailors cap to match his jacket and tie! “Oh dear you poor thing, did you take a wrong turn in the eighties to get lost in the seventies before finding your way here?” I say using a hoof to lessen the glare from shear gaudiness. “See here little talking dog! You are standing in the divine presence,” he paused for a moment, and struck a pose with his hands on his hips, “of Alonzo Alighieri!” “I’m a unicorn, you walking hipster billboard!” “Hipster billboard!? I am so in vogue right now! It is you who should rethink your status with that moth ridden sheepskin atop your head!” “Hey! This fine piece of head wear was given to me by someone very special to me! So watch your mouth, you flaming freak of nature!” As the rage peaked, the following moments were filled with very colorful combinations and excessive use of Irish that would make a sailors head spin coming from Rarity’s mouth. *** I’m not going to lie. I said a lot of things that I probably shouldn't have, but hey! He was asking for it. “Vete a la mierda!” And I yelled at him in Spanish. “Bah!” The freak-show on legs screamed in frustration and waved a dismissive hand. “I’ve haven’t the time to dally with the likes you! I must take my leave now! For I have a debut in New York to show the world how fabulous,” he paused again, “The Amazing Alonzo Alighieri really is!” “I think not!” I interjected. “You are NOT going to New York looking like that! Not even I can allow something as atrocious as you to leave this city without the proper attire!” Alfonso recoiled in shock. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with with my outfit!” He was practically turning red with steam coming out of his ears. “I will have you know, I crafted this beauty, and I refuse to continue to have it diminished by the likes of you!” “Alright,” I murmured, “at least put a shirt on, or you won't even get past the city limits.” “How dare you...” He loomed over me, casting a rather menacing shadow. He took a long stride in my direction. Run. I turned tail and galloped as fast as these dainty hooves could carry me, as the chase was on. I dodged and weaved through the sea of civilians, jumping over benches, and overall being a parkour pony. “Come back here!” I heard the madman yell from behind me. “And taint my eyes with that Picasso ensemble once more? Absolutely not!” I turned on a sharp left turn, narrowly missing an incoming suitcase, yet that didn’t slow me down in the slightest. As the blur of colors passed through my vision, something caught my eye. Dude! They are having a discount sale at Pink! Get over there and find something cute! “Brain, I thought I was being chased by a lunatic,” I said under my breath as I ducked beneath a piano being carried by two large men. It can wait! Go buy something! It’s not like my thoughts have ever misled me before, right? What could go wrong? Would you just stop thinking and go already!? Just as I was going to gallop across the street, something abruptly stopped. Someone grabbed my tail. Big mistake, pal. I thought inwardly. “I don’t know who you think you are, but if you don’t let go of me, I’m going to buck your face in!” I yelled as I turned to see what snagged me. Only to come face to face with Mr. Nut job himself. “Surprise,” he said with a maniacal grin plastered on his ugly maw. Something clicked in my brain, and I grit my teeth while looking up at the ugly face that belonged to this teletubby reject. “First mistake. Last mistake.” THWUMP! The pompous jerk became nothing more than a sniveling heap of man, as he fell to the pavement grasping his manhood; crying out in pain. “Not so tough now, are ya? Are ya!?” I got a groan of pain in response. “Get up, you little baby man!” The disco disaster stirred, rising to his knees and looked up to me, meeting my gaze at eye level. “Good. Now, let’s start over. Shall we?” I said as I put a hoof out to him. “Gah!” He yelped, flinching back from the furry appendage held out to him. “My name is Tony.” He lowered his hands from his face, and stared at the hoof I offered him. “I am Alonzo Alighieri.” He said while taking the hoof in hand. “But you can call me Al.” Hey! What happened to kicking this guys ass? 'Things change,' I replied to the voice in my head. 'Violence isn’t the answer. You know that.' No, it’s the question! And the answer is yes! I let out a sigh, and returned to the eyes of my now calm mardi gras outcast. I smiled at him, and helped him back onto his feet. *** ...and when I saw you with that purse and scarf, I thought you were someone's lost dog!” Al and I began laughing hysterically, as we sat at an outside cafe, having an espresso. In the short time that I made up with him, not only did he insist that he buy me coffee, but he also apologized about the snide remark that he made about my hat. I love that damn hat. “Well, thank you for the coffee,” I said as I slid out of the wooden chair I had been sitting in, “but I need to get going.” “Oh, but where could you possibly need to go right now? After all, I still haven’t taken you shopping!” Stay on task man, remember your objectives! “Shopping? That sounds lovely!” I had time to spare, right? It’s not like I’m needed right away. “I accept your offer, my new friend! Shall we go?” Alonzo downed the rest of his caffeine filled beverage, he took my hoof in hand and led me down the quiet streets of Charleston to what looked like a life size doll house. Oh boy. What have you gotten us into now, Tony? Authors Note: This chapter has been brought to you by my amazing little helper, Galaneth and I! He helped me through thick and thin, and had a lot of great laughs while doing so. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as much as I did have fun writing it! -Tony (Rarity)