//------------------------------// // A Little Silhouetto of a Man // Story: Mission: Improbable // by The card holder //------------------------------// Scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango? Ahem, sorry. While the Spy had never set foot in the castle before, he had a feeling that the large doors with a sun painted on them had to be important for whatever reason. The problem laid in getting inside without alerting either of the guards. Then, an idea hit him. He took out a small coin, that he had lifted from Trixie's trailer when she wasn't looking, and flicked it down the hall. It landed perfectly, rolling down the length of the passage. Both guards noticed this, but didn't move. "Merde..." "Did you say something?" one guard said to the other. This caused the Spy to seize up, not knowing what could happen. "No. Did you?" "I hope not. My first week in, I don't want to deal with any ghosts or whatever." "I hear ya. Training was brutal." This gave the Spy another plan. These were rookies, eh? Then that would make his task much easier. Making sure both of them could hear him, he whispered some more random words and phrases. "It begins..." "Okay, I knew I heard something that time." "J- Just be cool, alright? It's probably just Princess Luna playing a prank on us. You know what the generals said about her." "I dunno, man, just stay cool." "When everyone's dead, who kills the killer?..." "Okay, this is freaking me out now." "M- Maybe we should report this to Celestia. I- I'm sure she'd let us take the day off... right?" "N- No, we can handle this. We're Royal Guards. We can handle this. No matter what, we will-" The Spy ran the blunt edge of his knife along one stallion's back, and the barrel of his revolver on the other. "Boo." Their reaction was instantaneous. They jumped nearly ten feet in the air before taking off in separate directions, screaming the whole way. The Spy couldn't contain himself, and he burst into loud, snorting laughter. Once he was done, he turned around and entered the room the pair were guarding. His assumption of it being an important room seemed to be right, as the double doors contained what looked like a regal bedroom. A few pictures placed around on the walls and on dressers confirmed that the owner of this room was none other than the ruler of Equestria, Princess Celestia. As one would in his situation, the Spy began rummaging around in the various dressers and other storage places. After finding a set of disturbing devices (which was quickly swept back under the bed and filed away into his "unholy terrors that should never be brought up ever again under any circumstances" mental folder), the Spy began looking through the drawers. He found an assortment of crowns, horseshoes, and a few bottles of "Wing Cream". Most interestingly, at the bottom of the drawer was a crumpled piece of paper. Unfolding it, the first thing he noticed was the Mann Co. logo across the top of the stationary. "What the... hell?" As he read the letter, his bewilderment only grew. Hale knew he was here? And robots were attacking the Mann Co. facilities? The Spy thought back to the Soldier's ramblings last Halloween, when he had dressed as a robot. "Just you wait, those metal bastards will come here some day! They will kill our loved ones! They will steal our possessions! But worst of all, men, they will take our jobs!" The Spy had simply passed that off as more of Soldier's inane ramblings. But now that robots apparently were attacking... No, he was still crazy. But even a broken clock is right twice a day, after all. As the Spy put the letter back into the drawer, making sure to leave no evidence, he heard hoofsteps approaching outside the doors. He could also hear an angry female voice whispering to herself. "Ghosts, really? I thought my guards would know better that there are no such things, even if they are new to the job..." He froze. That was Celestia herself. Who was coming into her room. The very room that he was still standing in the middle of, just having finished rummaging around in it. And, for all he knew, she could see right through his cloak. Panicking, he looks about the room, his eyes falling on a simple lamp about his height next to an open window. He knew what he had to do. He quickly put on the appropriate disguise as he threw the lamp out the window. As the door opened, he stood perfectly upright and still in place, not daring to even breathe. The princess of the sun strode in, a distressed look on her face. While she said nothing, she seemed to be having a silent debate with herself. She lay back on her bed for a few minutes like this, before she rose up slowly, looking less conflicted and more tired. For the first time since she entered, she spoke to herself. "Maybe a little... stress relief will make me feel better." The Spy stood even more still than he already was. She couldn't possibly mean- His fears were confirmed when the princess reached below the bed. Many words could describe the Spy's mind at that point, but rather than try to describe what led to him falling out the same window he threw the lamp through, I thought it'd be easier to just show you exactly what he was thinking: NOPE NOPE NOPE ABORT MISSION ABORT ABORT FOUTEZ LE CAMP DE CE LIEU As stated previously, the Spy ended up falling out of the window, him seeing it as a better alternative to witnessing what was about to take place. His Dead Ringer broke his fall, while also producing the smashed pieces of a lamp upon landing. The window was actually over a fairly large set of stairs just outside the castle, which the Spy scrambled into once he regained his footing. The moment his Dead Ringer disengaged, he activated his other, much more quiet cloak. Once the adrenaline boost from the fall had passed, he began moving around the halls calmly. He made a mental note to himself: The next time you have to go through the belongings of a princess, make sure to make like a tree and get the hell out of there before they came back. "...Are there really...?" "Yep." "And with that many...?" "Uh-huh." "...And are those giant medics?!" "Looks like it." "...Alright, I have no other way to say it, so I'll just say it: We. Are. Screwed." "Now, Scout, don't be like that. I'm sure we'll be able t' do it if we keep a level head on our shoulders." "HEAVY IS PRETTY PRINCESS!" "...err, relatively speakin'." "Pffft...Ahahahaha! H- Hey, tons of fun, hehe, what- heh- what the hell are ya wearin'?" "Heavy is Anastasia, Russian princess. IS SERIOUS HISTORICAL COSTUME." "Hahahaha! Yeah, sure it is, lard fat!" "Scout, tell Heavy he is prettiest princess... NOW!" "Or what, you're gonna make me feel the magic of friendship or somethin'? Or, or, maybe we'll all sit down for a nice tea party! Or maybe we'll even-" *CRACK* "AH PAINPAINPAINPAIN!" "Did you wish for Heavy to kill you? WISH GRANTED!" "I REGRET EVERYTHING! I REGRET EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DONE!" "I am dressed like little girl. You are still biggest baby!" "Dummkopfs... Ve are not going to win this, are we, Engineer?" "No, Doc, I don't think so." "Give me back my leg bone!" "Brush Heavy's hair..." "No! Just give me back my damn leg bo- OW! He- Hey, don't hit me with it!" "BRUSH IT!"