//------------------------------// // Chaper 15 // Story: Another Story where a human enters Equestria // by insert uncreative name //------------------------------// “Martian it's not the end of the world.” Applejack said. “Um, yes it is. If you haven't noticed I got a cutie mark.” I retorted. “What does having a cutie mark have to do with the end of the world?” Asked Applejack. “It's all written down in the book of divine prophecy chapter thirty-one, article forty two, sub-section two million and a half. 'For he that is not of equestrian nature shall receive unto himself a cutie mark, and form his hands he shall bring fourth the downfall of the greatest kingdom of it's time.' so yeah the end of the world.” I said. “Martian there's no such thing as the book of divine prophecy.” Said Applejack. “Why all this fuss about getting a cutie mark?” Asked Rarity. “Apparently his species don't normally get one, and for some reason he can't just accept the fact that he has one now.” Responded Applejack. “Why darling having a cutie mark is something to be proud of. Especially since your the only one of your kind to get one.” Said Rarity. “You don't understand.” I sadly replied “I never wanted to get a tattoo. I've never liked the idea that it's permanent. I figured that it'd be best for me to just never get one, but now the universe has thrown a wrench into that plan. My purity has been destroyed by the forces of the universe.” I sat down in a nearby chair. After I let out a sigh I said. “I give up, I see no point in living if I can't be beautiful.” Ironically I was never beautiful to begin with. “Oh hush now.” Said Applejack. “Quit your whinin' and get over yourself.” “Should we tell him that a cutie mark is more permanent than a simple tattoo?” Asked Rarity. “Oh Celestia no.” Applejack whispered to rarity. “That would just give him more fuel for his already over fueled paranoia that the universe is out to get him.” “YOU HEAR THAT UNIVERSE? I'M ON TO YOU!” I shouted in the background. “Case and point.” Applejack deadpanned. “I see.” Rarity said as her eye twitched. They let me wallow in my own insane ramblings until I had finally finished. “Feel better?” Asked Applejack. I sat down and let out a sigh before responding. “Yeah, I do feel a bit better.” Rarity took this opportunity to ask me why I had a crudely made cane. “Mr. Williams I've been meaning to ask. Why are you using a cane? I don't recall you needing one when you visited my shop a few nights ago.” “I suffered an injury shortly after our encounter. Unfortunately it was rather severe, and my leg suffered permanent damage.” I replied. “Oh. Well I'm sorry to hear that, But you can't go walking around with that ugly thing.” Said Rarity. “What, my cane? Fluttershy had some beavers carve it up for me.” I said. “I'm sorry but I can't allow it.” Said Rarity. “Allow me to craft you something a bit more appropriate for everyday travel than this... beaver stick.” she eyed my cane with intense disgust. What's wrong with the beaver stick? Beaver stick is a perfectly acceptable walking assistant. Also my budget is currently running on low after I spent the bulk of it on new shoes, and they were worth every bit. Nevertheless, can't spend what you don't got. “Sorry but I'm afraid I can't accept that offer at the time,” I said. “Oh, why not?” Asked Rarity with a bit of a pout. “I just can't afford much of anything at this point.” I said, “Maybe after I've saved my income for a few more years I'll be able to buy an 'appropriate cane' as you put it.” “You don't actually believe I'd expect payment after you saved my sister.” Responded Rarity with a tone of offense. “Okay now you're just being dramatic. It's not like she was going to die or anything.” I said. “Actually her case was quite severe. She had a decease that many do fear. Without your help she would stay where she lies. Never again to open her eyes.” Said Zecora. “Yes I know that, but I wasn't going to tell her. No need to cause more drama than there already is.” I responded. “Oh Martian please I insist. It's the least I could do after all.” Insisted Rarity. “Please take a seat here and I will return in a moment.” Before I could protest Rarity had placed me into a nearby chair and took my cane. “I need this to make sure that I make the cane the proper length.” “So Martian, what are you planning to do about this whole situation about you being an uncontrollable evil?” Asked Applejack. “As soon as I can, I'm going back to my home in the Everfree and I'm going to cower in my favorite corner and pray Rainbow Dash never finds me.” I replied. “Ah thought you said you weren’t mad at Rainbow Dash.” Said Applejack. “Oh I'm not mad... I'm absolutely horrified by her.” I replied “She completely destroyed me in no second's flat. I've been having nightmares about sonic rain-nukes ever since.” “Calm down Martian you know she didn't mean it.” Said Applejack. “Yeah, I know.” I said.“Also I have a question; can I ask you something about cutie marks?” “Sure, though I can't promise I'll be able to answer though.” Said Applejack. “How exactly do they appear?” I asked. “Magic.” Responded Applejack. “Like unicorn magic?” I asked. “No just magic.” Said Applejack. “Why?” I asked. “No idea really, just do.” Replied Applejack. “Alright then next question, and this one might seam a bit out of the blue, but bear with me please.” I said. “Would you happen to know Equestrias policy on a setting off thermonuclear warheads?” “I'm pretty sure the answers absolutely not.” Replied Applejack. “And do you mind telling why you would need to set off a thermonuclear bomb?” “Oh some article I read hypothesized that a inter dementional portal could be opened by setting off a nuke in certain conditions.” I said. “I was going to call this plan K. I figured that I might as well ask what Equestria's policy was on nuclear bombs. Ya' know I thought just on the off chance that the policy was 'yeah, set 'em puppies off ' I'd give it a chance, but since the answer is a no go I'll just scrap that idea and skip over to plan L.” Rarity came back into the room and said. “Alright Martian I believe that I'll have you a proper can by the end of the day.” “Alright, then I'll come by latter tonight to pick it up.” I said. After a few moments of nothing happening I said. “Um Rarity I can't go anywhere until you give me my cane back.” “Oh you mean that horrid stick.” Replied Rarity. “Yes, the horrid stick as you so kindly put it.” yeah that was sarcasm. “I burned that atrocity so I wouldn't have to look at it.” Replied Rarity, and unfortunately for me I didn't detect any sign of sarcasm. “Please tell me your joking!” I pleaded. To which Rarity replied “No I'm serious, I had to get rid of that retched thing. Don't worry Martian you're perfectly welcome to wait here while I complete your cane.” “Well that's all fine and dandy, but as you know Twilight and Rainbow Dash are making rounds to warn everybody about me. If one of them comes by to warn you before you finish my cane I will be helpless to defend myself from their coming wrath.” I said. “Don't Worry, I doubt that anypony would think to look for an all powerful monster, Such as yourself.” Rarity teased. “In my fashion boutique. You have nothing to worry about.” “If you say so.” I said. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK Everybody froze, and in that moment I knew. What you might ask? Simple, I knew... that I was going to die. “Rarity I need seven hundred feet of rainbow colored silk, and no questions asked.” Shouted Pinkie Pie from behind the door. Alright false alarm nobody’s dying... yet. “Darling you honestly believe that I have that much fabric laying around?” Rarity asked. “... The human is in your boutique, and he is receiving help from Zecora isn't he.” Pinkie Pie stated. “Oh darling whatever gives you that idea?” Asked Rarity. “The fact that you haven't invited me in yet.” Replied Pinkie Pie from outside. Rarity put on a confused look and asked. “How does that explain anything?” “I'm glad you asked.” Replied Pinkie Pie. “Firstly you never fail to invite somepony into your house unless your hiding something, and you're hiding something; However, that alone wasn't enough to determine what it was your hiding, So I investigated further. My first clue was that there are currently more hoof prints leading into your boutique than there are leading out, so that suggest that you are currently not alone in there. You might be asking yourself 'But Pinkie those are all pony hoof prints not a human hoof print.” And for the record that was exactly what I was asking myself. “Well I'm getting there. Two sets of hoof prints looked completely normal, But the third set of hoof prints suggested that whoever made the prints clearly had trouble controlling their body. As it so happens ingredients for a certain short term transformation potion have been rather abundant. Most notability being a changelings skin” Oh lord, please tell me I did not drink that. “Due to a certain changeling invasion it's considerably easier to find a shedded changeling skin in cave areas near Canterlot. Now, there are only two ponies and a Zebra that possess this knowledge, and of these three individuals only one knows how to properly brew the potion, and that is Zecora. Upon further investigation I deducted that two of the three hoof prints belonged to a zebra. Now I know Everypony there is to know in this town, and I also know that there is only one zebra living within a hundred miles of Ponyvillie, and that's Zecora. While it's possible that the other zebra is a visiting family member it's unlikely because Zecora always visits them at her home land, but they have never come here for a visit, so it's more likely that the human used a transformation potion with the help of Zecora. I found the last piece of evidence when I looked in your window and saw the human sitting next to Applejack and Zecora.” Well this is an interesting development. “So... what happens now?” I asked. “I guess we can just let her in.” Said Applejack. “Nah, I'll just let myself in.” Said Pinkie Pie from right beside me. “No It would be rude of us to have you let yourself in. Rarity would you please invite Pinkie inside.” I said. After a few seconds of silence I asked “Well are you to invite her in?” “Martian dear, she's already inside.” Rarity stated. I looked to my left and sure enough Pinkie Pie was there. “Um, Pinkie Pie.” “yeah?” she asked with utmost enthusiasm. “Could you step outside so we could properly invite you in?” I asked. “Oh! Right, sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. Oh course you can't invite me in if I'm already in.” Pinkie Pie said as she stepped outside. For some strange reason, after I convinced Pinkie Pie that we couldn't invite her in if she was already in the house Rarity and Applejack performed a face-hoof, and Zecora just smiled and rolled her eyes at whatever antic I missed. I honestly don't see what's so bizarre. Pinkie Pie steeped outside and shut the door behind her. Rarity seemed to be mildly annoyed. Rarity opened the door and Asked. “Pinkie Dear, would you like to step inside?” “Don't mind if I do.” Said Pinkie Pie as she entered the boutique. “So Rarity I need to get that silk delivered to a non disclosed location outside of town. When can I expect it to be delivered?” “Pinkie I just told you that I don't have that much rainbow silk. Why do you even need that much?” asked Rarity. “Don't worry about not having it. Just get as much as you can and I'll worry about the bill.” Said Pinkie pie. “Alright I'll see what I can do, but I still want to know why you need that much.” Said Rarity. “Listen Rarity all I can say is that Angel Bunny and I got in way over our heads, and if I want to get Gummy of my back I need as much rainbow silk as I can get my hoofs on.” Replied Pinkie Pie. Rarity apparently decided to give in and stop asking questions. “Alright I'll see what I can do.” “Thanks Rarity you have no idea how much this means to me.” Replied Pinkie Pie. ************************************* Fast forward a few hours. Twilight and Rainbow Dash had almost completed their rounds. It took Twilight a while to convince Fluttershy to stay at her house. After Twilight had convinced Fluttershy with a very touching speech about not being able to forgive herself if she let anything happen to her. She meet up with Rainbow Dash and proceeded to warn the other elements of harmony. After leaving messages for them at their homes, Twilight and Rainbow Dash Where now making their way to their final stop to warn Rarity of the horrible, wrenched, vile, ugly, terrible, disgusting, and absolute evil creature that walked in their midst... I'm not that bad am I? “So Twilight did you manage to convince Fluttershy?” asked Rainbow Dash “Yes, but she said that she would need a few days to make sure her animals are taken care of before she moves in with me, so if you don't mind would you be willing to checkup on her every now and then. Just until she is able to move in with me.” Asked Twilight. “yeah sure thing.” Rainbow said. They had finally arrived at the door. After delivering the warning throughout most the town they felt safe that the human had left town for the time being. All our heroines had left to do is tell Rarity to be in the lookout. Upon Knocking on the door Twilight received an unexpected reaction. An explosion of voices burst fourth from the other side. They where too jumbled up for the two to make out any details other than the occasional “oh good lord they're here.” and the ever classic “this is all your fault.” “What's going on?” Asked Rainbow Dash. “I don't know, but I intend to find out.” After Twilight said this she blasted down the door with her magic. Which I think was uncalled for because it was left unlocked. Right after Twilight hit the door a voice shouted “Places everypony.” and we waited for the smoke to clear. After the smoke cleared, the scene before them caused Twilight Sparkle And Rainbow Dash's blood to run cold. Granted they probably didn't know that it was all fake, but this is what they saw. Rarity is passed out on her “worst thing ever” couch while Applejack lays motionless in the back corner and appeared to had been shot with her own apple. Zecora is nowhere to be seen. The worst was what stood in the middle of the room. pinkie was being held hostage by me. She had the most convincing “please help me” look that I've ever seen. In my free hand was held an apple pie pointed directly act pinkie. The best part is that this was all pinkie Pie's idea. Lets rewind a few minutes. ************************************* A few minutes earlier “Um we have a problem.” I said. “And what's that?” asked Applejack. “Twilight and Rainbow Dash are coming this way! What are we going to do?” I panicked. “Alright everypony I have a plan.” stated Pinkie Pie. “Well then spit it out we ain't got much time.” said Applejack. “Well okie dokie loki then. Rarity, you pass out on that couch you always faint on.” Commanded Pinkie Pie. “If I must.” Said Rarity then assumed her role with grace. “Applejack do you have that apple you always carry on you for self defense?” Asked Pinkie Pie. “You mean this one.” Said Applejack as she pulled out her weaponized apple. “yeah, I need you to make it look like you've been shot with it.” Said Pinkie Pie “On it!” Applejack replied. “Darling, make sure you don't get any apple in the carpet.” Rarity added before returning to her position. “Zecora, I believe you already know what needs to be done.” Said Pinkie Pie. “Indeed I do Miss Pinkie Pie. I bid you all a warm goodbye.” Zecora said as she disappeared into a poof of smoke. Pinkie turned to me and said. “Alright Martian here's what I need you to do. First, take this.” She handed me an apple pie, but not just any apple pie; an Appleloosaian apple pie. “Good lord Pinkie Pie, they use these things to take down buffalo. What an I using it for?” “You'll be using it to take me as a hostage.” Pinkie beamed. “Granted your plan is genius, I'm still not comfortable holding a weapon this destructive.” I said. At that time there was a knock on the door and you know where it went form there so lets jump back to the present. ******************************** “Um... nobody move.” I said without confidence. “Let her go you monster!” shouted Twilight. “Just do what he asks” cried Pinkie Pie, and with real tears. She had also gotten her hair to go flat. She has really giving this her all. “that's your cue” she said under her breath. Oh right, “You heard her now get in the corner and I won't pie her.” I said in my best villain voice. “Nice, keep it up.” whispered Pinkie. Twilight and Rainbow gave a brief moment of hesitation but reluctantly complied. Twilight was obviously scarred. Rainbow on the other hand seamed to be displaying mixed feelings about this confrontation. “Alright we're out of your way. Please don't hurt her.” Begged Twilight. How do I continue to get myself in these situations? “If you want to see her safe and sound don't follow me.” I said. “No! please just let her go! I promise we won't follow you.” Twilight pleaded. Well since she promised. I started to loosen my grip on pinkie Pie when she hissed “What do you think your doing?” “Well they did promise not to follow me so I'm letting you go.” I whispered back. “Oh no your not, if I play my cards right in this situation I may be able to skip town until I get the rainbow silk I need.” Pinkie retorted. Apparently Pinkie wasn't kidding because the next thing I notice Is that I'm having an apple pie pointed at my gut where nobody can see. Point taken. “No dice. I'm taking her with me as insurance to make absolutely sure that you don't follow me.” I said. With that we were on our way out of town. “Your not going anywhere with her.” Rainbow Dash shouted charging from the direction of Rarity's boutique. While I was busy reliving recent nightmares Pinkie asked. “What are you waiting for? Fire the pie.” I snapped back into reality and without thinking I throw the pie at Rainbow Dash. Needless to say Rainbow Dash had no difficulty dodging my wimpy throw. “HA is that all you g-” BAM. Before I could process what happened Rainbow Dash's face became the center of an high speed apple pie explosion. The impact was so forceful that she did a full back flip and flew a few feet back before hitting the ground hard. I stood there for a moment before coming back to reality. “Pinkie! how could you?” “Don't worry, these are non lethal pies.” Responded Pinkie Pie. “They just look like Appleloosaian pies, but there actually cheep knockoffs that can't hold a candle to the real thing.” “Oh, well if that's the case then let's get out of here before she wakes up.” I said. As we where leaving town I couldn't help but notice all the ponies staring at me while they where talking to each other. I started listening to what they where saying about me and I was devastated to hear that they where spreading terrible rumors about me. That blabbermouth Twilight Sparkle must be behind this. Well two can play at this game. “Hey Pinkie Pie do you mind if I go do something real quick? I promise that it will be real quick then you can go back to being my hostage.” I asked. “Make it quick if gummy sees I'm skipping town to get the silk my cookies are baked.” Said Pinkie. “Thanks, I'll be right back.” I said as I walked to a group of near by ponies that weren't gossiping about me. Hopefully they haven't hear those nasty rumors. “Have you heard that they're rising the prices on dandelions.” said one of the mares. “I know, and after they raised them just last week. It's outrageous.” Responded one of the other mares. This is it, now or never “Are they really raising the prices on dandelions? I haven't had a chance to catch upon recent market trends with all the commotion about Twilight Sparkle going around.” I said The mares seamed shocked to see me, but their curiosity overwhelmed the initial shock of seeing me. “What about Twilight?” one of them asked. “What you haven't heard?” I responded. They shook their heads. “She's a dangerous robot I'm told.” I said. The mares gasped at this revelation. “She's got lazers for eye's.” I continued. “It can't be!” Said one of the mares. “And a microchip brain.” “No, say it ain't so.” another one pleaded. “And her skin is terribly cold.” “I need to tell somepony.” the last mare said before they all left to spread the rumor. That was easy. After the deed was done I made my way to regroup with Pinkie Pie. “Alright Pinkie we’re good to go.” I said. I took Pinkie as my hostage again and we made it out of town. Pinkie agreed to help me get to Fluttershy's house so Rarity would be able to give me my cane once it was finished so I could get back home. “Martian, before I go, I need to tell you something important.” Said Pinkie Pie. “What's that?” I asked. “Well due to your recent behavior, I'm afraid you're fired from being the bad guy.” Pinkie pie said. “What? I don't know what to say,” I said in a saddened tone.” but... but I understand. Do I still get paid for my work today?” “What? Oh yeah your payment's in the mail. Listen I am sorry that it had to end this way Martian, but on the bright side I think that Twilight and Dashie still want to keep you on as a villain.” Said Pinkie Pie. “Yeah don't worry about it. I'll be fine.” I said. “That's the spirit. Best of luck to you Martian.” Pinkie Pie said then left me at Fluttershy's door. I knocked on her door hoping that she was home. After a few seconds Fluttershy answered. “Oh Martian thank goodness your back.” Said Fluttershy. “Martian, where's your cane?” “Rarity took it so she could make me a new one based on it's measurements then burned it. She should be coming by later today to drop it of. I'll be out of you hair once I get it.” I said. “Oh no Martian you shouldn't be in such a rush to get back home. I don't think that you should even be considering returning to the Everfree forest. Martian, you really should be considering staying with somepony since your handicapped now.” Said Fluttershy. “Fluttershy it's only one of my legs that's handicapped. I'm still capable of looking out for myself.” I said. “No Martian, you don't understand. You've always been to fragile to defend yourself if anything happened, and now that you're being hunted you need to be kept safe.” I tried to think of a good counter argument but seeing as even Fluttershy is stronger then I am nothing came to mind “Alright so I can't really defend myself from a pony if it comes down to it, so what do you propose Fluttershy?” “Don't worry I'm more than willing to let you stay here as long as it takes. I'll go get the adoption papers.” Fluttershy said. “Yeah okay... wait a minute Fluttershy NO! we've been over this! Fluttershy get back here.” I tried to give chase but without my cane I was quickly meet by the floor, however, that sound of me hitting the floor was enough to get Fluttershy back. “Oh no Martian are you okay? Here, let me help you up.” Fluttershy said as she rushed to my side. “Yeah I'm fine. Fluttershy, we need to talk.” I said. “Martian I know what you're going to say, but it will be for the best. You stay here and think about it and I'll be right back.” Said Fluttershy. Fluttershy made her way out the door. Leaving me with little chance of getting out of this one. I might be able to make it to Zecora's if I hop on one leg. Well the odds aren't stacked in my favor but it's the only option I got. As I was about to hop out the door when I noticed that one of Fluttershy animals was bolting into that Everfree Forest. Strange that animal looked familiar. Where have I seen that animal before... oh yeah... oh no. he's form the Everfree Forest and if he caught wind of that conservation earlier then he's most likely to inform the rest of the forest of the chance to finally kick me out. This does not bode well for Martian Williams. Not well at all. You see the thing is that the primary reason that I'm still alive, despite the fact that the forest is crawling with thing that could eat me in one bite, is not that I know how to avoid them, although that helps. The real reason is that any predator of the forest wouldn't touch me with a thirty-nine and a half foot pole. Not out of respect but out of shear unadulterated disgust. There's an interesting story behind that, and I’m not proud of it, but it has it's benefits. They have been trying to kick me out of the forest for years, and now they have a way to do so. I need to make a break for it now. I started hoping as fast as I could into the forest. I actually made it a decent ways before I was blocked by a pair of manticores. “Hey guys don't mind me, just passing through.” I said hoping they wouldn't stop me. They did, and they made it clear that I was going back to Fluttershys. They were even willing to pick me up (while wearing latex gloves of course) and drag me all the way back. To make things even worse for me, Fluttershy had made it back and was looking for me. “Oh Martian there you are!” Fluttershy said. She looked up to the manticores “Thank you for bringing him back. Would you mind bring him inside?” They nodded and carried me into Fluttershy's house. “Would you set him in that chair... if you don't mind that is.” Fluttershy asked the manticores. I was put down in the chair then Fluttershy pulled out the papers and put them on the table. “Alright Martian all you need to do is sign here and this will all be official.” Fluttershy said. “Fluttershy I know you mean well, but this is crazy!” I said trying to talk some sense into her. “Oh Martian your not thinking straight. You must still be dealing with the trauma of nearly dying.” Fluttershy said. “Funny, I think I could say the same for you.” I said. “Listen Fluttershy I should just go.” as I was getting up the manticores forced me back into the chair. Hopefully I will be able to stall until Rarity comes by. I'm not sure what she will be able to do to help me, but I'm sure it's more than I can do at the current time. After an hour or so of stalling, someone finally came. Rarity and Applejack came in the door “Martian dear I've brought your new and improved cane... what's going in here?” Asked Rarity when she had noticed the two manticores. “Help me.” I pleaded, they had come right at the moment I had run out of excesses not to sign the papers. I made some very convincing arguments but Fluttershy wouldn't listen. “Hi girls, we are just finishing this last bit of paperwork and then I'll have adopted Martian. He'll be so much safer now that I'm taking care of him.” Said Fluttershy. Applejack face hooved “Not this again, Fluttershy we've been over this. You can't adopt Martian he can take care of himself. And you two get out of here.” The manticores left but no doubt that they're still nearby to make sure that I didn't get back into the forest. “Fluttershy, I need to have a quick word with Rarity.” Said Applejack. “Sure take you time.” Responded Fluttershy. Applejack took Rarity outside. “Alright listen I'm going to try to talk some sense into Fluttershy over there. What I need you to do is get Martian to the farm. Tell Big Mac we're in DEFCON 'f' he'll know what you mean.” “Well I'm not sure what's going on, but you seem to know what your doing, so I'll do it.” Responded Rarity. Now I'm not going to bore you with the details, so to make a long story short. I made it home with a brand new cane, and Fluttershy is finally thinking straight. Me, though, I'm just glad to be home.