The Recluse

by Live Light


Chapter 29: Of Myths and Blargasaurs

The Recluse

Chapter 29

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"So what you're telling me..." Leeroy said, apparently speaking to the Blargasaur he was mounted on, "Is that there is a show that has talking horses in it, which is what my current form is based on... and there are males watching it?"

"Blarg." Replied the Blargasaur. It never used to say that, but being around Leeroy Leonard does stuff to ya.

"...Naaaah. There can't be -that- many people like that... can there?" He said, now looking fearful.

"What is this... sorcery... witchcraft... strangeness... warcraft... Jenkins... is chaos becoming NORMAL!?" He cried.

"Blarg."

"Oh, there's a weird dragon cross-dresser named Discord? Well, that makes everything better, I guess."

He looked around him. The forest had a lot of life surrounding it. Life he could either mess up, or destroy altogether. Choices, choices, choices. He suddenly had a craving for Ice-cream again.

"Okay. Messing up takes too long. Let's blow stuff up. I NEED ICE CREAM!"

The Blargasaur continued walking.

"CUE LED ZEPPELIN INSPIRED THEME!"

-----

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Light, Fluttershy, Deathelocke, Unavenged and the bunnies walked ahead, with Unavenged leading the way.

"So why did we let him lead the way again?" Deathelocke asked.

"Because I designed him to be smart and mostly sane, among other reasons." Light said.

"W-who's Posey?" Fluttershy asked.

"Don't know ye-" Light began, before being interrupted.

"Posey. The original character concept for a character in the show MLP:FiM. There was a pegasus called Surprise, but concepts switched a little, and so Posey became a pegasus, Posey became Fluttershy, and Surprise became an Earth-Pony, Surprise, it's Pinkie Pie." Deathelocke said in a trivia-host voice.

"...Thank you, Dave..." Light began, "For that morbid back-story of what would've happened if you were an author..."

"I never used to know this much." Dave replied, sadly. "Why did Val want me to see it so many times?"

...what

"Agh, now I'm making fun of him saying, 'Watch it!' It's only because I was speaking a bit much. I WANT TO GO HOME! And I want my fingers and toes too..."

"...Ignoring him..." Light dead-panned. The group continued on.

"Stop." Unavenged said.

Everypony stopped. Unavenged was covered in a black mist, and de-materialised with it.

"Wh-what happened?" Fluttershy asked.

"He can turn invisible..." Light said.

The group saw the Doctor and Ditzy approach.

"Hey, Doc!" Light called. "Over here!"

The Doctor and Ditzy ran over to them, until Unavenged materialised and held the Doctor by the mane.

"Agh! Watch the hair!" He requested.

"...Friends of yours?" Unavenged asked, looking at Light.

"Uh huh. I'd appreciate it if you let them go now." He replied.

Unavenged shrugged (Ooh, he did his signature shrug!) and let go of the Doctor's mane.

"Okay, who took the book with them?" He asked.

Everypony looked around. Fluttershy looked as if she was about to fess up, Light looked as if he was about to 'fess up' instead, but Dave confused everypony.

"I DID!!" He yelled.

"...You're a character in the book, David." The Doctor dead-panned.

"No, YOU'RE David. I'm Larry, but I hate that name, Dave will do, but remember, David... you're gonna kick ass in Much Ado About Nothing."

Again, why does everyone call me David? The Doctor thought, They all looked really fascinated at me like I was this 'Mr. Tennant' back at Earth...




"HI-HO BLARGA, AWAAAYYYYYY!!!!" Came an ethereal, annoying voice.

Everyone waited.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

Waiting...

"AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

Still waiting...

"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG"

Almost there...

"GGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

And with that, Leeroy Leonard landed painfully near the group.

He got up, more painfully.

"Ow... Ow... ow... Oh, Hai guys." He greeted.

"Get back in the book." The Doctor calmly requested.

"No." He replied.

'Get back in the book.' Angel requested.

"Mengay-gengay."

'Don't make fun of him.' Miss Rabbit ordered.

Leeroy responded with a bout of gibberish.

'...Stupid.' Angel said.

"As your author, I command you to go in the book." Light commanded.

"FUCK YOU I DO WHAT I WANT." Leeroy yelled like a strange re-imagining of a symbol of responsibility from the 60's.

Everypony was silent for a while.

"...So... anyone got any ice cream?" Leeroy asked.

"My hooves hurt..." Ditzy said, preparing to sit down.

Dave, already aware of the consequences, screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Ditzy sat down.

...

...

No Earthquake.

"...Phew.." Dave said, relieved.

"AUGH!" Leeroy said, jumping upwards and falling on his back.

"I spoke too soon." Dave decided.

"...Damn... Buns of steel..." Leeroy said.

"Ex-CUSE me?" Ditzy asked accusingly.

"...Err." Leeroy said, trying to think of a way out of this... "Um... Rosebud?" He immediately slapped himself and played dead.

"...Er. He was so young." Dave said. "And... err... full of life..."

"I'm not dead." Leeroy said. "I haven't even begun the final showdown yet!"

"...Then what were we doing?"

By then, Light, Fluttershy and the Doctor were trying to get the fictions in their proper books.

"Right...so we don't have any non-fictional unicorns..." the Doctor noticed. "Is it possible there's some... de-evolutional sap?"

"Well... I saw some red-green stuff somewhere..." Light suggested.

"How can we be sure that'll help?" the Doctor asked.

"Doctor..."

"I dunno..." Light said, "This planet is alien, remember. Anything could happen."

"And that's exactly why that's a bit of a bad idea."

"Doctor..."

"We have to try, though, or we'll never get them in the book again!" Light argued.

"Taking risks is really not a good idea, especially, if I'm in a place I don't actually know!"

"DOCTOR!"

Light and the Doctor looked at Fluttershy, a bit surprised at her outburst.

"Uhm... I know John isn't a real person," She said, motioning to Unavenged, "But I think he can still help... he is a Unicorn after all..."

The Doctor opened his mouth to protest, but Light placed a hoof over it.

"Great idea, Flutters, right Doc?" He said, now removing his hoof.

"...Yes. Spectacular." 'Doc' dead-panned.

-----

"...Allow me to get this fully understood..." John began in his monotonous voice...

"You wish me for me... an apparent fictional character... to use my magic to help put me, Dave, and my enemy back into our prison?"

"...Well... er..." Light began, "If you put it that way, it's sounds kinda rough but err... yes."

"I see. I have an offer of my own."

"...What is it?"

"To put it bluntly, I do not wish to participate, so you may place your lips upon my posterior if you have a problem with that." He said, turning around to leave.

Light blinked. ...That... was... quite a way to refuse...

"U-uhm..." Fluttershy began, "Please do this?"

John turned around to look at Fluttershy.




"No."

"...Why?" She asked.

"Because I do not take the news of 'you do not exist' very well." He calmly replied.

"...Um... I can understand that... but... you don't belong here..."

"Maybe I should."

"D-don't you miss... uhm... Posey?" Fluttershy asked.

"A little. You remind me enough of her for me to not notice."

Fluttershy just looked at him. "...So that's it, then? You're just going to abandon her, just because you don't want to be confined in your rightful place?"

He shrugged. Fluttershy was starting to get mad.

"Now, you listen here, mister..." she began. John blankly tilted his head.

"You say I remind you of Posey, do you? Well, do you want the last you see of her to be a look of disappointment? Because that is all I have for you, disappointment! You act like you're some great hero who's going to save everypony, but you're just a dried up relic that should never have been uncovered! If you think you can prove yourself as a better stallion, then do what's right, or suffer the rest of your never-ending life knowing you are a disappointment to Posey! You got that!?"

John just looked at her for a while. His mouth twitched.

"...Noted." He said, before walking back to Light.

"Fine. I will assist you."

"...Thanks, I guess..." Light said.

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To be continued...

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AUTHOR'S NOTES

Alright... I'm gonna be honest...

I was kinda being half-assed on this one...

I tried to incorporate a serious scene at the end, with Fluttershy talking sense into one of my favourite characters I ever thought up (and adapted) into this. I even incorporated music I liked from a companion that... I... guess was okay. The sad thing is, I've only heard that music at the Proms. If you search up Amy's theme, you get something else that I don't really care much for. I mean, it's definitely good, but not my cup of tea. I prefer the Proms version.

But everything else... was just... random stupid comedy attempts... I'm not sure if they were funny or not...

I'll leave it up to you.

Part of the reason I was half-assed on this was because I had a sore eye, which turned into a slight headache which made me feel light-headed, I guess.

Although, it was sad to see Amy and Rory go...