Ponies Suck...

by PegasYs


The Holy Grail

Friday night.

I wasn't going to let my good spirits be ruined. It was high time I had watched this one, being that I haven't seen it in a few weeks, which was too long for my tastes. I popped the disk into the player and walked into the kitchen to check on the status of my popcorn. My esteemed guests would be arriving at any moment, and I knew they wouldn't be disappointed.

As I had expected, the entire kitchen was filled with increasingly thickening smoke. Groaning slightly from the inconvenience, I walked over the microwave and opened the door. The popcorn was on fire. Again.

Almost as if it were routine, I nonchalantly walked over to the corner where I kept the fire hydrant. With a swift pull of the trigger, the fire was out, leaving a charred pile of popped corn with a fire retardant topping. Deciding it was better than nothing, I took a handful and shoved it mercilessly into my mouth.

The doorbell rang somewhere in the distance. I walked swiftly by the fridge, producing a small can of beer as I went. I made it to the front door to let in my company, but found them already standing in the threshold.

"Oh god," I said, louder than I meant to.

Twilight stepped forward, looking slightly peeved. She put a hoof to her face, and sighed. Just like that, her scowl was replaced with a smile as she stuck her hoof out.

"Hello again!" she said as I took her hoof, trying desperately not to look sick.

Rainbow Dash hovered towards me.

"Hey, buddy! This movie better not suck like the last one did!" She thumped me hard in the chest to drive in her point.

I couldn't help but laugh in excitement. "Well, I can guarantee you won't be let down. This movie is a classic."

Buckaroo Slim scoffed. "That's what ya said about the last one."

"Well, this time I mean it. I try to watch this movie every month or so to make sure it's still hilarious. Come, join me!" I sad with genuine enthusiasm as I walked into the den.

Aw man. The couch was still in a black pile where I had left it. The ponies walked in and gasped.

"Uh, just take a seat somewhere on the ground, I'm a little shorthanded with seating at the moment."

They all took a position on the floor. Every pony fought to get the closest seat to the TV they could, save for the yellow one, who took a seat in the back corner. God she made me angry.

Remote in hand, I couldn't contain my excitement as I pressed play on the DVD screen. The colorful animations filled my vision as I cheered in delight at the title.

"Monty Python and the Holy Grail."

Every colorful pastel pony "ooo-ed" in unison. I joined in, for once enjoying something that they were doing.

The movie rolled with surprisingly few interruptions. Pinkie decided to go to the bathroom silently this time, and Rainbow was sitting directly in front of the TV, so it was loud enough for her. Twilight was taking notes, but stopped about ten minutes in, and resorted to just staring at the screen with a blank expression on her face. The yellow one kept making extremely quiet commentary in the corner.

I laughed hysterically for the whole thing, whooping and hollering at each joke. It was the greatest movie of all time. I chimed in every now and again with some of the most famous lines. The ponies just kept watching, staring indifferently at the screen. I nudged Bucaroo Slim, who was sitting right next to me, after a particularly funny joke. She just looked at me like I was crazy.

The movie ended, hilariously as always. I turned off the TV as the title screen came up.

Wiping away tears in my eyes, I looked around the room for a reaction.

"What the hell was that?" Rainbow yelled.

"That movie was simply distasteful, darling! How could you make us watch something so crude?" Rarity added.

I looked at Twilight, thinking that maybe she understood the humor. She just looked around the room.

I was shocked. "Come on! This movie is freaking gold!"

Pinkie stood to her hooves. "Are you kidding? The way that movie ended just screams budget cuts! They didn't have enough to finish it, so they slapped some cop-out ending to on it. And none of those jokes made any sense!"

"Pinkie... of all ponies, I thought you would understand!" I yelled.

"Listen partner, I dunno what constitutes 'funny' in this here home, but that was not funny at all," said Slim, who had apparently fallen asleep some time ago.

"You girls obviously don't understand comedy. This movie stood the test of time. You just wouldn't understand." I couldn't believe this...

Twilight yawned loudly. "Well, thanks for having us over. I think it's time for us to go." She looked at her wrist, acting like it had a watch on it. They all nodded their heads in agreement.

"Ugh, fine! I don't want uncultured guests in my house anyway." I saw them to the door and saw them file out one by one.

I shut the door violently, sending a tremor through my house.

"Um..."

The Yellow One!

"What!?"

"Um... I liked it. Can we watch it again?" she said meekly.

I froze. A single tear fell out of my eye.

"Come here, let's watch it together. I think I love you." I sat in the middle of the rug. She slowly made her way over to where I was, and took a seat next my left side.

We watched and we laughed. Fluttershy started repeating the jokes with me and laughing. It was all around a good night.

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Moral of the story: NEVER watch Monty Python with girls, unless their really cool girls, like Fluttershy.