Holy frig! lots of readers, thanks everypony! please leave a comment on the story, i live for those things.
It was a pleasant sort of practice in Canterlot Castle for the Royal Pony Sisters to eat together, breakfast for one, Dinner for the other. This brisk autumn morning was no exception. In the large dining room, at an oversized banquet table the royal pony sisters sat across form one another enjoying their meals and catching up on the events of the past night, which had been Nightmare Night.
Luna sat happily at her sisters’ breakfast, sipping dessert wine with ice cream and munching on her candy offering as she recounted her Nightmare Night excursion to Ponyville during the previous night. Nightmare Night had been a complete success. Pony citizens had not cowered in fear… unless Luna intended them too… and all had gone smoothly. Luna was riding out an emotional high of love and adoration from her beloved subjects. As such, sleep, such a petty thing, seemed unnecessary. Nay! Sleep was for the weak, Luna could sleep when she was having black mood.
“… and then one of the bolder stallions asked us to dance! Oh goodness the very thought... we did our best to let him down easy… and we’re pretty sure that the guards would have throttled him if they saw.” Luna giggled to herself as she fished out a small butterscotch something or other from her candy.
(Fun fact they had… and they did…)
Celestia had been listening intently to her sister chatter on like a school filly. But the topic of stallions brought up several questions that Celestia had been wondering about since Luna’s Return. A thousand years ago, the royal pony sisters had had a royal harem… chock full of Stallions… and more mares than Celestia cared to admit. Even today, a thousand years later, Celestia still occasionally got drunk and grabbed one of the Royal guard noobs for a night of mind blowing alicorn solar goddess stress relief… (several recruits had actually sustained broken bones…worth it) This train of thought got Celestia to wondering…
“Luna?”
“Hmm? Yes Tia?”
“I was just wondering…” Celestia was flustered, a rare thing for her in her advanced age. Lunas presents had that effect though. Luna was probably the only other being on the planet who was old enough to remember Celestia before she was… well… Celesia.
“What is it sister?” Luna asked.
“um… how have you… um…” Celestia hesitated, stuttered, stammered, and then… “Oh nothing!” Celestia gave up. Celestia just couldn’t think of an eloquent way to ask if Luna was getting any.
Just then a one of the butlers appeared to serve Celestia a glass of orange juice. Celestia thanked him, but didn’t pay him much mind. Luna however, had paused in her pursuit of a spoonful of ice cream and was staring.
The stallion butler was nothing special really. He was tall, but fairly gangly. Clean cut but uninteresting. The only real distinction of this butler from the hundreds of others like him, all dressed in similar jackets and bow ties, was this stallions
face, which was adorned with a neatly combed beard and moustache goatee.
Luna gawked for almost a full ten seconds before the stallion glanced over to her and realized that she had been staring. Luna quickly looked away and blushed a bit at being caught.
“Would here be anything else for you your highness?” the Butler asked politely.
“Oh…um… no, we are fine thank you.” Luna replied, refusing to look up from her ice cream.
The butler bowed and departed.
Celestia was too lost in thought, sipping her juice to notice the exchange. The truth to Luna’s love life was depressingly dry. Stallions of this age where... lacking in something. A special something that Celestia would never understand Luna’s
fondness for.
Luna had a thing for beards…
……..
Meanwhile…
Big Mac and Applejack watched as the huffing puffing locomotion machine and the Flim Flam brothers rolled into town and settled to a stop at the center of the market square. The two tall yellow sales ponies disembarked, both looking smug… or they would have, but both of their faces where covered in thick beards and perfect moustaches, effectively making them twins. A small crowd gathered around to see what the commotion was about.
Applejack ran over to confront them, big mac trotting behind, though more to keep her out of trouble than anything else.
“Aye thought we made it clear to you two last time! We don’t want your rotten cider here!” Applejack shouted, getting right in their faces.
Flim and Flam both exchanged a glance, but seemed at ease.
“No, no, we got that the first time. In fact my dear, we have all but left the cider business.” Said Flim, recognized by his
voice.
The two brothers took applejack by the shoulder and turned her round to show off their new transport machine. Effectively the same as the last one, but more stream line and with a fresh coat of red paint.
“You see my dear miss apple, after we left town last time, my brother and I did a little moral inventory and realized our big problem last time was that we sacrificed quality for quantity.”
“You’all forgot about trying to take over our farm!” Applejack stated crossly.
“Yes, well that was our other problem.” Said Flam removing his hat in revenant memory, “we took it upon ourselves to challenge an operation far greater in qualitative and quantitative scope than our own.”
“So,” flim picked up, “we set about looking into other fields, and this great machine is the result.”
The two stood back to back and removed their straw hats, announcing to the crowd.
“The flim flam facial follicle facilitating foam dispensary 7000!”
Applejack, along with every mare in the crowd gawked at the two blankly.
Big Mac, along with every Stallion and colt in the crowd, perked up their ears.
“uhh…what?” asked Applejack, raising an eyebrow.
“You see,” Flim announced more to the crowd than to Applejack now, “after a full year of research and study, my brother and I have unlocked the secret! We have created the indispensable tonic for anyone who wishes to grow a thick, full, beard of moustache!”
“um…” Applejack was effectively thrown for a loop. She didn’t trust the Flim Flam brothers after what they had done to her family… but… Applejack couldn’t really run them out of town… and their new product idea seemed so… stupid.
“My brother and I are so confident in our product here, that we have a little wager for anyone willing to give it a try…” said Flim to the crowd.
“For the cost of a measly three bits a tin,” Flam held up a small tin with the flim flam bro’s logo embossed upon its top, “we wager that anyone who tries our product will have a thick full beard and moustache in a matter of three days after first application!”
Most of the mares rolled their eyes and began to dissipate form the crowd, the Stallions however where at full attention.
“If the flim flam facial follicle facilitating foam doesn’t work for you, my brother and I will make amends with a sack of one hundred bits!” Flim pulled a small chest form the machine and opened it up, reviling the golden bits promised.
Flim and Flam then walked over to their machine and pressed a small button on its side. A counter and registered folded out from the side of machine; a shelf containing hundreds of tins was reviled. Flim and Flam stood by for a moment and let things sink in for the crowd.
“So,” they said both said confidently, “who is first?”
…
…
…
Nopony moved… nopony said anything…
…
Big Macintosh stepped forward and walked up to the counter. All eyes were on him, including Applejack who watched with a cocked eyebrow. The giant red workhorse smacked three bits down on the counter and said.
“Yup.”
Flim and Flam gave smug smiles and pushed the bits back at Mac.
“For you Mr. Apple, no charge, good faith and all that.” Flim said with a smile, handing Mac a tin.
Mac examined the thing and opened it with ease. Inside was a bit of white foam. Mac took some on his hoof, and rubbed it
on his face… it tingled for a moment, and then just felt warm.
The rest of the stallions in the crowed began lining up for the flim flam facial follicle facilitating foam.
Mac and Applejack went back to their own stand, and actually enjoyed a little boom in sales due to the large crowd of stallions that formed around the other stand.
Between customers, Applejack decided to voice her concerns.
“You know Mac,” she said, “there is a fair chance that stuff is just a scam.”
“Yup” said Mac, who reopened the tin and applied the foam again. Mac wasn’t sure, but he could have sworn that his scruff was longer than it had been before.
To be continued…