//------------------------------//
// chapter 20. One plus one 
// Story: Becoming Fluttershy 
// by Hope 
//------------------------------//

I slowly make my way out of the blindingly bright land my dream had become, to the gentle grey of the real world. Then again, the real world is as much an illusion as whatever just happened. I look over to Julien and smile sheepishly.

“You were out for a few hours there. How are you feeling?” He asks curiously.

I can see the hidden question, one which I do not feel inclined to answer in my current state. I ponder the surface question though. How am I feeling? Well, I feel like my heart is on fire. I feel a wonderful warmth and closeness that brings me a smile even as I think over the feeling. I feel like I could do anything, solve any problem. I feel like I could sit in one place, close my eyes, and truly be at peace. I feel wonderful. Yet I have a nagging feeling that I have forgotten something, like leaving the stove on. I've never owned a stove though. Apartment to apartment living doesn't give someone time to own a stove.

I realize I have been pondering the glove-box for some time now, and turn back to Julien with a chuckle. 

“I’m fine, sorry.” I say with a giggle.

“Okay... Who is fine?” He finally asks. Then I finally figure out what I had forgotten. My name. That really is an awful thing to forget, isn't it? I am pretty sure I cared a great deal about it awhile ago. But now it seems like I forgot to get a receipt or something like that.

“Me! I’m fine. Doing great.” I say with a smile, clearly avoiding the question.

“Right.” Julien looks at me with a bit of concern, but turns back to the road to resume the drive.

I resume my diligent study of the glove-box. I really hope I hadn't made Julien upset by avoiding the question, but I have a pretty good feeling that answering it with “I have no idea” would be worse. I really don’t want to upset him. He has already been through so much, after all. He has had to help me through this as well as deal with his own change.

“Thank you Julien.” I say, turning to him and leaning closer. “You’ve really helped me alot.”

“Not a problem Fluttershy.” He says calmly.

I stop for a moment, that's my name. I’m pretty sure it is. I turn back to the glove-box with a confused expression. 

“So you aren’t Fluttershy?” He asks.

“I don’t know.” I say finally, defeated as I slump down in the seat and hang my head off the edge. “I don’t know, but I was telling the truth, I do feel fine.” I say, trying to convince him that I am okay. It really wouldn’t be nice to make him worry. 

“I believe you.” He finally says, not taking his eyes off the road.

I turn to him happily. “Really?” I ask, excited.

“Yes. You haven’t really smiled without looking sad or worried at the same time for the last week or so. Since you woke up, that worry is gone. Even if you aren’t sure which one of my friends you are, you are happy. That’s what matters.” His eyes flick over to meet mine for a second and he gives me a warm smile.

I take a moment to look back on the last few days. I had always had an undercurrent of fear, of tension pulling at me even when I was jumping up and down with joy. Now I felt like a weight had been lifted off my back and I was able to smile without that shadow weighing me down.

“I do, however, think you should pick a name.” He amended. “Erica, or Fluttershy. Which should I call you?” 

I mull over the two names, like flavors of ice cream. You couldn’t just pick between mint and banana, it was like asking to pick between computers and bunnies. They just weren’t comparable. I have memories tied to both.

“Erishy.” I say with a smile. “Short for Ericashy.”

“Okay.” He says simply, and we continue the drive.

There really isn’t much to do while driving besides listening to music, talking, or thinking. Since the music we were listening to wasn’t keeping my hooves from bouncing up and down on the seat in boredom, Julien was mostly restricted to one word answers in our short conversations, and I had already been thinking about my current situation more than I really think any pony or person should, I decide I wanted to fly now that I remember how.

So I jump out the window.

Not nearly so dramatic, but I roll down the window, and start to climb out.

“No! What are you doing?!” Julien shouts, slowing down the car to a crawl as I jump out and start flying around the car.

“Race me!” I say excitedly, my heart pounding. Half of me knew how to fly but didn’t want to. The other half had never flown but had always had it as a secret desire. With all my fears burned away with this wonderful energy I want to be that crazy mare that gets pulled over by the cops for racing against a car. Shoot, I am totally mixing memories aren’t I? I really don’t mind. Makes for amusing imagery. Julien has finally stopped trying to convince me to come back into the car and started to accelerate slowly. I land on the roof of the car and bounce on it while laughing.

“Come oooooon!” I squeal eagerly.

We get up to highway speed and I am really stretching myself, getting to feel my hair whip behind me as I speed alongside the silver Chevy. I don’t know why I never flew this fast before. I suppose I was so scared of falling. But now I feel like I can’t fall, like I am invincible. Naturally, I won’t take any risks since I was still worried for my safety, but this feeling of being free from fear for once in my life is glorious.

Finally I slow down and land on the roof of the car until Julien stops the car, and I hover next to the driver’s side door.

“Could I drive? I’m sure you need to rest.” I suggest, worried he could be tired from driving for so long.

“Okay.” He shrugs. “Just make sure not to speed. Here is a water bottle with a straw, and let me know when we enter Salina. We will stop by a store there and get what we need.” He puts the car in park and climbs over to the passenger seat.

I pop myself into the drivers seat, throw my sunglasses back on, and grin before shifting the car back into drive and taking off with enough force that the door shuts itself, and Julien throws up a quick shield to keep the water bottle from falling out of the cup holder.

“Hehe... sorry.” I say sheepishly as I ease up on the gas to level out at 65 mph. He gives me a tired look but soon curls up on the seat and falls asleep.

I love being able to drive on my own again. It had taken up so much of my life when I became a computer tech, that I had really missed being in control of the vehicle. 

“I will call you Angel.” I whisper with a smile. “I think he would appreciate it, seeing as this is one tough car.”

Angel. I remember raising the little bunny, all the times he has been my comfort when otherwise I would have been alone. I was never really alone now though. I wonder if I can be embarrassed of seeing myself using the restroom? I am pretty sure the Fluttershy part of me can still become a separate entity if we defeat Discord, since she would have to go back to Equestria. Then I wonder if that dark and scary dream had been something that would come true. 

For a moment, my smile fades to a frown before returning. No, that dream couldn’t be real. No matter if part of me had to go someday, I am sure I can hold onto this feeling. I am sure I can remain whole even if I lose a part of myself.

For several miles, I think on that. I ponder how painful the separation will likely be, for both parts of myself. But my family on Earth needs Erica, and my friends in Equestria need Fluttershy. I cannot let them suffer just because I am afraid of some pain.

I cannot hold my own comfort over the happiness and well being of others.

The city of Salina has a single Walmart that I quickly find and park in front of. It is easily large enough to have all the things we need, so I wake Julien.

“Oh, hey. We here?” He mumbles, looking out the window.

“Uh huh. How much money did Ron give you for groceries and stuff?” I ask curiously.

He pulls a wad of twenties out of his bag in the back seat. I look at it in shock.

“That looks like a lot.” I say, worried.

“It is about three hundred dollars.” He says calmly.

“Three hundred?!” I squeak.

“Yup. I’d say we will only need about a hundred.” He peels off five of the bills and uses his magic to tuck the rest into the bag again. 

We both hop out and Julien uses his magic to lock all the doors as we walk away. Very convenient since my car is one which you have to lock each door on its own normally. We make our way into the store, attracting quite a few stares and whispered conversations. I am sure my sunglasses don’t help my appearance but I really do not feel like having to meet the gaze of all these suspicious or confused people.

Once inside, we grab a cart. By that I mean I get into the cart and Julien pushes it around with a shield he has lodged against the handle. This works surprisingly well, and several kids wave to me. I wave back, naturally. We head straight for the food section, stocking up on cereals (no milk though) and a few carrots. I also grab a head of lettuce for lunch. 

Julien points out Lunchables, but I can’t even imagine opening the package, much less preparing the little pizzas, so we compromise by getting bread and some meatless spaghetti sauce to spread on it in a cheap imitation of a pizza. Then we head for the drinks section.

At this point, I can hear the click of camera phones, and I can tell some people are keeping a very close eye on us, but I don’t pay them any attention. We get some soda, lots of straws, some tea, and lastly two big containers of water. I am now standing on top of a layer of products, trying not to fall over each time he moves the cart.

On a whim, we decide to swing by the toys section to look at the My Little Pony toys.

We didn’t expect to see the area taped off with caution tape. 

Looking past the yellow and black streamers, I can see that someone has taken black spray paint to the MLP section of the shelves, covering almost everything in a generous application of the stuff. We stand there for a bit, and I can practically feel the stares around us getting heavier, and Julien’s anger getting hotter.

I hop out of the cart, and slowly move under the caution tape, up to the shelves. I really appreciate the sunglasses as I see my own image covered in black paint. I pick up a Fluttershy plushie, a new model since the transformations began. It’s right eye and half it’s mane has been dyed black. 

“I’ll call you Mrs. Buzzy.” I say softly, before carrying it back to the cart and motioning to Julien to push onwards.

The crowd follows us with their eyes, most in shock. A few select ones in anger.


We check out through the first register we find, the 20 item or less lane. The cashier gives us an odd look but accepts our money without a fuss. I hover along, hugging Mrs. Buzzy as Julien pushes the cart out of the store.

“Two of them are following us.” He says darkly.

“Let them. Everything will be okay.” I say, nuzzling the doll as if to comfort it.

Julien growls, looking back at the two middle aged men who are stalking along at a distance. They both are wearing shirts that say “P.A.P.A.” on them. I look back to our car. Two more of them await us there. I do my best to steady my breath as I see them, Julien just snarls as he narrows his eyes.

We get close enough that the four have us practically surrounded.

“Well, I suppose these ponies don’t know the law around here.” One of them quips to his friend.

“We haven’t done anything wrong, we just want to leave with our groceries.” Julien says in a voice laced with venom.

“The law...” The thug continues. “Says that if one of you uses your magic against a human, then the human can defend themselves. I say we find out what it takes for him to use his magic, eh boys?” The thug pulls out a knife, as do his three companions.

Julien is, at this point, a hair trigger away from doing his best to crush them all into a fine paste with his shields, regardless of the law. Then one of them grabs me from behind, pinning my wings to my sides as I hug Mrs. Buzzy tight, tearing up. My sunglasses fall from my head and shatter on the ground.

Julien snaps.

In a split second, the passenger door of the car is open and a familiar black case is on the ground, ripped open by his magic.

A 9mm pistol floats in front of him, the slide racking backwards to load a round as he points it at the nearest thug.

“Drop her now.” he demands.

“No... Julien...” I whimper. This isn’t how it is supposed to work. This won’t solve anything. I know it won’t, but he can’t even hear me.

The thugs back away but the one holding me has tightened his grip and I can barely struggle now.

“Put that down or we’ll gut her!” One of the men snarls.

“Julien!” I whimper again. “Don’t!”

“Drop her!” He shouts again, advancing on them threateningly.

Time seems to slow. I see his magic surging around the weapon, and I know what is about to happen. I twist and Mrs. Buzzy offers just enough room for me to slip out from under the man’s arms. I hit the ground and fling myself towards Julien, trying to stop him as he looks down the sights at the man who had spoken before. 

“Noo!” I scream.

The discharge of the weapon is deafening. I don’t expect to live. I think to myself that this was all so nice when it lasted, that the world is such a beautiful place, and maybe. Just maybe I made it a little better.

I feel the impact, but not the piercing. not the pain. Just the force of being flung backwards and landing on my back, dazed.

A metallic ringing has filled the air, and I look down at my chest, where a pink and gold necklace with a small dent now rests.

Then I pass out with a vengeance.