//------------------------------// // Clip Show: Derparoid // Story: Lyra's Human 2: Derpy's Human // by pjabrony //------------------------------// Note: This isn't a real chapter, though there's a little new content. But maybe it'll bring up some nice memories. I beg your indulgence. Next week, though, there'll be something special. Hey, Derpy! Look what I got!” “What is it? Something tasty? “No. At least I don’t think so.” Karyn pulled out a small black box and pushed a button on it. The top flipped open and Derpy could see now what it was. “Oh, a camera!” “Yeah. I figured we could start taking pictures when we do stuff so that we could reminisce about it later.” “Cool,” said Derpy. “Let’s take pictures of each other now!” “OK. Go pose against the wall.” Derpy went over to the back of Karyn’s dorm and smiled, her tongue sticking out. Karyn pointed the camera and snapped the picture. “The only problem,” she said, “is that I can’t show it to anyone. Well, maybe I can upload it to the Internet and just say it’s a drawing.” “Heh. You’re always worried about people finding out about me.” “Well, I do have to keep you a secret. I told you that when we first met.” “I remember,” said Derpy, closing her eyes and picturing it. “I have so many questions! Do you really like muffins? Did you really wreck town hall? Do you hang out with the Doctor? What’s Dinky like?” Derpy got the impression of the human as a little excitable, something like Pinkie Pie back home, but perhaps it was just the thrill of the meeting. She had to act as the voice of reason, not a typical position for her. “Whoa there! Lyra told me that you would know things about Equestria, but not all those intimate details about me. And I don’t know anything about you, so why don’t you formally introduce yourself?” “OK. Well, my name is Karyn Hubert, and it’s Karyn with a y, not an e. I’m a freshman here at USCI, studying IT.” “That’s a whole lot of letters. What’s USCI and what’s IT? I think I got all the rest.” “USCI is the name of the school, University of State College Institute. IT is information technology.” “Infor-what now?” “Information technology. It’s all about computers and phones and networking and stuff. How we can store data—which can be anything, words, books, pictures—and get them where they need to be seen.” “Oh! You’re studying magic! My filly is—” Karyn interrupted, chuckling. “No, it’s not magic. It’s all physical, based on the movement of microscopic particles.” “Yep, magic!” “Not magic. Just a system for handling ideas.” “That’s magic, all right. It’s OK, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Twilight Sparkle back home studies magic and was worried when she first came to town that her friends wouldn’t like her for it, because another magician came to town and tried to upstage everypony.” “You mean Trixie.” “Oh, you know about that too. OK, tell me more.” “Well, that’s who I am, really. That and someone who loves ponies. I watch it every week and I’ve even been to meet some other fans just to hang out. But now I’m hanging out with a real pony, which would give me so much cred if anyone knew. I guess I have to keep you a secret, though.” “I’m the first pony to come to Earth, and they told me to keep a low profile. Maybe someday, though.” Derpy snapped back to reality. “OK, your turn.” Karyn straightened her sundress and gave a slight smile. Derpy struggled to push the button with her hoof and tilted the camera downward. The click and whir was heard. “I think you might have cut my head off.” Derpy went into a panic. “What?! Are you all right?!” “No, I mean on the picture!” “Oh. That’s not so bad then.” “Well, it’s not good,” said Karyn. “This film is rare and expensive. Most people use digital cameras these days, but there’s just something about a Polaroid that makes it special to me. Maybe it’s the little white border, or the distinctive sound it makes.” “Remember, you do have a supply of money if you really need it.” Derpy pointed to Karyn’s closet. “Ugh, don’t remind me.” Karyn saw in her head the night she acquired the valuable dress. “Rarity? Could you help me with the top part? I’m not sure how to wear this.” “Of course, dear,” she said, walking behind the screen. “Do you see that round part? It stretches. Slip it over your head.” Karyn found the elastic circle and put it on until it closed around her neck like a choker. Then Rarity used her magic and connected the wide end of the fabric to the skirt. “There,” she said. “What do you think?” “Um. . . that’s all of it?” “Well, I haven’t accessorized it yet, but as far as the base, yes. Is there something wrong?” “But my boobs are hanging out!” “Your what, dear?” Karyn cast her memory back to the show. Every time ponies did dress up for parties or events, the outfits covered the flanks and the back. The equivalent area on a pony would be near their bellies, and those faced the ground. Rarity had clearly adapted her pony designs for how she thought a human would wear a dress. And since ponies didn’t have the nudity taboo, there was no way to explain. For that matter, ponies, at least of the Equestrian variety, didn’t have boobs at all. Even when Lyra sat human-style on a bench, nothing stood out. How could she explain to Rarity that going topless was a shameless display of sexuality on her world, and that she would be mortified to appear in public like that? “You see,” she said, pointing toward her breasts, “among humans—“ “You mean your chest! Yes, so beautifully round. And since your head is not nearly as elongated as ours, I thought I would emphasize the spherical theme. Hence the pillowy dress and the bubble pattern, which of course also underscores your connection to our dear Ms. Hooves.” Karyn thought about that. While not a surfboard, Karyn had little enough that she was sometimes envious of her more well-endowed friends. But now, she realized, she was the biggest girl in an entire world. Maybe showing off wouldn’t be such a bad thing. It was certainly an opportunity she’d never have on Earth. “I love it, Rarity. Don’t worry about me, and don’t change a thing,” she said. “Hey! We should reenact some of the things we’ve been through together and take pictures.” “That’s a good idea. We don’t have any pictures of us doing things.” “We were too busy doing them,” said Derpy. “So what kind of a picture should we try to make?” Derpy thought for a while. “Remember when you came to Ponyville when all the Pegasi made it rain hard?” “Sure,” said Karyn. The wind and the torrent of water had subsided, so Karyn and Derpy went back outside. The porch furniture was soaked, so they just stood and watched. The temperature had dropped, and Karyn took a deep breath, remembering how stifling it had been before the rain. There was a particular sweetness to the air, and no trace of smog or pollution. Far off in the distance, she could hear the low rumble of thunder that, on Earth, would mean the storm was moving off. Suddenly, without taking the time to think twice and stop herself, Karyn kicked off her shoes and ripped off her socks. Then she ran out into the muddy street and stood in the rain. She threw her arms out wide and danced. Derpy stood laughing on the porch. “Karyn, what are you doing? Before, you couldn’t stand getting wet!” “The rain got to me!” she shouted. “Come on out. The water’s fine!” Derpy shook her head and flew out into the street. Hovering and trying to stay out of the mud, she dipped and rolled until her mane and tail were sticking to her. “You’re crazy!” Most of the other ponies were still inside, but a few were staring at Karyn. Laughing, she leaped at Derpy and dragged her down to the mud. The rain was starting to taper off. Karyn looked up and saw pegasi rolling up the clouds like a carpet. For a minute or two, there was still a steady fall even though the sun was now out. “Oh, a sun shower!” said Karyn. “I’ve always loved those.” “So have I,” said Derpy. “The rain cools you off and the sun dries you. It’s the only time that you have to pay attention to the weather, but not do anything about it. Come on, let’s see if we can help anypony.” Karyn said, “But how are we going to reenact that? The sun’s out today—“ She was cut off by a bucket of water that Derpy dumped over the top of her head. “Hey! My carpet’s soaked!” Karyn said, but she was smiling. “Oh, sorry. I guess I acted without thinking.” “Don’t worry too hard about it. But take the picture at least.” Derpy steadied the camera on a desk and managed to take a complete picture of Karyn with her hair slicked down. Karyn got a Sharpie and wrote “Rain Event” on the bottom of the picture. “What should we do next?” asked Derpy. “Fly up to the ceiling, will you?” Derpy did as she asked, not sure why. “OK, what now?” “A little closer to the overhead light, please. Do you remember when we went to the convention?” “Of course! There were so many humans there, it was a lot of fun.” Karyn prepared the camera for the shot. “And what happened with the light?” Karyn looked up. One of the light fixtures was showering sparks down on the floor. “Derpy!” she said, but with conflicting meanings. “I hope she’s all right,” battled with “I’m going to kill her for causing this.” She got up and walked out with the crowd. Everyone else was looking at the ceiling to see the display. Karyn was looking to make sure that flames didn’t cover a pony-shaped patch of air. The sun was blazing outside, and the few sections of shade were quickly occupied. Karyn walked a few yards away to a multi-story parking garage and waited. I have got to get that mare a cell phone, she thought. Out of the shadows walked Derpy. “There you are! Thank goodness you’re all right!” said Karyn. “I had you in my sights the whole time. I just had to find a lonely spot to turn off the magic.” “So what happened up there?” “I just don’t know—“ “What went wrong, yeah, I’ve heard that one,” Karyn said. “Derpy, look me in the eye and tell me the truth. Did you set the light on fire?” “I didn’t. Honestly! I would never do something like that, you know that. Shoot, I wouldn’t even know how.” Karyn pursed her lips. “All right, you’ve got a point. And I believe you.” “So what do we do now?” “Early lunch? I can get sandwiches.” “Works for me!” said Derpy. Karyn went off to get the sandwiches. Derpy observed everyone standing and waiting for the con to re-open. They were smiling and laughing despite the trouble. Someone started singing, and everyone joined in. Derpy still had trouble making out the words, but she could sense the camaraderie that existed among all the attendees. She’d heard some awful rumors about humans on and off in Equestria. She wished that everypony she knew could see these humans. Whatever their history, any people who could achieve this were worth knowing. “Well, if we’re talking about traveling,” said Derpy, “what about the time we went to the beach in Equestria? That was fun.” “It was, but what I really liked was the train.” “Well, the way we got the ticket isn’t one of the memories I’d like to preserve, but yeah, it was fun.” Karyn smirked. “So let’s go back and get another first-class ticket and take a picture of the room.” “You want to go back to the beach?” “No, just snap the picture and go.” Derpy looked askance at Karyn, before she realized that it was a joke. She cast her memory back to the train. Soon after that, they pulled into the first major junction. Derpy flew off her seat and pointed. “Karyn! Do you see all those stone blocks? Those have got to be the ties for the new extension. I wish I could come and see them building it.” “Maybe you should apply for the long-distance mail route.” “Oh, if I had to fly all the way out here, forget it. My wings would fall off before I got halfway.” “That would be no good,” said Karyn. “If your wings fell off, you’d have to join the railroad builders and swing a hammer all day.” After the train pulled out of that station, it started to build speed. They advanced into a forested area, where trees zipped by at lightning speed. Karyn tried to spot some of the trees, but everything became a mesh of leaves and broken sunshine. All at once the forest ended, and they were thrown onto a bridge over a gorge. Derpy heard Karyn’s sharp intake of breath, and she smiled. Thousands of feet below, a river meandered through like a shining blue snake. The sides of the gorge were painted in mineral deposits and shadows as the river had worn away the rock over uncounted years. Trees and bushes dotted the landscape, and occasionally, on the rock walls, a brave weed struggled toward the sun. “I’m always impressed with this part,” she said. “I wanted you to see it like this, not knowing that it was coming. That’s why I had us take the day train back.” Karyn was speechless. She just watched. When they finally reached the towns and cities, Derpy said, “Look at the track next to us, going the other way. No matter how much of a blur all the surroundings become, that rail always looks the same.” Karyn focused, and saw what she meant. The steel, long since polished to a mirror finish by the wheels of the trains, gave the illusion of stillness among the movement. “It’s one more thing I love about the train,” Derpy continued. “Kinda symbolic, you know? Everything moves, but the rails hold steady.” “I guess. I think I still feel the motion somewhat. It’s definitely going to be perfect once that loop is complete. It’ll mean that Equestria is always moving, that there’s always something new to do, something more to see. The ponies here will keep going, forever.” “All right,” said Derpy, “But how do we simulate the picture?” “Hmm. . . maybe we can’t do the train, but how about this?” Karyn pulled the pillows off the bed and put them in the middle of the room. “Lie down.” Derpy was confused, but laid out on the pillows. “What’s it for?” “Pretend that you just smashed the big sandcastle.” Derpy remembered that and smiled as she had at the time. Karyn took the picture and labeled it as “Beach Fun.” “OK, we just have two more pictures in the film pack. What should we do?” Derpy thought about it. “I don’t know. What do you want to take?” “Hang on a little. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Derpy sat in the room and sorted through the pictures they had taken. She would have to find an album for them. When Karyn returned a few minutes later, she had something behind her back. “OK,” said Derpy, “What are we doing?” “I went down to one of the local fast food places. Close your eyes.” Derpy did, and felt something touch her head. “OK, open your eyes and smile!” said Karyn. Derpy did and Karyn took the picture. Then she ran over to the mirror and saw the golden cardboard crown. “Huh?” “Congratulations, Princess Derpy!” “Ack! That’s another one I don’t want to remember.” “Come on, we have to look back and laugh.” Karyn thought about that incident. Derpy sighed and slumped in the chair. Karyn rested a hand on her wing. “Thanks, your highness.” “Oh, Karyn, please don’t ever call me that.” “All right. Thanks, Derpy.” “I don’t know how I’m going to get through this. I was so nervous the whole time. And I hated to have to dress down those ponies, even if they were mean ponies who wanted to experiment on you.” Karyn smiled. “They deserved it though.” “Yeah, I guess I did enjoy it a little. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Wait, do I have to raise the sun? I don’t know how to do that!” “You don’t have to worry about that,” a voice said. “Celestia! Please tell me that you’ll still raise the sun for me,” said Derpy. “I’ll do more than that. You don’t have to be Princess anymore.” Derpy had been sneaking around with the camera. As Karyn came out of her reverie, she felt the crown touch her head. Derpy pushed the button and took the last picture. “Next time, it’ll be Princess Karyn!” she said. “Hey, I wouldn’t mind so much. We could each have our own kingdoms and establish diplomatic relations, have state dinners, and royal consorts.” “I like consorts, when they have good music.” “Consorts, not concerts!” Karyn threw up her hands. “But that’s what I love about you.” “And your patience is what I love about you.” Karyn started organizing the pictures into chronological order. “It’s been a great few months. I can’t wait to see what happens next.” “Me neither. You’re a great friend, Karyn.” “You too, Derpy Hooves.”