//------------------------------//
// Chapter Five: I Hate Meet-And-Greets 
// Story: Two Best Friends Play: Equestria 
// by MisterMercenary 
//------------------------------//

Ponyville Library, About A Week Later, 1:00 P.M

It took a surprisingly short amount of time for the paparazzi to buzz off. Of course, that didn't stop from the occasional intrepid reporter, intrigued passer-by, or curious little filly/colt to drop by, but for the most part ponies kept their space out of fear, respect, or both. To keep a media firestorm from happening, Spike had to be sent out to prevent anypony from recognizing them. Matt was sleeping on the therapist's couch Twilight had lying around while the purple mare and Pat were having a discussion about sandwiches when there was a knock on the newly repaired door.
"Twi? Ya here, sugarcube?"
"Maybe she's sleeping. We shouldn't disturb her."
There were more loud raps on the door. "OPEN UP, YOU MONSTERS! WE KNOW YOU'RE HERE!"
"Rainbow Dash, calm down!"
"I can't calm down! Twilight could be dead, eaten by those things!"
"Then why did she run off with them?"
"You know Twilight, she's always wanting to learn about new things, no matter how much trouble she gets in!"
There was then a blaze of blows on the door. "Hey! Weird monster thingamabobs! Can we chat? If not, that's okay! I really want to talk to you guys though!"
Twilight's eyes shrank. For some reason, she hadn't thought of what her friends would say, perhaps because she was so preoccupied. Her cheeks turned bright red. Twilight looked over at Pat at gave him a stare that said, What do I do? Pat shrugged. She turned back to the door worriedly. Oh, man, she thought, what am I gonna do? What are they gonna say? How are they gonna react? Twilight whispered in Pat's ear to wake Matt up, and hesitantly walked towards the door. With a deep breath, she opened the door to her five best friends.
Pinkie Pie was the first one to speak up. "Oh, hey Twilight! Boy, am I glad to see you! I thought something really bad had happened! That wouldn't have been nice." She looked behind Twilight. "Hey, Mr. Monster? You here?"
Rainbow Dash burst in front of Pinkie. "Alright," the pegasus hollered, "where are they!? If they've done anything to Twi, there'll be hay to pay!"
"Rainbow Dash!" Applejack annoyedly said behind her. She pulled her back with her forelegs and spoke up. "Sorry, Twilight. Rainbow's had ants-in-her-flank for the past week ever since we saw you run off with those things. Speakin' of which, where are those two fellers?"
While Rainbow, Applejack, and Pinkie entered, Rarity was talking to Twilight. "Oh, Twilight, darling, I was so worried about you!" The white mare pulled her into a hug.
"It's okay, Rarity," Twilight explained, "I'm fine. Matt and Pat haven't done anything to me."
"Who?"
"Um, the guys that fell from the sky." Twilight sidestepped. "You can come in if you want."
The fashionista walked in, looking bewildered. "Such strange names..."
That left one: Fluttershy. Twilight peeked her head out the door to find the yellow pegasus kneeling on the ground, her face hidden by her bangs. "Come on, Fluttershy," Twilight prodded, "they aren't going to hurt you." Fluttershy just squealed. Twilight sighed, then dragged Fluttershy into the library.
Meanwhile, Pat was doing a bit of prodding of his own. "Matt, get up. Get up, you lazy bastard," he poked.
Matt stirred. "What's going on?"
"We're gonna meet Twilight's friends."
"Ah, crap. I hate meet-and-greets," Matt whined. 
"Shut up, Francis," Pat jeered. Matt stood up, and the two men walked to the center of the library, where the entirety of the Mane Six stood. 
Rainbow had the first word. Or rather, first action. She flew towards Matt and Pat and tackled them to the ground, yelling, "WHAT THE HAY ARE YOU TWO!?! HUH!? ARE YOU SPIES? INVADERS? WELL, IF YOU ARE, THAN I'M NOT GOING DOWN WITHOUT A- what the?" 
"The hell's a 'what the'?" Matt quipped. The "what the" was produced by Twilight levitating Rainbow into the air. Rainbow punched and kicked helplessly in the magical field until she gave up.
Applejack stepped up next. "Sorry 'bout that. Rainbow can be a bit... headstrong. Anyway, mah name's Applejack. Pleasure to meet ya both." She extended a hoof towards Matt. He hesitantly shook it, introducing himself. Applejack whipped his hand back and forth quickly. Matt's arm rocked violently. Pat backed out.
Next was Pinkie Pie. "Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie, and I'm gonna throw a party just for you two! It's gonna be called the 'Welcome-to-Ponyville-don't-destroy-all-of-us-please' party! It's gonna be so awesome! I'm gonna invite everypony in town and..." She chattered on, while Matt cringed at the volume of words that flowed out of her mouth. He shot Pat a glance that read, Help me! Pat contemplated his navel for a few moments, then raised a finger and smiled to display his "eureka" moment. Matt rolled his eyes. Pat ran off to the kitchen. Matt heard him digging about in the fridge. After about a minute, when Matt was at his breaking point, Pat dashed back into the library, holding in his hands a vanilla cupcake. Pat whistled at Pinkie. She looked over at him, then the cupcake, and bolted towards the treat.
Applejack looked confused. "How in the hay did you know that'd work?"
"Experience," Pat cryptically deadpanned.
"Well, now that we have that out of the way," Rarity said, "allow me to introduce myself. My name is Rarity. A pleasure to meet you darling little things." She thrust out a hoof. Matt frowned, annoyed at being called a "thing." He still shook her hoof. Pat one-upped him, taking the hoof in his hand, bending over, and kissing it. Rarity blushed. "Ooh, it's nice to see we have a true gentlecolt here!"
"Ass-kisser," Matt muttered.
The two humans in the room turned towards the last pony they hadn't met: Fluttershy. When they glanced over at her, she ducked behind her mane. 
Matt clasped his hands together, eyes wide. "Aww! She's so cute!" he remarked. He ran over to the yellow pegasus and raised her bangs. He waved and went, "Hi there!" She sprinted towards a cardboard box full of junk and hid in it, her rear end shivering like no tomorrow. 
"Aww," Matt disappointedly said, "she doesn't like me."
"And you're surprised because...?" Pat retorted with a smirk.
"Ah, shut up." Matt went over to the box and sat down. "Hey there. You alright?" Fluttershy squeaked in fear. "I thought as much. Listen, me and Pat aren't gonna hurt you. We just need to stay here until we find a way back home. When that happens, we're never gonna bother you again. Alright?"
Fluttershy raised her head up. "Are you sure?"
"Positive." Matt put out a hand. "I'm Matt. You?"
The shy mare timidly put her hoof in his hand and shook softly. "Fluttershy..." Everyone smiled, and there was a hushed "Aww!" from all of the ponies. Well, save Rainbow Dash.
"Oh come on, you guys!" she yelled from inside the magic bubble. "You cannot be believing this malarkey! I've heard better lies from cucumbers than from that beast!"
"Rainbow Dash!" Rarity scolded. "How dare you terrorize someone as refined as Pat or caring as Matt!"
"They're not ponies, they're monsters! How many-"
"WOULD YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!?" Matt bellowed. Everyone gasped. There was a pregnant pause, and somehow that silence was louder than anything that could have been said by any of them.
Matt regretfully sighed. "Look, I know I blew up back there. I'm sorry. I guess I was just tired of being referred to as some sort of barbaric killer, and I'm willing to bet Pat was too." He walked up to Rainbow Dash, glaring at her. "Listen hard and listen good. I'm not a monster. Neither is Pat. We're both perfectly normal individuals. Sure, we may yell at each other from time to time, but it doesn't mean we're aggressive beasts out for blood." 
"Pfft. Yeah, right," Rainbow chided.
Matt grimaced and stepped closer. "However, if you refer to us as such from this point on again, we will become them. And it's your blood we'll be out for. Understand?" 
Rainbow stared on dumbstruck, mouth agape.
"DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?!" Matt roared.
Rainbow quickly nodded her head. "Y-y-yes sir," she stammered.
"Good. I'm glad we could come to a mutual agreement." Matt walked away to the couch.
"Where the hell did that come from?" Pat asked in awe.
"You got me," Matt responded. He climbed onto the couch and fell asleep, leaving everyone in the room in frightened respect of him.