//------------------------------// // Applejacks Restaurant // Story: You Can Get Anything You Want At Applejacks Restaurant. // by BookWyrm //------------------------------// there is a video in the comment... note: its a long song... A really long song... But its just such a song... Just take it with a pinch of salt it was late at night, in a bar in and around old Canterlot... Spike the purple dragon sat up on stage... And began strumming his guitar in a series of flowing, folksy, chords... The dragon smiled at the little crowd that had gathered. He hadn't really planned to preform tonight, but being a dragon, a seventy six year old dragon just barley small enough to not be too big for the stage of the bar he sat on now, he tended to draw attention to himself. A bunch of drunken stallions and a few pretty mares had asked Spike for a story... So now here spike sat, holding a guitar in his claws like a ukulele... At least that's what the scale was... Spike being as big as he was now a days. Spike settled into a good rythem and tempo, and as the little crowd quieted down, spike began to tell a little story, a true story from his youth. Not one of adventure or riches or anything like that... Everyone knew those stories already, they where legend... No spike began a nostalgic balled to his time growing up in Ponyville... "This song is called Applejacks Restaurant, and it's about Applejack, and the restaurant, but Applejacks Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant, that's just the name of the song, and that's why I called the song Applejacks Restaurant. You can get anything you want at Applejacks Restaurant You can get anything you want at Applejack's Restaurant Walk right in it's around the back Just a half a mile from the railroad track You can get anything you want at Applejack's Restaurant Now it all started Seventy autum feasts ago, was - seventy years ago on Autums feast when my friend and I went up to visit Applejack at the restaurant, but Applejack doesn't live in the restaurant, she lives at the Farm nearby the restaurant, in the farm house, with her brother big mac and Winona the dog. And livin' in the farm house like that, they got a lot of room nextdoor in the old barn. Havin' all that room, seein' as how they took out all the tools, they decided that they didn't have to take out their garbage for a long time. We got up there, we found all the garbage in there, and we decided it'd be a friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the ponyville dump. So we took the half a ton of garbage, put it in the back of a rusty red cart, took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward the Ponyville dump. Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across across the dump saying, "Closed for autum feast." And we had never heard of a dump closed for a feast before, and with tears in our eyes we walked off into the sunset looking for another place to put the garbage. We didn't find one. Until we came to a side road, and off the side of the side road there was another fifteen foot cliff and at the bottom of the cliff there was another pile of garbage. And we decided that one big pile is better than two little piles, and rather than bring that one up we decided to throw our's down. That's what we did, and drove back to the church, had a apple family dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and didn't get up until the next morning, when we got a visit from a walleyed mail mare called Derpy. She said, "Spike, we found your name on an envelope at the bottom of a half a ton of garbage, and just wanted to know if you had any information about it." And I said, "Yes, ma'am, miss Derpy, I cannot tell a lie, I put that envelope under that garbage." After speaking to Derpy for about fourty-five minutes on the apple family porch we finally arrived at the truth of the matter and said that we had to go down and pick up the garbage, and also had to go down and speak to the mayor at the police officer's station. So we got hitched up to the rustnred cart with the shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward the police officer's station. Now friends, there was only one or two things that Mayor Mare coulda done at the police station, and the first was he could have given us a medal for being so brave and honest with miss Derpy, which wasn't very likely, and we didn't expect it, and the other thing was he could have bawled us out and told us never to be see carting garbage around the vicinity again, which is what we expected, but when we got to the police officer's station there was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon, and we was both immediately arrested. Hoofcuffed. And I said "Mayor, I don't think I can pick up the garbage with these cuffs on." She said, "Shut up, kid. Get in the back of the police cart." And that's what we did, sat in the back of the police cart and where towed to the quote Scene of the Crime unquote. I want to tell you about the town of Ponyville, where this happened here, they got three stop signs, two police officers, and one police cart, but when we got to the Scene of the Crime there was five police officers and three police carts, being the biggest crime of the last fifty years, and everypony wanted to get in the newspaper story about it. And they was using up all kinds of cop equipment that they had hanging around the police officer's station. They was taking plaster tire tracks, hoof prints, dog smelling prints, and they took twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. Took pictures of the approach, the getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not to mention the aerial photography curtesy of featherweight. After the ordeal, we went back to the jail. Mayor Mare said she was going to put us in the cell. Said, "You two, I'm going to put you in the cell, I want your Sattle bags and your bits" And I said, "Mayor, I can understand you wanting my Bits so I don't have any money to spend in the cell, but what do you want our saddle bag for?" And she said, "Well, we don't want any hangings." I said, "Mayor, did you think Twilight or I was going to hang ourselves for littering?" The Mayor said she was making sure, and friends she was, cause she took out the toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown, and she took out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars roll out the - roll the toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll and have an escape... Which was silly since Twilight could have teliported us away at any time. But just making sure, and it was about four or five hours later that Applejack (remember Applejack? It's a song about Applejack), Applejack came by and with a few nasty words to Mayor Mare on the side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back to the farm, had a another Apple family dinner that couldn't be beat, and didn't get up until the next morning, when we all had to go to court. We walked in, sat down, the mayor came in with the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, sat down. Stallion came in said, "All rise." We all stood up, and Mayor stood up with the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures, and the judge walked in sat down with a seeing eye dog, and he sat down, we sat down. The mayor looked at the seeing eye dog, and then at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one, and looked at the seeing eye dog. And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one and began to cry, 'cause The Mayor came to the realization that it was a typical case of Equestrian blind justice, and there wasn't nothing she could do about it, and the judge wasn't going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. And we was fined fifty bits and had to pick up the garbage in the snow, but thats not what I came to tell you about. Came to talk about the time twilights brother shining armor insisted I join the royal gaurd... They got a building down In Manehattin, it's called Whitetail Street, where you walk in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected, neglected and selected. I went down to get my physical examination one day, and I walked in, I sat down, partied with pinky pie all of the night before, so I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning. `Cause I wanted to look like the all-equestrian baby dragon, man I wanted, I wanted to feel like the all-, I wanted to be the all Equestrian dragon from Canterlot, and I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, hung up, and all kinds o' mean nasty ugly things. And I waked in and sat down and they gave me a piece of paper, said, "Kid, see the phsychiatrist, room 604." And I went up there, I said, "Shrink, I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill, KILL, KILL." And I started jumpin up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL," and he started jumpin up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL." And the sargent came over, pinned a medal on me, sent me down the hall, said, "You're our Dragon." Didn't feel too good about it. Proceeded on down the hall gettin more injections, inspections, detections, neglections and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me at the thing there, and I was there for two hours, three hours, four hours, I was there for a long time going through all kinds of mean nasty ugly things and I was just having a tough time there, and they was inspecting, injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving no part untouched. Proceeded through, and when I finally came to the see the last Stallion, I walked in, walked in sat down after a whole big thing there, and I walked up and said, "What do you want?" He said, "Spike, we only got one question. Have you ever been arrested? And I proceeded to tell him the story of the Applejacks Restaurant Massacre, with full orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like that and all the phenome... - and he stopped me right there and said, "Spike, did you ever go to court?" And I proceeded to tell him the story of the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and the paragraph on the back of each one, and he stopped me right there and said, "Spike, I want you to go and sit down on that bench that says Group W .... NOW Spike!" And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W's where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the gaurd after committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly looking ponies on the bench there. Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father rapers! Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me! And they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly 'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me and said, "Dragon, whad'ya get?" I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay Fifty bits and pick up the garbage." He said, "What were you arrested for, Dragon?" And I said, "Littering." And they all moved away from me on the bench there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I said, "And creating a nuisance." And they all came back, shook my claws, and we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, mother stabbing, father raping, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the bench. And everything was fine, imwasmblowing smoke and all kinds of things, until the Sargeant came over, had some paper in his mouth, held it up and said. "Kids, this-piece-of-paper's-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-words-we-wanna- know-details-of-the-crime-time-of-the-crime-and-any-other-kind-of-thing- you-gotta-say-pertaining-to-and-about-the-crime-I-want-to-know-arresting- officer's-name-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say", and talked for forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, but we had fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils on the bench there, and I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony, and wrote it down there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put down the pencil, and I turned over the piece of paper, and there, there on the other side, in the middle of the other side, away from everything else on the other side, in parentheses, capital letters, quotated, read the following words: ("KID, HAVE YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?") I went over to the sargent, said, "Sargeant, you got a lot a damn gall to ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I mean that just, I'm sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group W bench 'cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the gaurd and be a dragon knight, burn mares, Foals, houses and villages after bein' a litterbug." He looked at me and said, "Spike, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send your file off to headquarters." And friends, somewhere in Canterlot enshrined in some little folder, is a Pthetic little file with my name on it... And the only reason I'm singing you this song now is cause you may know somebody in a similar situation, or you may be in a similar situation, and if your in a situation like that there's only one thing you can do and that's walk into the shrink wherever you are ,just walk in say "Shrink, You can get anything you want, at Applejacks restaurant.". And walk out. You know, if one pony, just one pony does it they may think he's really sick and they won't take him. And if two ponies, two ponies do it, in harmony, they may think they're both colt cuddlers and they won't take either of them. And three ponies do it, three, can you imagine, three ponies walking in singin a bar of Applejacks Restaurant and walking out. They may think it's an organization. And can you, can you imagine fifty ponies a day,I said fifty ponies a day walking in singin a bar of Applejacks Restaurant and walking out. And friends they may thinks it's a movement. And that's what it is , the Applejacks Restaurant Anti-Massacre Movement, and all you got to do to join is sing it the next time it come's around on the guitar. With feeling. So we'll wait for it to come around on the guitar, here and sing it when it does. Here it comes. You can get anything you want, at Applejacks Restaurant You can get anything you want, at Applejacks Restaurant Walk right in it's around the back Just a half a mile from the railroad track You can get anything you want, at Applejacks Restaurant That was horrible. If you want to end war and stuff you got to sing loud. I've been singing this song now for twenty five minutes. I could sing it for another twenty five minutes. I'm not proud... or tired. So we'll wait till it comes around again, and this time with four part harmony and feeling. We're just waitin' for it to come around is what we're doing. All right now. You can get anything you want, at Applejacks Restaurant Excepting Applejack You can get anything you want, at Applejacks Restaurant Walk right in it's around the back Just a half a mile from the railroad track You can get anything you want, at Applejacks Restaurant Da da da da da da da dum At Applejacks Restaurant" Spike finished up to cheers and laughs. the Dragon slid down from the stage and decided that he was tired and decided to walk home. Spike might have been sad walking home all by his lonesome, in the dark... the dragon was all grown up... his childhood had ended... Ponyville was still there, but spike never went there anymore... the mane six had grown old and left this world... but Spike couldn't be sad... he just hummed to himself, singing in a hushed tone... "you can get anything you want, at Applejacks restaurant. You can get anything you want, at Applejacks Restaurant Walk right in it's around the back Just a half a mile from the railroad track You can get anything you want, at Applejacks Restaurant"