You ever go out for a walk at night? Just to get a bit of fresh air and stretch your legs? I do it more often than not, sometimes at the most irrational hours, like 3 o’clock in the morning. Why?
Perspective.
The world looks very different at that time. The lights of the store signs are on the street lamps are lit, but no one is around to take it in. You don’t hear the near constant hum of traffic, or the hustle and bustle of pedestrians. For that small moment in the pitch of night, it’s just you and the emptiness of the universe. It feels like the world is in between heartbeats, and for just a little while, all is quiet.
I was walking down the middle of the street on such a night, it’s quite exhilarating in a strange fashion. Enjoying the quiet, the break from the general droning of a thousand other people, the sweet silence-
hwah HUWAGH WUWAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
So much for silence.
There, in a corner alley, was a woman regurgitating her dinner on the wall of the laundromat.
Now usually I don’t consort with drunks, too unpredictable for my liking, but I felt compelled to at least make sure this woman was alright. There are others out at these hours that tend to prey on the indisposed.
“Miss, are you alright?”
She looked up at me with warm amber eyes, which were complemented by her long auburn hair That flowed over her frame like a blanket of silk. She was certainly striking to say the least.
Though I must admit I felt a little bit of panic when I saw her eyes start to water over, crying spells with drunks rarely end well.
She charged forward with agility not normally associated with the inebriated and slammed into my stomach, wrapping me in a tight hug with head buried in my chest. I felt my chest begin to moisten as her shoulders jerked with staggering sobs.
Oh, dear.
“Ah’m soo StuPid.” The mystery drunk sobbed.
I patted the poor girl on her back, and do what everyone does in these situations, pander. “There, there, you’re not stupid, what’s wrong?”
“I messed up, bad, real bad. I was supposed to send my player a...” She paused, “What’s today?”
“September 10th.”
She turned her head so she was no longer muffled by my sweatshirt.
“How long ago was july?”
“About three months.”
She looked up at me with those bright amber eyes and suddenly pushed on me so she could return to a proper standing position. Unfortunately for me, I was not prepared for this little maneuver, so after some undignified arm flailing later, and my ass was firmly planted on the ground.
“Ow, what the hell!?”
This chick wasn’t listening anymore, she was frantically pacing back and forth.
“Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn!” she cursed, while occasionally pausing to chew her thumbnail.
“Say damn again, maybe it will help.” I muttered from my position on the sidewalk.
I don’t know if she heard what I said or just remembered I was here, but she rounded on me and grabbed me by the knees and leaned in close. To say her ample bosom was more than ample, especially from that angle, would be a criminal understatement. Naturally this proved distracting at what would turn out to be a rather critical time.
“Don’t you get it?! I was supposed to send my piece three months ago.” She looked like she was about to cry again, “Everyone’s going have head start, and I don’t even have anyone to be my...”
She stopped and I swear, I could see the wheels turning in her head. The twinge of fear I felt then should have been enough warning. Unfortunately the rational portion of my brain was slowly shutting down, she had crawled forward to to get a better look at my face and was practically straddling me at this point, so naturally, blood was being directed elsewhere.
“Say, would you like to lend me a hand with something.”
“Uh, maybe? What did you have in mind?” If I had access to a delorean I would be kicking my ass so hard right now.
“Well I need someone to do a few ‘things’ for me. Who knows, you might enjoy it.”
Now I don’t get this kind of interaction often, but to say this offer blindsided me is the understatement of the millenium.
“Uh.”
“Great! Just let me...” at this point she turned a slightly greener hue.
*hurk*
“Oh, no. No. No! NO-”
BUWAAHGH.
Not my proudest moment.
I don’t know if I blacked out or what, but suddenly it was pitch black and I snapped to attention, I could still feel the, stuff, all over my face. I wish I could say my reaction was measured and sedate.
“OH GOD GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!”
Keyword there, wish.
Unfortunately my body felt like it was bathed in molasses so my attempts at wiping the puke from my face was severely hindered.
“OH MY GOD SHE’S COCOONING ME! I DON’T WANNA DIE! HELP ME! SOMEONE! ANYONE! PLEASE!”
Definitely not my proudest moment.
However my panicked thrashing got me loose as I bolted upright and the darkness cleared from my vision somewhat, instead of it being pitch black a slow moving dark cloud swirled around me.
Ok, somewhat better... Still dark though.
I waited for the cloud to dissipate, it slowly settled around me at a rather unnatural pace, almost as if it was stuck in slow motion.
Once it had settled I could finally take a look around, though it was crazy dark I could still barely see.
Black plains sprawled out before me in all directions, as I looked around I heard an annoying grinding noise. Not unlike stone grinding on stone.
The hells that noise?
I raised my hand to my head to try to clear out my ears, except when my hand met my head it felt stone. After a few exploratory pats I learned I had a stone horn. Two in fact, one on either side of my head.
What.
After a few more exploratory pats I was quite surprised to learn that the majority of my head was now stone, and not ‘stone over flesh’ either, I could feel through it, like it was part of my skin. I felt around my face, its features familiar yet foreign at the same time. I had a mouth but I couldn’t move it, the stone wouldn’t budge, I tried to speak but only let out a low groan. After a few more tries I finally was able to speak understandably.
“WWWWWHHHHHHAAAAAAAAATTTT TTTTHHHHEEE HHHEEEEELLL?”
My comment thundered in my currently misplaced ears, As I was yet to find them. My syllables had dragged and my speech was slow.
I made to rub my eyes in exasperation, then made two horrifying discoveries.
One, my hands could be more accurately described as claws.
And two, I had no eyelids.
Obviously I was fascinated by my hand and arms, still had five fingers, and some giant bracelets that seemed to be made of some orange glowing crystal and lined with crystal. They only gave of a faint pulse but they were definitely glowing. My fingers were actually pretty normal, they just turned to claws at the last segment, other than that they looked human. After a mini-freakout I began to calm down, though it felt like I was missing something.
It took me a moment, but I realized that I hadn’t closed my eyes when I was trying to knead them. You would think that would be something easy to overlook, but trust me when your body doesn’t respond in the way you want, you take notice pretty damn quick. I tried to blink. Nothing. I reached up and rubbed my eyes, though I avoided using the pointy ends of my fingers.
Have you ever touched your eye? If you have contacts it becomes second nature, but everyone remembers that first terrifying time you put those puppies on. Add claws to the equation and you are the basic equivalent of a ball of nerves.
It was beyond weird, I felt like I was thumbing over some glass plates, and I couldn’t feel any pressure on my eyes at all. I pressed on them a little bit harder, nothing. I stopped messing with my eyes after that, not wanting to press my luck.
Why does this seem familiar?
It was eerie, I knew the look of these hands and the strange armor on my arm along with the bracelets... but from where?
I glanced down hoping find a clue of some sort, It looked like I was wearing a cross between some armor and an ancient building, even though it was caked in what I could now see was mud.
I looked closer at my hand, at the base there was a thick fur that seemed to be drifting in some unseen wind.
At this point I had calmed down enough to notice the freezing cold, it was far colder than I could have standed before, but it didn’t bother me as much as you would think. I was just aware it was very cold, to be honest it wasn’t nearly as bad as the pressure. If felt like I was being pushed in on from all directions.
That’s when It clicked, I swung my head upwards toward the sky, instead of a blue sky I was greeted with a murky green with a dim light wavering above.
Back on earth.
“Wheeeeeere am I going to find a piece at this hour?”
“Wait, I already did. Didn’t I? Where did he go?”
“Oh right! I sent him to the board. But where did I send him?
Uhh, Come on. Work brain!”
Back to our regular programming
I’m underwater.
Under-fucking-water.
Shouldn’t I have trouble breathing?
It was this exact moment that I realised I wasn’t breathing.
I froze, I was scared out of my mind, and tried to gulp in air, my mouth didn’t move and apparently my nose is just for decoration.
After a minute of not dying I calmed down enough to realize that I was not going to kick the bucket due to asphyxiation, at least for the time being.
Ok. One, how the hell am I able to talk if my face can’t move?
Two, what the hell am I, and why is this all so familiar?
I couldn’t take my eyes off the bracelets, where had I got them? What did they do?
They looked like-
Like-
HOLY SHIT! I’M MALUS!
Anyone who hasn’t played Shadow Of the Colossus may be a little confused. Long story short it’s a game for the PS2 where you play as a standard human equipped only with a bow and a sword. The object of the game is to take down the giant monsters, the Colossus, By using strategy and carefully climbing on them to strike at their weak points.
Malus was the last and by far one of the most difficult to take down. As soon as he saw you he would fire exploding bolts of energy at you. Other than that he didn’t move from that spot, his armor was designed to keep you from reaching the weak point at the top of his head. You really had to be creative if you wanted to kill him.
Wait.
I slowly reached to the top of my head and felt for the magic seal that marked the weak area. At the very top of my head, there was a small patch of fur, and I could feel it. Not in any physical sense mind you, but I knew it was there, one good shot there and I was done for. Hell, if I tripped and hit my head there, I would probably die instantly.
No wonder Malus never went anywhere, one badly placed boulder and I’m pushing up daisies.
Mental note: Invest in a helmet.
So to recap, I was at the bottom of the ocean probably at the bottom of some deep sea valley or something. I’ve been turned into a giant monster from a video game. And I no longer breathe.
Today will forever go down as the weirdest day in the history of weird days, or at least it’s a prime contender.
Deciding to pick the direction that seemed to have the most incline, I picked up my massive feet, thank God I still have those, and slowly began to trudge my way in what I hoped was the quickest way to the surface.
This is going to be one long walk.