//------------------------------//
// Human Twilight Sparkle [non-past simple verb] X 
// Story: The Wandering Physicist Adventures 
// by WanderingPhysicist 
//------------------------------//

Characters (Human): TWP, Twilight, Pinkie, Lucas
Characters (Pony): TWP, Twilight, Lyra, Spike, Luna
Original Write Date: October 29, 2012





        Princess Twilight Sparkle wakes up bright and early on a warm and perfect summer’s day. She stretches her arms before getting out of bed. She goes to a nearby mirror and starts brushing her hair and getting ready for the day.
        Princess Twilight Sparkle is easily the most beautiful of all human women. She is the perfect height. Her body shape is perfect and her musculature is toned to perfection. To top it all off, her human mammaries are the perfect size and shape. She is undoubtedly the best princess since her mentor, Princess Celestia. Her beloved boyfriend James loves her the most and not anyone else.
        With her morning grooming complete, Princess Twilight Sparkle dresses herself in an outfit she has planned out months prior, because you can never be too prepared and a little planning goes a long way. Her lovely lavender blouse shows off what she has perfectly. Her tight-fitting jeans accentuate her perfect human plot quite nicely, too. One quick pose that Princess Twilight Sparkle’s friend Rarity wishes she could do in a million years, and Princess Twilight Sparkle is ready to hit the town for a day of fun with her beloved boyfriend James.
        Princess Twilight Sparkle leaves her room so she can leave her home in the Golden Oaks Library when she is confronted by her best friend Pinkie Pie. Unlike Princess Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie is less attractive and definitely nowhere near as intelligent and graceful. Pinkie Pie has smaller human mammaries and a much wider human plot. Princess Twilight Sparkle waves and comes down the stairs to meet her pudgy friend. She tosses a strand of her perfect mane over her shoulder as she greets Pinkie Pie.
        ‘Good morning, Pinkie Pie,’ Princess Twilight Sparkle greets with a cheerful smile. ‘How may I help you?’
        ‘Good morning, bestest buddy in the whole wide world who I do not wish to copulate with Princess Twilight Sparkle!’ the needlessly energetic Pinkie Pie replies. ‘I am just here to wish you a good morning and to tell you that I am extremely jealous that you have the bestest coltfriend ever and I would never do anything to try and steal him from you despite the fact that I claim to love him as well.’
        ‘Why thank you, Pinkie Pie.’ Princess Twilight Sparkle replies, her magnanimous nature showing. ‘You know exactly what to say to brighten my day.’
        ‘Anything for The Wondrous and Gracious Princess Twilight Sparkle,’ Pinkie Pie says while bowing all the way to the floor. ‘I could never do anything that would make you upset. You are far too precious to me to ever want to do something idiotically stupid or random.’
        ‘You are a good friend, Pinkie Pie.’ Princess Twilight Sparkle says, her perfect smile returning. ‘I must now be off to see my boyfriend so we may engage in couply activities together.’
        ‘Of course, Princess Twilight Sparkle,’ Pinkie Pie says. ‘Please take your leave to be with your boyfriend, who means nothing to me other than a good friendship.’
        Princess Twilight Sparkle smiles and pats Pinkie Pie’s head with her human hand before leaving Golden Oaks Library. The most wonderful librarian in the world is greeted outside by a perfectly sunny day brought about by the grace of Princess Celestia and not because physics says that that thermonuclear reaction caused by the fusion of hydrogen atoms into helium and then into heavier atoms produces excess light and heat that warms the planet causing natural weather patterns aided by planetary rotation. While that is a viable theory with well-grounded and fact-based evidence, Princess Twilight Sparkle chooses to believe what she always believed despite her amazingly wonderful and perfect coltfriend convincing her otherwise. Not that Princess Twilight Sparkle does not believe in the divinity of Princess Celestia anymore or anything, it is just that science-based evidence is starting to get overwhelming. But back to the real story. [See attached notes for further discussion.]
        Princess Twilight Sparkle walks through town, greeting everyone she meets. Everyone in town loves Princess Twilight Sparkle since she saved them from countless atrocities from Nightmare Moon’s return to the time that Pinkie Pie, and only Pinkie Pie, upset Tsukiyo Rei, Princess Twilight Sparkle’s boyfriend’s James’ adopted daughter who is really his daughter from an alternate universe, causing the distraught young girl to lash out violently at everyone she encountered, except for Princess Twilight Sparkle who the girl loves like a mother. Princess Twilight Sparkle loves her adopted town. She would do everything to make it better if she were elected mayor. The town would be running at peak efficiency. But Princess Twilight Sparkle has other duties to attend to this fine day.
        Princess Twilight Sparkle passes through the market on her way to meet her boyfriend James. Along the way, she notices her friend Applejack working at her apple stall. The two friends smile and wave at each other. It is a well-known secret that Applejack has a crush on Princess Twilight Sparkle’s coltfriend, but the farmer’s overly-muscular body overpowers any femininity she might have long since lost. Princess Twilight Sparkle has never caught herself wishing she had as well-toned a human plot as Applejack’s. After the brief exchange, the two friends continue about the business, Applejack doing her best, but failing, to hide her obvious jealousy.
        Princess Twilight Sparkle arrives at her boyfriend James’ shop, The Power Block, slightly ahead of schedule. She plans to factor her walking speed into her next planned trip across town. The lovely woman enters the store and is greeted by James’ lowly assistant Lucas Grainsborough.
        ‘Good morning, Princess Twilight Sparkle,’ Lucas greets. ‘My boss, who I may have a secret crush on, is still upstairs in bed. Please go up and fetch him since you are the only one he ever wishes to see in the morning, definitely not Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy or any of the other women who claim to love him as much as you so obviously do.’
        ‘Thank you, Lucas,’ Princess Twilight Sparkle replies with a smile. ‘You are a very loyal assistant. If only you were as loyal as my best friend Spike, then you might be a truly worthy assistant to my beloved James.’
        ‘Nopony can be as good of an assistant as Spike!’ Lucas gasps.
        Princess Twilight Sparkle laughs loudly at the obvious statement. She finishes laughing as she reaches the stairs to James’ home above his shop. Princess Twilight Sparkle makes her way through the small home to her beloved boyfriend’s room. The most handsome and intelligent and definitely beardless man sleeps in his bed. Princess Twilight Sparkle sighs happily knowing she has made the perfect choice in partners, thus proving her perfection further. She climbs atop her prone lover and gives him a gentle kiss on the lips. James stirs and looks up at Princess Twilight Sparkle’s perfection.
        ‘Good morning, James,’ Princess Twilight Sparkle coos.
        ‘Good morning, Princess Twilight Sparkle,’ James replies. ‘You are the only woman I could ever love.’
        Princess Twilight Sparkle smiles and kisses James again.
        And then they engaged in human mating practices.





        ‘Well? What do you think?’ Twilight asks, a wide grin covering her face.
        Lyra stares at the copy of the story in her hooves. Beside her, James is going through Twilight’s attached notes, correcting the science.
        ‘Well, it’s a thing,’ Lyra says, flipping through the few pages of writing.
        ‘What does that mean?’
        ‘Um, well, you mess up human anatomy and terminology on occasion. You have a giant, rambling rant in the middle. And I really don’t think you want your friends to see this.’
        ‘Why is that?’ Twilight snorts.
        ‘Applejack would have knocked you unconscious for what you said about her,’ James replies while editing, ‘and Pinkie might never speak to you again. Also, Lucas is straight.’
        ‘Well, they are smart enough to know that it is parody,’ Twilight retorts, secretly doubting her retort.
        ‘You also describe yourself a little too, uh...’ Lyra fumbles.
        ‘Perfect,’ James finishes.
        Twilight growls and uses her magic to snatch the stories from her friends. ‘Fine! You don’t like them! It was only a first attempt anyway!’
        ‘I could give you some pointers,’ Lyra offers. ‘You are a very well-read pony. You could, theoretically, write a good story.’
        ‘According to her story, Celestia only theoretically controls the sun,’ James adds. He smiles at Twilight. ‘Glad to see you saw the light. … Pun intended.’
        Twilight imagines the horrors she is about to put her coltfriend through. She shoves the story into Spike’s hands. ‘Get rid of these.’
        ‘Can do! But I did really liked the parts about me.’ Spike breathes his fire on the papers.
        Twilight stamps her hooves and turns away from the others.
        ‘Was that magic fire or burning fire?’ Lyra asks.
        Twilight’s eyes go wide and she turns to Spike.
        ‘Uh...’ The dragon starts looking for an escape. Suddenly, he burps out a scroll. ‘Oh, uh, mail! It is from... Princess Luna?’
        Twilight shudders. ‘What does is say?’
        Spike unrolls the scroll and starts reading monotonously, ‘BwahahahahHAhaHahahahAHA! HAHAHahahahahahahaHAHAHAhahaHahahA!’ He turns the scroll over. ‘HahahahaHahahHAHAhahahHAahHAHahaha...’
        Twilight rips the scroll from Spikes hands. Her anger is boiling over and her mane is starting to sprout flames.
        ‘Uh... I know a good planet a few galaxies down where we might be safe,’ James suggests. ‘Might.’
        The two ponies and dragon take off running right as Twilight releases her anger.
        ‘BU...’
…
        From her balcony in Canterlot, Luna rolls on the ground laughing. A large column of flame can be seen shooting from Ponyville as the first sounds of Twilight’s scream reaches the capital.