Where do you begin a story about someone that doesn’t follow any rules of existence? Let’s start in the middle. Pony Strange, now the head of the League of Evil, was throwing a temper tantrum again. Someone had misplaced his favorite rubber chicken, and now he couldn’t go do the heist he promised Mistveil he would do. However, this would not have mattered since it was a Thursday, and the code of good-bad villain conduct states that no heists shall be committed on a Thursday, except in the attempted robbery of the Third National Earthpony Bank of Equestria, and still only when one has gotten the written consent of a three legged donkey. It’s a rule everybody knows. However, we are talking about Strange, and we all know what he does. He was bouncing off the walls, through the walls, and even into poor old Mr. McMillergunny’s toilet again. Mr. McMillergunny never liked the fact that his hard earned retirement home was on the same lake as the League of Evil’s secret underwater base, but he eventually learned to live with it. Lacky Olgruf, like always, was trying to calm him down with the promise of muffins, and this time he even offered to take him out to get ice cream and even go back in time to watch the Earthpony Which trials if he was good. Strange loved the Which trials, since he did have a hand their beginnings… There’s a good place to go to next. His creation of the Which trials.
The year was 1692 and the ponies had recently found America… I mean Equestria. With the hatred between the three groups dying down, life was getting calm. To Strange, calm means boring. So one day, in the year 2024, when Strange was especially bored, he stepped into the bathtub drain and walked onto the scene in 1692. He was quickly bored out of his mind, and decided to alskdfjieokdanscowenvb. However, since he was not on the planet Aeionknbiooaew&fdkajioj, no one understood what he was doing, and started to wonder, what was this STRANGE pony in front of them. They had never seen anything like him. They began to wonder, “well, which type of pony IS he?” So, they decided to hold a trial to determine what type of pony he was. For the side of the Pegasi, Voratus Octavius stepped up.
“It’s obvious” he said with dignity, “That pony has wings, so he must be a Pegasus!”
In hearing a declarative statement about him, one of his three major weaknesses, Strange quickly activated his existence altering defense mechanism, and promptly turned into a Pinecone. Now, if you have never seen a Pinecone do the alskdfjieokdanscowenvb, then you are surely missing out on life, for it is one of the three most atrocious things you can see, but once you have seen it, everything is better in comparison.
Next came Aldmir Hoofman, a Unicorn of mediocre standing, two children, a coffee table that was secretly an agent for the LXQZ, and three teacups named Willibuster, Hingleberry, and Finch, all three of which hated each other yet were too kind to say so. Hoofman declared “He has magical abilities, OBVIOUSLY he must be a unicorn is disguise!” Once again, the msinahcem esnefed gnitfihs ecnetsixe activated and turned him into an average pony named Scamper McMillergunny, who was thoroughly confused why he was both being put on trial, and doing the alskdfjieokdanscowenvb. So the townspeople, thoroughly confused, argued for days and days on the being they called Strange, and after a while when they realized he was no longer there, decided to give up.
It was a Tuesday afternoon when Alfer Von Al Norm Boosmack rose from his haystack and decided to go hunt dragons. Hunting dragons was his job. Not killing them, not fighting them, not even scaring them, just hunting. Search for it, stalk it, line up your shot, then walk away like nothing happened.
Strange was born in the year -12, before Celestia and Luna, but after realizing there was nothing going on, decided to be unborn and went to party with the unborn Pinkie Pie, who has no recollection of the encounter, but a long lasting impact from it.
Two plus two equals fish.
Otto Von Hoovesmark was lord dictator of Maremany, where happiness went to die and the Falgurworst was invented. Falgurworst, if you haven’t tried it, is made out of berries, plants, and the molted skin of a lizard. It’s an acquired taste. Otto had just left a meeting about how the people were unhappy, war may have been on the brink, and Falgurworst sales increased by 9.01235%, on the mark. This was, of course, exactly what Otto had planned sales to go up by, because he told the people what to buy and how much of it to buy. The Amareicans were annoying the countries south of them, and this story isn’t related to anything that actually didn’t happen, is it?
Let’s get back on track here. Speaking of tracks, have you ever heard the one about Strange building the Equestrian railroad in a single day? Neither have I.
One day, Strange was sitting in the saloon, drinking his apple cider, when all of a sudden two mares came in.
“We got a problem” Exclaimed one.
“What is it?” Asked the barkeep
“A gunman is outside of town!” Shouted the other
“What kind of gunman?” Asked the barkeep
“A big ol’ gunman” said the first.
“What’s he got on im’?” asked a curious listener.
“A dusty ol’ six shooter and two canteens.”
“what does he look like?”
“He’s got a big wide ol’ grin and two false teeth!”
“Where did he come from?”
“He came in from the valley, the Sand Duster lows, at the brink of mornin’!”
“So let me get this straight” said the Barkeep, “We got ourselves a big ol’ gunman carrying a dusty ol’ six shooter, with a big wide grin and two false teeth, that came in from the Sand Duster lows, and the brink of mornin’!”
“Yes” replied the first in the most blatant tone possible.
“So what’s the problem?” asked the barkeep.
“His name… HIS NAME IS LAROU!”
A widespread gasp was heard, then the room fell silent.
“Nobody mention that name here boy, do you knows what you did?” asked the barkeep?
A clank was heard. Some pony had just stomped their foot on the ground, and the spokes on the boot bumped into itself.
“Heh, stubborn philly just doesn’t know when to quit” said the desperado in the back of the room. He was sipping his apple cider and keeping to himself for once.
“He says… he says he’s looking for Strange!”
“Then let him come get me” said the desperado as he stood up. His red-black mane showed under his now tipped up hat, and his favorite rubber chicken was holstered in his belt. Strange walked out of the saloon, and all the others followed. Under the gate of the town, with the rising sun behind him, a lone stallion walked into the scene. The stallion walked until it was clear who he was. The stallion walked until it was clear who the man in front of him was. The stallion walked until he stopped, because I don’t think anything will walk forever. The two ponies stared at each other, waiting for the other to make the first move. Finally, the gunslinger said
“My name is Larou, and I am gunnin for YOU Strange. You think you can just do that to me and get away with it? DO yas? Well, let me tell you, the only way you is leaving this town is in a coffin.”
“Maybe so” replied the desperado, “but we’ll see whose top dog, once and for all.”
The two continued to stare each other down. The bell tower clicked a little forward. They stared some more. The bell tower clicked. They stared some more. The bell tower clicked. They stared some more. The bell tower clicked. They stared some more. The bell tower clicked. Pony Strange got bored, and decided to move time up to one minute before the strike of dawn. The bell tower clicked. The world slowed around the two, quite literally, as the gunslinger pulled out his six shooter, the symbol of his conviction, and Strange followed suit with the rubber chicken. The two charged at each other as the aimed. Larou fired a couple shots. One- whizzed past Strange’s left ear and hit an onlooker. Two- was going to hit Strange, decided that Strange was a silly place, and left for Manehatten to get a nice cup of coffee. Three- always dreamed of being an actor, but his father wanted him to be a doctor, so he graduated med school at the age of 25, lived a decent life with a wife and child, and realized that in the end he was never truly happy. Four- was asleep on the job, and never fired.
By this time Strange was right in front of Larou. He readied his chicken, swung it at the gunslinger, and upon impact it turned into a gorilla, which proceeded to tickle Larou into submission.
Strange, his work now done, walked away into the sunset*.
He was blinded by the bright light of the sun, and accidentally fell into the background. The background, having been made of cardboard, fell over and everyone sighed in dismay. The director called cut and everyone left for the day.
*Remember, time was slowed during the duel. Yes, the duel took 6 hours, but to them it took only a couple seconds.