//------------------------------// // Well, That Escalated Quickly // Story: Ponyville 911 // by MisterMoniker //------------------------------// The first changeling dropped to the pavement with a heavy thud. Bits of its black carapace were cracked deeply along the ridge of its fanged jaw. Cherry jumped over its prone body and whipped her baton wildly around her in a telekinetic field, smashing armor and splintering bones as she waded into the fray of the changeling army. "Communicating a threat!" Crack. "Disturbing the peace!" Whack. "Disorderly conduct!" Thwack. “Attempted assault against law enforcement officers and government officials!” Changeling drones fled from the blur of destruction that surrounded the white mare, stumbling over each other and turning long enough to fire blast after blast of deadly magical energy from their horns. Cherry lifted the battered body of one of the black-coated creatures to shield herself from the barrage, listening for a break in fire while the magically-bound changeling above her yelped in pain with each impact. Dodge leapt to her rescue, bucking a pair of drones headlong into the firing squad that had been carpeting Cherry with blasts. Changelings toppled like bowling pins as the two soldiers crashed into the closely-knit mob. He was torn between rushing to his partner’s side or keeping near the princesses. Celestia and Luna stood back-to-back, alternating between maintaining a protective shield over each other and firing bolts of arcane power at any of the shapeshifters that drew too close. Princess Luna seemed internally conflicted as well, laughing and then growling savagely as she fried any attackers that drew near enough to target. Near enough, of course, being anywhere under the sudden sheet of stormy cloud cover that filled the evening sky. Bolts of lightning struck into the mass of chitinous monsters with a level of mayhem that bordered on ludicrous. The handful of eyewitnesses that remained would later remark on her attacks as being akin to “the fist of an angry god.” The whinier ones just called them indiscriminate. One thing they would all agree on, however, was that the alicorn’s fury was pretty damn impressive to watch. Celestia, on the other hand, was battling with an air of poise and grace - she stayed rooted in one spot, not giving an inch to the encroaching mob. Any changeling unlucky enough to enter her field of vision burst into flames almost instantly, howling in agony as they ran from her horn's focused beams of sunlight that struck with terrible precision. The members of the Guard who were present had formed a wide ring around their rulers. Pegasus knights met changelings in the air for one-on-one dogfights, and the stalwart earth ponies forged a defensive line for the long-ranging unicorns behind them. It was an incredible defense. And it was failing. More and more changelings threw themselves at the beleaguered group, crawling out of cratered storefront windows, up from storm gutters, and dive-bombing in wild kamikaze strikes from the sky. Civilians ran for cover wherever they could find it, barricading the doors of their homes and shops before green, flaming meteors smashed their way through the stone walls. Over the din of battle, one small, foalish voice shrieked a high note of laughter: "Yes! Press the attack, my children! Wipe these two decrepit rulers away so that we may roam free and have our revenge! Fight for the swarm!" The green-maned filly barked from her vantage point atop an abnormally large changeling drone's head, directing her troops even as she cackled in delight. Her laughter was cut short as she found herself suddenly without a soldier to stand on. The changeling in question had toppled like a sack of potatoes as a bloodied baton tried to force itself down his windpipe through a haze of red magic. "You interrupt!?" Tossing her hair out of her eyes, the filly stomped over the body of her crumpled steed and marched towards Cherry, fuming and cursing with each step. "D'awwww, aren't you just the most adorable little genocidal maniac? C'mere!" Cherry's baton rapped on the ground, shaking off the layer of changeling goo and broken bits of fang that coated it. The child snarled and knocked the baton away with a massive burst of green-hued energy. Craning her neck very slowly, Cherry watched the weapon spin haphazardly into the sky and fall out of sight several blocks back up the road. The sound of cracking stone and shattering glass rose from the impact site some quarter of a mile away. All of a sudden, Cherry didn't find this foal very cute anymore. "You dare to stand against my army - to disrespect me!? It's time someone taught you the proper level of humility in the presence of royalty!" Green-mane’s back arched at a horrible angle before the child burst into a tower of emerald flame that reached to the sky. As the fire washed away, a tall, slim, and infinitely pissed changeling queen stepped towards the little white policepony. “Child...your final seconds will be spent regretting the circumstances under which you met Queen Chrysalis.” Her curved horn glinted in the setting sun and lit with eldritch energy before she charged at Cherry. "Y'know...in retrospect, I really should have seen that one coming." A thick stream of blood burst from her lips and spattered across Chrysalis’ back as the horn drove straight into her breast. The impact against the ground drove the air out of the policepony's lungs and choked off her scream. Wrapped in a wrestling match with four changeling soldiers, Dodge watched his partner fall. "CHER'!" Even as he kicked and bit and heaved the monsters from his body, Dodge could tell that there was no way he could make it to Cherry before the queen could finish her off. The ruler of the swarm was leaning over his friend, wings flared, charging a purging flame at the tip of her warped horn. “You heartless BITCH! I’m gonna bucking kill you!” Dodge roared and bucked his legs, splintering changeling armor every time he lifted a hoof. He hardly even noticed when the last of the drones that covered his body were whipped aside and sent flying through the last unshattered window on the street. Cool, soothing midnight-blue magic lifted the stallion from his hooves and set him gently to the side on the body-littered pavement. “No, Officer Dodge Charger. I believe I will do that.” The voice that brought everypony to a total halt in the heat of battle was deeper than the ocean’s widest trench. It was darker than the cold blackness between stars in the night sky. And it was faintly - almost playfully - wicked. Nightmare Moon waded through the bodies of the dazed and the wounded towards Chrysalis. “I have heard,” she cooed, “that you have been a bother for my beloved subjects.” Not a single creature that filled the battle-scarred street said a word as the Nightmare stepped softly towards the Queen. They didn’t breathe. There was no doubt in a single combatant’s mind that the harbinger of darkness walked among them. Her coat was as black as sin. Her peytral plate and helmet shined with the cool blue ice of a meteor’s tail. Spiraling into the darkening sky, her mane and tail carried pinpricks of light from the stars. “You’ve come a long way to feed upon my little ponies. I admit I’m feeling rather peckish myself. It’s been centuries since I’ve tasted changeling.” She smiled, licking the tips of her pearl-white fangs as she advanced. Chrysalis shivered visibly and backed away from Cherry’s unconscious body. “You - you wouldn’t—” “INCORRECT!” Nightmare Moon’s cry of rage was carried along the wave of hazy energy that seemed to burst from her body, battering Chrysalis from her hooves and throwing her into the sky. The changeling queen snarled as she righted herself in the air and juked to the side to avoid the incoming tide of wispy smoke. The wisp charged past her and doubled back, bursting in an explosion of starlight to reveal the ink-black alicorn in all of her glory. Chrysalis could only fire blindly through the clouds that surrounded her, missing by inches with every burst of destruction she unleashed. “I bested Celestia, and she was powerful enough to banish you! I’ll crush your body and feed on your precious subjects like cattle!” A quiet puff of smoke behind Chrysalis silenced her tirade just as a pair of lips whispered slowly into her ear. “You’re mistaken, child. I’m not some fairy tale storybook villain sent to the moon by the hero to help put good little foals to sleep at night. I am every bad dream. Every shiver you’ve felt in the dark. And I,” she chuckled, “do not fight fair.” Her laughter grew in intensity until it peaked with a horrible crack of lightning. A blizzard of electricity arced from Nightmare Moon’s body, carving acrid holes through the air with each bolt. From the electrical storm flew rank after rank of sleek, dark shapes. The shadows split into formations across the sky around their goddess, gaining form and color as they slowed. Skin-tight flightsuits adorned with lightning strikes covered a squadron of Shadowbolts, their eyes hidden by goggles that seemed to flash in the dark sky. Beside them flew heavily-armored, fanged Centurions - Princess Luna’s bat-winged personal guard. The soldiers and the trick fliers arranged themselves in the air and waited for their Princess’ command. Dodge could only stare in a bewildered mix of horror and awe as the company of fighters spread throughout the sky. Chrysalis was bad news, sure, but the policepony was willing to bet that she hadn’t come prepared for anything like the sorry hell they were about to see. A wistful sigh from inside his skull interrupted the show above him. Y’know, Dodge, even though I fought little Lulu up there plenty of times back in the day, I never had a chance to sneak her alter-ego Moony a kiss. It’s always been one of my greatest regrets...hey, maybe you could put in a good word for me! “Please stop.” Oh, c’mon, the two of us could be the best of friends if you’d just lighten up a little! Besides, the Draconequus muttered nonchalantly, I could literally boil your brain like a pot of spaghetti in here if I felt like it. Cut me a break. “This entire trip t’ Canterlot has been the absolute worst experience o’ my career, you freak. Not only have I been dodgin’ a horny princess an’ gettin’ my brainbucket molested by an Elder God, my partner just got skewered by a Goddess-damned Changeling Regent! Cut me a buckin’ break!” Around the beaten group of defenders, a hail of Centurions and Shadowbolts dropped as a group with cold, brutal finality. As one they perked their ears to the sky to hear the words from their Princess’ lips. “Break them.” Dodge couldn’t keep track of the first wave of Shadowbolts that zigzagged in formation through the ranks of Chrysalis’ changelings. Everywhere they plowed, they left a hurricane of thunder and lightning in their wake that seared and scorched any black-coated creature unlucky enough to fall on their list of things to utterly ruin today. Behind them roared a stampede of batponies in heavy plates, crushing monsters underhoof and battering them from side to side in a deluge of muscle and metal. High above the layer of storm clouds overhead, brief flashes of lightning and the rolling beat of thunder fought for superiority as the Nightmare and the Hive Queen battled in the skies. In the heat of the melee, a lone grey policecolt shrugged a limp body from his shoulders and threw himself towards his partner. He could tell as he galloped closer that her breathing was short and ragged, and the stone pavement beneath her had shattered under the force of the Queen’s blow. Just five more strides and he’d reach Cherry - four strides, three, two— WHUMP Not even two hoofstrides from his unconscious sister-in-arms, and Dodge found himself knocked from his hooves in a pile of white down and feathers. He reached for Cherry’s body with an outstretched hoof as Celestia towered above him. “Officer Charger, how dare you leave the personal guard of your beloved princess in the heat of battle! When we return to Canterlot Palace, the two of us will discuss your punishment in priva—” Between the simultaneous reappearances of both Queen Chrysalis and Nightmare Moon, as well as an attempted coup for Canterlot, the one event nopony would ever forget that day was seeing Princess Celestia reel from a sucker punch. Dodge pulled his hoof back and prepared for another haymaker as the once serene, calm princess turned back to regard him with eyes full of hellfire. Shaken as he was under her terrifying aura, the stallion could still vaguely hear a horrible laugh rattle his skull from the inside. TEN POINTS FOR GRYFFINDOR! “That,” Dodge wheezed, ignoring the Draconequus and pointing towards the white policemare’s body, “is my partner, Princess. Your brave an’ loyal subject. She is hurt, an’ she needs me, an’ there is not a goddess-damn one of you that’s gonna stop me from makin’ sure she’s okay. So either get your feathered ass away from us, or shut the buck up an’ HELP ME!” Dodge spat what he assumed to be his last words as Celestia’s gaze turned from rage, to sorrow...and to regret. Her eyes flickered between Dodge, the cobblestone street, and Cherry’s wound. She appeared close to tears as she lingered on the mare in front of her. “...Dodge...Officer Charger, I apologize. I...I just wanted to...” “Stop, princess.” Dodge lifted a hoof to silence his leader. “Look - we’ve got more important shit t’worry about right now. Just...help.” Celestia nodded and cleared her throat. Shadowbolts and Centurions wrecked the changeling forces around them while Dodge and his princess approached Cherry through the thick haze of battle. Her red mane was littered with bits of debris from the splintered stone beneath her, and a thin crimson trickle escaped her mouth. “She appears to have suffered internal injuries, Charger. Watch my back; I’m going to do what I can to knit her bones back together. I’ll need a moment.” A warm, white light sparked at the tip of Celestia’s horn and traveled to Cherry’s chest. Within seconds, the princess’ breathing had slowed and Cherry’s had grown less labored. They were both unconscious now, locked together in a healing tether. Dodge stood nearby - whatever Chrysalis and her minions could still throw at them, he’d be ready for it. He still wasn’t quite prepared to see Chrysalis’ tortured body fall from the sky half a hoofstride from him. Her chitin was cracked visibly in several places and a thick, green substance oozed from the gaps in her exoskeleton. One wing was shredded - at least more so than usual - and the other was bent at a horrible angle. The Queen struggled to regain her footing. Her left hind leg quivered from a fracture above the knee, and a single ivory fang fell from her mouth as she groaned. This close to Chrysalis, Dodge didn’t have a chance to move before she struck him in the throat with a hoof. A bright arc of energy danced from the tip of her warped horn to the center of his forehead, keeping the policepony paralyzed while standing. She cackled between coughs as she found her balance. “I’ll admit I never thought I’d be facing the Nightmare on my return. I’ve dealt with Celestia before, and Luna is nothing to fear if her dear sister falls. But you...” Chrysalis roared and flooded her captive’s body with psychic energy, sending the buck to his knees in agony. “Strike me again and I’ll break this toy of yours.” Even wheezing between threats, the changeling queen still forced a disdainful grin across her face. Nightmare Moon descended almost lazily from the sky as the last slivers of sunlight crept below the horizon. The first rays from the moon began slipping above the mountains in the distance as she slowly plodded up the street. “Oh, you poor child. You’ve already attacked my beautiful city and brought harm to my tender ponies. Your troops have destroyed the homes that they live in and the shops that they keep. These actions have forced me to delay the raising of my moon for this, my most special evening. You have also, in the past, attacked this kingdom and wounded my elder sister - a feat which only I have accomplished since the days that she hunted dragons and ursa for sport.” The alicorn paused beside Princess Celestia and smiled warmly at her, brushing the tip of a wing along her back. Celestia’s eyelids fluttered sightlessly in her trance. “I work daily to undo the damage I’ve dealt to friends, family, and country. Celestia knows even now that Luna and I are both jealous creatures by nature, and has helped us to find ways to...redirect that jealousy. When I say that this is my city, and these are my ponies, you should know that stooping to the point of taking a hostage offends me far greater than attempting to murder me ever could. “That stallion is mine. This mare that you have cut down in the street is mine. This princess that you so casually swatted aside during the sacred union of a family member: she is mine. Like an undisciplined little foal, you attempt to steal and disfigure property that is not yours. And as I have already stated...I am a jealous creature.” Her fangs glittered in her mane’s dim starlight. Chrysalis snarled in turn, sending another shock through Dodge’s body. “Careful, Nightmare. You can continue to threaten me from afar, but every step brings your sweet Officer Charger closer to death. I’ve already established a psychic link with him. Less than an errant thought and he’ll be reduced to a bumbling slave. Even killing me wouldn’t reverse the damage to a pony’s psyche.” “That’s a theory I’m eager to test, foal. Shall we finish this pointless standoff?” “Oh, just finish him off already!” The Nightmare and the Queen jerked at the interruption. Dangling his forehooves over the edge of a rooftop overlooking the carnage, the Doctor dry-heaved and wiped a film of sweat from his forehead. “Ugh. Two hearts is rubbish. I wish I’d been born with two livers instead. I’ll never drink again. Damn that Officer Berries and her ginger coiffure.” He groaned pathetically and rubbed at his temples, jostling the 3-D glasses on his face. “Now, are you two going to bicker all night, or are you going to do something resourceful? You!” Straining to lift a hoof, he pointed directly at Chrysalis. “Are you queen or aren’t you? Look at you, you’ve got yourself a helpless hostage and he still has full mental capacity. What’s the point in a prisoner that can still escape? Turn his mind to jelly, or something. Just stop your moaning, it’s an awful racket.” Chrysalis babbled incoherently, trapped between a mixture of shock and sanguine rage. “You dare speak to me like a petulant child!? I’ll crawl down your throat and swallow your soul, insolent creature! You’re nothing but food for my armies!” Venting and bellowing, she almost missed Nightmare Moon moving in for the kill. “NO!” A flash of green, a bright spark - and for a split second, both Chrysalis and Dodge plunged into unconsciousness. ----- Queen Chrysalis was momentarily safe inside Officer Dodge Charger’s mindscape. Her physical body was going to die in mere seconds outside of this subconscious blackness, that much she knew. But she’d be damned if the Nightmare took her down without losing at least one more of her precious ponies. The act of reducing a slave’s mind to rubble was simple for a sorceress of her caliber. Time passed differently in the unwaking world of the brain, and destroying Dodge from the inside out wouldn’t take any more time than it had with the last thousand ponies that she had crushed underhoof with this same psychic vise. She was, however, extremely surprised by the ridiculous decor in Dodge’s subconscious. A pink-and-purple checkerboard pattern covered the ground to the horizon, warping here and there where hills and dips broke the flat surface. Party balloons seemed to waft in and out of the air around her. Waterfalls in the distance flowed against the pull of gravity, emptying into the sky instead of onto the ground. And in the middle of it all, a twisted, dark throne curved comfortably around a creature older than history. “You could have just knocked, Chrissy. Storming in here like you did? That was very unneighborly.” Discord rose from his seat and stalked toward the terrified Queen, backing her into a wall that wasn’t there moments ago. “Stay away from me, beast, or I’ll—” She winced as an eagle talon flicked her playfully on the snout, sending a deep-seated shudder throughout her entire incorporeal body. “Boop!” The shudder increased as it reached her hooves, becoming spastic tremors that shook Chrysalis to her core. As she looked down at her body she could see a grey veneer begin to wash over her, subduing the beautiful black-and-teal scheme of her form. “What...did you do?” The agent of Chaos chuckled at a joke that she couldn’t understand, wiping a tear from his eye with a lion’s paw. Chrysalis flinched as Discord leaned in, whispering into her ear while the chaotic wave crept up her neck. “Oh, I didn’t do much. Your recommended dose of Chaos ought to liven you and your swarm up a bit. I never much liked how your kind fed on all of the ponies that I need to really thrive; you make them so dull, so dreary, so lifeless when you consume them. I can’t do my work without that spark that makes everypony so fun and unique to play with.” The trembling wave of grey had reached the Queen’s jaw, almost finished in its purpose. “It won’t take much to fix the problem. I just had to do what I do - that is, nudge just the right spot. And your psychic influence over your entire brood will finish my work for me! See, madness, as you know, is like gravity: all it takes is a little push!” The wave passed, her world bottomed out beneath her, and Chrysalis found herself somewhere else. ----- Dodge moaned a string of syllables that was a pretty good try at forming a word. When did he end up on his back? He rolled to his hooves and stood shakily, weaving from side to side as the psychic sickness began to dissolve. Two figures faded into his vision as he blinked and tried to focus. “Ah...not that th’ two of you aren’t any fun to look at, or anythin’, but I admit I’m pretty damn confused.” Nightmare Moon was frozen in tableau, staring somewhere far away while poised mid-strike. Beneath her was Queen Chrysalis of the changelings, hooves wrapped around the Nightmare’s neck and lips locked against hers in a deep, sultry kiss. The black alicorn’s eyes twitched violently before her entire being dissipated like a burst of black smoke. Dozens of smaller wisps burst into the air across the street as every Shadowbolt and Centurion disappeared with their creator. Princess Luna was left in her place, exactly as shocked and confused as her alter ego had been. Breaking the kiss, Chrysalis smiled warmly and purred under her breath. “Good evening, Princess.” Luna continued to stare anywhere but at the Queen as she unwrapped the pair of hooves from her neck and trotted away slowly. With a powerful flap of her wings, she looped out towards the ceremony field - far away from any frisky changelings. Dodge mentally kicked himself for enjoying the exhibit while it lasted. Shame on me. Shame. Yes, Dodge. Shame on you. Hey, do you mind if I rewind time for just a second so I can see that again? ...No. No, I don’t. “Dodge!” Princess Celestia’s voice pulled Dodge from his reverie with an almost audible snap. All he could see as he turned to regard her was his partner, waving a hoof and smiling weakly. “Aw, Cher’!” He scooped the mare up in a bone-shattering hug as she tried to writhe away in terror. “Charger,” she moaned, “bones...still knitting...” With a guilty smile, he set her down on her side and adjusted his sunglasses sheepishly. Celestia brushed her with a wing and stood to her full height. Dodge couldn’t help but smile at her as he bowed deeply. “Princess...ah, thanks. A lot. I’m glad y’could do for her what y’did. I really owe you on this one.” The goddess of the sun chuckled and helped both of the policeponies rise back to their hooves. “Actually, Officer Charger, I believe I owe you for your assistance tonight. Just as I owe you an apology. I’ve been acting lewdly ever since the incident with Discord, and...I can’t justify it. I was selfish, and you’ve had to deal with a terrible burden because of my actions. I am truly sorry.” She bowed her head and let out a deep sigh. “If there’s anything I can do to help fix the damage I’ve done, please tell me.” With a glance at his partner beside him, Dodge shrugged and shot the princess a heartfelt grin. Cherry flexed her legs and popped her neck before prodding the stallion by her side with a hoof and a smile. “Nah, Princess,” Dodge drawled indifferently, “I think you’ve more than made up for it. Y’done right by me and Cher’ here. Apology accepted.” Cherry opened her mouth, ready to add her thanks as she and Dodge were wrapped in a pair of hole-filled hooves. “I’m so glad that everypony could come to such a good understanding with each other. And speaking of understanding, I wanted to offer my own apology for my monstrous behavior.” Chrysalis was all sunshine and smiles, hugging the policeponies just a little too tight. Celestia balked visibly at her demeanor before quickly regaining her composure and catching the Queen’s gaze. “Yes...about that. The good Doctor here has already explained to me the procedure that was inflicted upon you, Chrysalis - and through your psychic webway with your swarm, upon the rest of your army as well.” The Doctor appeared immediately behind Celestia, waving a hoof in greeting and clearing his throat. “Funny thing, actually. The massive influx of Chaos energy that flooded your system, Chrysalis, has more or less completely reversed the polarity of your natural-born feeding mechanism. Instead of drawing energy from the love and affection that you cheat from other ponies by maintaining disguises, you generate your own source of magical nourishment by radiating that same love and affection. It’s brilliant.” He removed the 3-D glasses and folded them, stuffing the pair behind a chestnut-colored ear. “Wait,” Cherry interrupted. “How the hell does that work?” “Oh, it’s just a simple deus ex machina. All that Chaos is really good for, anyway.” The Doctor rapped Dodge on the skull playfully. I hate him for it, but he’s actually got me there. Oh well, Discord pouted. “On that note, I know you’re in there, Discord.” Celestia glared at Dodge’s head, not even bothering to hide her irritation. “I don’t know how you escaped your prison, but it’s time you get back to it.” Well, that could get complicated. My body’s gone. A nightstick came screaming out of the sky and shattered it not half an hour ago. So...until I find a new one for Sunbutt to lock me in, it looks like we’re gonna be roommates, pal! Dodge could hear the creature laughing in his head. He could also hear what sounded like furniture being rearranged. With a sigh, he lowered his glasses and rubbed at his eyes. “‘Fraid there’s nowhere to stash him, your Highness. Cherry’s baton smashed his body t’bits when Queen Cheeselegs back here smacked it back up the road.” It physically hurt him to say it. He was the last stallion around that needed an insane wingcolt stuck in his skull for the foreseeable future. Celestia’s face was grim, but she patted Dodge on the shoulder reassuringly. “I’m sure you’ll be fine. We’ll find a way. Now, before we get ahead of ourselves, we do still have some pressing matters - these streets are ruined, there’s a mountain of injured changelings and guardsponies to attend, and my little sister has been waiting patiently for all of us.” “I can help with that, Celestia.” Chrysalis flicked a wispy lock of hair away from her face and turned to her army. “Pick yourselves up and undo the damage you’ve dealt, my children! These buildings must be repaired and these ponies require healing. Infiltration wings four and five, see to the architecture. Support wings one, three, and seven, assign your medical squads to assist casualties. Anydrone who should need more energy may draw from my pool.” The Queen’s orders spread quickly; piles of injured changelings began forming into separate squads and casting limited healing spells on themselves, stitching broken exoskeletons back together and closing lacerations. They spread to the fallen pegasi, unicorns, and earth ponies, offering first aid and magical assistance to any that needed it. In only minutes the vast majority of the changeling legion was back on their hooves and - oddly - cheerful. “So, thousands of shape-shifting ponies running around Equestria, gaining magical energy by spreading love and affection? Sounds like the basis for a whole fleet of trashy romance one-shots.” Cherry rubbed at her chest where her ribs were just finishing the healing process. “It’s times like this that I try not t’think too much about things, Cher’. Besides, nopony’s depraved enough t’think up a plan like that.” “Right. Anyway, after this kind of a buildup, I hope Princess Luna’s party is pretty goddess-damn spectacular.” ----- It was. After her initial shock had passed, the Princess of the Night ascended into the sky and carried a moon that seemed to stretch across the whole horizon. Its rising signaled the beginning of the festivities, and the city of Canterlot swept through in droves. The hottest gossip of the night was the telling of multiple eyewitness accounts of how Nightmare Moon had returned, only to singlehoofedly crush the changeling threat, save a dying mare’s life, mercifully spare the encroaching army, and personally ravage the Changeling Queen - in more ways than one. Naturally, it was slightly blown out of proportion. Changeling drones mingled with the ponies of the city in the parade field. After the initial moments of apprehension and screaming terror, most ponies agreed that they were actually fun to have around. A little huggy and touchy-feely, maybe, but fun nonetheless. Somewhere in the crowd an off-duty pegasus guardspony began to regale a group of the newcomers with the story of how he had to fight off a trio of Diamond Dogs on the Day of Discord. Party streamers were popped, fireworks soared through the sky, and as the night grew darker, a pair of policeponies found themselves at the open bar. Dodge shotgunned Applejack Daniels before he wandered back into the crowd, mumbling something about finding out whether or not princesses could dance. Cherry nursed the last of her aches and pains with a cocktail mixed somewhere between Tartarus and Las Pegas. Her swill was only briefly interrupted by a chestnut-coated stallion with an hourglass cutie mark and a pair of 3-D glasses. “Oh! Officer Berries! Good to see you. I’m afraid I’ve come here at the wrong time, however. Should’ve been on my way to find a bit of liquid dragonfire and some letters. It’s been an awfully busy day. Suppose I should be off again.” He turned, only to be stopped by a hoof gripping him on the shoulder. “Say, Doctor...have you ever tried a Four Horsemen?” Cherry tried not to slur, but she was already five drinks in, and this particular shot wasn’t known for fixing any speech impediments. “Can’t say I have. Sounds vaguely ominous. Color me interested; what’s in it?” “Whiskey, tequila, hate, and stupidity.” “That sounds more like a bad decision than a drink, officer.” “Well, then, you oughtta love it. Siddown.” ----- Officer Dodge Charger joined the waking world in a bed that definitely wasn’t his. The night-black satin and silk sheets were a nice touch. Down pillows. Heated down pillows. With wings. His eyes jerked open as a midnight-blue wing curled around him, wrapping him in a quiet embrace. Oh, buck. Ohbuckohbuckohbuckme. He began trying to scoot away from Princess Luna’s body, only to find himself face-to-face with an aquamarine mop of hair and a wicked, jagged horn. Smooth chitin rubbed softly against his chest as Queen Chrysalis dozed. With him. In Luna’s bed. I...saw everything, Discord whispered. None were spared. Not even the library chairs. Dodge craned his neck just high enough to see that the room was a complete shambles around the bed. It looked like a manticore had systematically devoured every scrap of furniture in Princess Luna’s bedchamber. Piles of kindling barely recognizable as chairs, tables, desks, and bookshelves littered the luxurious blue carpet. “Bullshit,” Dodge whispered. He felt the body behind him stir silently. I have to start keeping score, Dodge. That’s four members of royalty you’ve managed to bed. You bastard. Discord tried to sound aggravated, but the note of disbelief never left his voice. “That’s a miscount, buddy, unless Cadance is back from her honeymoon already. An’ left her husband, who is probably plannin’ t’murder me as we speak.” Oh, no, it wasn’t Cadance. Ew. You sick, sick, colt. As the wing wrapped around him drew him tighter, Dodge became acutely aware of the fact that it wasn’t the deep blue that it had been only seconds ago. These feathers were jet black. And extremely large. “Good morning, Officer Charger,” the voice of the night itself cooed into his ear.