//------------------------------// // Just a Ponyville Day // Story: Ponyville's Many Shenanigans // by DashyJ //------------------------------// Just a Ponyville Day As written by DashyJ. As Edited by: InfiniteZero You know, Ponyville has always been a little crazy. I mean yeah sure every pony had to endure the eternal night thing 2 years back, and there was that one time where Canterlot was attacked by Changelings, but really that's it. Ponyville though? Well that's a different story. In Ponyville a random attack from a seemingly extinct species is child’s play. You ponies may think I’m not that smart. What with my wall eyes, and bubbled Cutie Mark, some ponies think I’m an airhead. An airhead who is lucky to have a position in the postal service. But in truth, I’m probably the only sane one around here. Don’t believe me? Let me tell you some stories about Ponyville and its shenanigans. A rather fine looking red coated Pegasus stallion, with short blond hair, and a saxophone Cutie Mark trotted at a brisk pace down the Ponyville jail halls, his hoof steps echoing off the walls monotonously. In his mouth he carried an empty sack, which once contained a large sum of bits. “This is the third damn time I’ve been in here to bail his ass out.” He mumbled to the air around him. “The bastard better buy me a beer when we leave this place. Not one of those shitty Amareican ones either. This one is going to be a fucking Caneighdian.” Approaching the jail cell, a snow coloured guard snapped awake, trying to ignore the fact that he had a large amount of drool staining his uniform. Clearing his throat, he spoke to the new arrival. “I guess you’re here to pick up this damn racist again?” The steamy red pony simply nodded in reply. Clearly, he was not happy being in this location. “Well, keep him this time, the bastard keeps speaking spaneighish or some crap like that.” The guard fumbled with the keys on his belt as the two of them approached the cell in which the damn fine red ponies… friend, was being held in. Each cell had a set amount of different ponies in it. Some were big, as others were scrawny. Looking to his left he saw… oh god that’s terrible. “Hey get the molasses out of your ass, and what does guerro mean?” The guard asked with his eyebrows raised. “I would hope it doesn’t mean anything bad.” The rather attractive red pony turned to look at the guard, placing the bag he had brought with him under his wing. “It means something close to gringo”, He chuckled in a deep, and slightly nasally voice, “At least he didn’t make any comments on your mother and her succulent-“ A soft yet deep voice called out to them. “Will you two stop fuckin’ around and get me out of this shit whole? Or will I have to start singing again?” The two stallions looked at each other and chuckled, opening the iron barred door in front of a navy blue Pegasus with a black mane and whirlpool Cutie Mark who stood there impatiently. “About time you fucking picked me up gringo.” Raul said, as he trotted past the two of them, leaving the facility with his red friend in tow. “What?” the sexy red stallion replied with a wolfish smile. “Did the ponies in your cell rustle your jimmies already? What were you in for this time?” Raul looked over to his hansom red coated friend. “If I told you, you would call me gay.” “Too late there fag boy, spill the beans.” The arousing red stallion retorted spreading his wings, and taking to the air. Following suit, Raul took to the air and levelled with him as they soared. “Oh for Luna’s sake I hate you. I was stealing socks ok?” He yelled over the wind as they flew beside one another. “Hah! You’re right.” The red undeniably sexable stallion retorted back. “You are gay. Now shut up, you owe me a beer and a wing pony for tonight.” “Fuck you Dashy” “Uhhh yes.” A smoky grey Pegasus answered nervously “I’ll have the usual.” Chrysaor stood in line, awaiting his usual order. The usual cashier must have been sick today, as the mare who prepared his order looked at him with confusion and disgust. Looking around nervously, he hoped that no pony would judge him. He is after all an “honorary” member of the guard. After having 2 mares load his meal onto his back, the stallion left with a 64 pound bag full of fattening food. Walking to a park bench, he sat his fat Amareican ass down, hoping to enjoy his meal. Little did he know he was in for quite a surprise. Shoving the first of many dripping grease burgers with a side of deep fried grease, Chrysaor swallowed, not bothering to chew. Chewing took too much effort. Shuddering in pleasure he peered dirtily in the bag for his next greasy victim. Spotting it wrapped in the cheap paper he grimaced, but that did not slow him down. Sliding his sticky appendage out of his mouth, his tongue expertly removed the hamburger from the wrappings. Thus he started his daily ritual. Removing the hamburger from its wrappings with his sultry tongue, Chrysaor sniffed in the wafting aroma with ecstasy as he held his head in the bag for a moment. Savouring the fatty and gaseous scent. After thoroughly molesting the hamburger with his tongue, he took it out, the hamburger dripping with saliva. Just the way he liked them. Soggy. Eyeing the hamburger, he took aim. Like a chameleon, Chrysaor slowly opened his mouth, prepping his sticky tongue to spear his soggy hamburger. Only to be interrupted by his “friend”, LoosePartyCannon. Loose had been in this situation more than once. As much as he denies it, he has been in this situation more times than he could count. He didn’t ask for this, but it keeps happening almost every time! 5 minutes earlier. Loose, a light blue Pegasus with a streaked blue and yellow mane sat in front of his computer, making sure he was completely alone in his house. Yep, now for Tumblr. Typing the horrid numbers and letters, Loose knew the URL by heart. Pressing the enter key, his computer paused for a moment, and then came up with hell itself. Banned From Equestria (Daily). Today was the day. No interruptions, nothing to stop him… Fuck. Outside his window stood a dingo. A really big dingo, with a kangaroo that wore boxing gloves riding on its back. “Oh fuck” Smashing through the window, the wild dingo launched the kangaroo at Loose and sent him crashing though his house to fall onto his front lawn. Recovering to his hooves, Loose brought his hooves up to a fighting position, awaiting the kangaroo’s next strike. Blaring through the wall in his house, the kangaroo came at him again, but this time he was ready. As the kangaroo swung at him, Loose quickly ducked to his right, and delivered a quick jab to its ribs. The kangaroo recoiled, with a yell and swung around to find his opponent in the air. Though this did not stop the kangaroo from striking back. Jumping as high as its legs would allow it, the kangaroo caught Loose by swinging his right foot, and smashing him back down to the ground. Having pinned him, the kangaroo smiled deviously, lifting its leg to smash his face to smithereens, Loose had a final trick up his sleeve. With a high pitched and girly squeal, Loose shouted a simple battle changing word at the kangaroo. Cactus. Seemingly from nowhere, a flying cactus came and attacked the kangaroo, sending it to Oblivion (Because Australians don’t believe in hell apparently). Getting back up onto his shaking hooves, Loose breathed a sigh of relief. Only to be attacked by his second opponent, the dingo. Once again Loose went flying, although this time he landed on something soft and greasy. Looking down, he saw his buddy Chrysaor who had a look of both surprise and disgust on his face. Looking down to his nether regions, was that a… “Oh god….” He breathed in horror. Before the 2 completely straight stallions could scramble from their mess of tangled legs and one tongue, everypony’s very favourite pony came into the scene. Bryan, some random skinny black and red maned Alicorn that everyone loves, but no one really understands came. Demanding to know where the batteries were. Dashy the sexiest stallion of them all In tow, attempting to tell him that they already got the batteries in the area. But to no avail. Bryan started a fit of rage. His body trembling, a dark aura began emanating from his horn, making him even louder than he already was. Needless to say, shattered windows were the least of Ponyville’s worries. “I AM REPTILE THE INVISIBLE AND ALL THE BITCHES WILL BOW BEFORE THE ALMIGHTY PINK SPERM!”