//------------------------------// // Fluttershy // Story: Hoof Hoof Hoof // by Karkadinn //------------------------------// Several hours later, Pinkie had transformed her room into what she referred to as a handotorium. She wasn't sure what that meant, but it sounded smart, and smarts were needed to get through this problem. Twilight had talked about how one's mood and atmosphere affected intellectual output, so Pinkie figured that to be at her outputiest, she had to spiff the place up a little. She had also found a pipe, a smoking jacket, a pair of thick square glasses (without any noses attached, even!) and a tie to complete the transformation. The tie had a funny clown on it, but she was pretending it was casual Friday to make up for that. Assistant in her professorial handoteria studies was Gummy, who wasn't taking the situation with NEAR the dignification that it deserved, Pinkie thought. The hand diagrams on the chalkboard she'd borrowed from Twilight should have put him in the right mood. And if not that, she'd been sure that the hand models she'd made out of cupcakes and peppermint sticks would've. But he just didn't seem to be feelin' it. “Okay, Gummy, you've done a super duper great job so far, but I need you to really pull out all the stops this time! Now you have to take your fingers... and squish them together... but they need to be in two bunches, okay? Can you do that for Auntie Pinkie?” Gummy stood there calmly. Pinkie stared. After a long moment, he raised his right front foot. She held her breath in anticipation. Then he put his foot back down and blinked. Pinkie sighed and looked back at her chalkboard diagrams again. “Perhaps,” she pondered, blowing bubbles from her pipe, “q over y squared does NOT equal the circumference of the forefinger after all. That would change the balance of the whole equation! Then we'd have lopsided scissors, which would just be silly.” She looked over at Gummy, eager for his academic input. “You're right, Gummy, we should try a more basic shape first. How about rock? It's just like a hoof, but made out of scrunched up fingers! Can you do that one?” Gummy stayed motionless. “No no no, not that kind of scrunched up, they have to be all curled in instead of long! Like this!” She demonstrated by waving one of her hooves around. “See?” Gummy latched onto the hoof with his mouth, and stayed there no matter how firmly she shook. “I'm starting to think you're not taking this very seriously, Gummy. Yes, you make a great paper, but that's only one of the shapes, just like hooves is only one, and we need all three to play the game!” Ding. As Rarity would have said, i-DEEEE-AAAAAAA! “If you can do paper and I can do rock, that means that we just need someone else who can do scissors!” she proclaimed triumphantly. “We can be the three musketeers of partying! All I need to do is find a second hand minion to complete the triumvirate!” Gummy blinked, one eye before the other. “What? Come on, I know fancy words too. Twilight's not the only smartie pants around here ya know! Come on, we've got us a hand minion to wrangle!” She transferred her pet to her mane and set off at a slightly faster than usual warp through time and space directed towards Fluttershy's cottage. Halfway there, she remember it was Angel-bunny's last-baby-tooth-falling-out anniversary and had to go back home to grab the caramelized baby carrots she'd made for him. Sculpting them into a mini statue of Fluttershy had been one of her best party ideas ever – now Angel and Fluttershy could be together in a thematicy way and a literal way! Fluttershy accepted the baby carrot statuette with the same slightly bewildered gratefulness that she always showed whenever Pinkie had decided a happy injection was necessary in her life. While Angel-bunny and a few of his bunny friends gathered round to nibble on their carrot-avatared caretaker, Pinkie broke the news that she wanted a new pet, and Fluttershy had herself a big ol' petsplosion. “Oh my gosh, I just knew one little baby alligator wasn't enough to keep up with you! Would you like a hummingbird? An iguana? A wombat maybe?” “I was thinking something more like a monkey. Or maybe a lemur. Unless lemurs are a KIND of monkey, are lemurs a kind of monkey? OH OH OH, what about a GORILLA?!” “Oh, I'm sorry but I don't have anything that exotic. They would need a very special kind of care, anyway, and I'm not sure if you're, um, the kind of pony who could handle their delicate needs....” Pinkie leaned in to her friend's face, which leaned back just as much. “Heeyyyyyy, what are you implying? Are you sayin' I'm not good with animals, Fluttershy?” She was great with animals! If she wasn't, how could Gummy possibly still be alive?! “N-no, I didn't mean that... uh, I think it would be best if I just showed you the cuddly critters that are staying here, if that's okay with you.” They went through everything from anoles to zigzag salamanders and while nothing was perfect, there were a whole lot of critters who were better than Pinkie had thought they would be for the job. Even bats had hands, she'd had no idea! And so many birds had pretty flexible talons, although you had to be careful with the really sharp ones. “A parrot seems like it'd be best. Or a macaw. Are macaws a kind of parrot?” “Oh, would you like something that can imitate your own voice? Although I'm not sure that that's really the best idea...” Fluttershy added much more quietly as an afterthought. “I mean, you're so, um, exuberant, I don't think you need a background echo.” “Aww, but if they can hover while they do things with their hands that would be perfect! Although ponies might get intimidated by something hovering in their faces all the time.” Pinkie had second thoughts of her own and decided to tone it down a notch. “Maybe we should stick to mammals. I wouldn't want another reptile, Gummy might get super jelly.” “Why would Gummy turn into jelly?” Fluttershy asked, confused, and Pinkie giggled at her poor, poor ignorant shut-in friend's lack of grasp over common colonialisms. “Well, it's better than turning into peanut butter, at least. Imagine cleaning that out of your couch! Actually, I don't need to imagine, I had to do that one time before. I found soooooo much change from it though! Copper and peanut butter should be a sandwich flavor. OH MY GOSH WHAT IS THAT?!” It was perfect. Bigger than a breadbox, but smaller than a writing desk, furry enough to double as an emergency scarf and with hands that were demonstrating their deftitude through the magic of peeling an orange! All the important knuckles were there! It was like a giant rat, only cuter! “Wh-wh-wh-a-a-a-a-t-t-t-t i-i-i-i-s-s-s wh-wh-wh-wh-a-a-a-t-t-t?” Fluttershy asked through clicking teeth as she bobbed up and down involuntarily with Pinkie's excited bounce of pet discovery. “That! That right there!” She pointed extra hard with all four hooves, which left Fluttershy briefly Derpy-eyed. “Oh, that's Mister Polesloke. He's a possum,” Fluttershy explained. “Come say hello, Polesloke! You'll have to excuse him,” she whispered, “he's not very sociable on Thursdays.” “Can he shake hands?” “Um, I'm not sure, but if you want something that does tricks, maybe a dog....” “Silly Fluttershy, dogs don't have fingers!” Fluttershy blinked. “What does that mean? Most critters don't have fingers. At least, not very fingery fingers. You're not prejudiced against critters without fingers, are you?” “Why would I be? That'd mean I'd be prejudiced against myself!” She snerked. “Hey there, Polesloke! You look pretty fly for a gray tawny whiskery guy. Howzit goin'?” Polesloke finished mashing the fruit in his mouth adorably and swallowed, then looked Pinkie over with an appraising air. Pinkie looked back quietly, mindful that she often came on too strong, and waited for the possum to take his time getting to know her. After a bit, Polesloke turned his head to Fluttershy and made a huff like a cat with a hairball. “What? No, Mister Polesloke, she's not a kind of food,” Fluttershy scolded the critter with more than a little confusion. “She's a pony! And she's thinking about giving you a new home with lots of love and....” “And candy, and cupcakes, and non-cup cakes, and balloons,” Pinkie filled in, beaming. “And games! Special games. Handy games. You like games, don't you?” Mister Polesloke turned his head slowly to look back at Pinkie again, blinked once, then curled up and went to sleep, belly and legs pointing skywards. “I'm sorry, Pinkie! Please don't be upset. Mister Polesloke gets like this a lot, possums have very short life cycles and, well, he's just not a very enthusiastic critter, to tell you the truth.” Pinkie leaned into the half-hug until she felt better. “He was perfect.” She sighed, watching the little fellah snore. “I guess I can find some other critter to play the handy games, though. What else ya got?” Fluttershy pulled away suddenly, forcing Pinkie to rebound on her own mane and bounce back upright. “...Pinkie, I'm starting to think that you have ulterior motives in wanting another pet.” “What ulterior motives? I just want a hand minion to play rock paper scissors for me!” “Pinkie Pie!” It was a Fluttershy yell, so it was way scarier than a regular yell even though it was said at a volume that was still below a normal speaking voice for anypony else. Pinkie flinched back from it. “Pets are friends, pals, buddies and playmates, but they are not minions! Minions are for, for bad evil overlord ponies with trap doors and creepy skull helmets! You're not a bad pony are you?!” Pinkie shifted her eyes left, then right. “Actually, this book I borrowed from Twilight talked about how all morality is totally subjective based on your point of view and-” “Pinkiiiiiiieeee.” “Oh, alright.” Her head drooped. “I won't make a critter be my hand minion. Guess I'll just have to think of some totally different way to solve this problem that doesn't involve enslaving semi-domesticated animals for entertainment.” “I know you can do it, Pinkie.” Fluttershy smiled. “I believe in you.” Slowly, dejectedly, Pinkie made to walk off... and then made a U-turn and dashed for Polesloke, grabbing him up and squeezing him to her neck desperately. “I DON'T BELIEVE IN ME! I NEED YOU YOU DELICIOUS HAND HAVING CRITTER! MAKE THE SIGNS WITH YOUR WIGGLY BENDY FLESHY STRINGY THINGS AND I'LL GIVE YOU CUPCAKES ALL DAY EVERY DAY I SWEAR, JUST MAKE THE SIGNS FOR ME!” And that was how Pinkie Pie found out that Fluttershy was, in fact, fully capable of keeping up with a warp through space-time and kicking flank when she came out the other end, if provided sufficient incentive. Also, Polesloke bit her.