We struggle. It is a factuality of life, a certain guarantee that it will not be easy. Politely put, it’s a major pain in the flank. Sometimes when we struggle we try to find a different way out, or we try to hide behind a mask. Sometimes the mask replaces who you were. So then, what becomes of the old you? Do we ever find it again?
I don’t know, but I will tell you my story of struggle, of overcoming the challenges life places before us. You see, the world isn't always sunshine and rainbows… sometimes we just have to take a breath…and start over again.
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I sat in the pouring rain outside the Canterlot Train Station. It was a freezing winter evening, so it was no surprise that I shivered violently. The train wasn't scheduled to arrive for another hour, but I had nowhere else to be. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I’d been holding and set about rubbing my forehooves together, trying to generate some warmth.
That evening hadn't gone anything like I’d planned. It didn't really surprise me though; this whole year hadn't gone like I’d planned. In the last six months alone, I’d lost my job, lost touch with most of my non-best friends and even lost my home, but that wasn't the worst part. No, by far, tonight had been the worst.
After being the only anchor in my chaotic life lately, I thought I had finally caught a break. Not my luck though, now she’s gone. I was starting to question a lot of things in what remained of my life. It was becoming so difficult to just keep a tiny smile on my muzzle.
I turned my head to the sky, letting out another heavy sigh. My thought’s were interrupted by the sound of the train’s whistle in the distance. Slowly, I made my way to my hooves and gave a heavy shake. Water flew everywhere, soaking the conductor's shift change. The poor stallion glanced up at his umbrella, then down at me. I pawed at the ground nervously.
I couldn't help the irrational giggle that escaped my lips, though. It just felt right to laugh at something so silly. I calmed down as the train pulled to a stop, and a few unicorns cantered off, throwing up umbrellas and dashing for cover in the torrential downpour. I smiled in spite of myself, as I was reminded of a certain friend who would have done the same thing.
The conductor gave a sharp whistle, promptly snapping me from my reverie. I briskly trotted forward, and dug around in my saddlebag rather futilely. I shook my head and pointed to the rain, gave a shiver, and rubbed my hooves together before pointing inside. The stallion handling tickets gave a warm smile and magicked my drenched ticket from the bag, giving it a shake. He patted me on the back and sent me off into one of the cars to get settled down for the trip.
Once again, I was left alone with my thoughts. As they began to wander, one thought occurred to me. It made me both sad and angry. Angry at myself, and sad that she’d just kicked me out into the rain. I shook my head, my drenched mane flinging water around me. I chuckled nervously, looking around to see if I'd repeated my previous watery mistake. I relaxed though, as I quickly realized I was the only resident of the car at the moment.
I put a hoof to my chin and closed my eyes, resting my head against the window as I did so. I remembered the old saying that everything happens for a reason. I grimaced at that. I couldn't find a reason for any of it, and trust me I’d tried so hard. I was starting to lose my grip on reality. My eyes sparkled in the dim light of the train car as I cracked them open.
We’d begun moving away from the station by this point, and I was glad to be leaving the city behind. I couldn't resist giving one last forlorn glance backwards, but quickly shook my head and faced sideways out the window again. I blinked another tear away, fighting so hard to keep at least some semblance of being a normal pony.
I was failing at keeping that up, too.
Slowly, the sobs started to take me. At first, they were quiet, semi-contained bursts. These soon devolved into my being a weeping mass of fur and hair. I hazily remember sobbing until the conductor came to tell me that the train had arrived at my destination. The stallion gave a sharp gasp as he noticed me sobbing on the floor of the train.
He mustered up the warmest smile he could and helped me to my hooves. Wordlessly, I let my eyes do all the thanking the moment needed. I didn’t know what I was going to do, or why I’d even come back to this little town. He waved at me and dropped 10 bits into my saddlebags. I tried to give him a genuine smile, but I just couldn’t pull it off. The stallion seemed to understand and merely bowed his head as I walked away from the station.
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It was easy to get lost in the recent memories of my long time home. I trotted in the rain through the mostly empty streets. It surprised me little that no one would be out in the storm. Most of them had families to be warm with. Most of them had sane lives, and stable emotions...
Ha...guess I'm not a sane pony then. I couldn't shake the feeling of loneliness as it threatened to consume me though. I needed to find some place dry to stay, but I knew my options to be limited. I couldn't go to her home; it was far too near to the edge of the forest in this rain. That sweet seamstress would be asleep by now and I would never intend to impose.
The others were out of the question for various reasons, too. I took a look down the street, glancing at the old, brightly coloured building on the corner. Couldn't go back there either. I slowly trotted under an overhang and took off my saddlebags. I guess it would have to do. At the very least I had found a dry spot.
I sat, shivering, unable to control the sobs again as the gravity of my situation pelted me as hard as the frigid winds. I again questioned just what I’d been seeking when I came back. I really couldn't remember. Nostalgic memory, or just the final nail in the coffin of my old life?
As I resigned myself to a night in the open, I felt a light tap on my back. Startled, I turned my head over my shoulder to see a soaking mail-mare with a genuinely concerned smile on her lips. She had my bags across her back and was ushering me to get up. I rose and followed the grey pegasus back to her home. The whole way she kept glancing at me, her eyes focused for the first time I’d ever seen them be, though they drifted apart again shortly after.
I stumbled over her doorstep and sat down in the foyer as she shut the door behind me. Her little girl was sitting there sleepily as she awaited her mother’s return. The little unicorn bounced once and nuzzled her mom before running off to find me a towel. I smiled warmly at my host, and thought of just how gracious she was.
The grey mare pranced into her kitchen and returned with her daughter dragging a much too large towel, while she herself carried in a tray of hot cocoa. I set about drying myself first. On completion of that, I drank half the cup before me in one gulp and gave the first truly happy smile I had all day.
The tray was taken back to the kitchen and the towel to the laundry as I was directed to her living room couch. Expressing my gratitude by giving her a warm hug, I lay down upon the soft furniture. The little unicorn filly trotted up to me and hopped on the couch, wordlessly cuddling against me. I knew she was too young to understand, but she had that little kid innocence that brought a tear to my eye as her mother brought us a blanket and patted her little filly on the head.
I closed my eyes that night and tried to catch some sleep. Too bad that’s not my luck.