//------------------------------// // Chapter 7: With My Apologies // Story: Twilight's Demoman Devastation // by Darrtaa //------------------------------// Disclaimer: I don't own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic or any of the characters, nor do I own Team Fortress 2 or any of its characters. Tarence belongs to XxZackAttack27xX. I do, however, own Copper Head and Captain Ajax. Tarence looked up at the bright blue sky and smiled, the warm rays of the sun cascading across his dark-grey face as the light breeze pushed a few strands of his ginger mane into his turquoise eye. "Ow! Dang..." Life was good (other than that stray hair business temporarily blinding him), and as soon as he made his way back to Ponyville and its amazingly warm lake, it would be all the sweeter. He chuckled slightly; a swimming pegasus? That sounded strange even to him, but there was something about swimming that flying just couldn't hold a candle to. Perhaps it was the same charm that drove him to occasionally take the train as opposed to taking the faster, saner option of flight. What most non-pegasi don't understand is that flying causes massive strain on one's body after long durations. For this reason, Cloudsdale schools train young pegasi to build wing strength at very young ages that gradually increases as they age and use their signature limbs more and more often. So Tarence preferred train rides for long trips, especially from Saddle Lake to Ponyville…if only he didn't have to sit so close to other ponies. Tarence wasn't Equestria's most gifted conversationist when it came to strangers. 'I just gotta find the emptiest car and relax. Maybe I can get some drawing done, yeah, that'll keep my mind off things,' the water-logged flyer thought to himself as he boarded the train and rushed towards the caboose. To his relief, it was completely empty, and the majority of the other passengers were already sitting in other cars. Tarence dropped his saddlebags onto one of the plush seats and sat down beside it. He was just about to stretch out when he heard the sound of another train pulling into the station followed by the crackle of the intercom. "Attention passengers: we will be experiencing a slight delay in our departure as we let on just a few more passengers. Thank you for your time." Normally Tarence wouldn't pay any mind to the announcements, but when the train that pulls in is a golden engine from the Royal Guard Dispersal Transit, everypony takes notice. 'They're probably just moving some of the ponies from the Gala disaster back to their homes,' the grey pegasus thought as he brought out his drawing pad and pencil. Down the hall voices could be heard, followed closely by hoofsteps approaching the caboose. Tarence just sat there and hoped that whoever they were would just turn off into a different car and stay there, away from him and- "This car looks the most spacious, let's stay in here," said a stallion's voice. 'Aww, crabapples…' "Excuse me, would you mind if my friends and I stay in here?" The stallion's voice didn't have the gruff qualities of one of the guards, so he must've been just another refugee from the Gala. Well, there wasn't much other choice, Tarence kept his face buried in his sketch book as he nodded slightly. "Great, thanks. Alright girls, he said it was cool." 'Girls?' "How many we got? Eight? Yeah, looks like there's enough." 'Eight? Oh come on…I just wanted a nice, QUIET ride,' Tarence punctuated his internal dialogue with small groan as the clinking of numerous hooves hit the metallic threshold as the rest of the stallion's friends entered. "Oh! Dibs on the window seat!" one of the mares said as a gust of wind whipped past and nearly knocked a confused Tarence out of his seat! "Now wait just a minute; who in tarnation said y'all could get the window? Ah wanted ta' see the apple orchards!" the second voice called, followed by a loud stomp. "Well, darling, I'm truly sorry for the both of you because I shall be taking that seat. It has the largest overhead that I require for my essentials," the newcomer said as the sound of multiple bags bumping together almost made Tarence look up to see what exactly that mare considered to be "essential". "But Princess Luna said she was going to be working on a new constellation tonight, and I have to be able to see it in order to properly track its stages," came yet another voice. Tarence was starting to get nervous, and the train hadn't even left yet! "Um…actually, if you girls wouldn't mind, the migration of the-" "I need it to hang the streamers and tie off the balloons!" That was the apple that broke the pony's back, so to speak. The mares began to bicker as to why each one should have possession of the desired seat. Their voices got louder as their reasons became more and more bizarre (namely from the hyper-sounding one), Tarence finally had enough. He slammed his book shut and bolted upright. "Look! Would you all just PLEASE-EEP!" He recognized them all the moment his blueish-green eyes fell on their fighting forms: the Mane Six! Just like the rest of Equestria, Tarence had heard all about their many adventures, and staying true to form when meeting nation-wide celebrities, he lost all control over his ability to form sentences and cognitive thought. "I…I don't…" Tarence felt something make hard contact right where his head joined his neck and blacked out. The last, blurry image he saw was that of blaring lights and a white unicorn with a ginger mane standing over him. "Spy!" Twilight shouted as she broke free from the maelstrom of quips flying between her friends. "Why did you do that!?" "My apologies, I didn't want zis awkward colt to interfere with ours plans for getting me and Demoman home…a plan I assume you've already gotten started on, no?" Spy knelt down, still appearing as a human before the six Elements of Harmony, and hefted Tarence's unconscious form over his shoulder with a light grunt. To any other pony, it would appear as if though Copper Head had levitated the grey pegasus into the air with magic. Twilight looked over at Lyra and Bon Bon, before looking over at her friends who only returned her blank stare. "Uh, hehe, we were kinda hoping YOU would have a plan…" Twilight said sheepishly. Spy sighed as he tossed the unconscious stallion onto the overhead and covered him with some of Rarity's luggage. "Hmm, would any of you happen to have any 'Australium' on…er, hoof?" The eight ponies (not counting the one hazing in and out to the view of a purple suitcase) all looked at one another and then at Twilight. "I've never even heard of that element-" Twilight's face seized up as her brilliant mind processed the impossible sentence her mouth had just allowed out in the open. She had known the elements by heart since she was a filly. She had even helped Cadance with her Academy homework and studying for tests! Twilight wavered for a moment before her lavender eyes rolled into her head as she passed out onto a pillow rushed over by Fluttershy. "Oh my gosh! Is she okay?" Bon Bon asked as she and Lyra gasped. "Ah reckon she's fine. Her noggin's jus takin' a breather." Applejack stroked Twilight's frazzled mane as she leaned in closer and whispered something in her ear. Twilight bolted up right and looked about frantically, covering herself with front hooves. "What on earth did you say to her?" Spy said, almost impressed. Applejack chuckled, "Ah jus told 'er she'd shown up ta' a test completely shaven. Works like a charm." "Splendid. Since it appears zat I shan't be making ze trip home ze same way I came, we must research ozer methods of sending me back." Twilight shook her head as she tried to dislodge the terrifying thought of showing up to a test completely unprepared and completely naked. "How exactly did you wind up here? From what Lyra's told us about humans, you aren't naturally magical, so you couldn't have teleported here the same way I can." "Couldn't Pyro do that fiery-burny thingy with his claws?" Pinkie said popping out of one of the light fixtures. "Hands, Pinkie, they're called 'hands'," Lyra corrected. "Yes, but zat lunatic is about as far from normal as I am from being a talking pony," Spy twitched as he began to feel unnaturally hot, the sensation of being burned alive was one that he had felt all too many times before. "I was sent to zis world after a mishap with the element I mentioned earlier. I still remember ze hot day in which I found myself fighting for survival…" ††† 2 WEEKS AGO ††† "Not so fast now are ya? ARE YA!?" "You SUCK. Seriously." The two rapid recovery agents' witty retorts could be heard all across the battlefield, even over the shrapnel and explosions erupting with rapid succession as both groups of mercenaries unloaded everything they could at the opposing side. Spy sighed. They were so noisy and cumbersome, there was no way in hell any of them could do what he did. That's why they needed him and his particular set of lethal skills (since there's no way they could possible get some idiot like Heavy to do his job, that'd be absurd). The French saboteur stood from his crouching stance on one of the covered mine cart tracks and paced silently about, sunlight becoming ever so distorted as it passed through his invisible form and cascaded faint colors against the rotting wooden structure the assassin was using to observe his surroundings. Although they had only discovered this man-made blight some two hours ago, the Engineers' gumption had allowed them to set up the most essential equipment needed to build a base; Respawn Room, resupply cabinets, beach balls, air hockey tables, and the all-important somewhat wobbly bench. Leave it to TF Industries to make things complicated and actually bring some meaning to what was to be an otherwise senseless day of killing. As it turned out, the facility that the identical teams had stumbled upon was in fact NOT a rundown junk pile, but a fully functional launch pad for a two-stage rocket holding much needed supplies for the great space exploring monkey Poopy Joe. Spy hopped down from his perch and made his way through a series of large pipes, according to the intel provided from command, the fuel cell required to launch the rocket was stashed in a state-of-the-art container hidden somewhere nearby. Spy exhaled, it would take all of his cunning, all of his skill, all of his training to find this critical piece of technology before- "I must be dreaming…" the words fell out of Spy's gaping mouth, his cigarette only staying in place thanks to years of practice. There, laying on the ground over a large, painted "X" was a plaid briefcase with a glowing thermos jammed onto the side. Spy's Cloak and Dagger flickered long enough for his stunned expression to be seen for a split second before disappearing again, leaving only faint sobs in its place. He shook his balaclava encased head and slinked carefully along the side of the wall, just in case this was in fact a horribly setup trap by BLU. The paranoid infiltrator looked over the strange container for possible traps or sensors, it came up clean (aside from the fact it was slowly rotating a few inches off the ground and was emitting a yellowish glow from a clearly unsecured soup thermos duct taped to the side). He carefully picked up the case to examine it further, when it suddenly whipped around behind him and latched onto his back. "That intelligence is MINE! Do you you understand that!?" Spy spun around just in time to see a crackling blue laser slam into his chest as he began to twitch violently before falling to the ground as nothing more than a pile of ash. Spy felt a dull numbness all over his being, like the sensation of floating or being emerged in a pool of lukewarm water. This feeling, like most things in Spy's abnormal life, was abruptly interrupted by the voice of The Announcer alerting RED team that BLU was on their way to the launch platform with the Australium. 'Australium? That tattered excuse for a folder was holding AUSTRALIUM!? Mon dieu, who is running this team!?' Spy thought, shaking himself as the piercing bloom of the fluorescent lights greeted him on yet another successful return from the Void. He had little time to revel in the fact that death had no permanent hold him as his flicked open his silver Disguise Kit and headed out. Things had not improved much since Spy got plastered across that wall. One of BLU's Engineers had managed to gain the upper hand by setting up a level two Sentry Gun near the loading platform, and to make matters worse, the Soldier that had bested Spy earlier was still in possession of the Australium and was now storming up the left side near his spawn point with the aid of a Medic. On the RED side of things; Pyro was nowhere to be found, Engie couldn't keep so much as a Dispenser running for more than a few seconds before the unchecked Demoman blasted it to pieces, Sniper was too invested in mortal combat with his counterpart to provide any support, and the Scouts were busy having a "who can be the most annoying little virgin monkey" contest (as far as Spy could tell). Just another mess Spy's team had left him, like a mentally-damaged puppy dragging in what's left of diseased squirrel and dumping it right on his fashionable spats. "Splendid…" +++++ "You're all dishonorably discharged!" Soldier barked as a well placed energy beam interrupted the Snipers' duel with a decisive disintegration. The Medic attached to him via Medi-beam laughed with approval as they stood on the loading platform at the base of the large rocket, which began to raise the duo up to the dock where the rare and highly unstable element was to be deposited. Bullets and other ordinance flew through the air as the two BLUs ascended higher and higher above the chaos they had come to love over the many years. of course, all those years had also brought their fair share of beatings, a lesson Soldier had learned many times, which is why he chose to keep his head down and avoid the oncoming fire instead of returning it. The Medic apparently had the same idea as he had focused more on not getting hit as opposed to healing him ever since they hopped on the platform. After what could have been a much shorter trip had BLU team been operating with any sense of coordination, the nose cone at the head of the rocket began to unscrew and lift itself from the rest of the metal-plated body. Soldier took one last look around to make sure the coast was clear, as far as vengeful Snipers were concerned, before slinging the Cowmangler 5000 over his shoulder and grasping the critical piece of tech in his scar-covered hands. *SHUNK* "I'm afraid not, but, at least you died for honor…and my amusement!" The Medic-turned-Spy laughed as he applied more pressure to the knife jutting out of the wannabe veteran's shoulder. Spy was actually relieved, he thought for sure that he wouldn't have been able to pierce the laser-launcher covering Soldier's backbone, but as it turned out, the durable metal weapon that had traveled across time and space only to fall into the delusional hands of Soldier crumpled like tinfoil against Spy's elegant butterfly knife. Unfortunately for Spy, he was about to discover side-effect #325 of using a laser-based weapon such as the Cowmangler 5000 or Pomson 6000: what happens when said laser comes into contact with Australium. The same energy that had killed Spy not two minutes prior began to crackle from within the opening created by his knife and surge violently across both of their bodies, and over the briefcase that began glowing at the same magnitude as the sun. Spy, unable to release his grip due to the electricity seizing up his muscles, could only watch as the blinding light intensified and slowly enveloped his entire being. The resulting explosion shook the entire battlefield and effectively halted the match as both sides looked on in awe (and waited for the now decimated Australium case to reset). Among those gazing at what remained of the back-stabber and the rocket-jumper was a familiar figure wearing his iconic black gas mask. He said nothing, not even a muffle, instead he opted to simply commemorate his teammate's passing by blowing on his bubble wand and watching as they floated away over the bright pink mountains and mingled with the fluffy white clouds no one else seemed to be enjoying. +++++ Spy's eyes shot open as he drew in a sharp breath, but he felt no air fill his lungs. He looked about in a moment of panic before remembering what had happened; he had died once again. He rubbed his tired eyes as he floated through the Void and contemplated what his next course of action should be upon Beetlejuiceing his way back to the land of the living. After a few minutes he began to worry, he had experienced longer-than-usual respawn times in the past, but nothing quite like this. "What ze devil is going on out zere?" "IVE BEEN ASKING MYSELF THAT QUESTION FOR FAR TOO LONG." Spy froze, the haunting voice stirring a latent fear deep within his soul as it crept into his ears. He slowly and carefully slid his trusty butterfly knife into his palm. With cold sweat pouring down his body, he turned to face the hallowed horror…but was met nothing but haze and a few floating shards. "I…where did he- GACK!" Spy felt his thin neck become even more compressed as an almighty vice grip sealed off his windpipe and began to lift him from his drifting platform. He struggled in vain to free himself, but only managed to tire his sweaty palms in an attempt to pry the massive, black glove from around his throat. Spent, the Frenchman was turned around and came eye to carved-out eye with the Horseless Headless Horseman, glowing head to boot in an eerie purple aura. "WHAT HAVE WE HERE, A MOURNER UNTO THE VOID? JUST FOR ME? YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE," said the voice that echoed deep within the monster's statuesque features. Spy panicked and plunged his blade deep into the black glove wrapped tightly around his esophagus. The HHH glanced down at the metallic splinter lodged into his hand before unleashing one of the most terrifying laughs Spy had ever heard in his life. "DID YOU HONESTLY EXPECT THAT TO WORK? TELL ME, WHAT WAS THE BEST CASE SCENARIO OF THAT PATHETIC ATTEMPT? FREEDOM, PERHAPS? IF YOU'RE GOING TO TRY SOMETHING LIKE THAT," the towering beast used his free hand to shatter a nearby floating shard, which began to contort and reform until it transformed into the fearsome Headtaker, "AT LEAST USE A REAL WEAPON." Spy's eyes widened as the ax that had sent his decapitated corpse flying across Harvest and Mann Manor numerous times was gouged into his hand. He tried to yell in pain but the Horseman's grip was so great that no sound was heard. "FEAR NOT, PUNY MORTAL; I HAVE A TASK FOR YOU…" +++++ Spy felt the cold, rubbery slap of Pyro's hand across his face. He sat up and almost gave himself a concussion on the underside of Pyro's bunk-bed that he had setup in their new house. The mute firebug tried to assist his dazed friend only to be waved off as Spy took his second, and much more cautious attempt at sitting upright. "Pyro? Oh…what happened? Where are we?" Pyro, through a series of muffled exclamations and gestures, explained that he and the rest of RED had managed to organize and secure the sought after Australium and successfully launch the rocket (sadly, the success ended shortly there after when the rocket carrying the supplies nose-dived into BLU's comm tower). Pyro also jokingly mentioned that it took Spy's violent death to lead his team to victory, and to Pyro receiving a well-placed karate chop right between the eyes. Spy suddenly remembered why he had been spared, he looked down at his hand that had been pierced by the Headtaker only to find that it was still intact (throbbing slightly from smacking it against Pyro's deceptively hard face but otherwise fine). The next few days blurred together as the entire team waited impatiently for new orders from TF Industries, most of them just sat around and fiddled with their ever-expanding array of equipment or sharpened their various skills…all of them, but Spy, who spent the vast majority of his time in his room pouring over research notes and the small chunk of Australium that had lodged itself into the side of his otherwise flawless knife. Spy wiped his brow, working deep into the night was taxing no matter who it was or how trained they were. The fear kept him awake, the creeping fear that the Horseman would do unspeakable things to him with unspeakable devices in unspeakable places for unspeakable lengths of time the next time he expired like month-old cottage cheese that had been left out in New Mexican sun. He continued to research the mysterious element until one faithful day, after spending countless hours in his room, Spy finally ventured out to attend to an even more pressing matter; heating his stone-cold tea. He peered around the dark hallway for any signs of intelligent life, or to see if any of his teammates were milling about. The coast clear, he effortlessly made it down the stairs and into the kitchen without so much as a silent fart before trying the tap, only to have (what appeared to be in the low light) thick soup splooge its way into the already clogged drain. Spy staggered back up the aging stairs, all the while stifling the urge to purge when he noticed something shimmering from a crack in the door across the hall; one of Pyro's flamethrowers. "Excellent…" Spy slowly pushed the door open and slipped in unheard. He slid forward and reached out for the nearest one before hefting the surprisingly heavy makeshift dragon onto his back and exiting as silently as he had come. Back in his room, Spy placed his cold cup of tea down on his work desk as he prepared to heat it to the perfect temperature with the…the hell was that thing? "Oh no, not zis…ABOMINATION. Is zere even a trigger on- ah, zere you are," Spy muttered to himself. In his haste, Spy had accidentally grabbed hold of the only weapon Pyro possessed that he didn't have the faintest idea of how to operate; the Phlogistinator. Now, Spy had had to mimic holding every weapon for every class at one time or another, but that was it. He couldn't operate Sasha anymore than he could repair a Sentry! Well, since the tap water was anything but and he desperately needed a pick-me-up, Spy ignored his better judgement and pointed the bizarre contraption at his "Fire Anyone" mug. Spy squeezed the handle, a series of fiery disks swirled from within the bronze nozzle and enveloped the red cup with its cosmic energy. Spy eased off before the rings could scorch anything else. Or so he thought. As he turned to lean the otherworldly toaster against the wall, an intense glow began to pulsate from where he had been examining the Australium shard. The golden light flared violently and continue to grow as it pulsed, Spy had no choice to but to shield his eyes as best he could before his entire being was snatched up by the massing energy... ††† PRESENT DAY ††† "…I awoke shortly zere after. Naturally, ze fact zat ponies here can TALK shocked me to some degree, but, after a few hours I grew to accept my new reality." Spy sighed as he finished his story, slightly deflated at the fact that he may never see his world again. "What happened to that other guy you…killed…?" Lyra asked cautiously. "I don't zink he came with, I'm pretty sure dead stupid doesn't teleport as well as living competence," Spy reassured the small unicorn with a chuckle at Soldier's expense. "Oh, th-that's good…" Fluttershy meeped from behind Applejack. Twilight glanced out the window, the sun had since made its way across the sky and was now starting to set in the west. Normally Twilight loved to watch the sunset as she poured over a good book, but normally she wasn't harboring a para-dimensional assassin onboard a public train bound for her home. Speaking of which; "Spy? Have you given any thought as to where you're going to stay once we get to Ponyville?" Everypony looked thoughtfully at Twilight, then at Spy, then at one another. None of them had really thought about where the espionage enthusiast would be staying until the Princesses could figure out how to get him back home. "Oh oh oh oh, oh me! Me! He can stay with me!" Lyra practically screamed as she hopped up and down on her hind legs. "Uh, ya know…if that's cool with you, Spy." "Well, I'm flattered at your offer, but I zink zat-" "Oh, darling, I'm not called the 'Element of Generosity' for nothing. He can stay at the Boutique! I have more than enough room, and I'd simply LOVE to hear how you came across your fabulous suit," Rarity said rubbing her perfectly manicured hoof across Spy's sleeve. "Would you believe it's a hobby?" "I'm not sure that-" Twilight started before being cut off by Rarity raising her hoof. "Darling; would you rather have the unknown stallion come with me where I have clients from all over Equestria stay for fittings that can last hours at a time and nopony bats an eye, or would you rather have him go with one of you and have assumptions made by everypony in town that will only make them want to known more about our friend here?" Rarity said quickly and dryly. +++++ After the train pulled in to the station in Ponyville, the nine tired Gala attendees went their separate ways to enjoy what was left of the late afternoon and get a good night's rest before deciding on what to do next (Tarence eventually got off the train too, only it was in Appleloosa). "Copper Head" escorted the elegant Rarity back to the Carousel Boutique, and for the first time in a long time, he actually enjoyed the conversation he was having with the beautiful unicorn. He was so enthralled that he never even noticed the rustling bushes that had been trailing them since the train station.