Once upon a time Rabbit was part of the drama-club at his school. How and why that actually came to be is probably a story best left untold. But as you can probably guess, girls had been involved. I mean, c’mon. What other reason could there be for a teenage boy to want to contribute to the school’s drama-club other than part-take in a smooching scene with that hot girl from class 4J?

Let’s just say Rabbit’s plan backfired to an extent, and instead of getting any smooch-scenes out of it – much to his aggravation – Rabbit ended up in several musical roles in the high-school productions – causing even more aggravation. And this was before all that High-School Musical bullshit. This was before prancing around on stage singing like a cat-being-strangled was cool. When Rabbit was roped up in the drama-club, it was considered incredibly gay. And Rabbit suffered the wrath of his friends.

Regardless, much to his own surprise all the drama-coaching had paid off. Rabbit could act with reasonable competence. That meant he was also a damn good liar. Many times he’d been able to lie right to a teacher’s face and get away with it. Who knew a teacher could actually fall for the ‘my dog ate it’ excuse? The best was pretending to be sick so he could leave half an hour before the final bell. Classic!

So to make a long story short, Rabbit’s first endeavour in Equestria wasn’t direct thievery. Shortly after arrival he toured Stalliongrad and Trottingham with The Great and Powerful Trixie in an attempt to make a legitimate living. How, you ask? Simple!

Trottingham. Four days after first contact. Only a stone’s throw away from the city of Stalliongrad – as the crow flies, of course – Trottingham was home to a crowd more accustomed to street performers. It was a smaller city, home to more down to earth, nitty-gritty ponies. So nitty-gritty in fact, the Trottingham accent often left ponies with the impression they’d just been verbally shivved and mugged.

It had been said Trottingham was the birthplace of charlatans, scam-driven fortune tellers and most importantly, the ever opportunistic street performers. The streets of this city were well known for the performers on every corner and in every porch. It had become something of a tourist attraction during the warmer seasons.

It was in Trottingham where Trixie and Rabbit had tried to throw their show into full swing.

“Come and see, Trottingham!” the Great and Powerful Trixie’s magnificent voice cried over the masses. Her theatrical allure mixed with the improvised Trottingham accent instantly twitched at the ears of many passing ponies who stopped to see the azure unicorn perched on her drape-adorned stage-coach. She had reared back, throwing her hooves up to beckon in the masses. “Come and see! The Great and Powerful Trixie has for your entertainment, the first of a new series of shows! Come and marvel, for your eyes only! The Terrific Trixie and Remarkable Rabbit Show!”

On queue there was a plethora of explosions. Vibrant lights flashed over the gathering crowd of common ponies as the fireworks were launched from back stage, glittering in the wide eyes of the watchers who ‘ooooooh’-ed and ‘aaaaaaah’-ed like a mass of brainless zombies, drinking in the spectacular lightshow.

“Fillies and gentlecolts, for your viewing delight;” Trixie continued, reeling the watchers in with a broad smile. “From all the way across the multi-verse, in Equestria for a limited time only...” the lights of the fireworks faded as her stage-lights dimmed too. An ominous drum beat played in the background. Several fillies in the front rows cowered. Several ponies were anxiously biting at their hooves in anticipation. Others quaked with excitement. “It’s the one... the only... the Remarkable Rabbit!”

The curtains parted and the teenager jumped out onto stage. Back then he was in reasonably good form. There was no patch on the knee of his trousers, his shirt was still intact and his bush-hat was neatly perched on his head. He didn’t have his own backpack, nor his climbing-axe quite yet, but the procurement of those items is a different story for a different day.

As he landed before the ‘adoring’ audience he held out his arms and cried out a loud: “Ta-daa!”

The silence that had befallen the street that was their theatre was so pronounced, Rabbit could literally hear the screech of grasshoppers. Still gritting his teeth, the teenager’s smile faded into a shit-eating grin.

“Oh, c’mon. Not even a round of applause?” Rabbit murmured to his companion, who simply shrugged.

Rabbit eased his stance before looking at Trixie and announcing: “Okay, so clearly ponies aren’t exactly impressed by trans-dimensional aliens. What’s plan-B?”

Clearing her throat loudly, Trixie held up a hoof to stop the dispersing crowd. “Wait, Trottingham-illians! He can do tricks.” She announced proudly. The dispersing ponies paused to look back, though in their eyes they were clearly unimpressed. Dogs could do tricks. Sheep could do tricks. Heck, with practice a gold-fish could do tricks! “Of course, no trick as good as the Great and Powerful Trixie!” the azure unicorn finished with a proud smile.

Rabbit paused a beat. “Whoa, s’cuse me!” he piped up raising a hand as if waiting permission to talk in class. Regardless, he voiced his concerns. “I’ll have you know I can do anything you can do... maybe even better!”

“Anything you can do I can do better;” Trixie began to sing. “I can do anything better than you!”

“Yes, I can, yes, I can!” the unicorn defended, squaring up to the human who merely waved her off with a casual shrug.

Intrigued, the spectators shuffled closer, eager to see where this was going. Ponies previously having lost interest were quickly drawn back in.

“Anything you can be I can be greater;” Rabbit sang with a placid air of confidence. “Sooner or later I'm greater than you.”

“Yes, I am, yes I am!” Rabbit ended up crying rather defensively. Straightening his collar and composing himself, the teenager took a breath and continued on a faster rhythm: “I can shoot a partridge with a single cartridge.”

“I can get a sparrow with a bow and arrow.” Trixie boasted, mimicking his unheard metronome.

“So can a rat.” the showmare deadpanned, wiping that smirk right off the human’s face. The crowd giggled as Rabbit didn’t look the least bit amused.

“NO, YOU CANT!” His voice breaking as he couldn’t go any higher, Rabbit just resorted to shouting at the top of his lungs.

“Yes, I – caaa-AAAAAAAAAAAAAANNN-n.” as Trixie’s voice went higher than a normal pony’s voice should have gone, several of the spectators had to plug their ears.

As the ringing in his ears faded, Rabbit chuckled disbelievingly. “How do you sing that high?”

Snorting, Rabbit turned to the spectators and said suggestively: “Well, she coulda fooled me!” eliciting a rousing laugh from the crowd.

As an act of revenge the mare threw her shoulder against Rabbit’s hip causing him to stumble awkwardly to one side.

Growling, Rabbit glared at the unicorn. “Anything you can say I can say softer.”

Trixie’s voice was barely a whisper anymore, so soft the crowd had to lean in and strain to hear her. “Yes, I can, YES I CAN!” she very suddenly yelled in Rabbit’s ear.

Recovering with a comical stumble, Rabbit rolled up his sleeves as if to say that this meant war. He continued with: “I can drink my liquor faster than a flicker.”

“I can do it quicker,” Trixie assured with a boastful smile. “And get even sicker.”

Rabbit mimicked turning a combination lock to get his point across. “I can open any safe.”

“That's what I thought.” The unicorn smugly grinned, adding: “Ya’ crook.”

Huffing, the human teenager presented her a hand to talk to. “Any note you can hold I can hold longer.”

“Yes, I-III-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-...” – Rabbit checked his watch as a full minute ticked over. Several ponies were frowning with concern as Trixie’s face was turning a deeper shade of blue. Rabbit yawned. And then eventually – “... I can.” She finished on a small squeak before gasping for breath.

Rabbit groaned as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Okay, so you can. But where do you keep all that air?”

A sudden idea lit up in the form of a light bulb behind the teenager’s eyes. Straightening up, he smiled rather proud of himself for coming up with it. “Anything you can say I can say faster.” He said quickly.

Trixie laughed a ‘don’t make me laugh’ kind of laugh. “I can say anything faster than you.”

Since that argument wasn’t going anywhere, Rabbit quickly jumped sideways, clean over Trixie’s back and landed on her opposite side leaving the unicorn a little surprised and dizzy. “I can jump a hurdle.”

“I can wear a girdle.” Trixie sang, winking to a colt in the crowd suggestively.

Trixie scoffed, waving a hoof over her figure compared to Rabbit’s. “I can fill it better.”

Practically giving up the argument, Rabbit threw up his arms and said: “I can do most anything.”

Smiling broadly and opening her mouth excitedly as she though she finally had him, Trixie came to a realisation and the corners of her mouth immediately turned downward. “Neither can I.” she moaned sadly.

An uncomfortable silence fluttered between them as the duo thought hard about how they would challenge each other. Trixie sat down tapping a hoof against her bottom lip. Rabbit was confoundedly scratching his head. with riveted attention, the ponies in the crowd watching their musical argument leaned closer in anticipation.

“Ah!” Eventually Rabbit suddenly perked up as something sprang to mind. Seeing this, Trixie stood and moved closer, eager to hear what challenge he had in store for her. “Anything you can sing I can sing sweeter.”

Slowing down, Rabbit deepened his voice and sang as sweetly as he could: “No, you can't.”

Losing patience with each other, the human and the showmare went nose to nose, glaring daggers.

“Ca-aaaaaaaaaaa-...” they sang in unison, holding a high note for quite a while before Rabbit finished on a: “-an’t!” and Trixie finished on: “-an!”

As the crescendo came to an abrupt halt the performers bowed in unison. The crowd went wild, stamping their hooves in a form of pony-applause and whistling in approval. As the cheers met their ears the duo made their exit stage right and waited for the onlookers to move on making space for the next passing crowd.

But before drawing them in, Trixie and Rabbit had to check the ceramic bowl perched on the ‘apron’ of the stage. It was where their admirers would have thrown bits in appreciation of their performance. And judging by the cheer they had received from a crowd of about fifty ponies they had a good profit to look forward to.

Making their way to the apron, Trixie hopped down to the cobbles as Rabbit sat himself down on the very edge. Leaning forwardly and grinning eagerly, Rabbit tried to peek into the bowl, but Trixie had already teasingly whisked it away with her magic.

Trixie paused to count... and then a very agitated expression ruptured her face. “Three... and a half bits?” confounded, Trixie levitated a coin in front of her face that had been chopped clean in half.

“What? That crowd was massive! It was the biggest one yet!” the teenager jumped to his feet before hollering after the dispersing ponies. “You fucking cheap-skates!”

Trixie huffed. “Rabbit, if we’re going to eat this week we’re going to need something better than a street-side musical act.”

Rabbit sighed, folding his arms across his chest and watching the other street performers further up rake in similarly worthless incomes. It seemed that ponies were less and less impressed by the art of ‘showing-off.’

But then he noticed something. Many of the spectators left their saddle-bags wide open as they watched some of the shows. Others stepped out of their homes and shops, leaving the doors wide open to chat with friends, or watch a particularly interesting juggler or mime.

Frowning, Rabbit looked up and down the street. There were no cops to speak of in sight. There was one, a sky blue pony with a bristly moustache and a typical ‘bobbie’ helmet perched on his head. but he didn’t look particularly adept, since he looked about as distracted as the other ponies around him.

Maybe Rabbit couldn’t actually open any safe... but pockets and unlocked homes? What if ponies were purposely being distracted and someone were to – hypothetically speaking – relieved them of their bits while they weren’t watching?

“Hey, Trix? How do you feel like legitimate enterprises with loose, opportunistic morals?” the teenager asked softly.

The azure unicorn looked a little flustered, and the look didn’t really suit her. “Did... did you just ask the Great and Powerful Trixie how she feels about filly-fooling?”

“Not exactly.” The human chuckled before leaning closer to his stage-partner. “Did you know the key factor to pulling off a successful heist is based around a solid deception?”

The gears in Trixie’s head ticked over as she processed that rather vague, yet strangely pointed sentence. Glancing to where Rabbit had been looking at the distracted ponies observing street-side shows, Trixie leaned in closer to her human companion.

***[]***

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Characters, Settings, Designs and Themes © to Hasbro and the Respective Owners. Please support the official release.

My Little Pony: Versus Equestria

by PseudoFiction

Interlude: The Terrific Trixie and Remarkable Rabbit Show!