//------------------------------// // Applebucking And Cupcakes // Story: My New Life In Equestria // by MaxBeezy //------------------------------// It’s a brand new day in Ponyville. The sun is high, and the birds are singing that I should probably wake up soon. Looking at the clock, I saw that it was around ten o'clock that morning. Back in my world, I never work up later than eight o'clock in the morning, so I shocked myself that I slept in so late. The last time I did that, it was at a particularly eventful party a few years ago, where I had to drag a friend’s drunken body home. I walked downstairs to see Twilight sitting at the couch, reading a book about Botany, whilst eating a sandwich of some kind. She looked up at me with a smile. “Good morning.” she said, “Sorry I didn’t wake you up sooner, but you seemed rather out of it.” “That’s okay.” I said. I turned to the table, to see some recently purchased supplies. “What’s that over there?” “That’s your toiletries. I noticed back in your world that you had toothbrushes like us, and I figured you could use one. So, I went down to the store and bought one for you. There’s also razors for that hair that’s growing on your face, and some soap for your baths.” “Wow. Thanks, Twilight.” That was awfully kind of her to do. “There’s also a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for you in the fridge, I didn’t think you would be ready for Dandelion sandwiches yet.” “No. I don’t think so.” I chuckled at the thought of eating such a sandwich. The PB&J she made was very good. Just like what I used to make back home, when that was all I had to make food. “So, what’s your plan today?” she asked, “I’m sure it’s not just hanging around the house all day.” “I’m not sure.” I responded, “I suppose that I’ll take a look around.” “Anywhere in particular?” Looking through the recesses of my mind, I did remember one particular note I made the day before. “I think I’ll go check out Sweet Apple Acres.” I said. “That’s a good place to start. Just be careful, alright? Don’t want any more injuries from you.” “It’s just a farm. What’s the worst that can happen?” “Believe me, I know. One wrong step, and you fall right into a mysteriously appearing apple cellar door.” “In that case, I think I will watch my step.” I opened the door, “See you later.” “Matt?” She called out to me. I turned around to look at her, and she simply just stared. She wanted to say something, but she didn’t. She didn’t look concerned, or upset, whatever she was thinking. Instead, she chuckled it off. “Nevermind. You have a good day.” I nodded and left, but was still ever so confused about that pause. Walking through Ponyville to get to the path to Sweet Apple Acres was strangely different from last time. Many ponies took to looking at me, whispering at one another. I couldn’t hear what they were talking about; for all I knew, they were probably saying how weird or funny I looked. Nevermind that now, as the path to the farm was found, and I went on my merry way. The small little forest I passed through was nice, and luckily, no animals took to attacking my face, or any other part of my body that I would miss if it was taken away from me. There was a squirrel that was eyeing me up, though, but it took off when I glared at it. After maybe fifteen minutes of walking, I was there. Sweet Apple Acres; Applejack told me that it was a nice place, but damn it was massive! Probably the biggest farm I’d ever seen! There are probably bigger out there, but heck if I knew. I exhaled a slight ‘woah’ before making my way into the farm. I walked along the dirt road, carefully, so to avoid those sudden apple cellar doors that Twilight was talking about. Soon, I saw a house not too far away. It looked rather nice and inviting. The place seemed quiet, so I figured I would knock on the door to say hi, maybe get a tour of the place. Applejack seemed like a nice pony when I first had a conversation with her, so it would be nice to talk to her when I wasn’t in a sour mood, like last time. Before I could get to the front door, I heard the sound of grunting, followed by a loud hammering noise, and things dropping. It was enough to startle me out of my little moment of peace. Listening to the noise, I was able to detect where it was coming from, so I walked in that direction. Hopefully, this wasn’t going to lead to some kind of serious injury. The noise got louder and louder, and as I got closer, I could see the apple trees shaking, and the delicious looking fruit subsequently falling to the ground below. I got to the destination and source of the noise, only to see Applejack kicking the trees rather hard, which made the apples fall. The sheer strength it must have taken to dislodge those apples must have been herculean by nature, and I spent more than a few seconds in impressed awe, until I remembered that I was there to see the farm and its inner workings. Besides, I didn’t want to stand there like a creep, and scare poor Applejack with my presence, should she turn around before I announced myself. I cleared my throat, hoping to catch her attention. I did not. I cleared it again, but louder. Still, no luck to be found. Finally… “Hey, Applejack.” I said in my friendliest tone. It worked, but she was evidently startled by me in mid kick, completely missing the tree and falling to the ground. “Oh crap! I’m so sorry!” I said, racing over to her, kneeling down to help her up. She raises her head up to me, and her cowboy hat had been moved over her eyes. I took the liberty of moving it back, so she wouldn’t be blinded. “Ah, it’s okay.” she said, “Ya just startled me, that’s all.” “Yeah, but I didn’t mean to do that. You could have been hurt.” “Don’t worry about me, surgarcube. I’ve taken worse falls than that.” she gets up, dusting herself off. “What are ya'll doing here? Twilight need help with some moving?” “No, it’s just me.” “Just you?” she looks behind me, hoping to see another pony in the distance. Instead, she just saw more apple orchards. “What are you doing here, then?” “I came to see you.” The moment I said that, a noticeable surprised blush appeared on her face. I stammered at the misunderstanding. “I-I mean to see you and the farm. You told me about it, so I wanted to see it for myself.” “O-Oh!” the blush went away as instantly as it appeared, “Why didn’t ya say so? Got me all confused there for a second. Give me a minute.” She walks to the tree she tried to kick before. She was much more successful this time. “You’re really strong.” I admitted to her, “Were you always like that?” “Not always.” she said as she delivered another powerful kick to a tree, “It took me years to get like this. My older brother could do this when he was just a colt.” “Still, it’s very impressive.” “Thank you kindly.” she nodded to me. “Is it just you that lives here?” “Nope. Myself, mah brother, Granny Smith, and mah sister Applebloom all live here. We have our family get togethers every once in awhile, but it’s mainly just us.” “What about your parents?” I notice that she stopped. A look of sadness falls on her face. “Oh, my apologies, I didn’t mean…” “No. It’s fine. Just a sore subject. Ya mind if we don’t talk about it?” “Yes, it’s perfectly fine. Please forgive me.” “Don’t worry about it. Ya didn’t know.” She kicked another tree. The feeling of breaking out of this awkward moment became very strong. “So, you’re the Element of Honesty, huh?” I said with a smirk. “Ya heard about that?” “Twilight told me all about you guys…after I told her a bunch of hooey.” Applejack stopped with her kicking, turning right back to me. “What do ya mean ‘hooey’?” “She asked me about my history; about how my species came to be. Needless to say…I didn’t know all that much about the beginning of my kind. So I…kind of made it up.” “Ya lied?” she wondered. Not in a judgmental way, but in a more curious way. “I knew a few things, like later on down the line in my history, but…yeah. I guess I did. It seemed fun at the time, but after Twilight told me about you guys…now I just feel like crap.” “Why is that?” “Because look at you! You and the others saved this world…multiple times! All of you represent something great! And best of all…everything about it is true! You’re all amazing, and I’m just a stupid former video game sales clerk from California, who doesn’t know anything.” “Ah thought you were from Manhattan.” “I was born in California, and then moved to Manhattan.” Applejack walked up to me, placing a hoof on my shoulder. She smiled as I looked at her. “Ah, don’t be like that. I’m not the smartest bulb in the tool-shed either.” “But you’re a hero, and I’m just a big ol' liar.” “Come on, now. There’s no use feeling sorry for yourself. Besides, it’s not like I asked for this hero business. Until then, I was just a simple farmpony with a pentient for apples, and I still am. Just because ya didn’t fight an army of Changelings, doesn’t mean ya aren’t special. Look at me? Look at you! You’re the only human ever to be in Equestria! You should be happy!” “Well…I guess that is pretty exciting.” “Exactly! Keep a chin up.” she moves a hoof under my chin, raising it so I can make eye contact with her. “Ya may not be too bright, but you’re also a good person. Who knows? Since you’re here, maybe you’ll find your true calling.” “Not too bright, huh?” I chuckled, “You really are the Element of Honesty.” She chuckled back. “Thank you.” “You’re very welcome.” she pats me on the back, “Hey, since you’re here, wanna help me with some applebuckin’?” “Applebucking? The heck is that?” “It’s this!” she kicks a tree with her hind legs, and the apples fall into a basket below. “That’s applebuckin’!” “I don’t think I can do that.” I say, laughing and shaking my head at the same time. “Aw phooey, ah don’t believe that! How do ya know, if ya haven’t tried?” I couldn’t believe I was actually considering doing this. There was no way that I was strong enough to kick all the apples off the tree, and I knew it. Still, I thought that there was no harm at least giving it a shot. “Alright, fine.” I said, standing up, “I’ll give it a shot. What do you want me to do?” “Get down on all fours, and kick the tree.” “Seriously?” I asked. “Very serious.” I do as she asked. Facing away from the tree, I got down on all fours, my hands planted firmly into the ground, ready to kick the tree. “Try not to enjoy this too much.” I turned to her. “I’ll do my best.” she smirked. I paused, trying to figure if I had the courage and strength to buck this tree up. I wondered if my arms were strong enough to hold my weight, or if my legs were strong enough to get apples off the tree. Finally, I just said ‘to hell with it’ and in an instant, raised my legs and kicked the tree. That would have been cool if that’s all that happened. Unfortunately, the moment I hit the tree, the impact caused me to jerk forward, then slam my face into the dirt. That hurt. Applejack however, was busting a gut. I’d say her laugh was cute, if I wasn’t currently distracted by a face full of ground. I rolled onto my back, and got up, spitting out any excess dirt that made its way into my mouth, as Applejack continued to laugh. “You said you wouldn’t enjoy this!” I said. “Ah said I’d do my best. Ah said nothing suggestin’ that ah promised.” “Don’t use your fancy semantics to muddle the issue!” I said with a chortle. For some reason, she stopped with her laughs, and just looked at me with a grin. “What?” I asked, confused about her look. “Nothin’” she replied, “Just reminded me of somethin’, that’s all.” She glances over at the barrel of apples, “Well, guess I have to put these in the wagon.” She clamped her teeth down on the barrel, dragging it to the nearby wagon. “Let me help.” I said. I picked up the barrel with relative ease, and placed it down onto the wagon. “Thank you very much.” she said, “See? You’re not completely useless.” “Only partially useless.” I joked. She laughed. As I continued to try to think about what I reminded her of, I heard a voice call out in the distance. It sounded like a loud old woman. “Monster! Monster!” the voice said, “There’s a monster on the farm!” I looked to see this frail old pony screaming at me on the front porch of the house. “Big Mac! There’s a monster tryin’ to eat Applejack!” “Uh-Oh!” Applejack panics, “Ya better run!” “It’s just an old pony. What can she do?” “I’m not talkin’ about Granny Smith, I’m talking about Big Mac!” “Big Mac? The burg…” The thought was erased, when I finally got a look at Big Mac. He was a hulking, red pony, with murder in his eyes. He began his bull rush to me, with all the rage and fury of a locomotive. My reaction was as followed… “OH SHIT!” I screamed, and took off running. “Big Mac!” Applejack pleaded, “Please stop!” I didn’t hear any stopping, so I kept on running. I ran and ran and ran, to the point where my legs were straining. Even with the adrenaline rushing through me, it wasn’t enough to outrun this beast of a farmpony. Suddenly, I felt a large impact from behind, flipping me into the air, where I spun around for a good five seconds, before plummeting onto my back on the ground below. I was pretty sure I left a decent sized crater in the process. As I laid there on the ground, I could hear this Big Mac rushing back for another round before… “BIG MACINTOSH!” Applejack yelled. The sounds of hooves screeching on the dirt was heard. The next thing I saw come into view, was Applejack’s concerned face. “You alright?” “Ow…” was all I could say, before she looked back at the currently out my field of vision Big Macintosh. “Big Mac!” she said sternly, “This ain’t a monster! This here is the human friend I was talkin’ about, remember?” “Oh…oh dear…” I heard this hulking deep voice say. I saw him come into by my field of view. “Ah am so sorry, mister.” “Ah…” I wheezed, “It’s okay. I’ve had worse…” Just then, I felt an instant and massive amount of pressure on my nether regions, as three small ponies trampled my bottom half, all the while laughing and playing. “OH! WORSE JUST CAME!” I screamed, as I held onto my ‘bits’. “Applebloom!” Applejack yelled, “Look what you and your friends did!” She leaned down to me. “Are you okay?” I shook my head. “Did they…hit your special area?” I nodded rapidly. “Would you like some ice?” I nodded again. “Big Mac, help him up.” I felt Big Mac throw me up onto his back, as I was carried to the house. I sat in a chair in the dining room, holding a bag of ice against my sensitive area, as six ponies stare at me, in varying states of emotion. “How are ya feelin’?” Applejack asked me. “I’ll be fine…eventually.” I have a habit of repeating myself, “Thanks for the ice.” “It’s no problem, really.” she looks at the other ponies at the table, “Now, what do ya'll have to say for yourselves?” Simultaneously, all of them said “Sorry.” “It’s okay.” I said, “You want to introduce me, Applejack?” “Sure thing. Matt, this is Big Macintosh.” She pointed to the big red pony, who nodded at me. “This is Granny Smith.” The old pony gave me a slight wave. “And this is Applebloom.” “Howdy.” Applebloom said. “What about the other two ponies?” I asked, noting the two next to Applebloom. “I’m Sweetie Belle.” said the white pony with a purple mane of different shades, she looked very familiar, kind of like a young Rarity. “And I’m Scootaloo.” said the orange one. “And we’re…” The three little ponies stood up on the table, standing proud at what they are about to say. “THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!” they yelled. “Cutie Mark Crusaders? What do you mean?” “We don’t have our cutie marks, and we’re on a quest to get them!” “Cutie marks?” I asked. “Yeah, cutie marks.” Applejack interjected, “See this here?” She turned her behind to me, and I saw a mark that looked like a tattoo. It was the image of three apples. “Why didn’t I notice that before?” I asked quietly. There were two possible explanations; either that I was a blind idiot, or that I never had the inclination to look at the rear of the ponies. “So, you don’t have one of those?” “Nope!” Applebloom said, “Look!” They all turned their posteriors to me. I quickly waved them off, shielding my eyes, because they were very close and staring at little pony butt was as awkward as it is writing it right now. “Gah! Okay, I get it!” I said. They turned back. “How do you get these…cutie marks?” “Ya find your special talent, and it appears like magic.” Applejack said. “It sometimes takes awhile for a pony to get their cutie marks, and Applebloom and her friends have been at it for a while.” “We’ll get our cutie marks someday, you’ll see!” Sweetie Belle said. “I’m sure I will.” I replied, “Well, I think I should get going.” “Awwwww!!!” The Cutie Mark Crusaders said. “Aren’t you gonna stay for lunch?” Applebloom gave me these crazy adorable eyes. If I wasn’t currently in pain, I would have agreed, but… “Sorry. Not today. Maybe some other time. It was nice meeting all of you.” I got up from the chair, ice still being held against me, as I limped towards the door. “Matt, wait!” Applejack called out to me. I turned around. “Do you…want a job?” The others turned to her in confusion. “What kind of job?” “Applebuck season is coming up, and we could use an extra hoof…I mean…hand.” “You saw me try to applebuck. It didn’t turn out so well.” “Actually, the job is more along the lines of carrying the apples, rather than picking them. It takes awhile for us to put the apples in the wagon, but with your hands, it would certainly speed things up. What do you say?” It didn’t take much hesitance for me to say… “Yeah, sure. When do you want me to start?” “It’s not for a few weeks, but you can come on by anytime before then, so I can give you a tour of the farm.” “That sounds nice.” I said, “I’ll see you soon, then. I’m going to go get better now.” “Alright.” Applejack laughed, “You go on now, and get well soon.” I waved them all goodbye, as I exited the house, and soon the farm. Walking back to town, I thought about how nice it was of Applejack to offer me a job. I suppose that I must have done something right for her to let me have such a gig. It will sure beat sitting around Twilight’s house for most days doing squat. As I approached the entrance of town, I saw a large crowd gathered outside of Twilight’s house. On closer inspection, I saw them all either wearing hats, or brandishing cameras. They were asking a variety of questions simultaneously, so I didn’t know what they were asking about. Just then, one looked over and saw me. His eyes went wide on contact. “It’s him!” he yelled, “It’s the creature!” They all turned to me, and started to barrel towards me like a stampede. I had to act fast; the way to Twilight’s was blocked. The only area that wasn’t obscured by ponies was that bakery that Twilight mentioned. Fighting the pain, and dropping the bag of ice, I booked it over to the establishment, dived right in, closed the door and locked it shut. “Hey Matt! How’s it going?” I heard Pinkie Pie’s voice behind me. I turned around to see her giving a grey Pegasus a box of blueberry muffins. “Why did you lock the door?” “Pinkie! You have to help me! I….” I looked at the grey Pegasus, “Have we met?” “I hit you yesterday. I’m Derpy Hooves. Hi.” she said timidly. “Oh, hey. I’m Matt. Pleased to meet you.” I looked back at Pinkie, “I think there are reporters outside, asking questions!” “How do you know they are reporters?” “Is it true that you and Princess Luna are in a sexual relationship?!” one reporter said from behind the door. “Yep, those are reporters alright.” she looks at Derpy, “Here, take the back exit.” Derpy takes the box by the string at the top. “You think he’ll like it?” she asked. “Of course! Nopony can resist a box of muffins!” Pinkie assured her. I didn’t know what they were talking about, probably some relationship stuff with Derpy. That’s cool I guess, but it wasn’t helping me with my predicament. After she left, Pinkie gestured to me to walk over to her, telling me that the door can hold back the savage reporters at bay. “Look at you, Mr. Popular!” she said, “Only here two days and already the town is swarming all over you!” “Don’t they have anything better to do? I don’t even know Princess Luna!” “They’re always like that. One time, they thought Twilight and Rainbow Dash were dating. It’s so silly! Come with me, I could use your help with something.” Pinkie went to the front door, flipping the Open sign to Closed, then walking to the kitchen. I followed her inside to see a stack of baking ingredients on the table. “What do you need help with?” “I’m making cupcakes!” she said, grabbing a frighteningly large knife. “Gah! What’s with the knife?!” “To cut the lemons, silly!” she says, cutting a couple lemons. “I’m making lemon cupcakes for Fluttershy’s birthday, and I need a little help. Can you read off the ingredients for me?” “Oh. Yeah sure.” I grabbed the book titled The Big Book of Cupcakes, and searched through it for the recipe that Pinkie was looking for. Once I found it, it was fairly smooth sailing. The author wrote the book in cursive, so some words were hard to read, but I got the hang of it on closer inspection. Whatever ingredients weren’t present, I helped Pinkie find them. As I was finding the final ingredients to make the cupcakes, I heard her singing a jaunty tune about making cupcakes. It was so catchy; I got the strange feeling that I was going to get that stuck in my head for a very long time. “What is that?” I asked. “It’s just a little song I sing, everytime I make cupcakes. You like it?” “I kind of do. How does it go?” She sang it to me in full. Now it was definitely going to get stuck in my head. Thinking about it now, it still is. “That’s about it!” she exclaimed, “Thanks for the help, Matt!” “No problem. Is it okay that you closed the store, because of me?” “Of course! It was a slow day today, and I needed the time to make these cupcakes. So, you showed up at the perfect time!” I looked around, noting that everything felt less like a bakery, and more like a home that had a store inside it. “Does anyone live here?” “Yep. I live on the top floor, while Mr. and Mrs. Cake, along with the twins, live here. It’s a bakery, and a home all in one! Isn’t it fancypants?” “Yeah, that’s pretty neat actually. The rent must be killer on it.” “I get to stay here for free, silly billy! As long as I run the store when they’re gone, it’s no trouble at all!” “They won’t be mad that it’s closed now, will they?” “Nah. Besides, I have a good excuse. Hand me the flour, would you?” I give her the flour, which she pours all of it into the mixing bowl. She stirs it furiously, till it tuned into cupcake batter. “Are the reporters still outside?” I look over at the front door. The shouting silhouettes are still there. “Yep, they’re still there.” “Oki doki loki. Wanna try the batter?” she hands over a spatula. “How are you holding that?” I asked. “We can always do this! You never noticed?” “But...you have hooves.” “I know, it’s a mystery to me too! You wanna try the batter or not?” Not one to miss out on the opportunity to try cake batter, I took the spatula, and had a taste. I’ve had lemon cupcakes before, but none of that prepared me for the sweetness of that batter. Even in its incomplete form, it was surprisingly delicious. An audible ‘Mmmmmm’ was produced from me, and Pinkie started to giggle, happy that I thought it was delicious. “Well, that’s good enough for me.” she said, putting the batter into the cupcake tray, and placing it in the oven. “Now, to take care of those reporters.” She brushed past me, and went to the front door. She motioned for me to hide, and I did just that. I heard the door open, followed by the sound of flashing cameras, and more incoherent questions. “Hi!” she said. “Where is he?!” one reporter said, “Where’s the creature?” “I don’t know, I…OH MY GOSH! THERE HE IS!” she shouts. I then heard the reporters stampede away from Sugar Cube Corner. “Okay, Matt. They’re gone.” I emerged from my hiding spot. “What did you point at to get them to leave?” “At some random bush; they’ll believe anything these days.” We both shared a good laugh at that. I stuck around until the cupcakes were finished. When the timer went off, I took the baked good out. I assisted Pinkie in putting the frosting on it, making sure that every cupcake had an even amount of frosting on it. She noted that one time, Twilight went a little nuts, and messed with the frosting on the cupcakes, to the point where there was only a drop of it present. It was hard to imagine Twilight going crazy like that, but stranger things have happened. With two extra cupcakes made, we both had our own final taste test. It was even more delectable baked, than it was in batter form. Both me and Pinkie let out a ‘MMmmmmmm’ at the same time. “You were right. It was delicious!” she said, “Thanks for helping me with the baking, and for the entertainment before then.” “Anytime.” I said, “When’s Fluttershy’s birthday, anyway?” “It’s not for a few months. I just wanted to bake cupcakes with you. See you later!” She bounced back into the kitchen, once again, leaving me dumbfounded that she did that. I couldn’t be mad at her though, doing something as mundane as making cupcakes felt like a fun experience with Pinkie around. I walked back to Twilight’s with nary a reporter in sight. The pain I was feeling is now gone, though I anticipated it was going to make a return the next morning. Opening the door, I was greeted by Twilight and Spike, waiting for me. “Where have you been?” Twilight said, “I was worried sick! Also, there were all these reporters around, asking questions…” “I’m okay, Twilight. After visiting Applejack, I had to hide over at Sugar Cube Corner to get away from the reporters.” “Thank goodness.” she went over to me, giving me a big hug. After a couple seconds, I heard her sniffing. “Why do you smell of dirt and cake batter?” “It’s a long story.” I chuckled, “I think now, I’m going to take a bath, and have a nice rest.” “Okay.” Twilight let me go. I was walking over to the bathroom, when she stopped me again. “Matt, wait.” I turned back around. “About what you told me, yesterday. The story about where you came from.” I knew the jig was up, She saw through my story, and now I was really going to get it. I had my apology ready to go. “Twilight, I…” “It’s okay.” she said, stopping whatever speech I had planned. “I knew what you were telling me wasn’t true. Well…not entirely anyway.” “You knew? How?” “The books at the library we went to. I read a couple of them, when I was searching for ones about portals. Also, a few of the books at your apartment had some useful information as well. I started to have an inkling, once you got to the Abe Lincoln vampire hunter bit. I read that back in Manhattan. That was fun.” She smirked. “You’re...you’re not mad at me?” “Of course not. I just wanted to see what you were going to say. I have to say, it was pretty enjoyable listening to you spin a yarn like that.” “But, don’t you think I’m stupid now?” “Why in the world would I think that? You may not be super smart, but stupid? Not in a million years.” “What about your book?” She looks back at her journal. She shrugs with a smile. “I think readers would prefer legends to the truth. Besides, when you were gone, I added in some facts, just to spice it up a bit. You’ve given the ponies something to talk about, once they read this book.” Thinking about all the guilt I was carrying for most of the day, I let it all out with a hearty laugh. “You have no idea how much better I feel, Twi. Thank you.” “You’re welcome. But, now I want to ask you something, and you need to be honest with me this time.” “Sure, anything.” “Tell me why you smell of dirt and cake batter, and I don’t care how long the story is.” I shook my head, smiling. She and Spike sat down on the couch, awaiting my tale of mishaps, misunderstandings, and baked goods. “Okay. I’ll tell you, and this time, it’ll be the absolute truth.”