Rainbow Dash's Fruity Escapades

by nobodyreallyimportant

Fruit Loops for the Poor?

Rainbow Dash snorted and rolled over to face away from her window. The sun was streaming in and hitting her in the face, heedless of her desire to continue sleeping. After a few moments of this, Dash gave up the fight and rolled out of her bed. She blearily opened her eyes and looked around the bedroom of her cloud home, sighing at the huge mess that had accumulated. Dash took a moment to ponder why her room had laundry strewn across it when she didn't even wear clothes before giving up that mental battle. She got to her hooves and plodded out into the short hallway leading to her underused kitchen.

Dash bumped into the counter on her way in, blinking at it in confusion. Who put that in her way? She shook her head and went over to the cabinet with the only thing that she cared about in the mornings. She pulled it open to reveal a box of Fruit Loops. She grinned and pulled out the box, thinking about how amazing it will be to eat some of...

She frowned, something wasn’t right. She gently shook the box, expecting to hear the comforting noise of delicious, rainbow colored, fruit flavored loops rattling around inside of it, only to be met with a soft hissing noise instead. The box felt far too light to be holding the object of her sleep-addled desires. Her slightly bloodshot eyes opened wide and she set the box on the counter from earlier. Dash opened the flap at the top of the box and peered inside.

Despite her best efforts, she could not make out her beloved Fruit Loops within the darkness of the box. With a growing sense of horror, she pulled out a bowl and upended the box into it. A pile of multicolored, sugary dust poured out into the bowl, cementing the fact that her planned breakfast was not going to happen today.

Moments later, a bloodcurdling scream echoed out from Rainbow Dash’s home, sending clouds of birds flying for miles around.

Spike tottered down the stairs leading to the main room of the library. He had gotten up to prepare Twilight and himself some breakfast, like any good number one assistant should. He made his way around the sleeping form of his guardian. Judging by the piles of books around her, Twilight had gone on another of her study binges and passed out on the library floor. Spike sighed, knowing that he would have to clean up all of it later, and made his way to the kitchen.

He pulled the step ladder out from its niche and set it up. Spike raised his foot to get onto the bottom step before he was struck by a sudden sense of foreboding. He looked around, seeing nothing out of place in the kitchen. He leaned back to peer into the main room, seeing nothing save for a pile of books and a purple foreleg. Spike jumped when it abruptly twitched before Twilight rolled over, sighing in her sleep. Spike shook his head; shame on him for being afraid of nothing. What would Rarity think? He clambered up the ladder and pulled a red box out of the cabinet.

With a loud crash accompanied by the tinkle of falling glass shards, Rainbow Dash smashed through the kitchen window. Surprised by the violent entry, Spike tumbled off the stepladder, sending the box flying through the air and dumping out its contents all over the room. Billowing clouds of white powder obscured Dash’s gaze until, with a hollow cardboard-on-tile noise, the box clattered down onto the floor in front of her. She bent down to read the label on the box. the bright and cheerful label read... Pony Crocker. Dash screamed in frustration and stomped on the box.

Spike, coughing miserably, stumbled out of the cloud of pancake mix that filled the kitchen. He stopped short when Dash thrust her face into his. “I... Need... Fruit Loops! Where are they!?!” Spike could do nothing but gape in astonishment at her appearance- her eyes were bloodshot and her fur was matted and filthy. Her chromatic mane seemed less colorful somehow and looked like even more of a mess than it usually was. Rainbow Dash had a crazed look in her eyes that told Spike that he had better answer, and fast.

“Uhh... R- Rarity might have them, I know that Sweetie Belle had them yesterday,” Spike stammered nervously. Her stare was really beginning to unnerve him. Dash blinked slowly.

“Of course...” She unceremoniously tossed Spike aside and shuffles towards the broken window, trancelike. She leapt out of it and began flying to the Carousel Boutique. Spike stayed on the floor where Rainbow Dash had tossed him, curled up in a state of shock. He heard a thump from the next room, followed by a feminine grunt.

Twilight drowsily poked her head into the kitchen. “Spike? What’s goin- OH SWEET CELESTIA!” She rushed into the room, only to slip on the discarded pancake mix box and fall into a pile of the off white powder.

Rainbow Dash flew at high speeds, zipping past countless ponies in her quest to retrieve some cereal. Her reckless flying eventually sent her past the apple stand of a familiar mare, who shook her hoof angrily at the pegasus when the stand’s wares fell over. It wasn’t until Sweetie Belle, who was sadly trotting along the path, was caught in her crosshairs did she stop. The full-grown mare nearly tackled the filly, landing right next to her with a nefarious gaze. Sweetie Belle smiled and waved a hoof happily.

“Hi Rainbow Dash, how are you?”

“Not now kid! Do you guys have Fruit Loops over at your house?”

Sweetie Belle’s mood instantly became forlorn, “No... We ran out yesterday and the market didn’t have any either.”

Rainbow Dash snapped her right hoof and began pacing, “Drat! What’m I going to now? I need that cereal!”

“You could always see if Princess Celestia has some!”

The rainbow mare looked down at Sweetie Belle with confusion, “Why would she have any?”

“Well, she is the Princess and her mane is like a fruity rainbow, sort of.”

“Hmm...” Rainbow Dash responded, rubbing a hoof against her chin in thought.

It was a plausible idea, though risky. She would have to outrun all of the guards and somehow break into the Royal Court, where she’d ask Celestia for some Fruit Loops and hopefully be able to escape with the goods before more guards came to arrest her. It was a plan that was all too risky, and that was just how she liked it. Rainbow Dash grinned at the thought of her fan club bubbling over the news of her feat. It was going to be easy, definitely.

“Thanks kid! I gotta go visit the Princess now!”

Sweetie Belle waved once again, smiling at the mare as she flew off again, not realizing what she had caused with her simple suggestion. Though, it was all perfectly innocent. At first.

Princess Celestia sighed in contentment and relaxed back in her early morning bath. She was never really certain why she liked having them right after she rose the sun, though Luna had some conspiracy theory that she would spontaneously combust if she missed it. Celestia snorted, sending some bubbles spiraling across the tub, “What an absurd notion.”

Still though, it was getting later in the morning and court was going to begin soon. There were a few visiting dignitaries that she wanted to make a good impression on, and starting the morning right was the first step to doing so. She got up, water dripping from her sodden pink mane and tail, and stepped out of the tub. She grabbed her oversized towel with magic and brought it to her when she paused. She looked around, still holding the towel aloft. Seeing nopony in the large bathroom -Celestia really thought that it was more of a bathsuite than a regular bathroom- She poked her head into her bedroom. Nope, nopony there either. She took a second glance, just to be safe, before going back into the bathroom and shutting the door, dropping the towel in the process.

She stood in the center of the room and began shaking herself like a dog, grinning widely and sending water droplets all over the bathroom. After a while of this, she was mostly dry and stopped. She looked around the now soaked bathroom and smirked. That would show that snooty new maid that had gotten her favorite cereal wrong the other day. Sure, it was petty, but Celestia loved Cocoa Puffs to death. She thought it was the grandest thing since sliced bread or the latest Daring Doo novel.

A short while later, she walked out onto her balcony and settled onto the small chaise lounge set up for her. Her horn glowed and she pulled the bowl of cereal that was waiting on the table to her. The sight of the little brown spheres resting in the bowl brought a delighted smile to her lips. It seemed a more senior member of the staff had had a talk with that new maid.

Celestia picked up a flagon of milk and poured some into her bowl of Cocoa Puffs, deciding that this was going to be a good morning after all.

...

Out of nowhere, a blue blur with a prismatic trail streaming out behind it slammed into her, sending the chaise lounge through the sliding glass door to her apartments and knocking the large bowl of Cocoa Puffs up into the air, eventually landing cereal first on her face. Under the bowl that was now balanced on her muzzle, she wondered what had happened and why karma had decided to get back at her for making the huge mess in the bathroom in retaliation. Her thoughts were interrupted by a crazed voice. “Where are they?! I know you have them here somewhere!”

Celestia wondered who could be so insane as to attack her of all people. “Who are you and what do you think you are doing, my little pony?” She tried to sound threatening, but it just wouldn't work with lying her on her back a bowl of cereal stuck to her nose, soggy chocolatey spheres of goodness going to waste in her mane, and brownish milk pooling around her head.

Her mysterious assailant didn’t seem to care about all that, though. “I know that you’ve got Fruit Loops around here somewhere! Where are they!?” Celestia woofed as the assailant dropped her full weight onto Celestia’s middle, knocking her breath away.

Celestis gasped for a few moments, trying to get a breath of air. “I don’t... know why... you would want... those nasty Fruit Loops... anyway, even if I did have any here.” She finally got her breath back and rolled over, reversing the pin her assailant had on her. “You... Rainbow Dash?” Celestia blinked in shock at her appearance. The mare looked like she had spent a week hungover after falling asleep in a grind mill during a crazy party. Celestia didn’t really want to think about that right now, though.

Dash fairly snarled as she struggled in Celestia’s grip. “Give me some Fruit Loops!”

Celestia frowned. “Wouldn’t you rather like some Cocoa Puffs? They are much better than those nasty Fruit Loops, after all.” She smiled at Dash, intending to forgive her if she accepted her offer.

Rainbow Dash snorted derisively. “Cocoa Puffs are nasty little mini horseapples. Fruit Loops is where it’s at.” Celestia’s pupils shrank to little pinpricks at that.

A moment later, Dash was launched out of an expensive stained- glass window with her wings tied to her sides by a spare sheet. Celestia walked up to it a moment afterwards. “YEAH! How’s THAT for your Fruit Loops!” She did a little victory dance until another voice interrupted her.

“Your Majesty, the dignitaries are here to see you now.” A portly butler said as he stuck his head around the door to her sitting room. “Are you read- Oh dear.” The butler glanced behind him at the impatient griffon ambassador and the small press crew accompanying them. “It... Uhhh... The Princess is rather-”

“Just let us in, little pony!” The griffon ambassador snarled. “I haven't had my coffee this morning and I,” he shoved the butler out of the way and threw open the door, “am not in the mood for shenanigans. Now, Celestia wha-” He broke off and stared in shock at the bedraggled princess who was covered in some sort of brownish liquid substance and little soggy balls of the same color and had a slightly insane gleam in her eye. “WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?” the griffon ambassador thundered.

The maniacal glint disappeared from Celestia’s eyes at that. She looked around at the wrecked room and her filthy self. “Eh heh heh heh... Oh, this can be explained, I assure you.” She was blinded as the reporters following the ambassador broke in past him and began snapping pictures and barraging her with questions.

She could already see the next headlines: Princess Caught in Cereal-tastrophie.

Rainbow Dash, being made from some of the hardiest stuff available in the universe, smashed into the side of a car without much injury. She shook the stars from her head and leaped out of the metal contraption. The sheets tied around her wings were bitten off and tossed to the ground instantly, giving her back her much-needed freedom. Her neck was cracked both ways and she was off to pursue another endeavor of finding Fruit Loops. However, she stopped abruptly once she noticed the change in scenery.

Tall shadows were cast over the area from enormous buildings, with shafts of sunlight peeking over their heads. The orangey color coupled with the brisk air meant only one thing, and that it was somehow still morning despite her explicitly remembering it had been past noon when she saw Celestia.

“Drat,” she muttered, flicking her wings in annoyance, “What just happened?”

As much as she wanted to question all the metal objects whizzing by and standing stationary near her, she quickly tapped into her Rainbow Sense -specially evolved to find the nearest Fruit Loops box- and picked up the delicious, flavor-packed smell of the one and only, much anticipated, highly treasured, incredibly desired and absolutely amazing Fruit Loops. Her wings instantly sprung out along with her tongue, which salivated at the thought of getting those precious hoops of heaven. Rainbow Dash shook her head furiously and snarled.

“Back on track!” she shouted loud enough for the neighbors to hear.

Sniffing the air, she came upon steps, which led to a door, that allowed entry into a house that provided sanctuary to the Fruit Loops. Nearly every ounce of her body, almost every fiber of her being demanded she buck down the door and ravage the inside until she got what she wanted. But somehow, control prevailed, and she simply knocked her hoof against the wooden door.

Nothing.

The pegasus began slamming her hoof harder until eventually, a tired-looking creature opened it. It looked down at her for a second, then back up, lower once again, then to the sky, than at her one last time.

“What?”

Rainbow Dash flew upwards, meeting his eyes, “Hey buster, I smell you got Fruit Loops in your house!” She forced an innocent smile, “Mind sharing some?”

There was a long silence. She looked both ways, sweat beginning to drip down her head as her resolve was slowly slipping away. She knew she could totally take down whatever this thing was, but that probably wouldn’t be the brightest idea... yet. The creature blinked slowly, eyelids flapping like the laziest butterflies anyone had ever seen.

“Hmm? What?” It muttered, turning around suddenly and walking away.

Rainbow Dash watched as it just fancied itself away from her, leaving her hanging. Though, the door was open. A devilish smile was on her face in an instant and she slammed the door shut once she was within the confines of the house. She snickered and sniffed her way to the kitchen, where the ape-thing that let her in seemed to be blankly staring at the wall, eating cereal at a snail’s pace. In fact, it was so slow, that the milk held in the spoon was mostly spilled on the way to its mouth. Rainbow Dash watched in extreme interest as several more spoons went up and down.

She flew up just a foot to see the Fruit Loops in the bowl only to find it completely empty, “Hey! What’s the big idea?”

It looked down at the bowl, then at the spoon, then back at bowl, and lastly, at Rainbow Dash, “... What?”

“There’s no cereal in there!” She shouted. “What kind of joke is that?”

The mare was surprised when it suddenly stood up, headed to a cupboard, and pulled out the only thing in the universe that could make her quake in her hooves. A splendid box, not even opened yet! The Fruit Loops, a gallon of milk, and another bowl and spoon were on the table in a few seconds. By this point, she was hyperventilating in anticipation, nearly swooning over the multi-colored hoops. Rainbow Dash licked her lips and watched as all the items came together to create the single most perfect thing in existence: a bowl of Fruit Loops.

“Hmm...” It hummed, sitting back down and eating from its own bowl again.

She did the same and sat there, wings sprung out at the sight of what she had finally been waiting for. It was beautiful, amazing even! Possibly even both!

The mare wiped away a tear, “It’s beautiful! Or amazing! Or both!”

The creature watched as she dunked her face forward, slobbering all over the table and sending milk flying everywhere. It remained at its own pace, slowly eating despite the carnage going on right in front of it. Rainbow Dash, for her credit, managed to devour all of the Loops in only a few seconds flat, but that didn’t stop her hunger just yet.

“More!” She shouted, slamming her hoof against the table. “I want more!”

As was requested, more cereal and milk was dumped in her bowl, which was quickly emptied in retaliation. This went on for quite a while and no breaks were had from either. Dash smacked its hand away and grabbed the box, shoving her muzzle inside and further ending the glory inside. She pressed the jug of milk to her mouth and guzzled as much as possible to wash down the dry hoops, yet she still munched them down with a voracious appetite. And then, all the fun ended.

The box fell to the floor. Her eyes widened, tears forming at the corners, “Th-They’re all gone...” Her eyes flicked downwards, “... Except for those.”

Rainbow Dash immediately snatched the bowl from the strange creature and decimated what was contained within, leaving it with nothing to have for breakfast. Though, it didn’t seem to notice anyway. The lazy mare reclined back in her chair and sighed. Her stomach was distended and bulging slightly from her gluttonous pursuit of fruitfully-colored cereal, her mind was at ease, but both were beyond satisfied.

“Oh buck, that was good...”

The creature suddenly glared at her, “You dumb cunt! You ate all my cereal, bitch! Now...” She looked up to him as he licked his lips, “you have to repay me, and I think you know how...”

She gulped and looked at the viewer, shrugging, “Zoinks!”

THE END

Hello reader, it is my pleasure to bring to you this short collaboration between Stillmatic and me. I do hope you enjoyed it.

-Nori