//------------------------------//
// Chapter 3 
// Story: A Discordant Tale 
// by piedol 
//------------------------------//

	Chapter 3

After a silent three minute ascent up the spiral staircase of the tower, we emerged onto a flat open-roofed observation deck with various telescopes and astronomical instruments scattered about. There were also a couple tables with what looked like star maps laid out across them, and several messy quills and ink stains beside them that told me Luna did more than just admire the pretty lights. I had never had much of an interest in astronomy beyond appreciating just how small I was in comparison to it all, but that didn't stop me from whistling at the sheer amount of effort she plainly put into it. 

"So, what do you think? My observatory is pretty... 'nifty' as the saying goes, is it not?" Luna asked me in a tone that was suddenly uncharacteristically less commanding, and far more casual. I was so taken aback by her sudden change in personality that I forgot to even answer the question.

Upon seeing my confused expression, she chuckled and quickly dispatched any forming fears of her being bipolar, "I apologize for the impression I've given you of myself thus far. While performing my official duties, especially before Canterlotian citizens, I must do my best to appear regal, so as to maintain the public standard set for the Royal Sisters. Judging by your expression, I'd say I was doing to fine job of it. Rest assured, in more private quarters, I'm far less abrasive."

I'd already known she was making an attempt to adopt the more modern style of speech that the nation currently used, which is why I was slightly surprised that she had been speaking in her somewhat old fashioned way at first, and then surprised even moreso when she had gone back to talking the way I'd expected afterwards. Still, I couldn't very well let her know that I knew all about her trip to Ponyville two Nightmare Nights ago, or her thousand years of exile. I was nothing but a hapless alien caught up in Discord's game of chaos with the rulers of this world, as far as she knew, and I had to keep up the act. That aside, I didn't exactly have much choice, considering that she had yet to remove the lie detecting charm on me.

"Uh... Sure. I did find it strange that you were using such an old-fashioned method of speech." I told her, being careful of how far I stretched the truth.

"Well, you see, that's because..." She trailed off, and several emotions played across her features in the space of that pause--Sadness, regret, determination, confidence--but she eventually settled for a wistful glance towards the night sky, plainly visible through the glass roof of the observatory. This glance became a longing stare that lasted several seconds before she decided to finish her statement, "I have failed as a ruler once in the past. My penance for it was a different kind of exile than what Discord has earned himself. I've been away for so long that... I often find myself acting on rules of conduct long since obsolete. I'm learning quickly though, so please don't think too much of my behavioral flaws." She gave me an assuring smile. Clearly she'd had yet to completely come to terms with her banishment after becoming Nightmare Moon, but she was getting there. It seemed I wasn't the only one skirting the truth in the conversation.

Her eyes suddenly widened and her mouth made an 'O' of surprise, which was strange for me to wrap my head around coming from a pony as I wasn't yet totally used to three-dimensional, fantasy come-to-life land of Equestria.

"You just said 'old-fashioned', didn't you?" She asked.

"That I did." I confirmed. "Why?"

She began rattling on, sounding more like she was talking to herself than me, "You said you found it strange that my method of speech wasn't exactly modern, which is interesting, since you're not from here, hence you wouldn't know what the generally accepted social practices are without a frame of reference. Having you both understand and speak our language is one thing, but the only way you could have had that frame of reference would have been if your own race is currently in a similar era to our own. Thus I can assume that aside from racial differences, our societies would be very much alike in terms of technologies used, cultural practices, and laws. Am I still on track here?"

I took a few seconds to respond as my lagging brain caught up with her train of thought, "Er... I suppose. I... Can't say what laws or, um, cultural practices you, uh, ponies might have, seeing as I'm not totally familiar with this land and all. Still, the technology I can see from, well, around me here," I vaguely gestured to the various observational equipment around the lab, "seems relatively modern."

Think Luna and Twilight might be related?

For the sake of my slipping sanity, I sure hope not.

"Relatively?" She echoed with a frown, "You mean it's still behind the Human race's current advances?"

I hesitated, but ultimately nodded.

"I see. Well, I hope it wouldn't be too untoward to ask you to share some of the details with me? I mean, you're practically a window into another reality for me, no offense intended. Just think of all the potential advancements you could bring to Equestria!" She performed a less than regal hop of glee as her scientific curiosity got the better of her.

Oh boy...

Wait! You can use your knowledge to earn her favor. This is a good thing!

It's a shame I don't know jack-shit about how half the stuff back on Earth works, though.

You may not know anything, but I do. I've got access to each and every one of your memories. They never go away, you just forget about them till something reminds you. All those hours of Discovery Channel will finally be useful for something other than impressing your parents and randomly showing up classmates with irrelevant and unimportant facts!

Whatever you say then. While we're at it, I just thought of a way to get rid of this charm. Don't block the signals it sends this time.

"Well," I began, making sure to choose my words carefully, "I suppose that if I'm going to be staying here from now on, I might as well be of some use to you. I mean, I really think you deserve the effort, considering the reality of my circumstances."

The moment the lie left my mouth, my head reared itself back and let loose a violent sneeze. I hadn't even fully finished exhaling before I found myself inhaling for another. Luna stepped back in surprise, looking at me with more confusion than she any right displaying, seeing as she'd put the spell in place to begin with. It was only seconds later, when I was on the ground with my eyes and nose running freely as I struggled to contain my sudden sneezing fit, that she gasped as her eyes widened in recognition.

"What's achoo going wheeze on?!" I demanded between the forced sneezes.

Luna closed her eyes and her horn flashed for the briefest of instants, and the sneezing immediately eased, though my sinuses still itched considerably. I didn't make any rush to move from my position on the ground though, milking my torment for all it was worth as I continued to gasp unnecessarily.

"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!" she sincerely told me, "I had put a truth spell on you as a precaution earlier, to make sure you didn't mean us any harm, but it completely slipped my mind once you mentioned Discord. I had no intentions of hurting you, honestly! Please find it within yourself to forgive me for once again causing you unnecessary grievance. It was also wrong of me to ask you to share information regarding your world after you were so cruelly snatched from it. If it's all the same to you, I'll forget I ever made such a selfish and disrespectful request." She bowed her head low, refusing to meet my eyes. The guards standing at the entrance to the room, a little ways behind her, looked absolutely stunned at her behavior, but wisely made no comment. Their sagging jaws did the speaking for them.

I made no effort to prevent the grin that spread across my face, because nobody--or pony--in the room could see it with my head still hanging into my hands.

Just how many times do you intend to keep guilt-tripping her, mister brony?

It's her or me. Can't forget that, right?

Despite my half-hearted justification, the grin shifted into a grimace as I myself felt the inevitable onset of guilt and shame. Luna had never really hurt me. Sure, she had threatened to do so at first, but that was only because she had a duty to perform for the sake of her race. What was wrong with me, for me to take even a small amount of pleasure in watching her  beg forgiveness for imagined slights?

"It's okay!" I blurted, if only a little more hastily than I would have liked to, "You do what you have to, I can understand that, and even appreciate it. Don't feel ashamed because you don't hesitate when it comes to doing what's necessary." I reached out to offer a comforting pat on the head, but couldn't bring myself to complete the motion, instead letting my hand fall lamely to my side before she could notice I'd even considered making the gesture to begin with.

Still, she slowly lifted her eyes and gave me a look more thankful than anything I'd ever had the honor of receiving from anyone. For the first time since my arrival and relative roller coaster ride to the Princess, I had a good chance to really focus on a pony's features. Between her large, shining eyes, reserved smile, and laid back ears, I found myself in absolute awe at just how expressive these creatures could be despite our physical differences.

"Thank you," she said, breaking a silence that had lasted for a much shorter time than I felt had passed. "I brought you here tonight so that I could both keep an eye on you and learn more about your race. I suppose I got carried away with the latter. I still have to wait for a report concerning the matter of the supposedly injured guards before I next decide what to do about your situation, but I personally don't think you deserve any further interrogation." She gestured a wing towards a row of benches and sofa along the edge of the observatory, "Please make yourself comfortable, or feel free to make use of my equipment and learn something of this unfamiliar world. I will trouble you no further tonight."

I waited till she had begun to turn away, presumably to return to the stargazing or whatever she had been doing before the whole fiasco forced her away from it. Then in the most hesitant voice I could manage, I called out, "Wait."

She turned to me again, her expression unreadable.

"Yes?"

"If you really want to learn about my Earth, I wouldn't mind sharing. I've got nothing more to lose, right? But in return, I want you to promise me one thing."

An enthusiastic smile had spread across her face upon hearing my words, and it did not falter even as I stated that my information had a price.

"And that would be?" She inquired cheerfully.

"A home, to make up for the one I lost."

And there goes the smile again. Do you get off on this or something?

If making her feel indebted to me is what it takes, then so be it.

"Ah," She sighed to herself, almost inaudibly, "I see. A reasonable request, and one you are most definitely entitled to. Consider it done. You are more than welcome to stay on the Palace grounds for the duration of your indefinite stay."

Success!

"Glad to hear it," I reply with a smile. "Now that that's out of the way, you wanted to learn about technology from my world?"

She nodded eagerly, quill and paper floating over and taking up position beside her as she leaned in with rapt attention.

Let's start with the telescopes. Tell me what I know about their structural changes throughout history and match the tech here with the corresponding era back in my world.

Aye aye! Well, for starters...

"Well, for starters our current models of telescopes are more conical in shape, tending to be wider towards the top. This is because we make use of thicker lenses that focus the light..."

***

"... which is why humans prefer to use electronic means to record their data, as opposed to old fashioned pen and paper." I finished the latest of over twenty relatively in-depth descriptions of modern human technology. My throat was on fire and my eyes heavy, yet Luna was as energetic as she had been when I began my picture-less documentary.

"With each new invention you describe," Luna commented, "I wonder more and more why it is that ponies are so fixated on these inefficient methods of dealing with daily issues. If we focused less on the use of magic, and more on improving the mundane tools currently at our disposal, there would be more of a social balance between Unicorns, Pegasi and Earth Ponies. This knowledge is potentially revolutionary!"

Princess or not, there was no denying the scientist in the pony before me. As interesting as learning her true nature was, it was anything but favorable to me at the moment. Halfway through my explanation of the internet several hours prior, one of her guards had granted me a brief reprieve by interrupting me to report what the two newly awakened ponies involved in the earlier altercation had to say. Alas, poor Leeroy had nobody to vouch for him when he had mentioned the snake, and he was put on temporary leave to recover from what they had dubbed a nervous breakdown. The moment Luna had made a decision on the matter and dismissed the guard to deliver her word, however, she had launched yet another flurry of questions and requests at me with redoubled variety and detail, making me wonder if she had been thinking them up while simply pretending to pay attention to the situation of the potentially injured guards.

"Yeah, that's great,” I said with whatever sincerity I could still muster, “Can I sleep now? Preferably somewhere away from all this light?" The hand I had been using to block out the glare from the rising sun--painfully visible through the glass dome covering the observatory--was beginning to shake with exertion.

"In a minute," she used the same off-handed (off-hoofed?) statement she'd made dozens of times throughout the night in response to my many, many repetitions of the very same request, "I want to hear more about those 'cell phones' you mentioned."

I groaned under my breath.

Make it stop. I can’t take much more of this.

This is funny to watch. Right now, I'm just trying to guess how much longer you can keep this up before you snap or pass out. An hour? Five minutes?

I hate you more than words can describe...

"Cell phones," I began to grumble, "or mobiles, as they're commonly called, became a main part of modern society in recent years because of an increased need for-"

"Wait."

My eyes widened in surprise at Luna's words. Had she just told me to stop? Oh sweet muffins YES! I gratefully collapsed into the couch behind me, which I had purposefully been avoiding doing so that I didn't make myself comfortable enough to fall asleep on her.

"Sorry to cut you off, but we have some important company approaching. You're about to meet my dearest sister Celestia, 'Princess' to you. She'll doubtless be coming to find out why I'm still stargazing when sun is up. For all I know, she could probably have received word of your arrival. In any case, she's ascending the stairs as we speak, and you'll need to make a good first impression, so look alive!" She gave me an encouraging smile, to which I did nothing but stare at her incredulously.

Look alive? I'd been up from seven in the morning back on my Earth, then killed at five, been introduced to a reality several orders of magnitude larger than I had ever known existed, learned magic through the equivalent of having it force-fed to me, then shoved into Equestria an hour or two later, yet somehow arrived at midnight, used the magic I'd so recently learnt for the first time ever, gotten my ass handed to me by a group of buff ponies, met a living goddess, been forced to stay up till dawn explaining human culture in far more detail than I myself had ever cared to go into, and now I had a fast approaching meeting with her elder sister, who just happened to control the freaking Sun. She wanted me to look alive?! I had to bite my tongue just to prevent myself from launching a verbal assault that I don't doubt would have set her impeccable blue mane aflame with the raw force of my anger alone.

Instead I simply nodded and tried to get what little rest I could before Celestia arrived. Luna accepted my silence as compliance and headed towards the door leading to and from the stairs. As I closed my eyes, I requested that Casper notify me when she was close, so that I could at least try and... 'look alive', regardless of how I really felt.

I started hearing voices as I drifted in and out of focus. I wasn't sure if I was experiencing the onset of a dream, or actually hearing a conversation. Random bits and phrases made it through the haze surrounding my mind though, "Good morning... Glad to hear... Put on probation... Called a human...Right over there... Interesting... Mentioned Discord... Joseph. Joseph, can you hear me?"

"Ugh, mom, stop it..." I swatted at her in a desperate attempt to cling to my Saturday morning sleep. She was always waking me up too early.

"Mom? Joseph, I think you're confused. This is Luna."

I cracked an eye open in irritation, too tired to make sense of my mother's rambling. "What? Lun- AAAAAAHHH!"

"AAAAAAAAHHH!" Luna leapt back in surprised, mirroring my scream with a somehow more official sounding shriek.

I bolted upright on the couch, suddenly wide awake from the fear-induced adrenaline rush, "Holy friggin crap, what the hell?! You- You're not my mom!"

The Princess was still panting from the fright I had given her, and gave me an annoyed look, "No, I most certainly am not your mother. Was it really too much to ask that you remain awake for the two meager minutes it took for me to greet my sister?"

Only one thing she had stead caught my still attention, "Too much too ask? No. I'll tell you what's too much to ask; Having to spend all freaking night giving you several back to back, impromptu lectures on the advancements of my race! Not being allowed to get even one second of shut-eye because you just have to know meaningless shit like how humans discovered electricity, or how the internet was developed. That's too much to ask. I'm just one guy, not a friggin robot. I need my sleep, which you were more than happy to deprive me of! I don't care if you had to go and greet Celes... ti... a..."

I let my rant fall flat as I her words finally registered, and I suddenly became aware of a looming and radiant white form in the corner of my vision. Luna looked absolutely indignant at my statements, but a gentle 'Ahem' from beyond my range of sight silenced her before she could begin a retort.

Oh shit.

You dun goofed.

Slowly and with painful anticipation, I turned to my right. There, in all her regal glory, was Princess Celestia, giving me a look that seemed patient, but nonetheless made me feel like she was deciding if she should squash me with magic, or just use her hooves and save herself the effort. I shrank back with a nervous smile.

I thought I told you to let me know when she was close?

I would have if I'd sensed her. She's literally standing in front of you and I can't detect squat. It's as if she doesn't have an aura at all, which doesn’t even make any sense!

"Heh, um, it's a pleasure to meet you, Princess?" I weakly managed.

Pleaseohpleaseohplease don't kill me!

She merely raised an eyebrow and responded in a bemused tone,  “Are you? You sound unsure of the that."

Acting before I could outright offend her, I got on my knees and firmly restated my greeting, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Princess Celestia, Ma'am!"

I kept my head down, for fear of accidentally making eye contact with her. Luna was one thing, but Princess Celestia had the true decision making power. If Discord could be trusted to any extent, I would do well to watch my step around her. I waited for her to acknowledge my formal greeting and command me to introduce myself, because I watched a ton of fantasy movies with Kings and Queens, and according to those indisputable sources of information, they were all for that formality stuff. Her acknowledgment never came though, as she instead began to choke. I looked up, startled, only to realize that both she and her sister were doing their best to contain their laughter. Seeing my face did it for Luna though, and she broke out into a helpless fit of giggles. Celestia soon followed suit, albeit with slightly more grace. No matter how dainty she tried to make it sound though, the fact remained that both Princesses--the rulers of all Equestria and most powerful beings in the land--were having a good laugh at my expense. Even from the opposite end of the room, I swear I could make out twin smirks on the guards at the door. Feeling my face heat involuntarily, I hastily stood up once more.

Seeing me get flustered, Celestia forced herself to regain her composure, but was unable to suppress the smile that remained. She cleared her throat and Luna mimicked her actions, except her teeth were plainly visible as she openly and unashamedly grinned at me.

"Joseph, I know I told you to make a good impression and all, but you're slightly overdoing it," Luna explained.

"Judging from the way he's acting, I would almost think you've been filling his head with images of a tyrant ruler that would just as soon look at him as she would banish him," Celestia joked, then addressed me, "At ease, Joseph Human. Supreme Dictator Celestia is in a particularly non-tyrannizing mood today."

That brought on a new wave of laughs from Luna, but the white Alicorn controlled herself the second time around. I, on the other hand, was more irritated than amused. This was the older, deadly serious sister of Luna? This was the pony that an ancient Draconequus was so nervous of? She was no better than Luna! I didn't react though, still preferring to be safe rather than sorry. I simply stayed silent and waited for them to forget I'd ever made my error.

When they'd finished having their fun, again, Celestia was the first to speak, this time with a gentle smile on her face as opposed to the grin she had worn previously, "I sincerely apologize for my behavior, Joseph Human. It seems I'm the one guilty of making a bad first impression in this case. Let's start over, shall we?" She offered.

"Gladly," I muttered.

"As you should know, I am Princess Celestia. I rule Equestria during the daylight hours, while my sister takes control once the moon rises." She gestured a hoof towards me, "Your turn."

"Ah, well, my name is Joseph Palmyran. I am a human from an alternate Earth where my species reigns supreme and occupies much the same evolutionary spot that yours does here, and Equestria does not exist. Discord, after being banished from your world, started fooling around on mine. He plucked me from my home-world and sent me here, I'm supposing just because he had the power to do so."

"Really now?" She looked nowhere as shocked or upset as her sister had when she heard the same tale. "Is there any particular reason he sent just you and none afterwards?"

Crap, she's looking for details. Think fast!

"Well, he sort of tricked me into agreeing to play along with some vague scheme. Once he had my consent, he was able to pull me spiritually from my universe, after which he destroyed my original body and left me with no options other than to go where he sent me. It was either that or being trapped with him. I guess I was the first and only person dumb enough to fall for his trick."

"Don't be so quick to belittle yourself, Joseph. Discord's very nature is that of trickery and deceit. Had he wanted to send an army from your world, I have no doubt he would have found a way. What's a far more likely scenario to me is that he specifically chose you, and only you, to play some major or minor role in yet another of his plans against the peace and sanctity of Equestria." Celestia spoke casually, as if discussing the weather, but her eyes lost their benevolent gleam and took on one more cold and calculating as she continued, "There are now two possibilities for me to consider in the event that my guess accurate, which I will have to do for the sake of avoiding the most likely danger. Either you truly are a hapless victim caught up in his most recent scheme, or you're working alongside him, and simply following his guidance and attempting to earn our trust so that we would accept you into our society, allowing you to proceed unhindered in whatever plans he has laid out for you."

Holy shit.

Read like an open book. Wow.

Luna seemed surprised by her sister's suspicions, but could not argue their likelihood. She shrugged and gave me a look that told me she just didn't know what to think anymore.

I would have to get myself out of this one. No matter how accurate Celestia's assessment was, I had to prioritize my own safety over the preservation of Equestria.

Choosing my words carefully, I responded, "I'd say it's the former, but then again, that's exactly what his accomplice would say, isn't it? How do you plan on determining the truth? And what will you do once you find out?"

"Well, I would suggest a truth spell, but I suppose my sister would have already tried that, correct?" Luna nodded in confirmation. "So, how am I to proceed from here, is indeed the next question. Another truth spell would be redundant, if you managed to circumvent the first, and I dislike outright violent solutions. I suppose I shall simply have to banish you-"

"Oh crap NO!" I shouted, "No! Wait! Hold up! Aren't you being a bit hasty here? Don't I get a trial or something? Come on, you have to reconsider! What about-"

"... From Canterlot," She finished.

"Huh?" Both Luna and I exclaimed simultaneously.

"True, the safest course of action would be to outright banish you from Equestria and eliminate you as a threat entirely, but that doesn't solve the real problem; Discord. For the sake of giving myself time to think over a suitable course of action against him directly, it would actually be better for me to let you go free and attempt to carry out whatever it is you may or may not have planned. Simply getting rid of you could lead to him taking the more direct approach soon after, and using brute force to do his bidding, which is something he tends to do, being the sore loser that he is. That could have dire consequences for Equestria's inhabitants. I'd rather take the smaller risk first. However, anything of major value to Discord would be held within the Palace walls. Even if I let you have a chance to do whatever it is he wants you to do, that doesn't mean I'll make it easy. So rather than punish a potentially innocent creature, I'll bar you entry from the entire city grounds. If you are found attempting to violate this banishment in any form or fashion, I will see it as a sign of hostility, and take immediate action. Is this clear?"

"Crystal."

The amount of thought she had put into the situation in a matter of seconds was astounding. Any previous doubts I'd had of her competence were blown out the window, and I found myself with a sudden respect for the Alicorn.

"Still," Celestia continued, "I can't very well put an intelligent creature out into a place as dangerous as our Everfree Forest. Believe me when I tell you that without claws or fangs, you wouldn't last long out there. Instead, I'll keep you under surveillance in the nearby town of Ponyville. You will be granted residence with a pony of my choosing for the duration of your indefinite stay. You will be required to socialize on a daily basis with the residents, and every so often reports of your behavior and exploits will be sent to me, so that I can be sure of the safety of my citizens. Do these terms seem suitable?"

I am barely able to withhold my enthusiasm as I agree, "Absolutely."

Everything went better than expected.

"Wonderful." Her eyes softened once more, "Now I don't know about you two, but I am simply famished. Before I metaphorically kick you out of the city, would you care to enjoy breakfast with my sister and I? We could use it as a chance to get to know each other in a more relaxed atmosphere."

"That sounds like a fine idea, Princess," I said, before shouting in my most dramatic voice, "Onwards, to nourishment!"

And so I walked out alongside two chuckling Princesses, with complementing pairs of escorting day and night guards taking up the rear. I had no idea what either Discord or Celestia held in store for me, but for the moment things were looking up for the first time in what felt like forever. I felt alive.

End of Chapter 3

Some of you will notice that there isn't very much in the way of individual description. That's intentional thus far. I'm taking a page from Piers Anthony's book (All of them :3) and leaving most characters up to the reader's visualization, unless they're OC. In the case of Joseph, I'm not going to be saying anything about his actual looks unless the parts being described become a functional mechanic at some point in the story (eg. Having long hair in a fight is easy to abuse).

So... he can look however you want him too. Aint that neat?

Till next time, let feedback and shameless promotion abound! :D