//------------------------------// // XXXI. South of Canterlot, Equestria. June, 1252. // Story: Equestria: Total War // by emkajii //------------------------------// The candles had burned down to flickering stumps of wax. “Pinkie, that doesn't even begin to make sense,” Rainbow Dash said, more exhausted than irritated. “Dressing up like a gryphon won't fool any of them. You need to take this seriously.” “I am taking it seriously,” Pinkie muttered under her breath. “You don't need to be mean about it.” “If that's serious, Pinkie, you're seriously in over your head here.” Dash shook her head. “We don't need any weird trick things. Luna always tried trick things and they never worked. We don't need you to be random. We just need some competent leadership.” Pinkie glared. “Competent? Competent? Hm. Hey, Applejack, didn't you ever wonder why Luna's plans never worked,” she said, her voice icy. “Maybe somepony wasn't a competent leader.” She tossed her head in Dash's direction as she spoke. “I was trying to save you! I tried--” Dash began to yell. “--I was trying to tell 'em the truth, then I was tryin' to keep 'em calm!” Applejack shouted over everypony else. Pinkie immediately put a hoof over her own mouth. “No, no, Applejack, I didn't mean you, I--” “--and it ain't like you've been perfect yourself, for that matter. Heck no, you ain't been perfect. I made mistakes, but at least I kept my apples in one bushel the whole time. It's downright mean of you to go an' suggest that I'm the reason--” “--No, no, Applejack, no, no, no, no, no, I'm sorry, I really didn't mean you, I was trying—hey! What's that with the apples in a--THAT'S NOT FAIR! I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT YOU AND YOU'RE GOING TO SAY I'M CRAZY? I--” “Er, dears, I think perhaps we've lost sight of...” Rarity began, then trailed off as she realized nopony was listening. Rainbow Dash shrank down, relieved that Applejack and Pinkie Pie were going at each other, yet dreading the possibility that once they'd resolved the misunderstanding they'd turn their cannons on her. She knew she deserved it. She knew she was being too harsh with her friends. Still, she couldn't stop. “Didn't say nothin' 'bout me? You picked me out by name, outta nowhere, and said I ruined both battles? Why, if anyone's gone around ruinin' battles, it's--” “QUIET!” A voice tore through the tent, its vocal cords straining. Every other pony snapped their attention to its source. “...um, please.” “But, I--” Pinkie began to say. Fluttershy shook her head gently. Pinkie stopped immediately. “I think we should work together a little bit better,” Fluttershy said. “You aren't acting like very good friends.” Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack each looked embarrassed, though to differing extents. “Thank you, Fluttershy,” Twilight sighed. “I'm glad to have you back. Dealing with this has just been awful at times.” “Oh, has it now?” Rarity asked, her voice painfully sweet. “It's ever so sweet how you're always willing to tell us exactly how we aren't living up to the example of the great General Sparkle. But why has it been awful? I do find myself wondering about that. Hmm. Ah! Perhaps it has been awful because some ponies have had to deal with awful things other ponies haven't! Yes, that does seem quite like the case, wouldn't you all agree?” Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack each glared at Rarity. There was silence. Twilight bit her lip. Fluttershy looked unnerved; she felt the sudden energy in the room but didn't quite understand where it was coming from. “What...some ponies...have had to deal with,” Applejack said, slowly. “What some ponies have had to deal with. Some ponies like...you?” Pinkie didn't say a word. Her eyes were narrow slits of anger. Dash fought the temptation to speak. She knew she would regret it. She knew it wouldn't help anything. But...but she knew she had to say something. It would drive her mad to say nothing. It would—yes. She would say something. Something reserved. Something mature, that would express her feelings in a constructive way that would reflect well on her character. Something-- “The only 'awful' thing you--you unicorns have to deal with is papercuts on your lips when you're filling out your little forms,” Dash sneered, as her emotional core flooded with a sensation of triumphant victory—but as the back of her mind recoiled in horror. She continued: “Oh, huh, you don't even have to worry about that, because of your little horns. What an inspiration you are.” She smirked in satisfaction. Then, the cold joy washed away, and she remembered herself. Oh, what the buck did I just say, she winced. “Oh—oh, no,” Fluttershy said softly, as Rarity's face contorted with rage. “You're right,” Twilight suddenly interjected. “You're all right. Rarity, you're right that I haven't had to face the same things you all have had to. I have many responsibilities of my own, but I haven't dealt with what you have. And I know that you've had to see things and do things that hurt you.” She spoke hurriedly. “Rainbow Dash and Applejack, you're right. Front-line officers have had to watch and do things nopony can watch or do. We all know what you three have suffered through, and we can never know what it's like to suffer through it. And that goes double for you, Pinkie Pie.” She spoke quickly, turning to each pony in turn. The tension in the room subsided a bit. “But we can't get hung up on that,” Twilight continued, now speaking in a soothing-but-firm voice. “We can't. This isn't about who isn't respecting whom. This isn't about who's being hypocritical, or about who's to blame for what. We need to work together.” “So now you're the Princess,” Rainbow Dash scoffed. “No, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said deliberately. “We all are. All six of us. And we need to work together. My job isn't to command you like Celestia did. It's to coordinate and organize us. All of us. I'm reminding you, as a friend, how we've worked best together—when everypony listens.” There was a brief pause. Twilight looked at the array of irritated faces, a hopeful smile on her own face. “Shucks, Twi',” Applejack said. “You're right and we know it. I forgive y'all, and I ask ya to forgive me back.” “Oh, Applejack!” Pinkie said. “I really didn't mean to hurt you! And Rainbow Dash, I did kinda mean to hurt you, and I'm really sorry about that. That was super mean of me and I shouldn't do that to my friends.” Rainbow Dash bit her lip, her eyes flicking back and forth across the table. Everypony looked at her. She pursed her lips, then exhaled sharply. “Sorry,” she said at last. “To all of you. I'm a jerk sometimes. I know it. I shouldn't be. And I'm sorry.” “Oh, wonderful,” Fluttershy said grinning. “I'm so glad to hear all of that!” “Me too,” Twilight said. “I'm truly proud that all of us can put our differences behind us.” Five ponies looked at each other in relief. Pinkie limped over and hugged Applejack. So did Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy leapt into the hug. Twilight shrugged, and came over. “Ex-cuse me,” Rarity shouted. “I believe that somepony here has neither apologized nor been forgiven!” “Then apologize,” Applejack said from the middle of the group hug. “We ain't stoppin' ya.” “All right, good. I apologize to everypony for everything. Now forgive me, please.” “Nope,” Pinkie said. A sudden icy silence gripped the room. “Just kidding! Ha ha ha. I wish I had seen the look on your face.” “Don't joke 'bout that,” Applejack said quietly. --- The eastern sky was a slowly lightening purple as the the pre-dawn twilight crept across Equestria. Inside the tent, the six ponies looked over their map with bloodshot eyes. “So,” Twilight said, “Let's recap. We don't have any artillery, and few line soldiers. We've managed to recover most of the surviving cuirassers and lancers survivors from the last battle, but few have their cuirasses, so we'll make them all lancers. So the plan is simple: a standard hammer-and-anvil. Rainbow Dash's lancers achieve control of the air while Applejack's infantry engage the lions. Then Dash circles around and hits the rear of the enemy lines before our line infantry break. Clean and simple.” “Simple's good,” Applejack said. “The sky'll be ours before you slowpokes are even in position,” Rainbow Dash winked. “I don't like it,” Pinkie muttered. “I don't get to do anything.” “You're our reserves, Pinkie,” Twilight said. “I'll need your mobility to respond to unforeseen threats.” “See! You'll need. You'll decide! You just don't trust me, do you? You think I'm too crazy to make decisions! You never understand me, but that doesn't mean I don't know what to do!” “It's not that, Pinkie, I—” “—you think old Pinkie Pie's just nuts, don't you? Ha ha, can't trust her, she's a crazy pony!” She crossed her eyes and let her mouth hang open. “Pinkie, please don't be resentful. It isn't personal. I need reserves and--” “--well! I'll do exactly what you need me to do right now, and won't do anything crazy at all. Nope! NOTHING!” She spun around, and walked out of the tent, her head held high. Fluttershy squeaked, then followed Pinkie out. Twilight shook her head, and then went back to drawing. --- Fluttershy ran up alongside Pinkie Pie. “What are you going to do,” she asked breathlessly. “I'm gonna surrender to the gryphons,” she said grimly. “But—but you can't do that! You can't just--” “--I know,” she said. "I'll need armor for all my soldiers first. Proper armor. Rarity has lots of extras. Can you help me get some? She likes you better than me. Go tell her you want five hundred sets of armor for your medics. Tell her that you're scared they'll get hurt or something.” “Oh, um, Pinkie Pie, I don't even have two hundred medics, and armor isn't a good idea for a medic anyway.” “C'mon, use your noodle, Flutters. Do you think she knows anything about anything that isn't all about her? Rarity has her head so far up her own flank you could tell her—tell her—oh, I don't know, that you need a thousand cannons to launch your medics at wounded soldiers or something dumb like that and she'd believe you. Now go. Go get me some armor. And tell her you're not too picky, okay? You have to do that.” “But, um—you want to surrender? I can't—“ “—DO IT, FLUTTERSHY! TRUST ME!” “Um. Um. Um. Um. Um.” “I'm your friend. Good ol' Auntie Pinkie Pie. You gotta trust me, Flutters. I'm a pony who knows all the angles, remember? Trust me. I'm gonna surrender and it'll work out great and everyone'll say you did a great job helping me.” “Oh, I--” “Fluttershy. I know you know I'm trustworthy. So do the right thing. I gotta go prepare. Bring the armor to my camp in thirty minutes.” With that, the pink pony kicked off her little gray prosthetic leg, and limped off towards her camp, leaving the fake limb lying in the mud. Fluttershy looked around nervously, seeing if there was anypony else who might have heard them. --- Pinkie Pie limped through the woods, her battered and torn breastplate hanging loosely around her chest. Walking on three legs was tiring. She kept her head up. She occasionally felt the unsettling perception of her missing phantom “limb” passing through a rock or log she was climbing over. She tried to ignore that feeling. Repeating her little mantra helped. Behind her, her soldiers marched along in their ill-fitting and dented armor. They had smeared their faces with dirt and spit, and most had dabbed their eyes with hot sauce. They looked awful, even in the dawn haze. They looked perfect. A voice rang out. “Halt! You are surrounded!” “We shurrender,” Pinkie said wearily, the lumps under her tongue making it hard to speak. “We've been out here for weeksh. Pleesh, let ush shurrender.” “Disarm yourselves and prepare to be taken prisoner,” the voice demanded. Pinkie paused a second. “All right, girlsh. Take off your armor. It'sh okay. They won't hurt ush. They jusht want to make sure we can't fight them.” The pink pony shrugged off her own armor amid the sound of hundreds of breastplates and helmets hitting the ground. The woods rustled with gryphon wings. Pinkie smiled to herself. --- The morning sun cast a fresh light across the tree-speckled field. The Gryphonic detachment was already well prepared for the arrival of the ponies: it was aggressively deployed, its gryphon cavalry ready to strike out at a moment's notice, its cannon in a tight, undefended grand battery, its infantry in mobile formations ready to advance. “Keep it together,” Applejack called to her soldiers as they walked forward. “Everypony keep it together. We'll be in cannon range in a minute, so y'all need to keep loose ranks. Don't get too cozy with your neighbor or you'll be playin' catch with a cannonball. And don't close up 'till you hear the whistle, even if you see beaks comin' at us. The flygirls'll keep the birds off us. Now, the lions, they'll probably outflank us. Keep it together, because when they do that they'll be exposin' themselves to our cavalry.” She didn't know if anypony was listening to her speak. She didn't care. It was reassuring to tell the truth again. Above them, the Equestrian lancers shot through the air, a tell-tale rainbow trail behind the lead pony. Applejack smiled. Like her, Rainbow Dash insisted on leading from the front. Atta gal. Don't send anypony to do anything you wouldn't do yourself. Rainbow Dash squinted against the onrushing wind as her wings beat against the air. The cloud of Gryphonic cavalry wasn't any bigger than her own—and if she had proven anything in this war, it was that a pegasus trained and led by Rainbow Dash was better in a fight than any gryphon. She smiled, and the wind rushed into her mouth, puffing out her cheeks. The gryphon cloud began to break into attack wedges, keeping tight formation to ward off Dash's massed lancer charges. Rainbow Dash blew her whistle, and her cavalry broke into diamonds of one hundred ponies each. This was a new trick she had come up with; a diamond should let them reorganize and change direction easily, while still providing most of the massed shock force of her customary cone formation. Well, she thought, time to see if this idea works. She extended her lance. The gryphon cavalry were less than a minute away. Below, she heard the Gryphonic cannon erupt. Hope Applejack can keep her ponies in the fight long enough for me to—wait, what? A tearing, screeching noise filled her ears, before erupting in a crack that rattled her wings. She looked behind her in time to see a dozen ponies fall out of formation, ropes of blood falling out of their bodies. Twilight Sparkle felt sick as she watched the bursting flowers of smoke in the sky. She recognized that smoke pattern. She knew that shell. She had designed it, months ago, as an anti-cavalry weapon—a shrapnel shell designed to go off at a certain altitude. It was a miracle of techno-magical design; she had been so proud when she told Celestia about them. The army had made hundreds of them, but had barely used them before they were captured with the rest of the Equestrian artillery. And, of course, the activator wasn't magical, so anypony could use them. That was the part she was proudest of. And now her brainchildren were exploding above her, their shards of cruel metal ripping pegasus ponies apart. The Equestrian cavalry broke formations, spread out, and began retreating straight upwards. They did it all at once—clearly Dash had ordered it. A reasonable response, Twilight thought. Tight formations were suicide near those shells, and loose formations were suicide near gryphonic formations. But with the Equestrian cavalry out of the picture until the enemy artillery was neutralized, and with no Equestrian artillery, they could only field Applejack's infantry—Applejack's outnumbered infantry, which were about to be flanked on both sides. She had to think of something. “Fluttershy,” she ordered, “Get out there and clear the field of fallen pegasus ponies. Get the ones who've fallen behind the infantry first; that should help keep your medics as safe as possible. Pinkie Pie, I'm going need you to wheel your soldiers left and prepare a--” “Um,” Fluttershy said. “She...oh dear, oh dear...she isn't here.” “I'm sorry,” Twilight said. “I didn't understand that.” “Pinkie Pie, um, I really should have told you earlier, but I didn't want to get her in any trouble, but Pinkie Pie surrendered all of her soldiers to the gryphons two hours ago.” “...you're not joking. Oh, Celestia, you aren't joking.” “Oh, no. I wouldn't joke about that. Um. Anyway. I better go tell my medics to do...the things they have to do. General. Ma'am. Sir.” She smiled awkwardly, then took a few steps backwards and flew off. Applejack looked around, calm despite the horrifying straits she was in. Dash's cavalry were in a defensive formation high in the sky, hovering nearly out of sight. The lion line of battle was wrapped around her in an enormous letter-C. Her ponies were in tight formation, preparing for a lion charge that wasn't coming. Gryphonic cannonballs ripped through her lines, tearing off limbs and heads and tearing open torsos in the helpless pony lines. The lions licked their chops, waiting for the ponies to make a move. Gryphonic cavalry floated above the lion lines, the morning sun glinting off their armor and their sabers. Well, she thought. Retreat and we get pursued and probably routed. Charge and we get shredded. Stay and we get torn to pieces. Dash won't be able to screen the retreat in time. But she might be able to join an attack. Attack it is, then. She lifted her whistle to her mouth, and prepared to blow an order. Suddenly, she heard an Equestrian whistle blow a charge. She looked around. She heard it again. Hundreds of ponies began shrieking—an otherworldly, bizarre, unnerving noise. And it was coming from behind the Gryphonic lines. “Come on, girls!” Pinkie shouted. “To the cannon!” She blew her whistle again, then spat it on the ground; she hadn't bothered with its lanyard. Around her, her shrieking ponies charged forward, easily overpowering the shocked lion guards. The light infantry had been bound after they had surrendered, of course, but each soldier had carried a small blade in her mouth. Cutting the ropes was simple—and they knew how to fight unarmored. Reaching the Gryphonic cannon was easy. Capturing it was even easier; the shocked gryphons flew off rather than standing and fighting. Within five minutes of blowing her whistle, Pinkie Pie commanded the Gryphonic artillery. Her soldiers rushed to load the cannon as she watched the skies. She saw the Gryphonic cavalry moving into formation for a countercharge. “All right, gals. Canister shot, and aim low. Let's tear the tails off some lions. And don't worry about those birdies. Auntie Pinkie Pie's got a friend who specializes in saving her alfalfa.” Rainbow Dash laughed. She didn't know what else to do. Hundreds of prisoners had suddenly overpowered their guards, and the Gryphonic artillery was now tearing gaping holes in the Gryphonic infantry lines. It was Pinkie. Of course it was Pinkie. Who else could it be? But...now Pinkie was exposed to Gryphonic cavalry. Cavalry, she thought, who now have their backs to us. Oh, poor brave Pinkie. If only there were a pony who knew how to tear apart gryphons. If only that pony had thousands of expertly trained cavalry in close formations. If only her ponies had half a kilometer of altitude on the gryphons. If only that pony had nothing standing between her and a devastating diving charge. And if only doing that would also put her in perfect position to hammer the back of the lion lines. If only, Dash thought, and laughed again. She pulled her whistle into her mouth, and blew. --- The sounds of celebration rang through the field. Anti-cavalry shells exploded midair: ersatz fireworks with more than a hint of mockery. “You did it,” Twilight shouted excitedly. “You did it, Pinkie. I can't believe it. I can't believe you! You should be locked up, you crazy, crazy, insane, nuts, wonderful, genius pony!” “I did do it, didn't I?!” Pinkie laughed, as she bounced back and forth between her front legs and hind leg. “I told you I knew what to do!” “You did! You did! Ha ha, I can't believe it, you did! I'll never doubt you again, oh, I promise I'll never doubt you again. Oh, but how did you know? How did you know we'd need you to do that?!” “I didn't,” she shrugged. “I just figured the gryphons might have something up their sleeve, so I had better put something up ours too. And if there's one thing Miss Pinkie Pie is good at, it's playing tricks! And ol' Flutters here sure helped.” Pinkie nudged Fluttershy in the ribs. Fluttershy winced, though her blushing face still wore a smile. “I can't believe it,” Twilight bubbled. “I can't believe you, Pinkie. Oh, wow, I can't believe it.” She sighed happily. They heard hooves running up behind them. “Land sakes, Pinkie Pie, I never thought I'd live to see any of y'all again! You are the craziest, craftiest pony I ever laid eyes on! How in tarnation did you pull that one off?” Applejack laughed, and punched Pinkie playfully. “You oughta be ashamed of yourself, makin' us all look stupid like that!” Above them, they heard a raspy voice shout, “PINKIE!” A rainbow bolt crashed into the pink pony, and the two tumbled giddily through the mud. A good distance away, Rarity watched, her face impassive.