Not good, this is not good at all. How do I explain this? Celestia please give me a sign that my life can get better soon! A key rattled in the front door’s lock. I looked to the hall and beckoned everypony to follow me. The flapping of wings and the shuffling of hooves on the carpet told me everypony was right behind me. “We need to explain this as soon as possible,” I whispered. “I don’t think my brother could handle it in the morning.”
It was priceless, seeing a pretty rough and firm boy scout like Rick react like he did as soon as we came into the hall. He just stood there, one pair of eyes met the other eight and for a brief moment time seemed to give pause. Then, the sound of my brother Rick’s soaking wet rucksack hit the floor hard. He staggered for a moment, buckling under his own shock before dropping to his knees.
“Rick please,” I tried to tell him. “Stop being such a drama queen.”
“Yes dear, you’re not pretty enough to be one,” Rarity added. I glared at her over my shoulder; that was going to be my joke.
Rick looked from ponies to me and then tried to return to his feet. After a moment he spoke. “Al, I thought it was just a show.”
I turned back to look at his pale face, meeting his expressionless face with a smug grin. “So did everypony else Rick. You look like you could use a drink or two though.” I looked down to a mane of cotton candy. “Think you could get something for him Pinkie?”
“Okie dokie Alley,” she answered in her ever-chipper tone.
“Be creative but not too strong, he’ll still need to get to bed.” Pinkie nodded and rushed to the kitchen, leaving a faint pink smoke outline from where she was a second ago.
We all helped get Rick into the living room, where a strange bubbling neon blue concoction was waiting for him. How and why were back in their place on pure reflex. Pinkie plus questions equals reason curses, flips you off, and storms out while still cursing loudly.
“It won’t kill me will it,” Rick said jokingly.
“Only if you down it in one gulp,” chirped Pinkie in response.
I helped him over to the seat before the drink. “Just take it step by step Rick. And I’m sorry about this but you’ll be bunking up with somepony.”
He looked over to me. “With somepony, Al have they been here long?”
“About three months now.”
“But you’re not saying someone,” he gave me a stare. “You also said everypony earlier.”
I shrugged. “I adjusted. Think about it, there are six ponies, a baby dragon, and a human. You tell me, who’s the majority?”
He took a sip of the, now frothing, drink. Did the drink make sense? If you said ‘no’ then you’re still with me on this. I call Pinkie logic on this one. Regardless, he started to come to grips with things a little more. “What’s in this thing?”
Pinkie put on her best thinking face, not a very convincing one I might add. “It started as just a screwdriver but I kinda winged it after a little while. I thought you might want something a little stronger.”
“Figures,” I said flatly and several heads, Pinkie’s included, nodded in agreement. Everypony was gathering around Rick, he was getting some well-deserved attention. I’ve enjoyed plenty of mixed drinks the party pony has made. Long story short, they’re great as long as you drink them slowly. Bad news is they’re mostly ‘a drop of this, twist of that’ so I can’t give you any tips for a quick pick-me-up Pinkie Pie style.
“So who’s bunking up with me,” Rick asked after a few more sips.
I put on a far more convincing thinking face than Pinkie. “Who’s willing to bunk up into a group of three then?”
“The real question is who can handle Pinkie,” Rainbow quipped. “I don’t feel like waking up with bruises again.”
Twilight cleared her throat. “How about Rarity, Spike and I share a bed? We just need another blanket for Spike.”
“That sounds fine,” I replied. “Are there any objections?” Heads shook, save for Rainbow who seemed a little lost in thought. “So, are there any other changes?”
“Do ya mind if I bunk up with you again Al,” finally asked Rainbow Dash bashfully, making it clear what I thought from desert.
I nodded complacently; I was comfortable with that for now. I know Twilight wasn’t too happy with it, as she glared mercilessly at the back of Rainbow’s head. “Do you have something to say Twilight?”
Rarity was grinning ear to ear. I’m willing to wager everything that she was seeing all the drama unfurling already. She was just waiting to see which way the wind would be blowing.
“Well,” she cleared her throat, “I’d like to rescind my earlier idea and share a bed with you and Rainbow.”
“Well? Is there anything wrong with that?”
“Well yeah,” spoke my brother. “Look, I don’t mean to rule your life or anything Alex but you’re comfortable with something like this?”
Rarity had listened to him intently, and with a full arsenal of facts I couldn’t imagine her not wanting to ask that herself. I could only imagine what was brewing in her mind, but my mind was dead set on an answer to this.
“Yes,” I said with a tone of finality to it. “The three of us need to have a long talk so I see no harm in it.”
“Well, then who will I be with?”
“How about you and Pinkie share your room? I mean that way nobody has to cope with bunking with Pinkie right now.” At least while there’s so much tension in the air, I silently added. “Objections to that Rick?”
“No,” he said plainly, “I mean I don’t really mind since they’re bunk beds but why don’t you want to share a bed with her?”
“Oh it’s ‘cause I fidget in my sleep a lot,” Pinkie replied in a chipper tone, beating all of us to the explanation. I don’t think any of the others showed signs of it, but I still had a few welts and I was bunking with Pinkie early on in March.
“We’ve been changing sleeping arrangements every once and a while,” I explained. “It works out rather nicely I think. Well, I mean nopony complains about it at least.”
He took one last sip of his drink and looked at me. “We’ll have a long talk about what these ponies are doing to you in the morning.” He set the now smoking glass down and went up to his room.
The army seemed to do one thing to him: make him a total jerk. Where’d the brother who liked the unusual day to day go? “They’ve done nothing but make my life fun,” I grumbled. I glanced over to see Rainbow and her flared wings. “Something wrong Dash?”
“He’s just creepin’ me out Al,” she muttered. “I mean you’re being a good guy and he just shows up being all shocked and grumpy. I didn’t mean to look the part, but he was seriously being uneasy.”
Twilight cleared her throat. “Well that aside, how about you stay with Applejack for now Fluttershy?”
“Okay,” the pegasus replied.
Spike fidgeted. “Well um, Rarity do you think I should get a blanket?”
“Only if you want to Spikey,” she replied warmly
After everything was settled, Rick just gave a noncommittal shrug and took his bag upstairs.
“He’s probably trying to dredge his mind out of the gutter,” said Twilight with confidence.
“Well let’s see,” I gave another ‘thinking face,’ one that was far less serious. “For the past three months I’ve been surrounded by six lovely ladies and all he’s seen is protocol and a lot of beige. I’m afraid to admit it but I’d be thinking the same thing if our roles were reversed. Then again, I’m a brony and he’s apparently not.”
Pinkie squealed. “Aw, you’re the best Alley.”
I looked around to everypony and got a weird vibe. “I can tell there’s a lot of tension. If anypony’s got something to say then now’s the time we get it out in the open.”
Rainbow gave her hoof a wave. “I just want to say that I like ya Al.” She looked around to a few skeptical faces, me facepalming, and Twilight’s glare. “Yeah, I said it Twi.”
After a long, awkward silence, my printer started itself up and we all looked over to the machine. It quickly churned out a page and I rushed over to get it.
My little ponies,
I hope this is reaching you all. I have been trying to find all of you for months and I think I found you all at last. Please try to respond to me as fast as possible.
Your Benevolent Ruler,
Princess Celestia
“Girls, I have news from…Canterlot?” Wait a second, it churned around in my head a little more. “Twilight, I’ve got an idea!”
She rushed forward and saw the short letter in my hands. “This is some weird thing with technology isn’t it?”
“Yes. No. Sort of. Can you pick up some kind of magical aura from the page?”
She focused on it, “it’s hard to explain. There are numbers but that’s it.”
“Tell me exactly what they are and in what order. We’ll sort it out in the morning, but while it’s fresh in your mind tell me.” She recited them to me and I wrote them down quickly.
*****
If somebrony walked up to you on the street and told you that you could fax letters to Equestria would you believe them? I thought not. Fortunately, that meant it worked both ways. In the morning, we’d be testing it but it was time for sleep.
I ushered everypony upstairs and I turned on my computer, willing to look over every byte of data if I had to. It didn’t take me long; I found out that the hard drive was full. I never let my main hard drive fill. The question was now, what the hay could it be filled with.
I went searching for the largest files and came across one in particular, the fanfic I started writing when this all began. According to the count, the document went up to page ten thousand forty seven and nearly all of what little I chose to read was told from my perspective. I simply shut my computer down and headed upstairs.
I could see where Twilight was coming from. I mean she and I have been prone to think along the same lines. Then there was Rainbow. Dash wasn’t something I couldn’t understand. She had thoughts that were off the walls at all times. She was a hard read, perhaps impossible to me to really fathom all the time. On the surface she was always ‘awesome this’ and ‘that was cool’ but I often thought that there was something more in there. I mean she couldn’t be so naïve as to think the universe spun around the cool and awesome.
Being romantic seemed like it’ll only hurt more once they leave. Could I handle leaving with them? Would I want to leave with them, I couldn’t answer that anymore. Thinking about it made me hesitate on the idea. If anyone asked me that a week ago I would’ve said yes in a heartbeat, but now I wasn’t so sure anymore. At any rate in the morning, I demand answers, lots of them.