Into the Mind of a Simpler Mare

by harrytheneat

I wish it woud reely work alredy so I coud get smart like evrypony else

March 13 - They changed my nerse today. This one is pritty. Her name is Lotus Blossom. She showd me how to spell it for my progress report and she got blue hair a pink mane and blew eyes. I askd her where was Aloe and she said Aloe wasnt werking in that part of the hospitil no more. Only in the matirnity ward by the babys where it dont matter if she talks too much.
When I askd her about what was matirnity she said its about having babys but when I askd her how they have them she got red in the face just the same like Aloe and she said she got to take someponies temperchure. Nopony ever tells me about the babys. Mabye if this thing werks and I get smart I'll find out.
Mr Whooves came to see me today and he said Ditzy you look wonderful. I tolld him I feel fine but I dont feel smart yet. He said my eyes looked strayter. They were a little crookd still but he said they look better. I thot that when the operashun was over and they took the bandijis off my eyes Id be smart and no a lot of things so I coud read and talk about importent things like evryepony else. He said thats not the way it werks Ditzy. It comes slowley and you have to werk very hard to get smart. I dint no that.
If I got to werk hard anyway why did I have to have the operashun. He said he wasnt sure but the operashun was to make it so that when I did werk hard to get smart it woud stick with me and not be like it was before when it dint stick so good. Well I tolld him that made me kind of feel bad because I thot I was going to be smart rite away and I coud go back to show everypony at the post office how smart I am and talk with them about things and mabye even get to be a full time malemare. Then I would go to try and find my mom and dad. They woud be serprised to see how smart I got because my mom always wanted me too be smart to.
Mabey they woudnt send me away no more if they see how smart I am. I tolld Mr Whooves I would try hard to be smart as hard as I can. He pattid my hoof and said I no you will. I have fayth in you Ditzy.

March 15 - Im out of the hospitil but not back at werk yet. Nothing is happining. I had lots of tests and differint kinds of races with Angel. I hate that bunny. He always beets me. Twilight says I got to play those games and I got to take those tests over and over agen. Those amazes are stoopid. And those picturs are stoopid to. I like to drawer the picturs of a stalion and mare but I wont make up lies about pepul. And I cant do the puzzels good. I get headakes from trying to think and remembir so much.
Spike promised he was going to help me but he dont. He dont tell me what to think or when I'll get smart. He just makes me lay down on a couch and talk.
Mr. Whooves comes to see me at the library too. I tolld him nothing was happining. I asked him when am I going to get smart. He said you got to be pashent Ditzy. These things take time. It will happin so slowley you wont know its happening. He said Twilight tolld him I was comming along fine. I still think those races and those tests are stoopid and I think riting these progress reports are stoopid to.

March 16 - I ate lunch with Spike at the Shuger Cube Corner. We got all kinds
of good food and I dont have to pay for it neither. I like to sit and wach the smart ponies. They fool around and kiss somtimes but mostly they talk about all kinds of things just like the other malemares do at the post office.
Twilight says its about art and polatics and riligon. I dont know what those things are about but I know riligon is Celeschia. Mom use to tell me all about Celeschia and the things she dose to make Equeschria better. She said I shoud always love Celeschia and prey to her. I dont remembir how to prey to her but I think mom use to make me prey to her a lot when I was a filly and that she shoud make me get better and not be sick. I dont rimember how I was sick. I think it was about me not being smart.
Anyway Spike says if the experimint werks I'll be able to understand all those things the other ponies are talking about and I said do you think I'll be smart like them and she laffed and said those ponies arent so smart youll pass them as if their standing still.
She interduced me to alot of the ponies and some of them like Rareity look at me funny like I dont belong but others like Pinky Pie seem like they need a operashun to. I almost forgot and started to tell them I was going to be very smart soon like them but Spike intiruppted and he tolld them I was cleaning the library later and he explaned to me there cant be any publisity. That meens its a seecrit.
I dont reely understand why I got to keep it a seeerit. Twilight says its in case theirs a faleure she dont want everypony to laff espeshully the ponies from the Weluberg foundashun who gave her the mony for the projekt. I said I dont care if pepul laff at me. Lots of poies laff at me and their my frends and we have fun. She put her hoof on my sholder and said its not you im worryd about. She dont want ponies to laff at her if she gets sent to. She posd for a seconed and said magic kindorgarden.
I dint think ponies would laff at Twilight because shes a sientist in a library. Anyway I hope I get smart soon because I want to lern everything there is in the werld like the other ponies know. All about art and politiks and Celeschia.

March 17 - When I waked up this morning rite away I thot I was gone to be smart but Im not. Evry morning I think Im gone to be smart but nothing happins. Mabye the experimint dint werk. Maby I wont get smart and I'll have to go live at the home. I hate the tests and I hate the amazeds and I hate Angel. I never new before that I was dumber than a bunny. even dumb bunny like Angel.
I dont feel like riting any more progress reports. I forget things and even when I rite them in my notbook sometimes I cant reed my own riting and its very hard. Mr Whooves says have pashents but I feel sick and tired. And I get headakes all the time. I want to go back to werk in the post office and not rite progress reports any more.

March 20 - Im going back to werk at the post office. Twilight told me it was better I shoud go back to werk but I still cant tell anypony what the operashun was for and I have to come to the lab for 2 hrs evry nite after werk for my tests and keep riting these dumb reports.
They are going to pay me evry week like for a part time job because that was part of the arraingment when they got the mony from the Welberg foundashun. I still dont know what that Welberg thing is. Mr Whooves explaned me but I still dont
get it. So if I dint get smart why are they paying me to rite these dumb things. If their gonna pay me I'll do it. But its very hard to rite.
Im glad Im going back to werk because I miss my job at the post office and all my frends and all the fun we have. Twilight says I shoud keep a notbook in my pockit for things I remembir. And I dont have to do the progress reports every day just when I think of somthing or somthing speshul happins. I told her nothing speshul ever happins to me and it dont look like this speshul experitmint is going to happin neither. She says dont get discouriged Ditzy because it takes a long time and it happins slow and you cant notise it rite away.
She explaned how it took a long time with Angel before he got 3 times smarter then he was before. Thats why Angel beats me all the time in that amaze race because he had that operashun too. She siad hes a speshul bunny. the 1st animil to stay smart so long after the operashun.
I dint know he was a speshul bunny. That makes it diffrint. I coud probaly do that amazed faster then a reglar bunny. Maybe some day I'll beat Angel. Boy woud that be somthing. Twilight says that so far Angel looks like he mite be smart permanint and she says thats a good thing becaus we both had the same kind of operashun.

March 21 - We had a lot of fun at the post office today. Swifter said hey look where Derpy had her operashun what did they do Derpy put some brains in. I was going to tell him about me getting smart but I remembered Twilight said no. Then Kick said what did you do Charlie open a door the hard way. I did that this morning so that made me laff.
Their my frends and they really like me. Their is a lot of werk to catch up. They dint have anyone to clean out the place because that was my job so they got a new filly named Scootaloo to do the diliveries that I always done.
Swifter said he decided not to fire her for a while to give me a chanse to rest up and not werk so hard. I told him I was alright and I can make my diliveries and clean up like I always done but Swifter says we will keep the filly. I said so what am I gonna do.
Swifter patted me on the shoulder and said Derpy how old are you. I told him 26 years old going on 27 on my next brithday. And how long you been here he said. I told him I dint know. He said you came here seventeen years ago. Your Uncle Deedle Celeschia rest his sole was my best frend. He brout you in here and he askd me to let you werk here and look after you as best I could. And when he died 2 years later and your mother had you comited to the home I got them to releese you on outside werk placmint.
Seventeen years its been Derpy and I want you to know that the postal bisness is not so good but like I always said you got a job here for the rest of your life. So dont worry about me bringing in somepony to take your place. Youll never have to go back to that home.
I aint worryd only what does he need Scootaloo for to diliver and werk around here when I was always deliviring the packiges good. He says the filly needs the mony Derpy so Im going to keep her on as an aprentise to lern him to be a malemare. You can be her asistent and help him out on diliverys when she needs it. I never was a asistent before. Scootaloo is very smart but the other ponies in the post office dont like her so much.
Their all my good fiends and we have lots of jokes and laffs here. Some times somebody will say hey lookit Kick, or Swifter or even Grumpy. He
really pulled a Derpy Hooves that time. I dont know why they say it but they always lafl and I laff too. This morning Grumpy hes the head sorter and he has a bad hoof and he limps he used my name when he shouted at Scootaloo because
Scootaloo lost a box of purple glasses. He said Scootaloo for Celeschiasake you trying to be a Derpy Hooves. I dont know why he said that. I never lost any packiges.
I askd Swifter if I coud lern to be an aprentise malemare like Scootaloo and then be a full time malemare. I told him I coud lern it if he gave me a chanse. Swifter looked at me for a long time funny because I gess I dont talk so much most of the time. And Kick herd me and he laffed and lafed until Grumpy told him to shut the fuck up and go tend to his letters. Then Swifter said to me theirs lots of time for that Derpy. A malemares werk is very importint and very complikated and you shoudnt worry about things like that. I wish I coud tell him and all the other people about my real operashun. I wish it woud reely work alredy so I coud get smart like evrypony else.
March 24 - Twilight and Spike came to my room tonight to see why I dont
come in to the lab like I am suppose to. I told them I dont want to race
with Angel no more. Twilight said I dont have to for a while
but I shoud come in any way. She brout me a presint only it wasnt a presint
but just for lend. She said its a teeching mashine that werks like TV. It
talks and makes picturs and I got to tern it on just before I go to sleep. I
said your kidding. Why shoud I tern on a TV before I go to sleep. But Twilight said if I want to get smart I got to do what she says. So I told her I dint think I was goin to get smart anyway. Then Twilight came over and put her hoof on my sholder and said Ditzy
you dont know it yet but your getting smarter all the time. You wont notise
it for a while like you dont notise how the hour hoof on a clock moves. Thats
the way it is with the changes in you. They are happining so slow you cant
tell. But we can follow it from the tests and the way you act and talk and
your progress reports.
She said Ditzy youve got to have fayth in us and in
yourself. We cant be sure it will be permanint but we are confidant that soon
your going to be a very intellijent young mare. I said okay and Twilight showed me how to werk the TV that reely wasnt a TV. I askd her what did it do. First she lookd sore again because I asked her to explane it to me and she said I shoud just do what she told me. But Spike said she shoud explane it to me because I was beginning to questien authorety. I dont no what that meens but Twilight looked like she was going to buck his
lip off.
Then she explaned me very slow that the mashine did lots of things to my mind. Somethings it did just before I fall asleep like teach me things when Im very sleepy and a little while after I start to fall asleep I still hear the talk even if I dont see the picturs anymore. Another thing is that at nite its suppose to make me have dreams and remembir things that happened a long time ago when I was a very littel filly. Its scary.
Oh yes I forgot. I asked Twilight when I can go back to Mr Whooves class at the school and she said soon Docter whooves will come to the library testing center to teach me speshul classes. I never new why everypony calls him docter Whooves. Mr Whooves is a teecher not a docter. I havnt seen him so much since the operashun. He is nice but defenetly not a docter.

March 25 - That crazy TV kept me up all nite. How can I sleep with something yelling crazy things all night in my ears. And the nutty picturs. Wow. I dont know what it says when Im up so how am I going to know when Im sleeping. I asked Spike about it and he says its ok. He says my branes are lerning just before I go to sleep and that will help me when Mr Whooves starts my lessons at the library science center. I dont know what sience is exept Im helping it with this experimint.
Anyway I dont know about that TV. I think its crazy. If you can get smart when your going to sleep why do ponies go to school. I dont think that thing will werk. I use to watch Equeschria Nitely News and the Hoity Toity Fashion Show on TV all the time before I went to sleep and it never made me smart. Maybe only certin shows make you smart. Maybe like quizz shows.

March 26 - How am I gonna work in the daytime if that thing keeps waking me up
at nite. In the middel of the nite I woke up and I coudnt go back to sleep
because it kept saying remembir... remembir... remembir... So I think
I remembird something.
I dont remembir exackly but I think it was about Mr. whooves
and the school where I lerned about reading. And how I went their. A long time ago I asked Swifter how he lerned to read and if I coud lern to read to. He laffed like he always dose when I say something funny and he says to me Derpy. Thats what they call me. why waste your time. They cant put any branes in where there aint none. But Stamps herd me and she askd her cusin who is a studint at Ponyvill Public School and she told me about the nite class for challanged mares. She rote the name down on a paper and Kick laffed and said dont go getting so eddicated that you wont talk to your old frends. I said dont worry I will always keep my old frends even if I can read and rite. He was laffing and Swifter was laffing but Grumpy came in and told them to get back to printing stamps. They are all good frends to me.
After work I walked over six blocks to the school and I was scared. I was so happy I was going to lern to read that I bougt a newspaper to take home with me and read after I lerned.
When I got their I saw lots of fillies. I got scared of saying somthing wrong to somepony so I startid to go home. But I dont know why I terned around and went inside agen. I wated until most everypony went away exept some ponies going over by a big clock like the one we have at the post office and I asked the mare if I coud lern to read and rite because I wanted to read all the things in the newspaper and I showed it to her. She was Cheerily but I dint know it then.
She said if you come back tomorow and rejister Dr. Whooves will start to teach you how to read. But you got to understand it will take a long time maybe years to lern to read. I told her I dint know it took so long but I wantid to lern anyway because I made believe a lot of times. I meen I pretend to know how to read but it aint true and I wantid to lern. She told somthing to a Stalion across the room and he shaked my hand and said glad to meet you Ditzy. I will be your teacher. My name is Dr. Whooves.
So thats wear I went to lern and thats how I met Mr. Whooves. Thinking and remembiring is hard and now I dont sleep so good any more. That TV is too loud.

March 27 - Now that Im starting to have those dreams and remembiring Twilight
says I got to go to theripy sesions with Spike. She says theripy sesions
is like when you feel bad you talk to make it better. I tolld her I dont feel
bad and I do plenty of talking all day so why do I have to go to theripy but
she got sore and says I got to go anyway. What theripy is is that I got to lay down on a couch and Spike sits in a chair near me and I talk about anything that comes into my head. Only Spike was wareing a funny hat and smoking a pipe with bubbles. I like bubbles. For a long time I dint say nothing because I coudnt think of nothing to say.
Then I told him about the post office and the things they do there. But its silly for me to go to his office and lay down on the couch to talk because I rite it down in the
progress reports anyway and he could read it. So today I brout the progress reports with me and I told him maybe he could just read them and I could take a nap on the couch. I was very tired because that TV kept me up all nite but he said no it dont work that way. I got to talk. So I talked but then I fell off the couch and went to sleep.

March 28 - I got a headake. Its not from that TV this time. Twilight showed me how to keep the TV turned low so now I can sleep. I dont hear a thing. And I still dont understand what it says. A few times I play it over in the morning to find out what I lerned before I fell asleep and while I was sleeping and I dont even know the words. Maybe its another langwidge or something. But most times it sounds Equeschrian. But it talks too fast.
I askd Twilight what good is it to get smart in my sleep if I want to be smart when Im awake. She says its the same thing and I have two minds. Theres the SUBCONSCIOUS and the CONSCIOUS (thats how you spell it) and one dont tell the other what its doing. They dont even talk to each other. Thats why I dream. And boy have I been having crazy dreams.
I forgot to ask Dr Strauss if it was only me or if everypony has two minds like that. I just looked up the word in the dicshunery Twilight gave me:

Anyway I think the the headake is from the party. Kick and Swifter invited me to go with them after work to Dj Ponies Club for some drinks. I dont like to drink alcihall but they said we will have a good time.
We played games like me doing a dance on the the bar with a lampshade on my head and everypony laffing. Then Swifter said I shoud show the mares how I mop out the toilet in the post office and he got me a mop. I showed them and everypony laffed when I told them that Stamps said I was the best janiter and mailmare she ever seen because I like my job and do it good and never come late or miss a day exept for my operashun.
I said Mr. Whooves always told me Ditzy be proud of the work you do because you do your job good. Everypony laffed and Swifter said that Mr. Whooves must be some cracked up piece of shit if he goes for Derpy. That didnt sound like a nice thing to say. Stamps said hey Derpy are you making out with that peice of flank. I said I dint know what that meens. She said she would do something to him but it was loud in there. Stamps seems to always talk about stalions for some reason.
They gave me lots of drinks and Kick said Derpy is hillaryus when shes drunk. I think that means they like me.
We have some good times but I cant wait to be smart with my best frends like Stamps and Kick. I dont remember how the party ended but I think they asked me to go around the corner to see if it was raining and when I came back there was nopony their. Maybe they went to find me. I looked for them all over till it was late. But I got lost and I felt bad at myself for getting lost because I bet Angel coud go up and down those streets a hundrid times and not get lost like I did.
Then I dont remember so good but Swifter says a nice poleesmare brought me
back home. That same nite I dreamed about my mother and father only I coudnt see her
face it was all wite and she was blurry. I was crying because we were in a big departmint store and I was losst and I coudnt find them and I flew up and down the rows and crashed into one of the big cownters in the store. Then a Stalion came and took me in a big room with benches and gave me a lolypop and tolld me a big filly like me shoudnt cry because my mother and father woud come to find me.
Anyway thats the dream and I got a headake and a big lump on my head and black and blue marks all over. Swifter says mabye the cop did it. I dont think poleesmares do things like that. But anyway I dont think I'll drink anymore exep for water.