Apples
By: Quid Pro Quo
Apparently the asshole that came up with the M.A.D theory was right…
I played with the apple in my hands, constantly fumbling around with it for some reason. Probably trying to distract me from the grim situation.
*Bang*
Another bomb went off; this nuclear war was taking its toll on the world, what was left of it anyway. I still wasn’t sure how exactly I had made to the bunker, let alone how in the hell it was still getting cable functions.
The TV flickered in the background, drawing my gaze towards it like a friend waving at you.
My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, Up next on the Hub!
Really? Ponies? Fate has a funny sense of humor.
Still don’t know how in the hell the TV has a connection…
*Bang*
That one sounded close.
I got up and looked out the window, nothing but more destruction and pain. God dammit why did we invent weapons?
No one knows who set off the nukes; the world had been in such turmoil I doubt it really matters anymore, it was over, and we had played our final card and screwed up for the last time. Now it was time to clean house.
I wasn’t quite sure why there was a bunker out here, I suppose someone, somewhere thought that maybe shit would hit the fan.
*Bang*
They were right.
They probably had better purpose to use it than I did. I got lucky I suppose, when the announcement was made that nukes had been launched I was in my car listening to it on the radio.
When you hear something like that, you tend to freak the fuck out.
I just got out and ran.
And ran.
Hoping somehow I could outrun the end of the world.
*Bang*
Haven’t been doing a good job so far.
I looked back to the apple I had picked up; during my mad run I had already seen the bunker peeking out of the mountains so I figured I’d need some food. How exactly is an apple supposed to substain me during the apocalypse is beyond me.
At least I tried.
I just stared at it now; it was almost like it was mocking my idiocy. As if it was saying “Now you’ve gone and screwed both of us.”
Fuck you too, apple.
Now back to My Little Pony! Only on the Hub!
Might as well humor fate a little…
I relaxed a little back into the seat in front of the TV. Figuring dying watching ponies, was my best bet here.
The show was supposedly about these six ponies that somehow respresented the power of friendship and thier adventures together. Well if the nukes didn't kill me, this shit sure will.
One wore a cowboy hat, so I guess she's the redneck of group, the other apparently was shy. Yeah, that's her whole personality in a nutshell. Another was a fashion freak, one of them could probably make a good gay pride poster, last but not least we have a pink one that acts like she's on crack.
Say what you want, this show has diversity.
Another amazing feature was that whatever these ponies special talent was, they got a tattoo for it on their ass.
Yes, i'm not making this up.
These six ponies apparently were freaking about some Grand Galloping Gala (Haha, horse pun, how clever.) and how they needed to make it the Best Night Ever.
*Bang*
My day was going fantastic.
They did a little song and dance, and made their way to the fancy little ball.
I’ll admit the song was kind of catchy, but I’m not exactly in a singing mood.
After this, the redneck one goes and sets up shop with apples, (Weird Coincidence?) and gets her first customer. Apparently she is selling stuff so her grandpony can get a new hip.
So at least someone is happy.
The coward yellow Pegasus pony goes off into the garden to frolic with animals.
I wonder how radiation will affect the animals here. Maybe like a giant cockroach or something. That's more of a reason not to live past the apocalyspe.
The uptight, bitchy one goes off with Prince Charming.
Didn’t see that coming.
*Bang*
I really wasn’t making my final moments that memorable.
The TV flickered for a bit, maybe finally the connection would die.
I looked at the apple again, I didn’t know why but it held some sort of significance with me, maybe because it was the only thing with me in this lovely situation.
The TV returned, its flickering gaze beckoning to watch more of every little girl’s dream.
The Rainbow one wanted to go off with some ponies called the Wonderbolts who had a whole section of the party reserved just for them. Apparently overpaid celebrities exist in the pony world too.
As she was let in the private section the Wonderbolts were in, she did a little squee of joy.
I laughed a bit; it reminded me of my childhood friends that ate up every single Green Day album, the look on their faces.
*Bang*
Well, I was starting to enjoy myself…
The scene changed, now it was apparently about some pink pony named Pinkie Pie. Yes, Pinkie Pie… it’s as stupid as it sounds.
Apparently this one was the party one, (She had balloons on her ass so I guess she’s a professional) and wanted to party at the Gala. The Gala seemed to be one of those uptight parties where people that think their better than you go off and flaunt their supposed superiority.
Pony world doesn’t seem so different.
At least they didn’t nuke themselves into extinction.
*Bang*
Why thank you for proving my point…
The party pony went berserk in the middle of this little shindig, which was kind of amusing to see everypo- body (Did I seriously almost fucking say that?) get freaked out by it.
Surprisingly, they didn’t put up with her shit.
Well, at least not everyone’s happy.
Last was the Magic pony, all she wanted to do was stand side by side with her princess who was greeting the ponies coming to the party.
That’s a way get power, be a kiss ass.
This one was kissing to the max.
But oddly enough the princess enjoyed her presence, weird.
So everyone was happy and doing fantastic, well at least we got to see someone else get their life goals as mine goes down the shitter.
The Apple still sat in my lap, I wasn’t exactly hungry and honestly I had forgotten it was there after a while.
*Bang*
The show didn’t seem to be over however, as things went on the party wasn’t going so well for the ponies.
The redneck had some trouble with the snobby ponies; surprisingly apples didn’t go well with caviar, wine, and pretentiousness.
The Rainbow pegasus found out that famous celebrities tend to be douchebags up close.
But apparently she isn't going to take it anymore, so she actually bucks one of the ponies up in the air so she can catch him to impress them with her speed.
That was slightly cool, I must admit.
It didn’t work though, and she’s pretty mad.
Meanwhile, the pink one on meth is trying to get everyone to dance, and failing at it.
It was weird, usually these girl shows just show all of them getting whatever they want and then ending.
I guess this one wasn’t so bad, I’ll admit it was comforting to see a last burst of happiness as everything you knew and loved burned around you.
*Bang*
I felt a tear come to my eye. I had kinda been hiding away from the situation for a while now but it was starting to get to me.
Generations of evolution, just to end like this.
Everything we built, just all dust in the wind now.
I wonder if this really could have been avoided, or maybe it’s just human nature
.
I stared back at the apple, it was a really nice apple and I was thinking about eating it when the TV’s flickering started back up.
My gaze returned to the TV, the nature freak pony couldn’t get the animals to play with her, so she basically went all evil genius on them and set up some traps.
And then got caught in one of her own traps, I must admit that face she made was adorable.
I suppose I could delve more into the realm of ponies, there wouldn’t be much of ours soon enough.
The uptight, marshmallow looking one’s date turned out to be a dick, making her do all the stuff guys would normally do. You know, shitty stuff only teenage girls care about, getting a rose for them, using the coat to pass over some puddle.
Well it does show the true nature of those rich dickheads that girls seem to fantasize about.
Meanwhile, Magic pony couldn’t find the time to talk with her precious princess, too many ponies just wanted to stop and greet the bitch.
Isn’t she supposed to be the smart one? Couldn’t she figure out that obviously Princess Snowy (She has a white coat, going by the name direction here, I’m calling her snowy) is a princess, and probably will be meeting other ponies.
Jesus Christ, I’m putting logic into a show about magical talking ponies.
*Bang*
That one was definitely closer, the explosions usually just sounded like muffled booms but this one you could feel the force behind it.
Despite all this, the TV continued to broadcast.
Fear was starting to grow in my stomach, I hadn’t really thought about how I was going to die or what would happen afterward.
I just wanted to watch the ponies I suppose; their sweet little voices soothed me somewhat. Hiding the death and suffering from outside, it was nice I guess.
So, nature freak pony scarred all the animals and put them in a stampede, which went right into the Gala, one of the animals knocked over a statue.
Rainbow pony went and tried to lift it which surprisingly she managed to balance it on her back, one of the statue’s ends were pointing out and knocked over a marble column which fell on the table, which catapulted a giant cake in the air.
Always wanted a catapult.
At the exact same moment, Marshmallow was bitching out her Prince for being such a dick when the cake lands on her, splattering her face with cake.
Now the animals went batshit insane and started destroying the place. The Princess pony walks in and just whispers to Magic pony.
Run.
Magic whistles and all her friends follow her out of the Gala.
I was actually kind of laughing at this point; the show’s humor surprised me.
So all the ponies went to some doughnut bar and talked about how shitty things were.
*Bang*
Speaking of shitty…
Then the Princess arrived and told the ponies this was literally the best night ever.
I almost said “huh” along with the ponies on the screen.
Apparently, the Princess acknowledged the fact that most of her subjects were snoody assholes who wanted to seem important.
They all shared a laugh.
Then the TV started flickering, this time it just kind of stopped in the frame. I guess the broadcast finally died.
It was really sad honestly, the room was once filled their happy laughter was now empty and almost dead.
*Bang*
The next one is going to hit me…
The one before only barley missed its mark, I was sure the next one and I was a goner, more so than I already was.The TV was still frozen in frame somehow, showing all the ponies’ happy faces as they shared a laugh together.
Was the Universe just mocking me? Showing me these nice gestures before I was bombed into nothingness?
As I gazed into the screen I wondered some things. Could humanity ever be like that? Happy, caring, kindness, those were words that most people just looked as petty and naïve. Desperate grabs at peace in a fucked up world.
But to these ponies, they were everything.
And look how happy they were.
So in the end we screwed ourselves over, huh?
My old friend, the apple was unceremoniously lying in my lap as if it were waiting for something.
I grabbed it and pulled towards my face, my eyes looking at it's shiny red surface.
“I wonder where we went wrong…” I said aloud to no one.
I took a bite out of the apple.
“I think I just answered my own question…”
*Bang*