//------------------------------// // Twilight breaks it // Story: The Dreaded Love Bird // by Darkonshadows //------------------------------// As five ponies sat down for breakfast in the castle Applejack looked up at a screech sound and saw an owl fly into the room through an open window and dropped two letters in front of her. One letter was an apology that came with a muffin for not being able to deliver the letter personally, but the pegasus that was supposed to deliver got lost in the Ever Free Forest so she sent it by owl mail. Opening the second letter Applejack balked, her brother was in the hospital… but apparently he would be perfectly fine despite his injuries and the message stated to not blame Kazooie for his injuries. “Now why in the hay would I blame her for his injuries? Unless she actually had something to do with them and I don’t doubt for a second that’s true.” Applejack sighed, she actually kind of liked Kazooie despite having known her for a short amount of time. She was going to get word from her brother directly. “I wonder if Celestia will allow me to leave Canterlot, I can’t just leave the farm hanging.” “Yeah it must be all part of her plan, I think I mostly know what she’s doing and she’s doing a pretty good job and I approve.” Pinkie said reading the letter over her shoulder. “Though she could stand to be a little less violent when she carries out her plans, Wings always did jump into things head first… then she’d get a power up for it. I wonder if she has a frog suit on hoof… or maybe even a kuribo shoe! I’ve always wanted one of those.” “Pinkie, sugar cube, do you mind?” Applejack asked slowly to the pony hanging off of her back and reading over her shoulder. “Of course I don’t mind, thank you for asking as your back is really comfortable.” Pinkie cuddled Applejack who was busy sighing in annoyance, this was nothing knew as Pinkie cuddled with all of her friends except for that one time when Fluttershy cuddled with her when she really needed it. “So she devised a cunning plan that had something to do with your brother. What will she come up with next? Maybe she’ll kidnap Cadence or usurp Celestia and Luna; oh I think know… she’ll do something crazy like attack a train bound for Canterlot all the way from Aaaaaappleloosa!” “Pinkie could you please get off of Applejack, she’s doesn’t need any more stress at the moment dear. She did just find out her brother was in the hospital.” Rarity turned back to her eggs and Rainbow’s topic of discussion. It was about her excitement and worries about trying out for the Wonderbolts; she was going to need all the support she can get. “Then maybe I can pull out my cirrus cinder bender!” Rainbow exclaimed going over her performance to any pony that would listen. So far Fluttershy was the only one whose attention she fully had, except for one small thing on her shy unimposing mind. “Um… has anyone seen Twilight?” Fluttershy asked, the other ponies just shrugged. “Goodness gracious, that pony has had her nose in at least fifty books since that rogue friend of Pinkie’s arrived.” Rarity looked among her friends before turning to Rainbow. “I’d even dare to say Twilight hasn’t even noticed a change in the relationship between you and our dear sweet Fluttershy. Oh I so hope to eventually teach Twilight about romance, she just doesn’t seem interested in finding a special pony for herself. Hearts and hooves, her brother’s wedding and on plenty of other occasions does she never seem to think of love for herself… it’s actually kind of sad really. She needs to stop being so… aloof is the word for it I think.” “Now there’s something you can do Pinkie, you can distract Twilight from being all cooped up wherever she is. You can go right after we get our breakfast.” A levitating plate of waffles landed in front of the apple farmer and they were covered in syrup and apple chunks. Pinkie smiled as she filched one to swallow it whole and then hopped away to go find Twilight, Applejack just shook her head as Pinkie was still taking her food even now. Outside the castle on top of a flat roof looking through her Amaze O’ Gaze Glasses instead of a telescope, Kazooie was looking at a window to the throne room and she was calculating the trajectory for the attack on Princess Celestia. The only reason why she still had the glasses is to spite a certain mole; not that they were a useful invisible eyewear for range finding and had heads up display setup installed. Kazooie gave a slight smile as she turned to the catapult at her side and started loading it with several stacks of ammo; a second later she turned back to the window and coughed up a normal egg before pulling the lever. After she let loose the payload she quickly scooped the catapult into her backpack and quickly started making her escape, she was so glad she took that training seminar with Bentley now. All she had to do was get this catapult back to Ponyville before the chaos trio missed it and after that she had a competition to prepare for. She quickly jumped off the roof and went for the nearest ponyhole cover to the suspiciously spacious sewers once more to be slightly sidetracked by scavenging free stuff ponies dropped in the storm drains for the mountain city. Celestia was just finishing taking care of a pony’s economic problems with Twilight aiding as an advisory role when the shattering of glass was heard. They both looked up and gasped, but had no time to dodge the incoming projectiles. The normal brand of magical egg Kazooie had fired was to get the glass out of the way so the real ammunition could hit home. A few seconds later Celestia finally responded to the assault on her throne room. “Are these… are these banana cream pies?” Celestia finally asked as her coat, head and mane were completely covered from head to hoof. Twilight; having been next to Celestia, was in a similar state to the princess dripping with sweet tasty cream pie goo. “Princess there’s a note on the pie tin stuck on the end of your horn!” After pointing it out Twilight just stared at Princess Celestia, covered in pie and still looking regal about it. Well that was until she started scraping some of the pie off of herself to eat it humming a bit as she did. Twilight felt a blush run through her cheeks, this was so embarrassing. Celestia floated the pie tin off her horn as she swallowed a mouthful of pie and pulled the note from it. Soon she was reading it out loud. “Dear Princess Celestia, I heard you like banana’s so I gave you another little present via air mail. So how do you like them banana’s in pie form? Love, from the recent pain in your royally large butt.” It wasn’t a trick of the light; Celestia’s mane was actually beginning to release a small amount black smoke as if her head had caught fire. She flipped over the note after looking at the arrow point down at the bottom of the note and continued reading. “Also hello Pinkitty, hope not to see you soon and it is unfortunate that I know I will. See you all tomorrow; I know Rainbow Dash wants to get back at me for what I pulled with her and this will be a good way to settle that loose end so I can work on other projects.” “Wow, she’s really good at making pies. Nice to know she’s still thinking of me.” Pinkie said sitting on the other side of Celestia eating one of the pies that she caught in the middle of the barrage; she actually managed to spook the princess causing her wings to shoot out protectively in front of Twilight as she jumped. Pinkie was just beginning to get hyperactive and she was mysteriously completely clean despite having been within the same vicinity Twilight and the princess had been. “Well okay then… we’ll all see Kazooie tomorrow! Oh, this will be so fun, I just know I can get Wings to eat a cupcake before the day is out! She hasn’t had any of my baked goods yet, maybe I should create a sampler platter for her and I’m not letting her get away this time. Oh I so do hope we get to talk before we get into an epic battle that will be remembered for all of time! What was I originally doing here again? Oh right, come with me Twilight I have something fun planned for us to do today so you won’t be so boring anymore.” “Pinkie what are you talking abouuuuuu…” Pinkie wrapped her right hoof around Twilight and then dragged her out of the room struggling wildly to get out of the party happy pony’s grip. Celestia frowned as the hyperactive sugar rush just dragged her rather helpful and organized advisor for the day out of the throne room, she gave a sad sigh wondering what more could that bothersome creature known as Kazooie do to try and make her positively bonkers. She scooped up another chunk of banana pie and shoved it into her mouth and smiled a bit, at least the pie was good like Pinkie said it was. Celestia had much to prepare for tomorrow and she was already clued in to the fact that someone was going to interrupt the Wonderbolts competition and tryouts, it was time to pit the royal guard against a creature that managed to somehow launch a volley of pies at her without being spotted. The fact that Kazooie managed to get into Canterlot without impunity was disturbing, much less that her security measures still weren’t up to snuff after the changeling invasion and this was no simple changeling she was dealing with. Pinkie had dragged Twilight out to take her on a tour of Canterlot starting with Pony Joe’s donut shop for breakfast. Mostly for Twilight since she didn’t get anything to eat at the castle. A order of donuts on Pinkie’s tab and they were munching away, Twilight with a bit of coffee and Pinkie with a mug of hot chocolate. “So then we can possibly go by the museum of unnatural history and magical artifacts…” Twilight was already in the midst of making a list and Pinkie was getting rather bored with that. Pinkie didn’t know why Applejack thought she had a crush on Twilight; she over thinks things way too much and never did anything silly like going to work on cherry plantations. Twilight just freaks out, causes a large mess and or does really predictable stuff like this. Planning out the entire day when Pinkie wanted to take her on an adventure, BO-RING and she knew how to fix that. She inhaled and blew a blast of flames onto Twilights schedule and the unicorn just stood there in shock as her carefully planned out day went up in smoke. “Did you just breathe fire? That’s impossible… you couldn’t have just breathed fire, that’s an impossibility... well except when liquid rainbows are involved.” Twilight was on the way to becoming unhinged at the fact that Pinkie just did that to her best laid plans. “Well I did just mixed a bit of hot sauce into my hot chocolate, you do the math.” Pinkie to a sip of her hot chocolate and blew a small stream of fire from her mouth and a bit of steam rose out of her ears. “Man that’s good stuff.” “Why would you mix hot sauce into your hot chocolate?” Twilight’s eyes were wide and panicked as Pinkie just leaned by in her seat and sighed a small cloud of white steam from her mouth. “Well it is hot chocolate, so why wouldn’t it go great with hot sauce? They both have ‘hot’ in their names, because it was so hot and spicy I had to let all that heat out somewhere, do you know how painful it is to let a flaming one out the rear end? So instead I let it out at the attic, better that then the basement where all the heat is busy rising away from.” Pinkie smiled as she had once again made her friend stare at her in an awkward manner. “You… I… basement… hot… you know what, forget it.” Twilight calmed down by taking a deep breath, she too had breathed fire after drinking hot sauce but she had magical influence to actively explain the fire breath phenomenon. Even then the chocolate would have counteracted the spiciness and then…no, bad Twilight’s brain. Don’t you dare go there, you know what lies there. “Wow that’s a complicated formula, but I don’t think a basement heater would really help a pony breathe fire.” Pinkie giggled with a bit of insanity as Twilight slammed her face to the table. This kind of teasing was good natured, but seriously that hot sauce spiked with liquid rainbow was spicy as all get out. “What are we going to do without a schedule? How am I supposed to catalogue a complete tour of Canterlot without it?” Twilight was a bit hysterical as that was the only piece of parchment she had and Pinkie just burned it to cinders with horrible hilariously heinous halitosis. “Look, Twilight you have to learn that life is okay. So tell me it’s no better to be safe, then sorry you missed out on actually enjoying your day. You’re being way too organized all the time, just take a lesson from me. Sometimes you just got to wing it… like Rainbow Dash! You know, enter the danger zone every once in a while. Since we’re being random today I guess I get to call the shots, first I want to see the house you were born in. So take on me, to yonder home.” Pinkie almost burst out laughing at the look on Twilights face when she said she was calling the shots. It was like Twilight was filled with a sudden horror that she made a failing grade on a magic quiz. Twilight really hadn’t spent a lot of time with her parents in a long while, here she was in Canterlot and her parents were none the wiser. She felt like a bad daughter, but Celestia almost always had her attention and if it wasn’t her it was her friends. One of which just asked to see the place she lived in when she was little till she joined Celestia’s school for gifted unicorns, she really hasn’t set hoof in her old home in ages… was her old room even still the same? Did her book fort still stand? Wait what’s that sensations she was feeling right now. “Twilight… twilight… you in there, I’m not about to leave my friends behind because they are dancing around in their own minds.” Pinkie kept poking Twilights horn until she jerked back and inhaled before simple staring at Pinkie. “Yeah, let’s go see if my parents are home. Maybe I can show you my old room.” Twilight got up from her seat and made her way for the doors followed by Pinkie. Pinkie bounced along happily wanting to see baby pictures of Twilight and how cute she was when she was little. Goodness knows Pinkie herself was such a little heart stopper that her parents had to hide photo’s in case another pony had a heart attack from seeing her eating oatmeal when she was just a little filly. She guessed that was a reason why she liked Applejack, farming could be made fun with her around so it was just a bit unfortunate that Applejack wasn’t around when she was rock farming. She really did feel something amiss paradise in her own rock fields, but the apple orchards where quite homey and she loved fresh apple pie. “So, are you happy or are you feeling sad, do you at least have some sunshine… in a bag?” Pinkie said snuggled up to a somber Twilight as she trotted along. “Please Pinkie, no singing. I’m feeling kind of useless, but I won’t be for long. I just feel like I’ve been a bad pony for not spending more time with my parents. I’ve spent more time with Cadence then I have with my parents, I’ve never really gave it much thought till now.” Twilight stopped to bow her head in shame only for her nose to hit a cupcake sitting on the ground getting a bit of frosting on it. Twilight sighed rolling her eyes and scooped the cupcake up into her mouth before smiling at Pinkie as she swallowed the confection, then she used magic to scrape the frosting off her nose and into her mouth. “Well you sure know how to cheer a pony up.” “That’s what I do Twilight, it’s what I live for. It’s like I got to solve a mystery so I’ve got to be ready for my act and I never hold back!” Twilight noticed something about the way Pinkie worded what she said. “Are you… no it must be my imagination.” Twilight turned and continued down the street. “And that’s how fourth wall deniability syndrome works.” Pinkie said brightly following Twilight by hopping only to come to a stop in front of a house. “Should I dare to be stupid around your parents?” “Pinkie…” Twilight chuckled and she knocked on the door, it took a moment for her parents to answer. “If they’re in then just be yourself… Well you could be a little less random then putting on your costume from Luna Eclipsed.” Pinkie who had finished pulling up the hood to the chicken costume paused and stared flatly at Twilight. “Did you… did you really just… did you break the fourth wall? You, of all ponies that doesn’t like all the random nonsense and impossibility… just broke the wall… on purpose... just like that.” Pinkie said getting really confused as a look of disturbed shock finally crossed her face. “What are you talking about Pinkie?” Twilight said confusedly, honestly looking like she didn’t know what Pinkie was talking about. “You just said the name of the episode ‘Luna Eclipsed’ and on purpose no less!” Pinkie was suddenly in Twilights face narrowing her eyes. “Huh, there isn’t another eclipse scheduled for two months… I still think you should be less random then talking about Nightmare Night and eclipses and all that. Also we both know Luna is okay since we last saw her.” Twilight turned to door as she heard hoof steps and Pinkie was in front of her again. “No! I won’t let this stand… you just broke the wall and you didn’t even bother to give a lead up to it; you just up and dropped it on me like that! There is no way you can deny what you said!” Pinkie was slowly coming to hysterics trying to make sense of something gone horribly wrong. She pushed Twilight onto her back and stared her in the eyes. There was no way Twilight Sparkle should have been capable of breaking the fourth wall. “Pinkie… you’re scaring me.” Twilight said honestly trying to break away from Pinkie and towards the now open door. “Oh my, honey its Twilight and she brought a friend… in uh…a chicken costume? Are you to coming in or are you just stopping by?” Pinkie quickly got off of Twilight, the purple pony was instantly helped up into a loving nuzzle and neck hug by her mother causing her to smile. Pinkie just stood there, she had heard it. Twilight had absolutely broke the fourth wall… there was no way she couldn’t have not known she did that. Could she; Pinkie, be going insane? Maybe Kazooie was having an influence on their universe making every pony aware of the wall… well if that were true then every single pony would be breaking the wall sporadically all the time. Her thoughts started to swirl chaotically about all the implications of what might be going on. “Could you make me some tea Mrs. Sparkle I think I have headache coming on.” Pinkie slowly trotted into the house wondering if it was the liquid rainbow in the hot sauce. “Twilight, be a dear and get the door and I’ll go put some tea on for us. Do you want any snacks, you’re looking a bit pale and look like you could use some sugar miss.” After receiving a nod from Twilight, her mother turned around and trotted into the house with a hoof on Pinkie’s back leading her inside. Whether or not Pinkie knew it, she had entered the Twilight Sparkle Zone; a dimension that creates tales from the dark side unexplored and the outer limits of it is just scratching the surface of weirdness. A weirdness that even Pinkie can’t handle. “Sheesh I don’t know what’s gotten into Pinkie, she’s being as random as she was in the Swarm of the Century episode. If something is bothering her she should just spit it all out in a clear and concise manner, I just really don’t understand her sometimes.” Twilight’s horn lit up and she closed the door where strange things would continue to befall Pinkie till she got far away from Twilight’s place of childhood. Pinkie really had it coming when she destroyed Twilight’s well made fancy schedule. Let this be a warning to all of you and Pinkie especially; never ever destroy or go off a schedule made by Twilight Sparkle.