//------------------------------// // A Day in the Life // Story: Returning Survivor // by Itchy //------------------------------// Mecha stared, very carefully, as the hydra scale melted in front of his eyes. Eying the molten mixture, Mecha took a few steps back, the massive amount of armor he was wearing clicking and clanking against each other. Hey, it didn't hurt to wear several hundred pounds of iron when dealing with something so explosive it can blow up your house, did it? Waiting a few minutes to allow the volatile substance to fully melt, Mecha walked back forward and grabbed the container full molten scales, before poring it into a sword mold. Turns out he'd had some laying around, gathering dust since he never used them, so it wouldn't matter if he ended up blowing them up if he accidentally set off the hydra scale! So, without any true ceremony, Mecha dumped the molten mess, and quickly shoved the mold into a magic-proof container, before running away as fast as he could. Just because Twilight Sparkle claimed it was magic proof didn't mean he wanted to stick around and find out, especially since he wasn't sure if magic-proof meant magic-repelling. So, after running for about five minutes, Mecha stood huffing and puffing outside his home, armor strewn about the path he'd just ran. Glancing behind him, Mecha allowed a smile to grace his face when he saw that there was no giant explosion. Grin still on his face, he started walking down the street, before suddenly stopping. While he was happy that he didn't end up exploding, Mecha hadn't actually planned on it not occurring, and thus had nothing else planned for the day. With a frown, Mecha sat down before trying to think about what to do. His answer came in the form of his daughter, running up to him and asking, “Are you done working dad?” Glancing at his daughter, Mecha's grin returned, before saying, “I am for now,” much to his daughter's glee. “And I think this is the perfect time for a conversation I've been meaning to have with you for a while. Follow me!” he said, walking into their home. Staring at her father for a minute, Sugary Spice shrugged before following him in. LINEBREAKER “And that's all there is to it,” Mecha said, collapsing the pointer he'd been using. “Any questions?” Sugary Spice stared at the board numbly, before asking, “Yeah, what's panties?” Shrugging, Mecha replied, “I dunno. Just something the demons said when referring to Lust. Anyways, you ready for your 'exam'?” Nodding her head, Sugary Spice replied, “Yes sir pops!” Chuckling, Mecha asked, “Okay, let's start with something simple... a siren steals your stallion friend?” “That lust-forsaken hussy!” Sugary Spice replied happily. “Good good,” Mecha mumbled,writing something down. “Wolfgang got stabbed by a falling knife.” “Wrath's dagger!” Sugary Spice exclaimed. “Bureaucrats take to long to approve your clearance to visit the palace,” Mecha stated. “Those Pride-forsaken jerks!” Sugary Spice replied. “I got trapped in jail for something I didn't do, and am thus missing your birthday party, with a bleeding wound,” Mecha recited, reading off a list he'd made before hand. “Pride's mirror reflecting Envy's gaze cast onto Wrath's bow!” Sugary Spice sang, literally, as Mecha gave one final nod. “Okay, that about wraps us up... one last test,” Mecha said. Seeing Sugary Spice's enthusiasm, Mecha asked, “What would the proper swear be if Changelings took over Equestria and impose a tax structure that required you to fill out taxes?” Sugary Spice frowned in concentration, before replying, “The complete seven lords of hell and Lucifer curse?” Nodding his head, Mecha asked, “And if I'm present?” Smiling, Sugary Spice shouted out, “No more than four of them!” Laughing, Mecha rubbed her head, saying, “That's my girl!” “Did you really just spend the last two hours teaching Sugary Spice how to swear?” Wolfgang asked, having walked in half-way through the lesson. “Eeyup!” Mecha replied, walking towards the door. “She was bound to pick it up from me sooner or later, best she understand exactly what she's saying and doing it right!” he added, before leaving the building. Wolfgang just watched Mecha leaved, before facing Sugary Spice, and saying, “Your dad's real messed up.” Sugary Spice faced Wolfgang, and replied, “Oh, just shut your Sloth-forsaken mouth,” before giggling and skipping off. Stunned at what just happened, Wolfgang spoke out loud, saying to himself, “She's either giddy with the initial joy of swearing, or Mecha's created a monster.” “I'm hoping for the latter,” Diable said, walking out from the shadows where he'd been hiding. “After all, I'd love to see how the town reacts to Sugary Spice swearing all the time.” Raising an eyebrow, Wolfgang asked, “You just want to see Mecha beaten up in a town mob, don't you?” Grinning, Diable replied with, “Eeyup,” before blinking, and adding, “Gluttony's buffet! He has me doing it now!” Wolfgang stared at Diable, before saying, “I think we'll get along,” before laying his head down to take a nap. LINEBREAKER Having killed an hour teaching his daughter how to swear, Mecha was now bored walking through town. He'd considered sparring with Limbs for a while, but killed that idea when he recalled that the deer and his friends were out on vacation. Walking through the park, he gave Synge a wave as he passed, trying not to interrupt Twilight's Siren Speak lesson. Although, from the sounds of it, she almost had it down. Sitting down on the town's fountain, Mecha thought over his options. Cheerilee was out for the day on a field trip, and his aunt was busy with work. Snips and Snails were both watching the shop, leaving Mecha with two options. Hang out with Big Macintosh or hand out with Doctor Whooves. Sighing, Mecha pulled out a coin, and flipped it. Seeing the result, Mecha said to himself, “Doctor Whooves it is then,” before getting up and walking away. LINEBREAKER Turned out that Mecha didn't need to flip a coin, as both Doctor Whooves and Big Macintosh were in the same place. Raising an eyebrow, Mecha asked, “What in Luna's name are you two doing?” Looking up from the papers scattered over the table, he replied, “We're going over the math behind my project... I just can't figure out why it's not working!” Blinking, Mecha grabbed some papers and asked, “Mind if I help?” Snorting, Doctor Whooves replied, “Do you understand Calculus?” Raising an eyebrow, Mecha replied, “Dude, you're the one who helped me ace that class, remember?” Blinking, Doctor Whooves rubbed the back of his head, before replying, “Oops...?” “Would the two of ya please quiet down?” Big Macintosh asked. “You almost made me do a derivation instead of an integration!” Chuckling, the two quickly apologized, before getting to work. After several hours of number crunching, the trio of friends had gotten nowhere. “I just don't get it...” Doctor Whooves said, slamming his head on the table. “We've tried everything! But none of these answers make sense... I've even gotten a result that states that I'm a mare!” Big Macintosh blinked, before asking, “Ah've got to see that one... what did ya do wrong there?” Groaning, Doctor Whooves replied, “I asked a magic eight ball...” Mecha ignored all this, however, as he stared at his most recent equation. Having given up all hopes of attempting any of this with numbers, he'd subbed in several variables, and had been making some slow progress. Taking another glance at his work so far, he grinned as he slowly started to work, picking up the pace. Divide by A-B here... move 8*D to this side... take the square root of that... and divide by the result given by dividing by A-B before plugging it into the equation! “I've got it!” Mecha hollered, throwing his hooves up into the air. Blinking, Doctor Whooves looked over Mecha's equation, before grabbing a calculator and plugging in the numbers. While he was doing that, Big Macintosh was looking over the work done, and was about to say something when Doctor Whooves broke out in cheers, stating, “It works! It actually works! The numbers given fit the parameters set!” before he ran over to a box he'd brought with him, and turning some knobs on it, as well as altering some of the wires. “It worked?” Big Macintosh mumbled, before looking over the work Doctor Whooves had just done. “But that should be impossible...” Any further statements were held silent, as Doctor Whooves shouted with glee as the box disappeared in front of their eyes, before reappearing thirty seconds later. Blinking, Big Macintosh replied, “If ah hadn't had seen it, ah wouldn't have believed it...” Grinning ear to ear, Doctor Whooves replied, “Yes, quite astounding, isn't it?” Shaking his head, Big Macintosh replied, “Not that. Ah'm talkin' about the fact the dividing by zero works.” Stunned, Doctor Whooves and Mecha rushed over to Big Macintosh's side, where he showed them what he meant. “If ya look here,” he said, pointing to the middle of the page, “You'll find that A-B equals zero, and since you divide by it here...” “I divided by zero...” Mecha stated, looking at the paper numbly. “But... but... how did it work then?!?” Doctor Whooves exclaimed. Frowning, Big Macintosh continued to go over Mecha's work, before pointing at another part of the page, and said, “Right there. Mecha fixes dividing by Zero by dividing by Infinity.”* The trio continued to stare at the page, jaws dropped. “I not only divided by Zero... but also by Infinity...” Mecha stated. The three gathered themselves, before sharing a look. “We tell none of this to Twilight, got it? She'd go nuts.” Getting a nod of approval from his friends, the three went their separate ways, content with braking only one mathematical law. LINEBREAKER Mecha was walking towards Sugarcube Corner, having gotten an emergency call from them... involving a toaster. Normally when Snips or Snails inform him about an emergency call, it involved a heater in the middle of winter or an air condition in the middle of summer, so this would be a first for him. Stepping inside the building, Mecha immediately saw why they requested he be armed when he showed up. “Back foul demon, back I say!” Mecha hollered, before swiping at the vile creation before him with a hammer, forcing it to fall back. “What in Luna's name-,” he started, before dodging a swipe of the former toaster's cord, “happened here?” as he slammed his hammer down on it's foot. “I dunno!” Mrs. Cake replied, cowering in fear behind her husband, the twins cuddling into her while Pinkie shook behind her. “All I can recall was that the toaster stopped working, and Pinkie Pie insisting that she could fix it!” Stepping around the burst of flames the toaster shot at him, Mecha yelled out, “PINKIE! WHAT DID YOU DO!” before swinging his hammer like a bat, causing the enlarged monstrosity of technology to stumble, a dent clearly visible where Mecha had hit. “I... I... I just tried to fix it!” Pinkie cried out, falling to the floor with tears flooding down her face. “I didn't mean to summon a demon to posses and modify it!” Eye twitching, Mecha replied, “It's okay...” as he brought out a second hammer, and started repeatedly swinging them upon the creature's... face? “Who here hasn't accidentally summoned a toaster possessing demon?” In response to the question, the two Cake twins raised their hooves, causing Pinkie to sniffle, and ask, “So you're not mad?” Snorting, Mecha replied, “Pinkie, this is possibly the weakest demon I've ever fought... and that includes the demon that accidentally possessed our toilet paper!” before smashing down upon the toaster one last time, the demon's soul flying out and back into Hell. Letting out a sigh, Mecha turned to face the Cake family, and said, “Well, that takes care of that.” Walking slowly over to the wreckage of the formerly possessed toaster, Mr. Cake kicked it, before asking, “So, uh... what do we do with this?” Trotting over to the toaster himself, Mecha grabbed a chunk of metal, inspecting it closely. Nodding his head, Mecha replied, “I'll just take this metal and give you a new toaster in exchange. Sound fair?” receiving several nods in response, Mecha quickly packed up the metal, before turning to leave. Stopping at the door, Mecha turned to face Pinkie, and said, “And Pinkie Pie? If I were you, I'd avoid any instructions written in Latin from now on. Better safe then sorry, eh?” LINEBREAKER Mecha sighed as he went through a mental list of the day's activities. Melted down hydra scales? Done, and with no explosions! In fact, he'd have to check and see how cool the solidified scales were now that the day was over. Either way, back to the list. Taught his daughter to swear... and maybe brought the wrath of both Twilight Sparkle and Cheerilee down on himself should they ever find out, which given the fact that both Diable and Wolfgang enjoyed his misery, was entirely plausible. Then, he violated the laws of math in order to help Doctor Whooves violate the laws of time and space before fighting a demonic toaster. All in all, a normal day in the life for Mecha, minus explosions! So, with a grin, Mecha walked into his forge, spotting Snips and Snails investigating the anti-magic box he'd left laying around in the open. “Please don't touch that,” Mecha requested, walking forward. Spotting their looks of confusion, Mecha chuckled as he put on the armor from earlier, and added, “There's treated hydra scale in there.” The two journeypony forgers immediately leaped back and hid behind two walls of iron, put in speciffically to protect them from the explosions their crazy boss caused. Opening up the box, Mecha was happy to note that the hydra scale had in fact solidified, and pulled it out with his mechanical leg. “Nice!” he exclaimed, giving it a few practice swings. Seeing that there was no immediate concern, Snips and Snails walked out, Snails asking, “Are you sure it's safe boss?” “Yeah, after all, who knows what could set that off?” Snails added. Nodding his head, Mecha reached down and snapped off a light piece with his hoof, before throwing it at a barrel of water, screaming, “HOT!” It turns out that treated hydra scale plus water does not mix. Upon contact with the water, the hydra scale exploded violently, causing Snips and Snails to leap behind their iron walls just in time, for the water displaced by the explosion came in contact with the treated hydra scale sword... still being held by Mecha. BOOM! Mecha was thrown from the forge, and slid on his back around ten feet. Staring straight at the sky, Mecha didn't move or blink until Snips and Snails walked up to him and asked, “You okay boss?” Blinking, Mecha let out a cough, creating a puff of smoke, before saying, “Just fine.” Getting up on his hooves, Mecha started to remove the armor, before poking around his chest. Wincing a little, he replied, “Might have cracked a rib or two though...” “Should we take you to the hospital?” Snips asked. “Nah,” Mecha replied, “I'll be fine.” Seeing the concerned looks on their faces, Mecha rolled his eyes and said, “Let me test out my gun first, then I'll go.” Smiling, the two unicorn colts followed Mecha to a target range, where his leg shifted pieces, before settling on a form similar to the one he'd had during his double date. Pointing the opening at a target, Mecha said, “If I'm right, I should be able to hit near the bulls-eye ever time now...” before pulling the trigger... BOOM!!! For the second time that day, something blew up in close proximity. But unlike last time, when Mecha had armor to protect himself from the explosion and wood fragments, he had no such protection from the fragments of his leg that were now lodged snugly inside his chest. Letting out a bloody cough, Mecha said, “Snips, Snails, I think now would be a good time for you to levitate me to the hospital.” Raising an eyebrow, Snails asked, “Why levitate?” “Because,” Mecha started, “I'm pretty sure any sudden movement on my part will cause the piece of metal lodged next to my heart to pierce it.” Wincing, Snips and Snails nodded their heads before levitating Mecha slowly, and made their way to the hospital. LINEBREAKER Mecha sighed as he lay in his bed at the hospital. Not only did it still have a plaque, but the nurses had started to decorate it with images of his various... mis-adventures that had landed him in that very bed. Any more visits to the hospital and they'd have to start painting the walls! A door suddenly opening caught his attention, and Mecha turned to face Rainbow Dash walking in, with a book of all things! “Hey there,” Rainbow Dash said, taking a seat next to Mecha's bed. “Heard that you wound up in here again, and figured you'd probably like a book or something to keep your sanity,” she said, setting the book next to him. Mecha glanced at the title, before snickering. There, in golden letters, was the title of the book, “Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone.” “Hey, what's so funny!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, taking offense at Mecha's laughter. “That's one of the few books I'll read!” “It's nothing personal Rainbow,” Mecha replied, “It's just that...” At that point, Ditzy Do walked in, and said, “Hey Mecha! Heard you blew yourself up again, so I thought I'd bring you a get well soon gift!” before tossing a book straight into Mecha's chest. Wincing in pain, Mecha glanced at the title, before laughing once more. “Really? You're giving me a copy of this before it's even published?” “Eeyup!” Ditzy replied, before turning to leave the room. “I even signed it!” Confused at Ditzy's behavior and Mecha's laughter, Rainbow Dash looked at the book in Mecha's hooves, before her eyes went wide, and rushed out the door. “Ditzy, wait up!” she shouted, leaving Mecha alone in the room with the book Ditzy had tossed him, “Daring Do and the Legendary Blacksmith's Hammer.” *There actually is a program out there that divides by zero and later by infinity. It's known as the goggle search engine algorithm. And as 99.9% of internet users will tell you, it works. Provided they're still using it of course.