//------------------------------// // Confess! // Story: Spike's Pinkie Pie // by MallaJong1 //------------------------------// What do we have here? Another story I need to tell? Sure, sure. Go ahead. Keep making me spend my precious time on these little tales. It’s not like I have anything better to do in my spare time, right? I mean, I’m the narrator, right? That’s all I am to you, right? Right? Right? It’s tough, I tell you. I didn’t sign up for this. Having to dispense this many stories. Ah, whatever. Complaining gets me nowhere, I guess. I just need to do what I’m told, because if I don’t I’m out of a job. And I need my job. I got a narrator family to feed and whatnot. We’re called The Narrators. Get it? You get it? Hmm, might as well get started. So what story do I have to tell now, huh? It most likely has to do with Spike the baby dragon, I’m betting. Seriously, it’s like I’m just tied down to that kid or something. Spike’s this, Spike’s that. At this rate, we’re going to have a whole harem lined up for just Spike. Lucky bastard. Whoa. Wait a minute. What was that? Oh, hold on, you want me to tell you THAT story? Really? Hah! Then why didn’t you say so earlier? That story is hilarious! Okay, I’m pumped now. I can have a lot of fun with this one. And I’m not going to hold back. I’m going all out with my narrating skills. If it’s about Spike’s romantic adventures with that pink party pony, then there’s nothing but a fun time ahead. Because, let’s face it, when it comes to Pinkie Pie… That bitch is crazy. Spike’s Pinkie Pie Spontaneity had always been a dominant characteristic of Pinkie Pie. She was the great party pony of Ponyville, after all. Quite possibly the most festive creature in all of Equestria. Randomness was the name of that pink pony’s game, and there was never a second when Pinkie Pie’s behavior faltered from the line of unpredictability. It was an aspect widely appreciated, because oftentimes her actions produced an array of smiles and laughs. Hosting a new celebratory bash ever few days, singing and dancing at any opportune moment, and providing fresh entertainment to audiences all around made up most of Pinkie Pie’s daily life. And she was proud to be able to distribute her services. For the world deserved to be as happy as she was. However, at this current time, Pinkie Pie was not so elated. The pink pony’s close friends were acting rather secretive around her. And if that weren’t enough, they were also spewing out obvious lies in order to cop out of a party she had recently planned. Gummy’s After-Birthday Party was going to be an absolute blast, but it seemed nopony wanted to be a part of it. But why? Why didn’t anypony make an effort to attend the after-party? Did they actually dislike her parties? Were they sick of them? That must have been it, right? Her friends must have hated her parties! Despised them, even. Then that meant they also despised Pinkie Pie as well! That was the only answer to everypony’s surreptitious conduct. Of course, as we all know, that was in no way the case. Because unbeknownst to the paranoid pony, her friends were in the middle of preparing her surprise birthday party. Pinkie Pie coming up with another party during the same afternoon was an unfortunate occurrence, but the rest of the gang was sure she’d be satisfied with a bash dedicated to her. They’d have to attend Gummy’s After-Birthday Party at a different date. As long as Pinkie Pie ended up stunned at her very own surprise party, everypony will have done an exceptional job of concealing its existence. Oh, the shock on her face!, Twilight Sparkle, the original planner, thought. Priceless! Meanwhile, at a festively decorated Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie Pie was readying herself to interrogate an individual whom must have been in the loop. Yes, it was Spike. According to Pinkie Pie, Spike knew exactly what was going on with their friends, and she was going to find out everything once and for all. She just needed a reward for the young dragon. Give him an incentive, and he’ll talk!, Pinkie Pie figured. “Wow. Nice spread!” Spike rubbed his hands in anticipation, eyeing the pan of jewels on the table before him. “It’s all yours, Spike.” Pinkie Pie confirmed, smiling innocently. Spike was very happy. Yup, as simple as that. The reason he was so happy didn’t ride solely on the fact that a spread of glimmering stones awaited his tongue. It was basically due to Pinkie Pie’s seemingly benevolent intentions that Spike’s heart palpitated. Truthfully, Spike liked Pinkie Pie. And I mean he liked-liked Pinkie Pie. He wasn’t in love with her, unlike how he was in love with Rarity. But he was definitely attracted to Pinkie Pie. And it had taken a long while for Spike to finally admit this to himself. Spike had fallen in love with Rarity at first sight. The purple-maned unicorn was the crème de la crème of his life. The ultimate beauty of the entire land. To the baby dragon, nopony could come close to comparing to her in terms of majesty. Though there were ponies that came close to coming close to comparing to Rarity. Pinkie Pie wasn’t elegant. She wasn’t refined or stylish, neither was she fashionable in any sort of manner. But there was a certain grace about the pink earth pony. Spike could see it. Every little thing she did was exquisite its own way. Whether they were her bright smiles or her intermittent bouncing, Pinkie Pie was flawless in her execution. Spike had noticed, and after two months of their first meeting he found himself a little nervous when he was in her presence. She was also cute in her own way. Spike found her messy, raspberry mane to be kind of adorable. And her large, light cerulean eyes were always so catching. Yet these sentiments baffled the baby dragon. It’s not like he was going to pursue her, not like for Rarity. Because the first prize was on his agenda. He desired the gold! Not the silver. So when it came down to it, Rarity the unicorn was his love, while Pinkie Pie the earth pony was his interest. And that’s how he wanted it to remain. But right now Spike was being offered a whole variety of mouthwatering stones! It was so difficult to not find Pinkie Pie’s sudden generosity attractive. No wonder he liked her, right? Again, as we all know, Spike’s a sucker. Because he was completely ignorant of the situation he was in. Instantaneously, his tail was caught in Gummy’s toothless jaws. After the lights mysteriously dimmed and a blinding lamp stared directly into Spike’s face, Pinkie Pie began her grilling. “All you have to do is talk.” Pinkie Pie said sternly. Wait. What did she just say? All Spike had to do was talk? Talk about what? Spike rubbed his eyes to adjust to the lighting. “Uh, I don’t get it. What do you want me to talk about?” “You know what I’m talking about. I know you know what I’m talking about. I’m talking about you talking about what I know you know what I want you to talk about. So talk!” Pinkie Pie demanded. What was this all about? Spike had no idea. All he knew was that a dish of jewels were aching to be in his stomach. So he might as well start talking. “S-sure. I’ll talk.” Spike stood up on his chair, contemplating. “Um, okay. I got one for you. Did you know that when you swallow chewing gum it stays in your digestive system for seven years? That’s a lot of years, huh? I read it in a book just recently.” “Really? Cool! I swallow all my gum! So I guess there’s a little gum party going on in my belly right now!” Pinkie Pie giggled for a second before shaking her head vigorously. “No! No! You’re in serious mode, Pinkie Pie! This is an interrogation, remember?” “Interrogation?” Spike repeated, watching Pinkie Pie reprimand herself. “Yes, an interrogation! Now start talking!” Pinkie Pie readdressed her attention towards Spike. “But I’ve been talking!” Spike defended himself worriedly. “Talk about something else!” Pinkie Pie gritted her teeth menacingly. “Okay, okay! Uh, how about this?” Spike racked his brain for a new topic. “Knock-knock.” “Who’s there?” Pinkie Pie replied automatically. “Beats.” “Beats who?” Pinkie Pie’s right eye twitched. “Beats me. Heh, heh.” Spike shrugged. “Get it? Because I said ‘beats’, and then you said –“ “NO!” Pinkie Pie screamed, frustrated. “You’re not understanding me! I want you to confess!” “Confess?” Spike pushed himself against the seat. “Confess!” Pinkie Pie pulled the lamp closer to Spike. Spike knew he had been caught. He couldn’t believe she had found out. How did she even know? How was that even possible? He made sure nopony knew about it! This couldn’t be happening! Was Pinkie Pie some sort of mind-reader? Why was she so adamant on pressing Spike’s buttons, anyhow? Did she really care this much? Spike spat it out. “I have a naughty magazine hidden in the Library! I look through it almost every night, and sometimes I rub in between my legs until something appears and grows really big! Somehow deep down I knew Twilight wouldn’t approve, but I just kept rubbing and rubbing until some stuff came out! I’m so ashamed!” “And?” Pinkie Pie pressed on. What did she mean ‘and’? Wasn’t that what she wanted? Unless…Oh, no. Not that. There’s no way she knew about that! Never in his life did Spike even consider confessing about that! Pinkie Pie must have known all along. It was over for Spike. There was no escape in sight. Only the sad reality of his pathetic admission. Spike spilled the beans. “I have a picture of Princess Celestia’s butt that I secretly took! I stare at it constantly, and I pasted a photograph of Rarity’s head on the butt! I mean, her butt’s so huge! How can you not just take a second glance at it? I know! I am disgusting! She is our Princess! If she finds out, I’m going to be banished! And Twilight! She’s going to freak! Please, don’t tell anypony! I beg of you!” “AND?” She wasn’t yielding, was she? Pinkie Pie’s unrelenting questioning exasperated Spike. The only other secret Spike kept to himself was…his interest in Pinkie Pie. That was it. And that was what she was most likely after. The time to lay out his budding feelings was now. Knowing Pinkie Pie, she wasn’t going to give up her inquiring until Spike confessed. He realized that if he had to do it, then in solitude with Pinkie Pie and Gummy was probably going to be his best case scenario. Are you sure you want to say it, Spike? Once you do, there's probably no turning back. Spike broke under the pressure. “I like you, Pinkie Pie! I like-like you! I think you’re really cute and funny! I’m sorry if that bothered you! I didn’t know you were going to find out!” You chump. You're in for it now. Welcome to the insanity that is Pinkie Pie. There was silence. Pinkie Pie’s mouth gaped, thoughts racing through her mind at exponential speeds. Spike liked-liked her? She didn’t expect that. But as surprising as it was, she didn’t really mind it. This was the first time anypony had ever confessed to her. What was she supposed to do now? Pinkie Pie wasn’t so sure. “You really like-like me, Spike?” Pinkie Pie pulled the lamp away. “You’re not lying to me?” “I’ve already told you everything else, so why would I lie now?” Spike answered guiltily. “I know, I know. You probably hate me now.” The brightness in the room returned to its previous state, illuminating their surroundings. “Silly Spike! I don’t hate you.” Pinkie Pie beamed. “In fact I’m flattered!” “You’re…flattered?” Spike asked in disbelief. All day Pinkie Pie felt she had been deceived by her so-called best friends. Therefore, receiving a sincere truth at this specific moment was satiating. Pinkie Pie’s anxiety levels were dramatically lowered by Spike’s unexpected announcement of his affections, and she experienced extreme thankfulness towards the baby dragon as a result. It could have been the stars having been aligned correctly. It could have been Spike's pheromones going wild. It could have been Pinkie Pie's own tendency to be impulsive. It could have even been, that at a time of distress for Pinkie Pie, Spike confessed at just the right moment. Maybe Pinkie Pie needed some support for her troubles. Either way, what the pink earth pony said next to the baby dragon still renders me dumbfounded. And I'm the freakin' narrator, for crying out loud! “Let’s make it official then!” Pinkie Pie nodded excitedly. “Spike, I’m your marefriend now!” “What now?” Spike sputtered blankly. “Let’s have a lot of fun, okay?” Pinkie Pie bounced giddily. “Gummy, did you hear that? Spike and I are going out!” “Huh?” Spike went slack-jawed. “If we’re dating now, then we have to go on a date soon! Oh, I know! We’ll have a party! A party announcing our new relationship! There will be music and cake and dancing and singing and everypony’s invited!” Pinkie Pie shrieked animatedly. “Eh?” Spike’s eyes glazed over. “What do ponies usually do when they date? Kissing is always a sign of dating, right? We’ll start it off with some kissing, and we’ll work our way from there!” Pinkie Pie put a hoof to her chin, pondering aloud. “Yes! Yes! There’s a whole new world out there for us to explore! This is going to be so much fun! I can’t wait!” Spike finally snapped out of his daze. “H-hold up, Pinkie Pie! What are you saying all of a sudden?” “We’re dating now, Spike!” Pinkie Pie peeked over to Gummy. “Gummy, let him go now. He’s free to go.” Gummy released his bite on Spike’s extended tail. “L-let me get this straight.” Spike put a hand up to Pinkie Pie. “You want to be my marefriend? Just like that?” “That’s right!” Pinkie Pie laughed. “If you don’t believe me, you can just ask the narrator! Isn’t that right, narrator?” She’s not jerking your chain, Spike. Get on that ass. Spike looked from side to side, confused. “W-Who are you talking to, Pinkie Pie? There's nopony here but us." Acting like I don't exist, huh? Sometimes I just want to punch your teeth in, Spike. Jerk.