//------------------------------// // Chaos Of Command // Story: Chaos Rules Once More // by KillerSteel //------------------------------// Chaos. It was like that one soldier around the base that you just didn't like, but you couldn't help laughing at them when they managed to triple backflip into a peanut butter and jam pie with a top of pudding. And then, you find out that soldier happened to be the Lieutenant and right-hand pony to the Captain of the Guard, who proceeded to blame the whole joker's stunt on you, which got you readily discharged. It was a love hate relationship; you loved to see him make an idiot of himself, but you hated seeing the same thing, cause the bad stuff always happened to you, while he sat in his pretty little bunk giggling to himself, thinking of who's life he could mess up next. Captain Shining Armor of the Royal Guard envied the days where he'd just be taking orders. Granted, they wouldn't be any easier to follow, what with the roads turning into sludge mid-step, and the city itself suddenly experiencing cold fronts every thirty nights. It made leading an army difficult, you know? Having to stay connected, planning out pegasus travel routes and emergency evacuation orders... it all just stacked up into something monolithic, and the chaos in the streets didn't help much. "I can't take much more of this," Armor grunted, a tower of paper work stacked in front of him. More requisition requests from other cities; ponies were getting by still, but everypony was looking to Canterlot for support, as if the city wasn't stuck in the insanity Equestria had found itself in! He tore his eyes from yet another insane request; the third one requesting that Canterlot produce and deliver thirty tons of vanilla pudding with a dash of cocoa. A dash, as if the Guard was some national catering service! At that point, he could only think of when Discord took over. If you could even call it a 'take over'. It was weird. Armor had heard stories about when his little sister and her friends beat Discord only a year - or was it five years? This new time system was difficult as all Tartarus to use - ago. They said it was miraculous with how quickly he was beaten and locked up; a Spirit of Chaos should've been more of a challenge, right? He was almost on the same level as the Princesses. That'd be saying the Changeling Queen was stronger than him though, and that was a situation the Captain wanted to avoid since the wedding. Having the Changelings strike now, when Equestria was pretty much flipping over sideways and vomiting in sick chaos? Ponies wouldn't stand a chance. Even the invasion of Canterlot was put to shame by just how easily Discord struck, though. Nopony even realized his prison had crumbled before a great flash came from the main hall. When the Guard posted in the courtyard flooded the throne room, he was there. Princesses Celestia and Luna were gone, and Discord was just... standing there, facing the Guard with his claws behind his back. His face wasn't even mocking or gleeful; it was stern, serious, like he suddenly had an epiphany about his confidence during his stay in that rocky tomb. He subverted the country in less time than Pony Joe could make a donut; guess that was why they called him the Spirit of Chaos, completely unpredictable. What scared Armor even more was just how... normal everything seemed; everypony was just carrying on with their lives, trying to adapt to the chaos now infecting the kingdom. Don't they remember the Princesses? Don't they care? Yet here he was, sitting at his desk in the Royal Guard wing of the castle, signing off requisition forms for pudding! The world was flipping upside down, and he was tied down with paperwork of all things?! It put a damper on a stallion's spirits sometimes. "Sir! Captain Armor!" Don't let this be about the pink armor again... "I've said, for the last time, the pink armor is mandatory, no matter how much it makes you look like a mare!" Armor shouted back, looking at the open double doors to his office. The interrupting soldier was hovering above it, spinning around with his hooves stretched out. Kind of like a pinwheel. The soldier tried to salute; ohhh, how he tried. "Uh, what're you doing?" "I have no idea! Ahem, uh... sir!" To say his attempts at hiding the Spurlin accent were terrible would be an understatement. "You alright, Corporal?" "Right as regen, sir!" "Aaaand have you always been from Spurlin?" Those ponies with the weird, raspy accents. It just didn't fit in Canterlot. "Nein, sir! Fillydelphia, born and raised!" He finally stopped spinning and fell to the ground like a sack of hammers. , With a snap-to that would impress even the most rigid of sergeants, he stood upright and saluted, a hoof behind his back. Armor blinked, staring at his now-upright soldier; that position didn't look too comfortable. "So, you have something to report, soldier?" "Ja, Kaptain! It is another argument between ze troops! Zey have begun conversing about making Fuhrer Discord wear ze pink armor for ze next forty years!" The soldier lowered his salute and placed the hoof behind his back, standing up straight, eyes locked on the ceiling. Seemed his new new position didn't come with the ability to look down. "And you know you're shouting at my ceiling?" "Ja, mein Kapitain!" The soldier saluted again. Shining hoped that would never happen to him; it'd be kinda awkward to be talking to Cadence, then to suddenly launch up onto his hind legs, speaking a near-dead language. The language actually struck him as strange; the only cities in Equestria still using their native tongue were Stalliongrad and Spurlin; thank goodness he was still just using simple Dülmen. Twilight's history lessons paid off, at least for today! "Right, er... they haven't made any advances on the Emperor, right?" "Nein!" The soldier finally lowered himself onto all four hooves, taking a seat. He rolled his neck, a few audible cracks coming out; figures that kind of position would make somepony sore. Armor sighed, looking over his paperwork; maybe some disciplinary work would help him blow off stress. Quick march around the gardens, some fresh air, maybe even some chocolate milk rain... that'd pick anypony up, right? "Alright, let's head over and talk to 'em. I need a break anyway," Armor got up from his desk and walked around, wearing a very interesting uniform; a full housecoat with purple dinner plates as kneepads. Armor glared at the soldier, already seeing the beginnings of a raucous laugh breaking through his soldier's defenses, "Let's go, Corporal." "J-Ja, sir!" The soldier gigglesnorted, unable to protect himself from the onslaught of hilarity before him. It was quickly followed by a mad sprint out of the room as Shining dropped a shield on where he was standing. Armor had been dealing with this stupid housecoat for the past two days! The thing wouldn't even come off! All it did was tie itself up again! He sighed in resentment of the silly getup; the only consolation was Cadence's enjoyment of it. Whether that was because she found it hilarious or not was up to interpretation. Right then, business at hand. The layout of the Castle was merciful to the Guard, Armor especially since his office was so high up. The Guard wing of the Castle was in the main section of the West tower, a good sixty feet up above the courtyard. A panoramic view of the city below was taken in often by the officers of the Guard, offering a bit of solace from their hectic lives as Equestria's defenders. Though the staircase had decided to turn into a slide, if the shouts of Lieutenant Bastion were any sign. And the loud laughter from the bottom of the steps from a crowd of soldiers; weren't they all supposed to be out on maneuvers? "What's with this staircase anyway? Yesterday, it was made of tar," Shining mumbled to himself, looking over the slick, metal surface of the slide. He looked over the railing and peered down to the bottom of the tower. Sure enough, a crowd had gathered there. They all looked like ants down there, but there was an easy forty soldiers at least. Wasn't the tower only big enough to hold ten side by side at the base? "If Discord turned my HQ into some circus again, heads are gonna roll," Armor groaned, not wanting to deal with another Ursa Minor springing out of somepony's closet. He hopped onto the slide and started his way down, drifting around the corners with the skill of an ice skating master. It wasn't long before he rolled through the crowd of soldiers, every last one of the eighty soldiers immediately going quiet and saluting their Captain. "Alright, what're you all doing here?" He shouted, peering around to his troops. Each of them shared a worried glance before someone spoke up. "Uh, sir... Emperor Discord ordered the entire Castle Guard off-duty." "Excuse me!?" "Yeah! He told us to focus on all the cooking requisitions, so we're all assigned to kitchen duty." "Alright, all of you back to your posts! I'm gonna have a discussion with our leader," Armor stomped off, followed by the Corporal as everypony filtered out into the fields of the courtyard. They were quite obviously on fire. "See? The castle is not protected in the slightest!" "Sir, those fires are for the pudding." "What?" Shining blinked at the soldier before turning around. Sure enough, four massive cauldrons were suspended over the raging infernos, towers of steam billowing out their tops. They were held up by four Lunar Guard soldiers each, all with a bored expression on their faces, despite the flames that were most likely cooking them alive, "Why are they sitting in the fire!?" "The fire only heats pudding." "Oh, magnificent, now the laws of physics are changing?!" There were many things Shining could handle. Housecoats changing color, his troops suddenly taking on Spurlin accents, trying to brush his teeth, just to have the toothbrush run away, shouting about the Apocalypse. Even waking up next to a monkey instead of his wife! But this!? Somepony had to stand up. Somepony had to take charge! Somepony had to take Discord's head and shove it up his- "Calm, calm, Shining... don't make any choices that we'll regret... no matter how pleasing the thought may be," Sadly, the thought was quite pleasing indeed, "I'm heading to the throne room. The rest of you, get back to your posts!" "Sir, yes sir!" The troops resounded in unison, a snap-to salute echoing out as Shining walked away, "As soon as the pudding is ready, sir!" They shouted again. "Posts! Now!" With that, the soldiers all scattered into the fields, towards the gates, up the towers and over the battlements. Shining sighed, trudging through the infernos as he made his way to the throne room; pink armor, housecoats, terrible mornings and even worse days. Why did Discord take over again? It was far too serious to be a joke, but he's not running the country as a tyrant. Just kind of... sitting in the throne. As the Guard Captain drew closer to the gates, the answers moved farther away from his logic, troubling him more than the Archives tower suddenly turning into chocolate. Now that was a pain to clean up. "Ahh, doesn't matter. Gotta talk with the troops," Shining mumbled, before stopping. The Corporal never told him who was planning this. Luckily, shouting from within the main hall provided a distraction from this derailment in his plans, and he charged through the doors, instinct driving him to protect the throne. He looked around, horn lit and ready to start a fight, only to find a most peculiar scene... "That's it, soldiers! One, two, three, one, two, three!" Discord was leading a choreography with about ten soldiers, dancing around the main hall. Shining's jaw dropped, shock crashing into his brain like a runaway train slamming straight into a giant marshmallow. He even heard the delicious 'squish' in his mind, and the thought of s'mores went through his train of thought before realizing just what was going on. "What is this!?" He shouted, Discord raising his brow. "Oh, Captain, so good of you to join us! We were just practicing for the recital," The Emperor snapped his fingers and the soldiers dropped to the ground, exhausted, "What brings you here?" "Well, the shouting. It sounded like a fight broke out in here!" "A fight? Now what makes you think that? This is Equestria, land of a millennium of peace!" "Sure isn't that peaceful anymore with your chaos running rampant," Shining grimaced, looking over the fallen Guards, "Just what were you making them do?" "Oh, just a little dance I wanted the Royal Guard to put on in Ponyville as we delivered their pudding. Good will and all that," He shrugged, walking back to his throne. "Emperor, you're making the Royal Guard look like a bunch of idiots!" "I'm what?" "The pink armor, the dancing, the cooking! This army is meant to be defending Equestria, not prancing around in it while chucking pudding cups at everypony!" "This is a rather sudden outburst, Shining Armor. You're usually so calm... did your wife do something?" "What'd you say?" "I guess not. Sorry, not my place to prod in a marriage situation," Discord quirked his mouth and looked over his talons, "But your complaints are out of place, Captain. I thought these changes were quite good." "I really can't see how they'd be go-" The Captain was cut off by the jet streams of five Pegasi blasting past him, as the living cruise missiles went right for Discord. "Get it on him!" "Go!" "Take this, you meanie!" "Woah, hey, s-stop that!" Discord and the pegasi tumbled around the room, wrestling with each other as flashes of pink came through the multi-colored coats, manes and feathers of the five soldiers. Before Armor could even process what had happened, a giant dust cloud rose up around the fighters. "C'mon, fit!" "Almost got it!" "Hey, what're you putting on me!? Stop this right now, your Emperor demands it!" "Hurry!" The fighting continued on for several days, the dust cloud threatening to drag the Captain into the chaotic mess, but a few deft jumps and a yelping sprint to a nearby pillar or two kept him out of the fight. He wanted to call out to them and make them stop, but before he could get over the fact that Discord was finally getting some kind of karmic hit for what he did with Canterlot and order the soldiers to stand down, the dust cloud came down. In the middle of the circle of pegasi was definitely a draconequus, but he was sporting quite a few new items. Namely, make-up, eye shadow, lipstick fit for a Fillydelphia celebrity, and a full set of Royal Pink Guard armor. Shining's eye twitched, staring on at this display. His mind was frozen, but his stomach was definitely growling in discomfort. Or maybe it was mind-numbing sickness. Either way, the poor Captain didn't feel his best looking at this. "Well," Discord looked over himself, his typical voice ringing out. His brow rose up, his mouth quirked. He struck a pose, and speaking with a drawl that would make stallions world wide faint, "Don't I look fabulous?" At this point, the main room was immediately evacuated of all sentient life, many of the soldiers having dreaded memories that would haunt them for the rest of their lives. Shining just collapsed, Discord's words creeping through his head as he passed out from pure stomach-shredding sickness. The last thing he saw, was Cadence saying the exact same thing to him, in the exact same voice. He knew he'd have nightmares. A nightmare was better than reality at that point...