Ain't No Rest For The Wicked

by GatheringFriendship

Chapter 5 - Not in the face!

I was just getting to the doors at the party when I caught my first glimpse of him. I knew it was going to be a very long night the moment I heard the blue unicorn, who haunted my alcohol induced dreams and then was there to rudely wake me up, say the words, “Welcome to my domain!” Okay. First order of business, find the nearest source of alcohol and stay there. That should make this a bit more bearable.

Walking through the doors, I noticed that it was just your average Pinkie Pie party. There were streamers all over the walls, and balloons everywhere you turned. The lights were flashing so much that it looked just like the club does when it’s open. To complete the transformation from bakery to club, there was house music coming from a very large sound system hooked up to a set of turntables near the far wall. Where there was normally a cash register and counter that the Cakes do business over, now there was now a fully fledged, and fully stocked, bar. Everypony in the town was gathered in, and around, this building.

I walked over to the bar, not surprised to see the barkeep from my own club working it. “Hey there, Bacchus. How’s the party?” He just smiled knowingly and pulled out a shot glass.

“Alright, Crystal, what’ll it be?” He asked with a grin on his face.

“Well if you know me so well that, when I walk up to you, you offer me a drink, then I think you probably know what I want it to be too.” I retorted. Of course he hadn’t really insulted me. In fact, he was right. I walked up to the barkeep at his post in a party and started making idle chit-chat. I didn’t want to talk, I wanted a drink. And he did not disappoint. He poured a shot of whiskey and set it right in front of me. “Thanks, Bacchus. You really DO know me.” An aura of green magic surrounded it. As I levitated the shot up to my mouth and was just about to down it... it vanished.

It took me a moment to get over the shock of what had just happened. One second I was about to drink the first of quite a few drinks tonight, and then next, there was no more drink. I looked around to see if anypony else had witnessed what had just occurred. There was nopony looking my way in wonder, so I guessed I had been the only one. I was just about to ask Bacchus for another drink when I suddenly felt that my head was lighter than it should be. Oh. I get it now. Somepony is bucking with me. And whoever it is just took my hat. Okay. Somepony dies tonight. I wheeled around to look for the culprit. Aha! There he is! “Hey! You! Flame head! WHAT THE BUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING WEARING MY HAT!?” I shouted as I walked over to an orange stallion wearing MY green stetson, whose mane was all the colours of fire.

The now-confused looking stallion whirled around to meet my soul-piercing stare. “Wait, what did I do now? Why are you looking at me like I just pissed in your whiskey?”

“First off, I didn’t even get to drink my whiskey!” I stomped to emphasize the words. “I feel like you had something to do with that too! However, what I’m mad about now, is the fact that the hat on YOUR head, BELONGS ON MINE!”

“Hat? What ha...” He suddenly reached up and touched his head, finding my green stetson sitting there. “...t. Okay, look. I don’t want a fight. I didn’t take your stupid ha-”

“Okay. I know you did NOT JUST CALL MY HAT STUPID!” I interrupted quite angrily, “That hat is a work of art! I love that hat!”

At that point, it was obvious that the stranger had taken a little too much crap now. “Look, you crazy little madmare! I’m done arguing with you!” He flipped the hat onto the ground, stomped on it, and then flung it back over to me. “Take the damn thing! I. Don’t. Buckin’. Want it!”

Alright. Now we have a problem “Okay, stranger! I don’t know who the buck you are! I don’t know where the buck you came from! But that was NOT a good idea! AT ALL!” I glared daggers at the fiery-maned stallion, getting ready to charge him with my horn.

“First off, the names Ryku, and second, come at me! I’m ready!” He said as he got into a readied stance.

Suddenly, I heard an outburst of laughter coming from one of the onlooking ponies. Looking in the direction of the offensive sound, the pieces all began to click into place. The blue unicorn was literally rolling with laughter. That makes so much more sense. I didn’t even know this Ryku pony and I still accused him of stealing my hat. Why would he even have done that? Of course the blue one did it. He just loves messing with me. “Okay, Blue, now I understand. It was you who stole my drink. And, more importantly, you STOLE MY HAT!”

The pony looked like he was trying real hard to keep a straight face. But still, a few chuckles escaped as he said, “Hey! Stole is a very strong word!” My hat became encapsulated in a blue aura and quickly shot over to him, covering his muzzle. He pulled the hat back so he could see and exclaimed, “Plus, it’s my hat now!” before he turned tail and sprinted off towards the back of the bakery.

I sighed, “I knew this was going to be a long night.” And with that, I took off after the blue thief to retrieve what was mine.

I sat, scratching my head as I watched Satin, chased by the angry mare I’d been fighting with, dart off into the back of the bakery. It took me a minute before I put two and two together. Damn it, Satin... Now you’re getting RANDOM ponies mad at me... I looked around. All eyes were on me. Ugh... Now I’m the center of attention. That’s just wonderful.

“Um... Nothing to see here... I’m just... you know... gonna go outside for a few...” I said with cheeks as red as Big Mac’.

I got outside and looked up at the sun. Judging by where it was, and the fact that the clock tower said so, I guessed it was around 7. I sighed. Satin had made this one hell of a long day.

“I need a drink...” I said to no one in particular.

“Yeah, Ah can see why ya might, after that lil’ stunt, Sugarcube.” A heavy, familiar southern accent called from behind me.

I turned around and smiled. “Oh. Hey there, AJ. What’s up?

“Nothin’ much, considerin’ Ah saw ya just a few hours ago, Ryku.”

I blushed again. “Oh. Right. Forgot... Sorry, Applejack. I guess I’m just out of it. After all, you try dealing with Satin for more than five minutes!” I laughed.

She grinned and gave a chuckle in return. “Yeah, from wha’ Ah’ve seen of ‘im, he looks to be quite a hoof-full. Come on, now. Let’s go get ya that drink. Wha’ da ya say?”

“Sounds good to me!” I said, following Applejack back into the party. Everypony had gone back to what they were doing, so there were no more eyes on me. Thank Celestia.

When we’d reached the counter, Applejack spoke first. “Hiya, Bacchus. Two AJD’s please.” She said happily.

“AJD’s?” I asked.

She looked at me and smiled. “Well, they ain’t named after me, but they sure as sugar sound like it! Apple Jack Daniels is the drink.”

I smiled. It was one of my favorites. “Sounds good to me. Thank ya, Bacchus!”

The bartender set our drinks in front of us and grinned. “Heh, no problem! I saw your little fight with Crystal. So, Ryku, eh?”

“Yeah. So, that crazy mare’s name is Crystal, huh? Well, that’s one mystery solved.” I looked at Applejack. “Welp. Bottoms up!”

We both raised our drinks, but before we could even get a taste of the sweet drink, they both vanished into thin air. Then I heard Applejack growl and realized that her stetson was gone.

“DAMN IT SATIN!” We both yelled instinctively. Then we laughed, before I got tapped on the shoulder. I turned around to find Crystal standing there, out of breath, her hat still missing as well.

“Hey... Uh... Ryku, was it? Have you seen where that blue unicorn went? I seem to have lost sight of him.”

I looked at her and laughed. “Heh, I wouldn’t worry too much about that. Satin’s about as good at disappearing as a master assassin. He’ll turn up soon enough though; just as soon as he get’s a little too drunk. Then we’ll get you and AJ’s hat’s back.”

Crystal sighed. “I can’t believe I’m actually going to let that idiot run around with my hat all night! But I guess you’re right. The name’s Crystal by the way.”

“Nice to meetcha. Sorry we got off on the wrong hoof. Satin is good at ruining other pony’s moods. I’m Ryku, but you already knew that... I think everypony in town knows that after how loudly I yelled it...” I laughed nervously, scratching the back of my head.

Crystal laughed. “I guess I’m partially to blame for that... Well, I need a drink. Badly. What do you say, you two?”

Applejack and I both gave an energetic, “Hay YEAH!” at the same time.

Turning to Bacchus, Crystal said, “Alright. Three whiskeys. And make them quick. Please.” She added insincerely.

When all our drinks showed up, we picked them up, toasted each other, and then put the drinks to our mouths... only to have them disappear, just like before.

All three of us gave a collective, “DAMN IT, SATIN!”

“Come on, Kairo, liven up!” I said, trying to get him to smile. I was eating this up. I hadn't been to a good party ever since... Celestia knows when. I would always end up being the DJ at the Wonderbolt afterparties. I mean, yeah, I’d get to have fun, but... I never got to cut loose.

Well, tonight I was gonna change all that.

“I’m not really the partying type, per-say,” he said in a tone of voice that illustrated his disinterest in being here. This irked me.

“Then what type of pony are you? Obviously not the type of pony everypony should know... more like the pony that sucks all the fun out of things.” I flinched slightly after I said that, knowing that it came out much harsher than I had intended.

“Obviously, and therefore I’m leaving. Enjoy yourself, fluffy, have fun doing...whatever you do.” And with that, Kairo turned and left, not even bothering to say goodbye to the rest of the partygoers.

Wow, what a depressing pony. I kinda hope I don’t meet him again anytime in the near future.

Shrugging off the awkward goodbye, I turned my attention back to the party. I couldn't help but smile a little as I heard the next song start, and I wasn’t controlling it. I was free to roam about in a party. It felt weird, but I also really liked it. I giggled momentarily, causing a few passing ponies to give me strange looks. I didn't care though, I was here, and I was ready to...

Feedback rang out across the crowd as a mic was futzed around with. I looked up at the stage, where a bright pink earth pony was standing there with the biggest smile I’d ever seen. It was almost... demonic... almost.

“HEY EVERYPONY! FIRST OFF, I’D LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING TO MY SUPER SPECIAL AWESOMELY FUNTASTICAL WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME PARTY BASH!” The pink mare was practically screaming into the mic, the high pitched ringing reminding me that I was still hungover from last night. She was also bouncing. A lot.

“I THREW THIS PARTY FOR THE NEW PONIES IN TOWN!” She then grabbed the mic from the stand and jumped off the stage. She popped up next to the bar, where that fiery pony was, and shouted “RYKU!” She disappeared again, this time popping up next to that red pegasus and the three others, shouting “DEX, RIP, STIX, AND WHAMM!”

She then warped again, this time staying out of sight for a long while. She reappeared again with a frown. “Satin seems to be hiding...” And then she popped up next to me.

“AND OUR NEWEST DJ IN TOWN, TORQUE! WHY DON’T YOU GIVE US A SHOW!?” The crowd proceeded to clop their hooves in agreement.

I wanted to lay down and quit. Here I was, not three seconds ago, enjoying the party form the other side of the mixing table, and now I get put on the spot.

“I... uh... w-well, heh...” I babbled out, not knowing what exactly to say. I didn’t want to be a let down to the rest of the party, but I really didn’t want to be the DJ. I began to panic, and Pinkie just stood there, with the biggest puppy dog eyes I’d ever seen. I sighed in defeat.

“Oh, alright. Why not.” The party erupted with cheers and Pinkie bounced off into the mob and disappeared from sight. I took my shades off my forehead and replaced them properly on my snout. I ruffled my wings slightly in self hate, and proceeded to walk towards the stage. I hadn’t taken 3 steps before I heard somepony call out from behind me.

“Hey Torque!” I looked towards the direction of the voice, and saw Dex looking at me.

“What’s up Dex? Make it quick, I gotta go up there.” I half-heartedly spoke. He frowned slightly, probably at my bluntness.

“Good luck, I’m looking forward to hearing your skills live.” He nodded in encouragement. I smiled back at him.

“Thanks.” With that, I made my way to the sound system, which was nothing I hadn’t seen before. With a smirk, I opened the slot on my headphones and retrieved the small wireless jack, plugging it into the mixing station. Then, placing my phones over my ears, the sounds of the crowd melted away, being replaced by the soothing melodies and bass of the party music.

I inhaled deeply, trying to relax and enjoy the moment, even though I was put on the spot. Selecting a record from the collection next to me, I placed it on the turntable, flipped a few switches, adjusted the EQ slider bars to fit the genre, and gently set the needle down on the record.

I spun it once, and began my first big performance in Ponyville.

As Torque played some tunes up on his turntables, I took it upon myself to try and mingle for once in my life. Celestia knows the last time I’d done that.

I walked through the party, looking for somepony interesting to talk to. That pony seems okay, but they probably wouldn’t want to talk to me... hmm maybe... My thoughts were cut short as I bumped into somepony and fell to the floor.

“Oh, I’m so sorry about that! My mind tends to wan-” I looked up to see that a canary colored mare was looking down at me, “-der... oh, hi... Fluttershy, was it?”

The mare nodded, “Y-yes...” She blew a strand of hair out of her eyes, and I finally stood back up and rubbed the back of my head. Wow, I wasn’t expecting to meet for the third time like this... how do I start up a conversation with her? “Um... Are y-you okay?”

“Huh? oh... yes. I’m fine,” She gave a small smile.

I smiled nervously, trying to think of what exactly to say to her. “Uh... so... how are you enjoying the party?”

“Um... it’s great I guess... It’s kind of crowded though.” Fluttershy looked down at the ground and kicked her forehoof a little.

“You okay? You look kind of nervous?” Well duh! Just look at her. It’s obvious, isn’t it?

She nodded, her eyes looking around the room as if she was trying not to make any eye contact.

I smiled a little, “So, uh... Tell me about yourself. Is there anything that you like to do?”

“Oh um... I like to-” The shy mare was suddenly cut off.

“Hey, Dex!” Stixx yelled from the other side of the room. “Can you come here for a moment?” I sighed and shook my head.

“Yeah, I’ll be right there. I guess I’ll talk to you later, Fluttershy...” I made my way to my bandmates’ location. They were standing next to a small group of ponies, questions burning in their eyes.

Here we go! Somepony saw us walking through town with our instruments and wants to know if we can play!

When I approached, Rip looked over and began to ask the group’s question. “These ponies saw us walking through town earlier and want to know....”

“Way ahead of you Rip. Yes, I’d love to play a few songs with my band tonight.” I announced.

The mare in front of the group smiled broadly and out came a small squee that I’d heard many times before.

A stallion trotted through to the front of the group, “Do, you need any help with your equipment? My friends and I would love to help.”

I nodded. “Yes, please! Anything to get the equipment here faster than we normally do.”

“Right, come on guys. We’ve got ourselves some equipment to grab.” The stallion ran through the door with a few others on his tail.

“Well, a few hours here and boom we already got a small fanbase going for us.” Stixx said smiling.

“Lets go help them with the equipment. After all, we are the only ponies that own the apartment keys.” Wham said, beginning to gallop through the door.

“Right. You coming, Dex? Or are you going to keep an ear to the music and see what happens?” Rip asked, looking back through the front entrance.

“I’ll stay here. We need somepony to see how long Torque will be playing.” I sat down, looking up at my idol as he dropped the bass and blasted the wubs.

It took around a half hour or so for the guys to get the equipment, but it did shave a few minutes off from what only four stallions would be able to do on their own. “Here you are, hope you guys are ready to play. I’m sure Torque wants to get himself a drink after playing for so long.”

“We’re definitely ready to rock! Just tell us when and we can start setting everything up.” I said, looking back at the stallion.

“I hope you don’t mind, but we sort of asked your buddy Rip if it was alright to help with that too.” He said with a smile.

“Ah, I see. I’m alright with it, so just let me know when and I’ll tell you guys where everything goes. Um... I‘m sorry, but I never caught your name...” I cocked my head sideways.

“The name’s Riffraff, but everypony just calls me Raff.” He said, extending a hoof.

I shook it, and looked him over. Even in the dim light, I could tell he was a fairly deep shade of green, with a darkened ivy-colored mane. His golden eyes glinted back at me in the dark. Only Celestia would be able to tell what his cutie mark was in this light, though...

“Its nice to meet you, Raff. Thanks for all the help.” I told him. After a few more minutes, Torque stepped down from his place behind the booth and trotted my way.

“Looks like it’s your turn.” He said, walking past me with a soft smile and heading towards the bar.

“Alright guys, this is where everything goes.” Rip said to Raff and his gang, who immediately got up on stage and quickly set up the equipment in their correct spots..

“Alright Dex! She’s all yours!” Riff Raff said, gesturing toward the stage. We climbed up onto it and grabbed our instruments.

We stood there for a second, getting a feel for the crowd and the room. “Hello everypony,” I said finally, “I’m Dexterity Redheart, and these are my band members Rip, Wham, and Stixx, and together we are The Lost Cause! Are you ready to rock!? Ready.....a 1; a 2; a 1, 2, 3, 4!” [Song]

After playing our first song we had some of the crowd jumping and head banging, and the rest looking on with either a soft smile or a confused look. We played a few songs after that, and then stepped down and let Pinkie put on the rest of the night’s tunes.

I found Fluttershy after a while and I tried to resume our conversation. I cleared my throat, “...As you were saying? Sorry for the interruption, by the way.”

“Oh... that’s okay... You wanted to know what I like to do?” I nodded. “Well... um... I like to take care of the woodland creatures, and sometimes I foalsit for my friends.” Fluttershy said, continuing from where she left off earlier.

“Heh, that’s awesome.” I rubbed my right foreleg, trying to build my courage to ask the one question that I wished to asked. “So uh...”

“Oh, Dexy!”

Oh sweet Celestia, what does HE want now...

Oh, it was so easy in the beginning. Making a few things ‘disappear’ here and there. But that’s why it changed. Why it had to change. And thats why I had to change. Too little effort for too much reward. My *heh* opponents, if you can call them that, changed the game so I had to change with them. Magic was enough at the start, but then my cunning had to beat out when they beat out my magic. The Machine, as I call it, is the perfect invention for this particular *ahem* venture.

They never had a chance.

Oh my first... challenger, she was something. I decided to have a little... extra fun with her. A bit of misdirection is a wonderful thing. Now, I may have had to throw one of my only allies under a bus, but sometimes you have to throw a pawn under the cart so the game can be yours. He’ll be dearly missed but that was for the greater good. I took something from her that she held very dear. It’s mine now, my trophy and the first metaphorical notch in my belt.

There were a few more skirmishes in between that and the next notable bout. All easy, all quick. A few non-noteworthy of the faceless mob, easy... but one must keep one’s skills sharp, or you’ll fall behind.

Ahhhh, the next noteworthy little battle of... if you can call it wits... was that uppity pawn expecting some sort of retribution I suppose. Although he wasn’t on his own, he brought with him his own little support and happily, my second trophy. Tis a truly beautiful thing, a little worn but well loved. I do believe I’ll count this as another notch, I enjoyed it thoroughly. I turned to leave in triumph afterward but then something unexpected happened. She reappeared! My golden coated foe was back for another round, a threefold attack on my defences, but it was useless. I held my gaze on her as I defeated all 3 of them once again. As they cursed my name I held my head high in triumph.

I took a break from my playthings after that. Found a table and sat down to inspect my spoils, I took down the amber ambrosia without any trouble at all. I recognized both of them, either one of them individually spelled trouble for me and those around me, but together they cancelled each other out leaving me in a pleasant state. I wore my trophies like badges of victory, making sure to place them gingerly atop one another creating an obelisk upon me.

I decided to take a bit of a stroll after that, making sure to avoid all the laughable adversaries. I mean, this was a party for me, I might as well enjoy myself. I made my way around the edge of the party because if there's one thing you have to love about being at a party, it has to be confronting the introverts, the ones only at the party because they were invited and didn’t want to be rude and say no.

A shy mare at a party has the possibility for the most fun at a party. Try this at home little colts and fillies; a small compliment here, a large smile with an over exaggerated wink, and to top it off an ‘accidental’ flick of the tail for emphasis. That mare will turn the shiniest shade of crimson you have ever seen. And yes, this is how I get my jollies.

Oh, it works on Stallions too if you were wondering. I’m not here to judge, I’m just here for science.

My brief sabbatical ended quickly as I realized my current level sobriety was getting incredibly too high. Instead of contending for my prey I decided to confront the barkeep and make a request. He wasn’t too receptive to my inquiry, saying something about ‘stealing drinks’ so I took a page from Mareiavelli’s The Prince and simply turned him into another contender, defeating him with not so much as an afterthought. I didn’t take a souvenir from him, why would I? I wasn’t proud of that win, it was cold, quick, easy, and worst of all; boring!

I took my newly aquired prize to a nice quiet little corner of this boisterous little soiree. I nursed it. I nursed it for a good long while some silly, not including me, nonsense happened on the other side of the party.

I couldn’t be bothered. I heard my name though. That was probably not a good sign, a call for a search party and/or an angry mob. I couldn’t have that. My fun couldn’t be routed at this point. No, it truly hadn’t even begun.

What kind of monster would mess with the most shy, most innocent ponies in a room? Well... ~I would!~

My next victims had decided to provoke me with the simple act of ignoring me... CAN YOU BELIEVE THE AUDACITY OF THAT?!

Such trespasses couldn’t possibly be ignored!

I just had to ruin their little cutesy~wootsy little awkward session in my own way. Like a surgeon, my movements were swift, precise, and effective.

He knew I was coming, I told him it was coming, but there was nothing he could to stop it.

From comfortable and awkward, to naked, shivering, and more awkward in… let’s say about 10, no, 15 seconds.

There may have been an exclamation of anger; I say ‘may have’ because I was no longer near them when they even noticed what had actually happened.

These fools almost make it too e-OOF!

The air was knocked out of me, as my mystery assailant brought me to the ground.

“Now see hear! I obtained all those items legitimately! And furthermore... oh hey, it’s you.”

The overly pink mare of my fantasies, well, just that one with the socks and the giant lizard monster, was lording over me with a confused look on her face. She began to pull at my face as if I were some sort of clay to be molded.

“Prinkie, what are you doinnng? PINKIE, STOP!” Her hooves slowly retracted, but not far. They still hovered over my face, ready to continue sculpting, as she puckered her face in determination.

“You’re not Satin! What did you do with him!?! You bring him back right now!” She exclaimed angrily, as she brought her hooves down forcefully on either side of my head.

My eyes grew wide at her horrible accusation. How had she known? I bet it was that goody two shoes, Rikky. His little, fiery tail end will be mine later. I’m thinking perhaps a caper involving an anvil, a bottle of beer, and a giant X painted on the ground... No, no, no, I need to get more personal than that. He likes that orange one well enough, it would be a shame if she was tied to the train tracks... Oh, but then I would need to get a black cloak and a top hat, then I would need to grow out a mustache, and Celestia knows how terrible I look with one of those and... I’ve been inside my head for about a solid minute now haven’t I?

My gaze shifted back towards the angered mare as she let out huff.

Think of something, fast!

I searched the inner reaches of my mind to come up with a proper response. “And how would you even know who Satin is?” Good job brain. No prob.

Her face screwed up even further into confusion. Getting a little creepy here...

“I mean, it’s my first time in this town and all...” My voice wavered with a bit of uncertainty.

There was an audible pop and her smile returned to her face as everything straightened itself out, much to my relief. “But you’ve been here before! I should know! I never forget a pony!” She announced proudly.

It was my turn to be baffled, “When was I...” She opened her mouth to respond, but I cut her off. “No! Don’t tell me, I have something for this!”

I quickly scooted myself out from under her and sat down in front of her. I smiled as I brought out my journal. “Now lets see...” I opened the foreboding tome and quickly began to flick through the pages, “Is this... the town that I liberated from those bossy giraffes?” She shook her head vigorously in response. “How about...” I flicked through the battered pages. “The town that tried to use me as a magical battery? No, that’s not right. That was in Zebra Country. Hmmmmm.” She opened her mouth. “No, no, no! No hints! Oh no... this isn’t the town with *gulp* Bronze Shell?” My eyes became distraught as I looked to Pinkie hopefully.

“Nope! Never met a pony named that.” Her smile reassured me that that crisis was avoided.

I picked up my journal as I turned it and my head to the side. “Well...” A crisp, well taken care of picture fell from the middle of the of it and slowly floated in between finally landing gently closer to Pinkie.

She picked it up and began laughing. I’m not talking about a chuckle, this was a full on laugh. A full on belly laugh with even the occasional snort, and it was much louder than everything else in the room combined. The rest of the bakery became silent as she fell back and rolled around on the ground, still guffawing.

All eyes turned on us... as well as those of my competitors, I’m sure. Fly, you fool!

I grabbed my journal and turned my tail to run when I heard a mostly feminine voice carry itself over the room. “What’s so funny, Pinkie?”

A cyan pegasus jumped into the air and flew over to us. To run or not to run, the pink one still has my picture... Lets try to get it, and then teleport away, I’m thinking somewhere sunny this time, like the kitchen. I don’t think I’ve wronged her in anyway... well... yet. Just be cool. I turned back around and threw on big cheesy grin and bided my time.

Pinkie tried to stifle her giggles as the new mare looked from her to me, and then back again. Pinkie calmed down a bit before reaching over to this mystery mare and pulling her close, before holding out the picture in front of both of them. I braced myself. What could it possibly be? I haven’t done anything too embarrassing in my life. I mean, there was that one time... and that other time with the catapult... OH SWEET CELESTIA, I HAVE TO GET THAT PICTURE BACK!

The blue... well, not as blue as me, but still fairly blue, mare looked at the picture and then to me. Her eyes began to narrow in... it kinda looked like anger. Maybe?

“Look, I can explain, Mister-” I was rather rudely cut off... by a hoof to my jaw...

I caught some air with the power behind that hoof of might, I hit the floor and slid into the wall. It was painful, but not nearly as painful as when the 50 pound sack of flour then fell on my head. It’s a lot less funny when the sack isn’t open. Anyway, goodnight.

At that moment, I had a huge grin on my face. “So. Think he’s dead?” I asked both AJ and Crystal while trying to keep from laughing.

“No. Our luck isn’t THAT good...” Crystal said with a sigh and then a short chuckle.

“Don’t y’all think we should see if he’s alright?” Applejack asked.

Both Crystal and I just deadpanned and stared at her.

“What? Ah want mah hat back...” She said sheepishly.

And then we laughed. “I suppose you’re right,” I said with a smile, “So let’s go ‘check’ on him.”

The three of us, along with a few other party-goers, moved in on the unconscious blue unicorn in the corner. I took a good look at the sad stallion in front of me. I couldn’t list all of the things he was wearing, but I could see some. I saw AJ’s hat, Crystal’s Hat, Big Mac’s yoke, a few pairs of sunglasses, some nice-looking boots, a pearl necklace, Dex’s hoodie... wait, how the hay’d he manage that?!

“Wait a minute, how’d he get my hoodie?!” I heard a familiar voice in the background say.

Get out of my head, Dex...

Ponies began to start tearing the stolen items from the limp unicorn... the hats came first... then a posh, royal-looking white unicorn with a deep purple mane walked up with a look of horror, and took the boots and pearl necklace off of him before trotting away... Three very angry-looking stallions in leather jackets walked up and took the sunglasses... Big Mac’ took his yoke without so much as a word... and finally, Dex removed his hoodie with quite a bit of difficulty.

“Seriously, how did he take this when I was wearing it?!” The crimson pegasus said with a twisted look of confusion before walking away.

I sat there and stared at Satin with a grin bigger than any I’d had before. FINALLY! I’m not the one on the receiving end of all the humiliation! I looked again, and noticed something out of place. Uh... why does he still have a fez on his head...? Then again... where’d he even GET a fez...? WHO THE HAY EVEN WEARS A FEZ?!

After everypony had gotten their belongings, the party began thinning out. It was going on midnight, and the party was coming to a close. AJ, Crystal and I said our goodnights, and I told Applejack I’d be at the farm later. Then they left. I shrugged off my confusion at the sight of the fez again, and then something hit me. Wait... what was that piece of paper Pinkie was holdin’ that Satin dropped? I looked over and saw the Pink mare still sitting with her chromatic-maned friend near the bar. Curiosity got the better of me, and I walked over to her. Apparently, I walked into a very serious conversation.

“...I am NOT a guy! AND I’M NOT GAY! Why does everypony think that?!” The blue pegasus cried, taking a gulp of a drink in front of her.

Pinkie patted her back. “It’s okay, Dashie! Everypony can get confused sometimes! Look at me! I thought you were a stallion when I first met you for about a month!” She smiled.

The other mare’s head hit the bar. Hard. “Ugh... thanks, Pinkie... I think...”

It was at this point that I decided to cut in. The hyperactive pink mare had done enough damage. “Um... Hello, there?” I said cautiously. The blue mare had a mean right hook.

They both looked at me. One with a smile, one with a glare. “What do you want?” The angry pony said.

I took a step back. “J-just lookin’ for somethin’ is all! A-are you alright, miss?”

“Yeah... I’m fine. Just sick of being mistaken as a guy. The name’s Rainbow Dash. What’s your’s... oh, wait. You were the one that got into that argument earlier. Ryku, was it?” She said with a smirk.

My apprehension turned into embarrassment. “Heh... yeah... that was me... and it’s nice to meet you! And as for you, Pinkie. Thanks for the great welcome party! But I do have a favor to ask.”

Pinkie’s smile grew into a near face-splitting grin. “Of course! What do you need?” She said happily.

“What was that piece of paper that Satin dropped earlier?” I stated rather bluntly.

Pinkie began laughing again and Rainbow looked away with a sour scowl.

“Oh, you don’t want to see that! It’ll make you question everything you know about him!” Pinkie said between laughs.

“Well, I already do that everytime I see the guy. So, what is it?” I said, now even more interested.

Pinkie stopped and calmed herself a little. “Well, alright! You asked for it!” She hoofed me the paper, and on it was an image. It was of Satin... and... just... wow... I couldn’t even believe my eyes. When I saw THAT creature in the same image as SATIN... I couldn’t control it. I hit the floor, laughing harder than I could stand. I shouldn’t be laughing at it, but... just, WHAT THE ACTUAL BUCK?!

I shot up. “Nice to meet you, Miss Dash! Thanks, Pinkie!” With that, a darted back over to where Satin was just starting to wake up. I can’t wait to hear his explanation for THIS!

There was a town, I remember it from a while back. It was truly beautiful in it’s own right, and truly unique to boot. I had come there at a beautiful time of the year; the weather was wonderful most of time, and even when it rained, it made you smile. The days I spent there seemed to speed by at an unnatural rate, I was having so much fun. I met one of my dearest friends there. He was wonderful! He knew how to have fun and enjoy himself. When we met, there was an instant connection. No, not in the relationship sort of way. Just friends, and wonderful ones at that. Those were some wonderful days, we spent our valued time together: we swam, we drank a bit, and we amused ourselves. Oh did we amuse ourselves. I remember this one time, he created an entire ice sculpture of a manticore... well, I can’t really say what it was doing, but it made me laugh so hard.

Occasionally, he’d have to go do something, so I was left to my own devices. Which really wasn’t a problem, this town was fun! The wildlife was interesting and mostly tame, the food was fairly good and mostly sweet, and the town had a nice skate park running straight outside of town.

Then there was that day that... wasn’t as much fun. Not only did my one and only friend in town have to go off for some big important something or other, but I had made my way to what looked like a nature preserve on the outskirts of town and was assaulted. THAT’S RIGHT, ASSAULTED, by the meanest mare I have ever met. I never even stood a chance, she knocked my flank out. When I woke up... I was transported to some other town entirely... and I never saw my best friend ever again. I ran out of that town and went to try and find the other one, but I never did. It’s truly my greatest failure in my life...

I slowly woke up to some arrogant prick staring at me and grinning.

“Yes? Can I help you?” I said slowly and methodically.

“HAY YEAH! What’s with this picture, Satin?!” A very excited Rikky asked.

In his hoof, was a picture of me and my best friend in the town from my dream, having fun and riding some of the biggest bunnies I’ve ever seen, while high fiving (one hoof plus four claws).

*Sigh*

“I sure do miss Discord...”

Rikky started laughing and dropped the photo. I picked it up and slipped it under my... fez... I wear a fez now, and then galloped out of Sugarcube Corner while my friend was distracted.

I will find you again, I promise. The errant thought passed through my head as I braved the now dark streets, with Rikky’s laughs following me as I went.