//------------------------------// // What Ifs // Story: Life, Death, and Ponies // by thunderclap //------------------------------// You shot upright and found yourself back at your room in the Apple family house. You quickly looked down and saw your blue hooves with no scratches on them. You were almost tempted to shove them through another mirror but threw the idea away. Your ears perked up and you started to scan the room. For some reason you felt like you were being watched. You looked in the doorway but no one was there. You were completely alone in the room. The feeling lingered for a moment or so and left, without a trace. You forced yourself out of the bed no matter how much you just wanted to stay and continue lying there. You felt that you couldn’t stomach the dream a second time. You cursed under your breath at your stupidity. Of course it had been a dream. You had told yourself that right from the start. But the dream had lingered and had sucked you into it. And why wouldn’t it? It was what you had always wanted. You let out a sigh and went to the bathroom and started to take a shower. You tried to put the dream and the strange feeling you had that morning out of your head, but it was no good. Your mother’s smile and what you had told yourself in the mirror kept working their way back into your mind. You finished your shower and started to dry off. You accidentally took a look at the mirror, and instantly regretted it. Your face was at odds with the one from your dream. Instead of a smirk you looked defeated. You fought the urge to smash the mirror and forced yourself out of the bathroom. You used your magic to finish getting ready and walked downstairs. There was a plate of food and a note at your place at the table, which you picked up with your magic and started to read. Hey Blackstar, We figured since we had the day off we’d let you sleep I as late as you like. We left some food for you when you do decide to wake up. If it’s cold by the time you get it, just give it to Winona so it doesn’t go to waste. Make sure you enjoy your day off and try not to get into any trouble. You let out a quick sigh and started eating the cold meal in front of you. You wished that it wasn’t your day off. Working in the kitchen with Granny Smith would help clear your head. Instead you had an entire day to do with as you pleased, and no idea what to do with it. You wandered out into Ponyville to find something that could occupy your time. You put on a fake smile as you scanned the streets. You had a lot of practice doing so in some of your foster homes. You had mastered it after your father’s death. You had made sure that it wasn’t so small to look forced and not large enough to look fake or creepy. You could almost feel the eyes of others around you as you walked. A part of you nagged that they could tell what you were thinking. You shook it off but your paranoia returned. You silently hoped that none of them asked you what was wrong. You could tell that it wouldn’t take much to set you off, and word traveled fast in the small town. Your friends would find out and some of them were more stubborn than you, they wouldn’t stop until they knew what was wrong with you. Eventually you were in the park. You figured that would be a good place to relax and took a seat on a bench. The weather was warm and mild, with the Pegasi clearing away the last of the clouds. A light breeze whistled through some of the trees while some foals started to fly kites. There were a lot of ponies around but you didn’t feel paranoid the way you had on the street. You actually felt a little peaceful. You had had finally started to relax when they showed up. “Hey, Blackstar, whatcha up to?” “Hi, Scootaloo, nothing much, just enjoying the day.” You had known this was coming the moment you had helped Apple Bloom get her cutie mark. “We were just wondering….” Sweetie Belle said, trying to be slick. “I know what you want, and I can’t help you.” “Ya didn’t even let us finish, how do ya know what we were gonna ask?” “What’s the name of your club?” “The Cutie Mark Crusaders,” Scootaloo answered. “And what are you always trying to do?” “Earn our cutie marks.” “Exactly, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt anyway and ask, what did you want to ask me?” “Would you help us get our cutie marks like you did with Apple Bloom?” “Girls, I’d love to help you get your cutie marks, but I have no idea where to start.” You said with a sigh. “I was only able to help Apple Bloom with hers is because I’ve been living with her family and got to know her better. And even then I managed to get a lucky break in finding her special talent. I’m sorry but the only thing I can do is offer you the same piece of advice that I offered Apple Bloom. Instead of trying all sorts of new things that you know nothing about, try looking at the things you already enjoy and see if that helps.” “Come on,” Scootaloo said, agitated, “there’s gotta be something you can do. You found out Apple Bloom’s talent no problem, but now you can’t do anything? You just don’t want to help us.” “I already told you, I’d love to help…” “Then why don’t you?” “I will, maybe my next day off I’ll spend the day with you and try to learn a little about you two. Who knows? That might help me learn enough about you to figure out your special talent.” “Why can’t you help us now?” Sweetie Belle asked, with her eyes narrowed. “Because I.., I” you stuttered. You couldn’t think of anything to say, the truth was obviously out but what could you say? “Hi, Blackstar, I was looking for you,” called a familiar timid voice. You looked up and saw Fluttershy standing a few feet away with a basket on her back. “You said you were going to help me get some plants from the forest in case I need to make medicine for my animals.” “Right, I was just to tell the girls that.” You lied as you silently thanked Fluttershy for getting you out of that uncomfortable situation. “Like I said girls, maybe my next day off I’ll try to help you with your cutie marks. Right now though, I have to help Fluttershy.” You walked up to Fluttershy and mouthed “thank you” to her as the two of you walked out of the park. The two of you walked in silence as the park started to shrink in the distance. You welcomed the silence. It was a fairly common occurrence when you were left alone with Fluttershy. If she had something to say she would say it (or at least attempt to). Or she would answer if you wanted to talk. You noticed that you were walking toward the Everfree Forest and decided to finally break the silence. “Uh, Fluttershy, aren’t you scared of the Everfree?” “A little, but at this time in spring most of the animals are still sorting themselves out after winter. Besides I’m sure you can protect me with your magic.” She stated with a small smile. You fought the urge to blush, turning your head so she couldn’t see your face. No one had ever counted on you like that before. It felt surprisingly good to be someone that one of your friends could run to. The feeling went away quickly, allowing you to focus on the forest itself. You had always wanted to look around the forest and see what made it renowned. You had heard stories about it and never fully understood all the hype. Aside from some of the monsters that were described to live in it, it sounded like an ordinary forest to you. You had quickly remembered where you were and realized that your idea of “normal” was now the societal weird. The forest was dark. Even in the early afternoon it looked more like evening. The little bit of light that did come through the thick canopy did little to help the two of you see. It didn’t matter though; sticking to the trail was easy enough. At one point Fluttershy stopped which caused you to do the same. “Blackstar, we have to leave the trail, could you use your horn to light our way? That is, if you wouldn’t mind?” “Sure thing,” You said with a small laugh. It always amazed you how Fluttershy switched from comfortable with you to… well shy. Then again she was like that when the others were around too so you chalked it up to just being a part of her personality. Besides, you didn’t really mind it. In fact, you found it kind of endearing. Then, a light appeared in the distance. You walked into it and had your breath taken away. You were standing in the middle of a clearing with an incredible amount of colorful flowers and plants; on the edge was a small waterfall that fed a pond that cut through the clearing. “What do you think?” “This place is beautiful.” You said, still taking it all in. “I know this is my favorite place in Ponyville.” “I can see why. It’s hard to believe that a place like this is in the middle of the Everfree Forest. I bet the others like it too.” “Actually, you’re the only one I’ve shown this to.” “Why would you do that?” “I don’t know. Normally I come here to be alone and think when I’m not sure what to do, or when I just want to get away from everything. I guess I thought that out of everypony you’d understand the need for a spot like this.” “Yeah I do,” you said with a hint of a blush. “Except my private spot is any open space where I can look at the stars.” “I’m glad you like it. Would you like to help me pick the herbs now?” “Sure, but first I have to thank you for showing me this place.” You said, stepping toward Fluttershy. “You don’t have to do that.” “I insist, besides, I’ll get something out of this too.” You pressed, a mischievous smile spreading on your lips. “No, really, I’m just happy knowing that you like this place.” “Trust me, this will be really cool.” You urged, pulling out a lump of coal from one of the side pockets on your shoulder bag and handing it to Fluttershy. “You’re giving me coal?” “It might be coal now, but in a few minutes that piece of coal is going to be a diamond.” “How can coal become a diamond? Is there some sort of spell for that?” “Yes and no. I could use your standard transformation spell to make the coal a diamond, but if I don’t pour energy into it every now and then it would change back eventually. Twilight and I have been playing around with some of Star Swirl the Bearded’s time spells, and we have a theory that if somepony were to simulate a natural process with one of them then the effects might become permanent.” “So you want to use one of those spells on the coal to see if the spell will last?” “Exactly, all I have to do is put the coal a few thousand feet into the ground to supply a significant amount of heat and pressure, and then I’ll use a spell to accelerate the flow of time around the coal until it becomes a diamond.” “How much time would that normally take?” “A thousand years or so; give or take.” “Are you sure this isn’t dangerous?” “It’s perfectly safe. And anyway, Twilight and I have a little contest going to see who can prove the theory first, with a bonus for style. If this works then I’ll win for sure.” “Alright, just be careful.” You gave Fluttershy a quick nod and enveloped the coal in a thick magic field. The energy sparked a few times and the coal vanished in flash of light. You could feel the strain in your connection to the coal due to its distance. You took a deep breath and steadied your focus for the next step. You used the time spell and could feel beads of sweat forming on your brow as the spell took out a large of energy. As the spell took its toll you struggled to maintain it. You thought you weren’t going to be able to finish when all of a sudden you felt the field around the coal shift. You took that as the signal to bring it back up and stopped the spell. You brought the coal back up and instead got a diamond that was about one fourth the size of the coal you had started with. You smiled triumphantly for a moment before you felt your legs go out from under you and passed out. “Blackstar!” Fluttershy cried out, rushing to your side. Fluttershy had finally brought her breathing back to normal as she sat beside the stream with Blackstar’s head on her lap. She gave a small sigh as she looked down at his unconscious face. ‘He really is too reckless sometimes. He knew how much that spell would drain him and did it anyway. If he had been more careful he wouldn’t have collapsed. Then again, he does look like he’s going to be okay, and the spell did work. He looks so peaceful right now. Almost like I could just… what am I thinking? I couldn’t just…k- kiss him. I’d be taking advantage of him. And I’d be breaking the promise I made to my friends. But could one kiss really be that bad? There’s nopony around, and it’ll just be a little one.’ Fluttershy took a deep breath and started to lower her head towards Blackstar’s. She could feel his soft breath hit her face and part of her mane brushed against his. Just as she was about to make lip contact Blackstar’s eyes fluttered open. Fluttershy shot her head up and felt a hot blush spread across her face. “You’re awake. That’s nice; I was starting to worry about you.” “Yeah, I sort of overdid it a little with those spells.” Blackstar said, getting up and rubbing the back of his head with a hoof. “You really should be more careful, you could’ve been hurt.” “Not very likely, there aren’t any cases of somepony getting hurt by draining their magical energy. Besides, even if it did hurt me, I could take it.” “Blackstar, is something wrong?” “What makes you say that?” “You’ve been acting strangely today. I noticed it back at the park. Normally you would’ve tried to help the girls right away.” “Fluttershy, I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me.” Blackstar insisted, with an edge laced into the words. Normally, that would be enough to make Fluttershy back down. But not this time, this was exactly why she had brought Blackstar out here. She steeled herself and shot him a sharp look. “Don’t lie to me. I just want to help you, Blackstar. But I can’t do that if all you do is push me away. And I’m not the only one. You do it to the others too. You don’t have to explain yourself, I’m sure you have your reasons. But if something is bothering you,” Fluttershy said, feeling tears starting to roll down her cheeks, “then I want to do something about it. Please, just… just tell me what’s wrong.” Blackstar stared at Fluttershy, his eyes full of regret. “I… I’m sorry if I seem so distant. I’m used to moving around a lot so I don’t have much experience when it comes to this sort of thing.” “It’s okay, just try.” Fluttershy reassured. “Fine,” Blackstar said, taking a deep breath, “it’s a little hard to describe but, has there ever been some… event in your life that just changed everything about you? And have you ever wondered what your life would’ve been like if it had never happened?” “What do you mean? What sort of event are you talking about?” “I don’t want to say.” “I guess I understand. When Rainbow Dash and these colts from Flight School got in a race I was knocked off a cloud. I wasn’t a strong flier back then so I thought I was going to hit the ground. But a group of butterflies saved me and I earned my cutie mark right after that. I’m still scared of flying because of that, but if it hadn’t happened I might not have earned my cutie mark and moved to Ponyville.” “Exactly, but with my event, I had always thought that it was the worst thing that could’ve happened; that my life would’ve been better off without it. But now, I’m not so sure.” “What caused that to happen?” “Coming to Ponyville; that event caused me to move around the way I did. I would’ve never met any of you if that event never took place. In a way, I owe who I am and everything I have to it.” “Blackstar, I can understand why you’re so confused. There are times where I’ve wondered how my life would be if certain things had played out differently. But you shouldn’t drive yourself crazy over “what if” situations like this. You’re here now and there’s only one question that you need to ask yourself, am I happy?” “Heh, I’m happier than I’ve ever been.” Blackstar sighed, a slight smile forming on the corners of his mouth. “Thanks, Fluttershy, I’m glad that I have friends like you that care about me.” “That’s good to hear.” Fluttershy said, wrapping her fore-hooves around him in a warm embrace. “And thank you for the diamond; I’m sure the spell will last.” Fluttershy finished, ending the hug and turning to walk home. All the while, a warm feeling spread through her body.