//------------------------------// // Chapter 1: Let the Madness Begin! // Story: Ditzy Doo the Superhero // by Snapple Jack //------------------------------// In this dangerous and violent world, there is truly only one hero to help save the day. And that's me; the fearless and brave pony hero, The Derp. By day, I am a normal mail pony, but by night, I keep the city safe. I have saved the day in my small town of Ponyville so many times, that I am considered a masked legacy. I have kept my secret from my most loved ones. Including my own daughter. But it is for their own good. I must protect them from the truth, and my enemies. Even if it means doing unspeakable things, I will do everything in my power to help a pony in need. From saving a kitten stuck in a tree, to fighting off a giant robot from smashing down houses with my muffin cannon. And I can tell you this, muffins make the best missles and tasty after school snacks. It isn't an easy job, but it's worth it knowing that I have done something good in the end. When ever there is a pony crying for help, I'll be there; When a comet is heading towards earth and needs to be stopped, I'll be there; When there is a worm hole in space sucking up everything in it's way, I'll be there; When there i- "Ditzy!" Shouted a voice that woke me from my slumber. "Huh?! What?! Giant kittens smashing houses! Robots stuck in trees!" I shouted with a karate chop hitting my boss in the face. "Ow!" "Oh. Sorry Boxxy." I said blushing. "What in the hay were you thinking!?" "I must have dozed off. Sorry again Boxxy." "Look, just go take this package to Pinkie Pie. Ok?" he said handing me an oddly shapeded box. "Oh, umm... sure." I flew off with the package in my mouth. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Ugh! I had that dream again! I thought to myself. I gotta stop sleeping during work or I'm gonna get fired! I love working for the post office because I get to do good things. It may sound silly, but I like knowing that at the end of the day, I did something good; even if it is just delivering some mail. It makes me feel great. Like I just ate a plate full of fresh baked muffins with little green gummy worms in them. Ohhhhhh, those are the best. Little green gummy worms, it makes my mouth water just thinking about them! "Ditzy! Hey Ditzy!" Pinkie Pie shouted just coming out of Sugar Cube Corner. "Hey Pinkie Pie! I got your package!" "Really!? Oh that's soooooooooooooooo great! Come down!" Pinkie Pie lead me to her work space where she made her tasty treats. The place was covered with frosting and flour and other icky messy stuff. But I guess that was normal. I've kinda have had a second opion about Pinkie lately. At first, she would be so happy and bubbly, but now she just cramps herself in her work space doing Celestia knows what! But I don't really know Pinkie that well, so I just keep my concerns about her to myself. "So Pinkie, can I ask, if I may, what is in this package? I've never seen anything like it." "Oh, it's a special ingredent for a cupcake I'm making for Rainbow Dash." She told me with a somewhat evil voice. "What kind of ingredent?" "It's... umm... gummy worms... yeah that's it... gummy worms... I know how much YOU like them, so I'll make you one too." "Wow, thanks Pinkie! But, could you make it into a muffin?" "Yeah yeah whatever. Now get out. I gotta start baking." the party pony ordered, pushing me out the door. I started to say something, but the door closed before I could even utter a word. That was... odd... Oh well! I don't need to be worried! Besides, it's time for Dinky to get off school. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The rest of the night was normal. Me and Dinky ate muffins for dinner, argued with her to brush her teeth, watched a little bit of TV, then went to bed. Just normal stuff. Normal. I HATE normal. Normal is just another word for boring. And boring is something that I don't like to put up with! Sometimes, I wish that my life were more exciting. Maybe if I was a superhero like in my dreams, life would be more exciting. And maybe, I could be a better mother to Dinkie. I think she's embrassed of me. Ponies don't excually 'approve' of my googly eyes. But they were what I were born with. "Help! Oh help me! Won't somepony save me?!" A cry for help rang threw my ears. "I'll save you!" "The Derp! Thank Celestia your here!" The frightened pony called out as he was hanging onto a branch for dear life. The damm had broke again! And he was about to drown! I quickly swooped down faster then a speeding bullet to save him, almost breaking the fabrics of speed and sound as I did. Faster, feeling the wind in my mane, faster, tasting the air, faster, until... YOINK! I Grabbed him. I did it. I had saved a life of another pony. And not a momment to soon. The branch had just broke when I finally reached for his hoof. "Oh thank you Derp! Thank you!" He praised me. "No trouble at all." We landed in the middle of the town square where the whole town waited for us. "Derp! Derp! Derp! Derp!" The crowd shouted my name. "Derp! Derp! Derp! Derp! Mom! Mom! Mom!" "Huh?" "Mommy! Wake up!" Dinky jumped up and down on my tummy. "What? What happend?" I asked not knowing where I was. "Pinkie Pie came over today and left you this." Dinkie handed me a green muffin. "Oh my gummy worm muffin! How nice." Just then, a car horn beeped. "Oh, that must be your father. Have a good time Dinkiy." Dinkiy grabbed her suitcase and ran out the door to spend the weekend with her dad. "What an interessting looking muffin." I said to myself excaming the odd pastry. I've never seen a green glowing muffin before. But this was one of Pinkie's muffins. Anything could be possible when it comes to that crazy pony. I slowly took a bite out of the glowing muffin. It tasted... different then usual muffins. It tasted like... like... Everything went black after that. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I leaned back in my hot tub with a cigar in my mouth and a glass of merlot in my hoof. I was living the good life alright. A mansion, 10,000,000 bits in the safe, all the wine I could ask for, a happy and healty daughter, and a perfect life. What more could a pony ask- "Miss Doo, the mayor called. She said it was... an emergency." "Oh, thank you Jackson." I answered the phone. "Hello, Mrs. Mayor?" "Derp, we have a problem." I knew all too well what that meant. "I'm on it." In ten seconds flat, I put on my super suit and flew out the door. "Miss. Doo... Miss Doo? Miss Doo!" "Ah uh what!?" "Oh good, your finally awake." "Wh- whe- where am I?" "Your in the hospital Miss. Doo. It was lucky that we got you here in time." The Nurse told me looking at a clipboard. I found my hoof attached to an IV. I'm really in the hospital. "Well what happend?" "You ate what appears to be a radioactive muffin. May I ask, why in Equestria would you eat something like that?" "I... I'm not sure." "Well, Dr. Whooves should be with you in a while." The nurse told me as she walked out the door. Well Ditzy, you've gotten yourself into one big mess. I guess it could be worse. I could have fallen out of the window again, walk into a door again, forget how to blink again, tell Dinkiy that sh- Dinky. I quickly threw the IV down and flew out the door. "Oh Dinky. Please be ok. Please be ok!" Flying past nurses and other ill ponies, all I could think of was Dinky. Does she know what happened? Is she still with her dad? I prayed that she was ok. I was so worried that I didn't even noticed that I was flying much faster than usual. I just kept thinking about my little girl. I zipped past nurse Red Heart and Dr. Whooves. "Oh my! Nurse Red Heart! Who was that?" "Thats Ditzy Doo Dr." She answered him picking up her papers. "Hmmm... Ditzy... Why does that name ring a bell?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Oh Dinky, please Celestia be ok." How could I have been so derpy!? Eating a glowing muffin. What was I thinking?! Oh Celestia, please let my baby be alright. I was so determined to get to her, I didn't care who got hurt in my way. I wasn't even sure who I was passing by really. In fact, how fast was I going? I finally reached her father's house in Manehatton. Not sure how I got there so fast. It usually takes hours to get from Ponyville to Manehatton. Huh... Anyway, I knew he kept the door locked, so I did something I thought I could never do; I broke it down. At least, I thought I did. "Dinky!" "Mommy?" "Ditzy?!" "Oh, Hello Travis." "... Your looking well... wait how did you get in my house?!" "Never mind that! I need to see Dinky!" "Dinky and I were having lunch you physco!" A cool breeze flew on the back of my neck. Didn't I close the door? I looked back to see that half of the house was missing. Did... did I do that? "Mommy, you broke daddy's house!" Dinky said in shock "I... I didn't... mean to... I'm sorry Travis." "Get out of my house!" He demanded. "I... I... Ohhh!" In anger and stupidy, I flew back to Ponyville. I didn't know my own stength! I can't even hold a two pound box in my mouth, let alone break off half a house. Come to think of it... how DID I do that? I stopped myself to think in mid air. If I can break off half of a house, then... what else can I do? "Look out!" A voice called out to me. CRASH Ow, what was that? "Oh my gosh, Ditzy! I'm so sorry! Do you need any help?" Rainbow Dash asked me. I rubbed my head still not sure what just happened. "Huh? Oh Rainbow Dash. Was that you who bumped into me?" I asked still rubbing my head. "Yeah, I'm sorry. Well, if you don't need any help, I guess I'll be on my wa-" "Wait!" She stopped. "Yes?" "I was wondering... if... you know... how did you do a sonic rainboom?" She looked at me dazed. "Well, Ditzy, it takes years and year of practice to truly master a sonice rainboom. But I just have to fly fast. It would probably take you... ummm... let's say eight to seventeen years to make one." She told in proud voice. "Oh yeah? I bet you I can do one in ten seconds flat." "Pfft, don't kid yourself. Like I said, it takes years and years or prac-" "Can't hear you! I'm too busy doing a sonic rainboom!" I shouted far away. Faster than a speeding bullet, I flew downwards hoping to make a sonic rainboom. Faster, faster, faster untill... BOOM It happened. A sonic rainboom. Well, not really a rainboom, more like a muffinboom. Severaly of them! The more I flew down, the more muffinbooms would... well... boom! This proved it. I really did have super powers. I was a superhero, like in my dreams. My life was going to change after that moment. I would use these powers to do good in my small town and anywhere else I am needed. I am, the Derp.