While I was passed out, I don’t remember much. Unconsciousness does that, I hear. Fading in and out, I just remember my entire body being in the most incredible pain I’ve ever felt. And not the good incredible, more the bad, excruciating kind of incredible. Luna was standing over me, looking downright terrified, and I think Celestia was in the back of the room. Luna could probably tell you more about that day, to tell you the truth, but i guess it wasn't very interesting. When I actually woke up, though, I know that I was still in pain, I was still a human, I was surrounded by doctors, Luna and Celestia apparently had duties to perform, and I really needed to pee.
I wasn’t allowed to get up, though. The doctors, for all the good they were doing for my still human anatomy, didn’t want to risk me aggravating my condition. I maintain they didn’t want me screwing something up that they didn’t have a goddamn clue about. Like thumbs. I was given a bedpan that obviously wasn’t made for a human laying down, but on the plus side I got fresh new sheets and some sort of satisfaction. Luckily, Luna came back after they were done changing everything.
“How do you feel? Are they treating you ok? Do you have everything you need? Oh, gods, I should have made you leave the room when I finished the spell, you shouldn’t have had to go through this, you must be in so much pain, isthereanythingIcandotohelp-”
“Luna!” I had to stop her just so she would take a breath. “You know, you worry too much. And talk too fast.”
“But still,” she said, “does it hurt bad?”
“Oh, you bet!” I gave her a kind of half smile to make her feel better, and because it was funny.
She wasn’t amused. She gave me a nudge with her hoof and just said “Well, I feel just awful about this. You shouldn’t have been brought through that portal.”
“Hey, it wasn’t your fault. Just remember that, ok? We knew there was the risk of the unbroken yet somewhat weakened fibers around the previously torn ones giving way and sucking in the nearby objects before resealing itself. My biggest concern is that I’m not a pony. I distinctly recall you saying I would have turned into one if I came to Equestria, and Canterlot is part of Equestria last I knew. What happened?”
She gave me the same look that she had given me when we were talking about opening the portal for the first time, like I knew too much without having any idea how smart I was. “Yeah, I don’t get that either. The only option we have for turning you into a pony now is doing it magically, and we can’t even think about attempting that until we know exactly what happened to prevent and reverse your transformation.”
“Wait, wait, back up the happy-magics-mobile. You said reverse. You mean I got halfway there, or what? Because I’d really rather not be a centaur, and I’m a complete human right now. Just ask the doctors.”
“Yes, you started to turn into a pony. It started from the feet up, but when the transformation reached where your pony lower ribcage is, it just stopped. It was like it was unsure if you were turning into the right creature or even the right kind pony. Then there was a big flash of light and you were back to normal. I don’t know how or why, though.”
Suffice to say, I was confused. If nothing else, I would have liked to have been an earth pony. Instead, I’m in intense pain, not allowed to get up, and still human for all of it. I only had one more question as long as I was just laying here. “What color was I?”
That got her. She had to crack a smile, even though she tried to hide it. “You were a pretty shade of forest green, and your tail was a sparkling gold. It was the most unique color combination I had ever seen on somepony, but it really seemed to fit you, like they were made for you. And of course, you had no cutie mark because you haven’t earned it here yet, but that will come in time, I’m sure. So, Celestia will be in soon, and I’m sure she will have someone with her to observe or be on guard. I told her she doesn’t need to worry and that you’re a good man, but you know how it is.”
As if on cue, Celestia walked into the room. She carried an immense grace with her, along with two royal unicorn guards and someone who was hidden behind her. All I could see was a purple set of legs following along behind her. Without thinking, I called out, “Twilight, you don’t have to fear me. I’m not allowed to stand and I don’t want to hurt anyone anyways.” Not my best idea ever.
Celestia immediately took a more defensive stance, and the purple legs whimpered. The guards horns began to glow and their eyes narrowed, but Luna stepped in front of them. “TIA!!” she yelled, using her official Canterlot voice again. “I TOLD YOU, THIS IS A GOOD MAN. YOU WILL NOT HURT HIM FOR KNOWING ABOUT US AND OUR FRIENDS!!”
Celestia was stunned, to say the least. Her jaw dropped and she looked as if she might fall over. I guess Luna wasn’t usually so vocal about guests. Or other ponies in general. Either way, her outburst only raised the tension. Unfortunately, my awkward gene decided to kick in then, and before I could stop myself, I blurted out, “Wow. That was hot.”
Luna turned her head towards me just enough for me to see her blush, and Celestia actually shot a small magic missile at me. Luckily, I flinched just enough that it was only a graze in the shoulder, but still. By the looks of the charred remains of the bedpost behind me, it was stronger than it looked. I didn’t know that Princess Celestia could get pissed off so easily. Everypony else in the room just stood there. Except Twilight, who fainted. I was a little bit pissed now though, so I decided that it was a good time to keep mouthing off.
“Uuh, can someone check on the young lady in the back? I would, but big, bad Tia might shoot me again.” Celestia snarled and looked like she was going to try it again, but Luna raised a shield before she could. Satisfied with having grazed me for the time, Celestia tended to her student, and Luna turned back to me as I started to get out of the bed. It was obvious she was trying not to laugh, but she hid it well.
“Not that that wasn’t hilarious, but please don’t push her too far. She didn’t like you from the moment you fell on her floor. And while that gash doesn’t look too bad, it’s going to leave a scar and you don’t want to have her shoot at you again.”
“Oh, I don’t know. I haven’t been shot at before. It’s kind of exhilarating.” This time, Luna glared at me a little bit. Jeeze, I was on a roll. “Sorry,” I muttered.
By now, Twilight was awake again and had come to terms with her mentor shooting someone in a protectively jealous rage. Now the Twilight I knew was working again though, and the scholar in her was beginning to bubble over with excitement at the fact that she was documenting the first-ish encounter with a human, who not only talked, but was gutsy enough to mouth off to the Princess (well, maybe the last part is just my imagination).
“Oh, my goodness, what an incredible creature! It stands on two feet, it can talk, and in our language! I wonder what it eats?” She wrote furiously in her notebook, seeming to record every shaky step I took. “Is it unsure of how it is supposed to walk, despite its seeming maturity?”
“Twilight, you can direct your questions at me, and I’m a he, not an it. I know how to walk, run, etcetera, and I do it just fine. Finding myself in Equestria and being shot at by a princess is just a new experience for me. By the look of her though, Celestia may want to make it a fairly common experience,” I said, nodding at Celestia, whose horn began to glow brightly again. “Though I’d take it as a kindness if she didn’t,” I added quickly, backing up a bit.
“Luna. Hallway. Now.” Celestia looked like she might kill me by the end of the hour.
I threw a quick sheepish look at Luna and stopped her for a second before she went out, making the guards a little nervous. “Hey, don’t cover for me. Tell her the truth, tell her I’m kind of an ass sometimes, and that I don’t do well with the whole ‘showing utmost respect to authority at every given moment’ thing. Although I really do respect her. You do know that, right?” I asked in hushed tones.
She smiled back and just said, “Yes, I know generally how you work. You’re a good guy, you like to have fun, and you prefer to diffuse an awkward situation by making inappropriate comments, then not apologizing and or backing down. Don’t worry, you’ve covered yourself. I don’t have to lie.”
Somehow, that didn’t make me feel better, but she walked through the door confidently. Although I did feel like she really kind of liked me, the way she pointed out nice things about me.
While they were outside, their voices could be heard in an angry, hushed shouting match. While that was all well and good for them, it was kind of weird just standing in the room. After a moment, I motioned for Twilight to come sit with me on the bed. “Hey, I’ll answer your questions if you like. I know your filled to the brim with them. Come on, hit me with your best shot.”
She seemed a little nervous at first, but that could have been the guards pointing their horns at me, ready to shoot if I moved wrong. But as she grew calmer and more sure I wasn’t going to attack, the guards stood down and listened to what I had to say. Looking back, I’m surprised I wasn’t more amped up, but I think I was out of excitement juice from being shot at and having already slept in the same room as Princess Luna. We sat there for a half hour or so, ignoring the increasingly loud voices coming from the hallway and just having a grand old time, until finally the voices lowered and the Princesses came back in. I guess Luna won whatever argument they had, because Celestia didn’t look very happy, and Luna practically bounced over and sat on my other side and began to talk.
“So, Tia has graciously allowed me to give you the adjoining bedroom to mine in my tower. You will have full range of the castle as long as either one of us or two or more guards are with you at all times. That includes the kitchen and the library. While you are here, sister thinks she knows how to make a spell that will allow you to do what we talked about, meaning essentially carry the portal with you and have the ability to set it up to travel freely from your world to ours and back so that we can visit each other. In the meantime, you’ll be watched like I said, but you’ll have the opportunity to see most anything you like as long as someone is with you, and I’d love to show you around.”
I was deliriously happy, to say the least, but something kept nagging at me in the part of my brain that was still rational. “So, what about all my things back home? I mean, I have classes to go to and papers to write. And if I just don’t show up for a few days, people will come looking, and my family will get scared.”
Luna nodded slowly, still smiling. “We thought of that too. For this first spell, we may be able to take you right back to the time that we left, give or take about an hour. Hopefully give, if anything, because if it’s take then past you and me will see future you, which would be current you to you then but future you to them. I think?” She looked at the ceiling and tapped her hoof on her chin. After a second, she shook her head and snapped out of it. “Anyways, you haven’t eaten since out breakfast yesterday, so how about some lunch?”
As she mentioned it, I realized that I was pretty hungry. I didn’t realize that it had been a whole day and a half, but I was pretty darn hungry. But I think it might be too much to hope that they had sesame chicken in the kitchen.