//------------------------------// // Nothing Important Happens // Story: Halo: X Team in Equestria // by The Good Dark Lord //------------------------------// "Kenny." James said. "Kenny, you're freaking me out. Stop it." Kenny was sitting cross- legged with his back to the wall. He was looking straight ahead, as if concentrating really hard on something. "Remind us again, what are you trying to do?" Rose asked. Without looking up, Kenny spoke. "I am trying to gain the ultimate skill in all of existence." "Which would be?" "Meta physical powers." "Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Well good luck with that." "If I can gain the same powers as Pinkie Pie or Discord, I can get us out of here." "And exactly how do you plan to achieve cartoon physics?" James sarcastically asked. "I dunno. I figure if I just muster enough willpower and believe in myself, it'll all work out." James face palmed. "Wait! I'm feeling something!" James and Rose both perked their heads up. "I- I... HHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGG..." Kenny reached behind his back, and pulled out... Nothing. "Kenny, it's a lost cause." Rose said. "There is no way at all that someone can just spontaneously gain physics- breaking powers." "No way! I am NOT giving up! If a pink amish filly can do this, then so can I!" Kenny resumed his futile attempt at gaining meta physical powers that will totally not work. ********** Morning. Twilight was laying on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. She had been awake doing this for the past twenty minutes, contemplating. She was thinking about the spartans, the argument last night, her role in this whole situation, and how long it might be until everything is resolved. Deep stuff. She shook her head and forced herself to get out of bed. She went over to her mirror, fixed up her mangled mane, and opened her bedroom door. Twilight trotted downstairs and entered her kitchen. She opened her fridge. It was almost empty. "Ah crap." She thought. "I need to go buy groceries." Twilight levitated a pen and a piece of paper and started writing. Spike- Out to buy groceries. I'll be back in an hour. Twilight She set the note down on the table where Spike could easily see it. Then she put her saddlebag around her neck, counted her bits, and left her house. Everypony was out and about, doing their thing. Twilight turned a few corners, and saw the market place straight ahead. But just out of the corner of her left eye, she saw something. A large crowd of ponies appeared to be gathering around Bon Bon and Lyra's house. From what she could hear they sounded worried. Twilight made her way over to see what the commotion was about. When she was near enough she could see through the doorway that there were several royal guards inside the house, investigating stuff. Outside the doorway were an irritated looking Lyra, a nervous Bon Bon, a royal guard officer, and two other rather tired looking guards who both had a comically huge bump on their head. "So let me get this straight." The officer said. He sounded exasperated. "After you saw the monster knock out these two geniuses here, you thought it would be a good idea to capture it for yourself and bring it into your home?" He was saying these things to Bon Bon. "No, it wasn't her idea." Lyra said. "It was all my doing. And yes, I thought it was a good idea." "What about now?" "He wouldn't have gotten away if Bon Bon here hadn't distracted me!" Bon Bon shot a glare at Lyra. "Oh, don't even start that up again! You should have known that those magic- reinforced chains weren't strong enough!" "Sir." A unicorn guard said as he exited the house. He was levitating a frying pan that had two noticeable dents. "We believe that this is the weapon the creature used to subdue those two." The officer took the pan from the guard's telekinetic grasp. "Hmmmmm..." He mused. Then he turned around and smashed the two hapless guards on the head with the frying pan. "Well boys? Do you think that this is what he used to knock you out with?" "Yep." "Without a doubt." They both passed out with an audible "Bleh." Twilight left the scene for the market. She had to get away to think about this. Just before she was out of earshot, she heard Lyra speak to herself. "I'll get you yet my human! Heh heh." Twilight started trotting a little faster. As Twilight bought her supplies from the the various market stalls, she allowed herself to formulate new questions. "Were they talking about the Colonel? Was the Colonel in Ponyville last night? If so, why? Where else was he? Did he see me? Maybe that's why I had that weird feeling last night..." She shivered at the thought of the Colonel stalking her in the night. Now there was just one stall left to buy from: Applejack's. Twilight vividly remembered the heated argument between her and her farmer friend, but she figured it would be best to make amends as soon as possible. Besides, she needed some frickin' apples. Twilight neared Applejack's stand. Applejack was selling apples to customers. She hadn't noticed her yet. As she came closer, Twilight noticed something strange. Applejack was continually scanning the horizon with a nervous look. In fact, she was sweating a little bit along her neck. Twilight decided she would ask after she had made amends. "Applejack." Twilight simply said when she was close enough. "O- Oh! Hey Twi." Applejack said. "AJ... about last night..." "Ah don't worry about that! We were both just angry is all. It's water under the bridge now." Applejack said with a sincere smile. Twilight returned the smile. She held her hoof up. "Friends?" "Friends." They bumped hooves. "Applejack, can I ask you something?" "Yeah?" "Why are you so nervous?" "...Twi, last night... Apple Bloom had an encounter with one of 'em spartans." "What happened?" Twilight asked with complete concern. "It happened right after ah got home. Apple Bloom remembered that she left her school project in the barn, so she went out to get it. Right after she went in, ah saw it go in after her." "She wasn't hurt, right?" "No. Ah galloped as fast as ah could when ah saw that varmint. But when ah got there, it wasn't in the barn with Apple Bloom." "Hm?" "From what ah pieced together Twi, the spartan had tricked my little sister into thinking she was giving a talking bat directions to Canterlot." "Canterlot? Then that means... oh no." "It gets worse. Apple Bloom told me that whoever she talked to was a she, not a he. Ya get where ah'm going with this?" "...There's more than one of them still out free." "Eeyup." "..." "..." "How's Apple Bloom holding up?" "She didn't realize how much danger she was in until ah told her after we all got back in the house. Poor thing wouldn't have gotten any sleep if ah hadn't let her bunk with me." "Awww..." "Don't get sappy yet. Ah had to walk her to school this morning. Ah would have done so anyways if she wasn't scared already, but she don't need to know that." The two of them shared a small laugh. "We could talk about this all day Twi, but ah can see some regulars comin' down our way. Anything ya need to buy quick before you leave?" "Oh! Yes, of course. I'll have..." ********** "HHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG ALMOST THERE..." "Kenny, stop!" James yelled. "You're hurting yourself!" "NO I GOT THIS!" Kenny put the last of his willpower into one final push for cosmic insanity. "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" And then Kenny passed out. His body went limp against the wall. "Oh my god, Kenny!" Rose cried as she and James knelt down by him. "Wake up! Say something!" "...rblarbla..." "Huh?" James said. Kenny groaned, and shook his head a little bit. Then he looked straight forward, and started breathing heavily. "Kenny?" Rose said as she put a hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?" Very slowly, Kenny turned his head to look at Rose, then he looked at James. Kenny put a hand behind his back, and pulled out... A hammer and a nail. "It worked." He said. ********** Mr. Cake stood behind the counter of Sugarcube Corner, taking orders for customers. Since Mrs. Cake was out at the market with Pumpkin and Pound, it was just him and Pinkie Pie for now. Speaking of Pinkie Pie, he was waiting for her to finish baking the next batch of cupcakes. *DING* Mr. Cake listened as Pinkie opened the oven, took out the cupcakes, and- *CLANG- SPLAT* Alarmed, Mr. Cake rushed into the kitchen. There on the floor was the cupcake batch. Upside down. Splattered. "Well there goes ten bits." He thought to himself. Then he looked up to Pinkie Pie, who looked like she just had a life- changing epiphany. "Pinkie Pie? What's wrong?" Mr. Cake asked. "Did something happen?" "I sense a disturbance in the Force." Pinkie said. Without another word she darted out the back door. ********** Princess Celestia was thinking of how she should best assault the spartan base. Surrounded from all sides with overwhelming numbers? Yes, that would do nicely. In less than a day her perfect utopia would be brought back to normal- "AAAAAAHHHH!!!!" A voice screamed from behind the doors. "What the?" *CRASH* "What was that?" "OH SWEET CELESTIA!" "What is going on-" The doors at the end of the hall suddenly opened up with a *BOOM*. Standing there with a trail of beat up guards behind them were Braden, Richard, and Ashley. Braden cracked his knuckles and neck. "Take care of the guards. The princess is mine." Celestia couldn't help but feel a little nervous as Braden casually strolled down the middle of the hall towards her while Richard and Ashley laid the smack down on her present guards. He was at the bottom of the steps now. As quick as she could, Celestia summoned a pen and paper, frantically wrote a letter to Twilight, and sent it off with a *poof*. Immediately after she sent the letter, Braden punched Celestia right in her face. The impact sent her flying into the back wall, which she ungracefully peeled off of and landed on the floor on her stomach with a *thud*. ********** "See? Right there. I found a crack in the magic wall." Kenny stated as he pointed to a small crack in Celestia's wall. "How is it that I am not insane yet?" James rhetorically asked. Kenny delicately put the tip of the nail into the crack, and with precise pressure, hit the flat end with the hammer. *Tap*. Large cracks suddenly formed from the impact point, and the whole thing shattered. "Problem solved!" Kenny declared. Then he kicked the cell door off its hinges. ********** "TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT!" Pinkie Pie yelled as she barged into Twilight's library. Twilight looked up from the book she was reading. "What is it Pinkie?" "SHIT'S GOING DOWN! WE HAVE TO GET TO CANTERLOT!" "Whatever makes you think that?" "I don't know, but I can feel it! It wasn't my Pinkie Sense, oh no, this is something bigger." "Oh relax Pinkie, you're probably just overreacting again. I'm sure absolutely nothing is happening as of this moment." *BURP* "Hey, Twilight, you got a letter from Celestia." Spike said. "Oh really? Well then, I wonder what she wants." Twilight opened the letter. To my most faithful student, Twilight Sparkle Get your ass over to Canterlot the spartans are wrecking shit up and the Colonel looks like he's gonna rape me bring the other Elements of Harmony HELP! -Princess Celestia ********** "Okay, is everypony ready?" Twilight asked Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Applejack. They all nodded. They were all standing in a circle in Twilight's library. "Okay, now everypony hold still. This is going to be a very powerful teleportation spell, and the Princess is counting on us, so don't do anything to screw me up." Twilight began charging her horn and focused all of her magic on teleporting the six of them to Canterlot. A white light filled the room. Then, at the last second... "TAKE ME WITH YOU!" ********** Twilight gave a groan and wearily looked up. She was lying in front of the entrance to the Princess' palace. She got to her hooves and looked around. Her other five friends were there, and so was... "LYRA?" Twilight asked in disbelief. "What the buck are you doing here?!" "I heard that the humans were here, so I tagged along!" Lyra happily answered. "Humans? Don't ya mean spartans?" Applejack asked. "I've seen their biology up close and personal, and I'm telling you all, they are HUMAN!" Lyra ran up the stairs to the palace and thrust the doors open. She ran inside. "WHERE ARE YOU MY LITTLE HUMANS?" "Ah crap somepony stop her!" Twilight ordered. She took one step- and then fell over from exhaustion. "TWILIGHT!" Her friends yelled as they crowded around her. "Are you alright?" Rainbow Dash asked. Twilight coughed. "Yeah, I'm fine. That spell took way too much outta me. WHOO. Y'know what? I think I'm just gonna take a quick power nap..." "TWILIGHT." Her friends sternly said. Twilight shot back up. "I'm up! I'm up!" The Mane Six ran into the palace.