//------------------------------//
// Have It Your Way 
// Story: Order Up! 
// by Sparkler 
//------------------------------//

Having good food in her belly, a blanket to sleep under, and the warmth radiating from Theo's old brick grill was too much for the exhausted filly.  Not even the excitement of her cutie mark could fight back the drowsiness caused by her fever, she passed out quickly after dinner.  The morning after, Patty woke up more energized than she could ever remeber.

The trip back to Ponyville was uneventful, save for the bawdy crocodile songs that Theodore taught Double Patty on their way back.  They had burgers prepared and wrapped for meals, and a shopping list and impromptu recipe so Theodore to restock his larder and prepare the burger mixture they had worked out.

It was more than a little eventful once they got to Ponyville, though.  Being more than five times as tall as your average pony, it was completely impossible for Theodore to blend in with the crowd.

A grey mare with a red mane was the first to announce their arrival:  "Alligator!!"

Theodore roared with aggravation.  "Hey, missy!  Mind your manners - I'm a crocodile!!"

Of course, once he roared the stampede was full-blown.  He might as well have shouted "Did somepony order the large ham?"; ponies just weren't listening.  There was a lot of running, screaming, fainting, and general chaos, though, as the panic spread through the town.  Double Patty and her crocodile friend simply walked down the road at a lazy pace, occastionally looking at each other.

"Erm...  Patty, does this town erupt into a full-blown panic every day?"

"Oh, no.  Only about once a week."





Double Patty had finally got both her sire and her dam to let her dye her hair; the long-standing agreement was that Patty would be allowed to dye her hair for her cuteceñera once she had earned her cutie mark.  (It certainly helped that Theodore had laid it on really thick that their girl was really talented with his really intense crocodile smile.)

Brush in hoof, she examined her hair in the mirror again.  Brushing it first this way, than that.  It took a while for it to lay just right.  But once she got the colors to lay just right, she giggled, and cantered in place like any other schoolfilly.  Where before, she had only had blonde in her mane and tail, now her mane and tail were in three sections; the center was still the original blond, while her left side sported red hair, and her right side sported green.  Three-tone hair was all the rage those days, with adults as well as fillies, and Double Patty had had it cut to a shorter, sportier look when she went to have it dyed.

She gave a smile, and used a bright red hairband to keep her bangs manageable.  At least she looked halfway presentable.

Now, it was time to worry about the catering...





"Out, out, out!"

Skystriker gently nudged his wife out the kitchen door, towards safety and away from the small brown filly who was angrily brandishing the utensil that appeared on her flank.  "Don't bother her, darling - she's in her madness place."

Double Patty had refused to set a proper date for her cuteceñara; she even refused to have one unless she had this recipe perfect.  But she had found one major problem:  Ponyville didn't have a butcher shop anywhere.  Nor did any nearby town.  She suspected there might be one in the epicurean city of Canterlot, but didn't have the bits or her parents' permission to head there.  (The meat would be bad by the time she got back home anyways.)  So, it was up to Double Patty to do what any great cook would do in her position:  Improvise.  The entirety of her house's small kitchen was wiped clean, and all the vegetables Patty had at hoof were lined up.  If she couldn't buy meat, she'd make it.

The first thing she thought was to use beans.  Beans are thick, and full of protein, and have the same "bloody" mineral profile as most meats.  So, she began with the combination that looked and tasted most like meat - a mashed patty formed of black beans and kidney beans.  After baking, though, the 'patty' that formed was a soggy mush - like a burger made of baby food.  Mixing in some minced carrot didn't help the matter too much.  The patty needed moisture, true, but she needed texture.

To get the texture right, she next tried making patties out of a variant of hash browns.  By mixing in her cannibal sauce (as Theo had taken to calling it - but she didn't know why Theo once or twice got a guilty look in his eye whenever she said that), the texture and flavor were certainly right; the hash brown patty was savory, the potatos creamy and soft on the inside yet crisp and slightly burnt on the outside, with the horseradish tying the entire meal together.  But put together, the hash browns felt like a third piece of bread when sandwiched between the dark bread her parents made.

Neither being completely satisfying, Patty tried another.  Taking a variant of the bean mixture, Double Patty added minced celery and carrot to get the crunch she was seeking out.  But instead of being crisp, the celery slowly stewed and released its oil into the mix, breaking the cohesion of the beans and creating a mixture that was less mush and more a chunky gruel.  The unappetizing sheen from the oil bubbling out from the bean mixture taunted Double Patty, as if her cooking was laughing at her.  It took more self-control than usual to put the spatula down beside the stove, as opposed to throwing it out the window.

She scrunched her muzzle, then sighed dejectedly.  "Just great.  When they ask why I have a spatula for my cutie mark, I'll tell them I have a special talent for making greasy soup and baby food."





"Are you sure you want to do this?"

After Double Patty had stormed out of the kitchen after another frustrating day, Cinnamon had insisted on ordering out - Beyjing cuisine, just about the exact opposite of the whatever her daughter had been preparing.  She was worried, and more than a little annoyed with her daughter's experimentation blocking off the kitchen; and more to the point her studies had been put on the back burner for the last week as she tried to reverse engineer that dish she had prepared for that...  crocodile.  "This is your hour, dear...  you don't need to spend it working for anypony but yourself."

"But that's the thing, mom," Patty pouted, as she nibbled a slice of orange-glazed zucchini.  "If this is a celebration of my cutie mark, I have to defend it too.  This has to be the best thing I've ever made anypony."

"Patina, you know perfectly well you don't have to defend your talent to anypony.  Or your cutie mark."

"You don't understand, Mom.  You got a heart over two crossed leaves, and your special talent is debates.  That's about as normal of a cutie mark as anypony can get!  Nopony has a-"  Patty frowned at her stir fried pine nuts, as if they were somehow to blame.  "... a spatula."

"Well...  no, nopony does.  Then again, nopony else has a special talent for breaking the laws of pony and nature."

"Mom!"

"Well, it's true, Patina.  You do know that ponies aren't carnivores... right?"

Double Patty shook her head.  "And that's why I want to introduce that taste, mom!  The taste was completely different.  It wasn't...  starchy.  At all.  It was rich and warm and savory and a little creamy.  It...  it was a complete contrast to the flavors we're used to.  It was new.  It's literally something nopony has worked with before, and that's why it's a special talent."

Cinnamon sighed, frustrated.  It was time to change tactics.  "And that, dear, is exactly why you should be the one to cater."

"Bwah?"

"I think it's a wonderful idea," Patina's mother nodded, trotting around to the other side of the table.  After arguing the exact opposite point with her daughter for so long, a quick turnaround in the conversation be quick to agree.  "What other pony has a cutie mark like yours?  What other pony has a talent like yours?  Nopony caters their own cuteceñera.  That's why it's a perfect."  Cinnamon smiled her warmest, proudest smile.  "They'll remember your special day for years to come."

"I - huh.  I think you're right."

"So, Patty - you should make your strongest dishes.  Why not your spicy lasagna, or your white chocolate radish salad?"  Cinnamon lifted Patty's near-empty plate away, only a few overcooked lentils left in sauce.  "Do your best to show everypony your talent for-"

Patina's hooves instantly hit the table, almost launching the plates into the air.  "No!"

She rose, glowering.  "I'm not just a good cook, mom.  I'm the best.  I made something new, and I'm going to find a way to show everypony just what a burger is.  All I need is the right ... erm...  texture..."

Patty ran her tongue along her teeth, and could still taste the pine nuts and lentils.  As the taste hit her tongue, she could feel the yielding crunch of the pine nuts, the way the lentils squished under her mouth.  She thought of the fried rice - almost there, maybe barley instead?.  And in that moment, she realized where she had gone wrong.  She had tried to create a dish by imagining what certain things would taste like after being cooked, then creating a recipe, then seeing if it worked.  Instead, she needed to be comparing prepared ingredients.  A simple ingredient, given a dozen different preparation styles, would have a dozen different tastes and textures.

Dropping her fork in her Maneighsian-style artichoke, Patty cantered back into the kitchen.  "Argument later, mom!  I've got it!"





The kitchen table was set up like a buffet, with each plate set up like a palette; instead of paint, each table had a small quantity of some vegetable or grain.  The nearest plate, set up for zucchini, had zucchini prepared several different ways:  raw, fried, baked, boiled, steamed, skewered, and grilled.  Plate after plate built up on the table, sorted by texture and color.

"Alright.  Definitions."  Patty wrote on a piece of paper clipped up to the icebox because there was no other surface left in the kitchen.  "Has to hold together, when frying and in the bun.  Has to be savory, but can't be too strong.  Has to be a little creamy and a little chewy."  Patty looked over the legumes.  "The best burger so far started with beans, so...  start from here..."

With this new tactic, it didn't take long for Patty's recipe to come into place.  Black beans, bulgur, and lentils formed the base of the patty, with a bit of roast ground eggplant to bind it together; black beans and lentils were soft and split easily between teeth , while the bulgur was 'chewier' and had to be ground on the molars, two textures that met the tongue like ground meat.  In order to add fat, Patty added fried vegetables; fried mushroom and leeks carried just enough fat from the sunflower oil to be creamy on the tongue without being too greasy.  A bit of diced carrot and celery added just a bit more chewiness, while coarsely ground garbanzo beans and pine nuts added a satisfying crunch to every bite.

At this point, Patty had the firmness, savoriness, and taste down.  However, there were still problems.  The patties tended to fall apart on the first bite; unlike the meat patties which were uniformly sticky, her vegetable patties were 'chunky' - and thus couldn't be flattened out underhoof into near as flat a shape as a meat patty could, lest they break apart when cooked.  Unfortunately, this ruled out slipping an onion ring and her homemade hot sauce between two thin patties - but it could still be worked into the mix proper.

Additionally, these vegetable patties didn't look like meat; they looked like vegetables clinging together for dear life in the middle of the frying pan.  It wasn't like anypony would know what meat tasted like - but it was the *principle* of the thing!  To keep the patties firmly together, Double Patty added flour and a pinch of baking soda, using a trick she had learned from making pizza.  So the outside of each patty would scorch nicely, she dredged the formed patties through soy sauce, then a mix of bread crumbs and black pepper; the bread crumbs were dry, and they added a nice roasted color.  As they roasted, the patties began to crisp up properly, and plump out; the olive oil leaked from the patty, frying the underside.  When she went to flip them, the hoof-cut mix of vegetables and grains actually looked a lot like the patties she had grilled with Theodore - even the way the oil eventually cooked out reminded her of the marbled meat the crocodile had served her. 

Finally, after almost another four hours of experimentation, she *had* it; the patty stayed together and was rich and savory.  Making buns took almost no time after that, and a few fresh vegetables added variety:  juicy red tomatoes, thin slices of crisp white onion, fresh purple kale, all held together by a thicker crimson version of her 'cannibal sauce'.  A few stalks of asparagus fried with impromptu breading made a decent side, completing the plate.

She had it.

"Dad?"

Hesitantly, Double Patty's sire Skystriker peeked around the door to the kitchen.  "What is it?"

A plate was all but shoved into his face.  "Try this."

The giant grin on Patty's face was impossible to say 'no' to, but Skystriker had been served several inedible patties in the past few days.  "Y-yes, dear."  He made a move to step around Patty.  "Just let me get a fork-"

"No need," Patty grinned.  "Just take it with your hooves, like...  like a muffin I guess."

Skystriker looked to his daughter, than the plate.  "If you say so, dear."

Patty leaned in ever closer as her sire took a wide bite of her first ever burger, her eye going wider and wider as he chewed.  Her smile became tighter and tighter with expectation.  "Well?"

Skystriker chewed experimentally.  "Sunflowers."

"... bwah?"

"Dark bread doesn't taste right with something like this.  It's dense with dense, so when it cooled you'd have a mouth full of stale hay.  Sunflower bread might work better for this kind of sandwich, and with the seeds on top it'd match the filling-"

Double Patty had all but pounced on her father, her grasp wrapping his neck tightly.

"Thanks dad!  I think it's finally ready!"

Skystriker laughed, but one hoof was quick to work under his daughters', fighting the eager filly for breath.  "Ready for what, dear?"

"What else, dad?  I'm going to show this to everypony -"

- somewhere, a musical number swelled -

"...At my cuteceñera!"





On the outskirts of Ponyville, a boring lawn became a lively dance.  Live music - the hottest pop out of Las Pegasus and Manehattan, as seen through the cover of a small folk band.  Tea, lemonade, and punch filled the cups, and Double Patty's classmates talked and giggled amongst themselves.

"Do you really think Double Fatty's going to show?"  Alabaster - whose own cutie mark had become a block of marble with a chisel - laughed.  "I mean, what's her cutie mark, a tub of gelato?"

"Yeah, sure."  Trickster - his cutie mark had turned out to be a knight and bishop at angles to each other - threw a hoof dismissively.  "She can't possibly miss her own party.  I mean, a prom, a birthday, okay, but your cuteceñera?"

"Hmmph.  Well."  Evergreen turned her hoof and examined its edge.  "It wouldn't surprise me one bit.  After our little get-together the other day... well, you know."

Everyone in her circle nodded.  The entire school knew she had run away, and there were rumors that Double Patty had bucked some of her classmates in the gym's weight room.  Rumors still circulated and were growing about what had truly happened that day; some came close to the truth, while others accused Double Patty of everything from leading a fight club to being a spy for the gryphon lands.

A small blue filly, Double Patty's youngest classmate, shook her head.  "I just worry about her, sometimes.  She just seems to live in her own-"

"I'm sorry, everyone!"

Everypony turned to the door that was just kicked open.  There was Patty - but she was decidedly not in a dress.  Instead, she was in a stained apron, a bit of splashed grease down its front.

"I'm going to be late, you see, I know what I'm good at and I'm going to show you but it's taking so long and-"  Double Patty's rant ended in a squeak as finally occured to Double Patty that with her apron on and not her dress, the 'secret' of her cutie mark was spoiled, ruining the reveal later in the party.

"I - just dance!  There should be enough dancing that I can finish for - everypony - did Mom and Dad really have to invite everypony?"  Searching the crowd, her eyes met an older green filly.  Especially her!

With a terrified squeak, the harried filly ran back into the kitchen.

Evergreen was the first to speak up.

"... was her cutie mark...  a spatula?"





"Alright, everypony!  Dinner's on!"

This time, Patina Patience was far more composed, and was looking the part.  To contrast with her dull earth tones, she had chosen a bright white dress, ruffled at the shoulders and with white checks at the hooves.  It was old-fashioned, sure, but it was neat and tidy.  And, despite what she had been doing for the last hour and a half, she was clean.  Having missed the first half of her own party, she wasn't about to give in to stage fright to miss the rest.

"I'm sorry for making you all wait," Patty started as the party filed into the picnic tables.  "But...  this is why I called you all here, so I could demonstrate my talent.  Please, be seated."

Patty grinned, sitting at the head of the largest table, waiting for every pony to climb up in front of the bench.  At every position, a paper plate with a cool bun and a large hot patty was seated; Theodore and Patty's hot sauce sat in mason jars in reach of everypony, as well as mustard, pickles, and ketchup.  Her party looked at the dinner, curiously - even those who could look past the dark, unfamiliar, steaming surface of her creation had to question why a cuteceñera was being served dinner as if it were a picnic.

"First things first.  Has anypony ever had meat before?"

About half her party whinnied in surprise, with a few literally jumping out of their tables.

"No, no, no!  I'm not serving you meat," Patty quickly explained, waving a hoof in surprise.  "It's part of the story.  You see, when I got lost last month, I was saved by a crocodile-"

Yet another loud gasp ran though the crowd-

"Yes, a crocodile!  He fed me fish and another kind of meat when I was sick and feverish, so I could get better.  In the process, he showed me how good meat can taste - and in learning how to cook it, even though I was sick, I got my cutie mark.  So I prepared for you a new kind of dish."

With pride, Patty lifted up a burger, putting the second sunflower bun on top.

"It's rich and deep and savory, but there's still a lot of crunch so you get this big squishy taste on the tongue.  It's like getting a mouthful of...  of fruit or grain, but it doesn't taste like fruit sugar or raw starch.  And that crocodile taught me to enjoy spicy flavors, so I made a spicy sauce to go with it.  But be careful, it's really spicy so use ketchup if you don't like that taste.  And I made some fried potato wedges, with a little salt and that sauce rubbed into the skin, as a side.  Spicy, savory, and salty are three tastes we don't get a lot here in Ponyville, but I think you all will like it."

Patty demonstrated, as she took the bun and patty and scooped some of the red sauce over it with a spoon, adding a squirt of ketchup and a few slices of pickle on top.  She covered it with the bun that had kale on it and showed off the creation, as pretty as a picture.  Her grin had a flicker of the artistic fugue she had been working through not a week ago - a small hint of her culinary madness.

"I call them...  burgers.  Dig in, everypony!"

Reluctantly, her friends and classmates assembled their burgers.  Most didn't opt for her spicy sauce, and most added pickles or mustard.  There were a few polite reassurances that her cooking was great.  But as the assembled party chewed into it, an murmur started building up in the crowd.  Double Patty looked over their faces expectantly, nervously.  It was the moment of truth for her - and her party all looked more curious.

"So, how do you all like it?"

The closest pony to her - Skyreach, an Arabian filly who had been averting her eyes thanks to her involvement in the gym the month before - lifted her plate.  "May I have another?"

As soon as Skyreach asked for more, two more lifted their plates.  "Me, too!"

Soon, most of the party was asking for seconds, and a low sound of appreciative hooffalls filled the backyard, with all eyes on Patty.

"Oh - oh wow.  I have more of the patty mix ready, but - who here can cook?"

Six hooves went up, including from some of the parents."

"Alright!  You, you, and--- you," she said, pointing her hoof.  "Dad, get out the grill, we've got a lot of hungry ponies!"

Quickly, Patty took charge of her volunteers.  Teaching two of the adults how to roll a patty underhoof,  she moved on to teaching her younger assistants how to make more of the mixture.  (Somewhere in the mix, her mother trotted off to the store for more beans and eggplant.)  While the two Patty thought were more responsible tended to the stove, she herself worked the grill with her father, rushing to meet the paties demanded by forty hungry ponies..

After seconds started becoming thirds, though, Skystriker all but shoved his daughter away with a firm nuzzle.  "We'll hold down the kitchen, champ," he grinned.  "You have a party to enjoy.  But remember - dad gets the last dance."

The little brown filly giggled.  "I'll wait on you, Dad."  After bounding up to give her sire a tight hug around his neck, she entered the crowd, spirit light.  As the band finished up their thirds, they launched into a much more modern take on their music, and the dances rekindled.

"Hey, Patina."

Hidden in the crowd, one mare stood, flanked by three of her friends.  She looked beautiful in her black and green dress, and the dresses of her friends were styled to match.  They looked like quite the clique.

"... hello again, Evergreen."

"Look, Double f-  Double Patty.  I just wanted to say..."  Evergreen's muzzle scrunched up, as her eyes looked away...  "I'm sorry.  It's just..."  The older filly frowned and drew a hoof back in embarrassment, wanting to seem sincere but unwilling to humiliate herself.  "I'm sorry, okay?"

"Oh.  Well...  okay, I guess."  Double Patty gave a shrug, and began to turn away.

"Patty!"

Evergreen's hoof reached out when she turned around, trying to draw her back.

"We're still friends, right?"

Double Patty looked up at Evergreen, and at the outstretched hoof.  She reached over to shake it...  and then knocked it away.

"Oh, no way in Tartarus."

Bringing herself up to her full height, a devious gleam appeared in Patty's eyes, but she spoke low enough for the sound of the party to keep the conversation between them.  "I hate you, Evergreen, and I hate everyone who likes you.  I wish my parents hadn't invited you, but I'm the host so I won't kick you out.  Oh, this week I got proof from the coach that you were using the weight room after hours.  I already spoke with your parents about what you did, and they asked me to go with them to a special conference, which lead to an investigation by the school board."

The smile grew, as Double Patty gave a little pace, circling Evergreen.  "Most of your friends are getting detentions, but after everyone who talked to the principal confirmed what I said, your parents had the principal reassign you to the School for Educational/Disciplinary Imperfections.  So, Evergreen...  welcome to juvie."

Evergreen's mouth fell open, her eyes tiny pupils.  She could see her popularity being replaced by a future at a juvie school, abandoned by all the friends who she got punished thanks to her little hazing stunt --

Patty tossed her mane, and looked at Evergreen with one eye, her teeth bared.  "And that's if I don't tie you up, tenderize you, grind you into horse meat, mix you into the burgers and serve you at my birthday next month."

Evergreen collapsed, almost fainting on the spot.  Patty stepped in close, rearing up over the older green filly, and raised a leg...

"Nah, I'm just messing with ya," Patty grinned, knocking Evergreen firmly in the shoulder with a hoof.  "I haven't told anyone.  I don't think we're friends, but I forgive ya."

Evergreen's heart skipped several beats.  "... what?"

"I wouldn't have met Theodore if you hadn't, after all, and if I hadn't met him and been sick I wouldn't have found out."  Patty's smile became a lot more genuine, as she helped Evergreen up.  "I think we're just about even."

Evergreen smiled weakly.  "So...  you were just..."

"Making you a little afraid like you made me?  Yep."

"Oh."  Evergreen sighed, as the emotional roller coaster Patty sent her through came to its final crest.  She couldn't help but giggle.  "You...  you got me."

"Really?  Heh.  I should have been an actor."

"Too bad you don't have a butcher knife cutie mark.  It would have worked for that, too."

"Wouldn't it?"

Both fillies shared a laugh.  For the first time, Evergreen and Double Patty seemed to be on equal terms.

"So...  what are you going to do, with this cutie mark?"

"Well, I've been thinking."  Patty looked back over at the grill, where her father and two of her classmates were making and serving fourths.  "None of them knew how to make a burger at all an hour ago.  Now I've got a grill and a oven making them constantly, and a crew making the mixture by themselves, and everypony's going back for more."

"What's your point?"

"Well...  if this is what I can do at a party, what else can I do?"  Patty smiled, as she thought.  "I mean...  there's an ice cream shop, a café, a fancy dining place, and a cupcake shop.  But that's about it.  We don't have fast food, really, like they have in Manehattan or Chicagolt..."

Evergreen titled her head.  "Do you think Ponyville is big enough a place like that?"

"I think so."  Patty nodded.  "I mean...  if I can lead some random ponies at a party, imagine what I could do with a restaurant!"

"But you don't have a restaurant!"  Evergreen shook her mane.  "All you have is, like, five guys!"

Double Patty grinned.  "Five guys, huh?"





Double Patty smiled in reminiscence.  "And that's how this restaurant was made."

The three fillies Double Patty had been serving just stared in shock.  "Wait a minute.  Miss Green's real name is Evergreen?"

"Why would you ever allow her into your shop?  She was so cruel!"

"Well, that's the thing," Patty grinned.  "I forgave her, and I kept to it.  And when I forgave her...  she stopped making me worry.  Besides..."  Patty smiled warmly.  "I got my revenge..."

The three fillies looked up in surprise.

"... she's had her problems throughout her life."  Patty looked back at her oldest customer, the green mare in her own corner.  "She never practiced her talent. And here I am - I set my own course, I have my own place, I do want I like to do.  Even when I'm at work I get to see all my family and friends come by.  It's not all schadenfreude," Patty continued, ignoring the fillies' confusion at the term.  "We've becomes friends after a fashion.  I try my best to cheer her up every time she comes in.  I really do hope things turn around for her"

Patty faced the fillies again, and shared a conspiratory wink.  "And the best part about running my own place?  Whenever I decide to do a little 'research', I can tell everyone I need to do it for work."

The three fillies giggled.  Patty smiled, and tucked the fillies' order pad into her apron.  "Right.  An Everfree Original, original-all-the-way, no side; a Perfect Potato Patty on potato bread, no sauce, with potato wedges; and a Golden Wheat on black bread, Detrot Style sauce, hay fries; and vanilla shakes for all of you.  I'll be right back with your orders, dears."

As the crusading trio sat, their hooves tapping in anticipation, they could hear the sound of fresh patties hitting a grill, sizzling merrily, the smells of their patties filling the air.  Soon, that was met by the sound of a mixer grinding up three milkshakes, and the popping sound of hay and potatoes being pan fried.

The pegasus filly spoke to her two friends.  "You know, we didn't learn how to get our cutie marks...  but it sure made me hungry!"

A deep, reptilian voice shouted from the back, as a heavy tray laden with three orders appeared in the kitchen window.

"Yo, Double Patty!  Order up!"