Behind Blue Eyes

by Typographical Error

Chapter 1

Have you ever had one of those times, where something you set out to do just didn’t end how you wanted it to? They don’t usually end well do they? Either you get in trouble, or ponies get mad at you. Despite whatever intentions you had, there is no way you can fix it. Life just doesn’t seem fair like that does it? Now have you ever had one of those times, and the outcome was much more, and much better, than you could have imagined? Those times are probably some of the best you will ever have. It just seems like everything is going your way and the sun is shining just for you. These are times you will never forget.

Something like this happened to me once. And I will never forget it. I may have gotten in trouble, I may have lost just about everything for it. But I didn’t care. I knew what I did was right, and I knew I had to do it. I don’t care what the other ponies thought of me. Have you ever had one of those times? If you have, I hope you hang on to the memory. Because it shows just who you really are.

I looked up at the large metal gate before me. I had seen it many times before, out passed the small cottages and large buildings of Baltimare. The concrete structure seemed so out of place, with its many windows, all covered by thick bars. The pure white exterior was contrasting garishly with the bright green of the forest and the pinks and yellows of the wildflowers that surrounded it. I still remembered the first time I had seen it, as a young colt looking out my window. I had asked my mother what it was.

“It’s a place where special ponies go.” she had said, smiling down at me. “Stay away from there, it isn’t safe.” I had nodded and went back to my room to play, not really giving it another thought. I know now that she had been lying. She had been protecting me, at least at that young age, from the truth of what the building was.

I looked a small sign on the white stone column a few feet to my left. Every few yard was another one of the columns, and in between was the interlocking metal fence. The metal one the sign had been engraved, and the lettered were still readable after years of erosion and rust.

Now, looking up at the white concrete and barred windows, I am glad I listened to my mother and not ventured here. Even standing at the gate, about a hundred yards from the actual building, I could hear the sounds made by the sick ponies inside. I could have only imagined what this would have done to me as a foal.

I stared up at the building for a few more moments, only to be jostled back to reality by a sharp voice to my right.

“What business do you have here?” it asked in a no-nonsense voice. I looked around for the source, my eyes finally landing on a small plastic box affixed to the side of the column nearest to me. I walk over to it, locating a small red button under the speaker.

“Umm, my name is Sky Spark.” I said, pushing the button in. “I was hired for the new guard position about a week ago.” I let go of the button, waiting for the response. A few seconds later, the voice came back on the speaker.

“You are clear. Walk into the main building and ask the receptionist where to go.” A burst of static, and the voice was gone. A second later a loud buzz rang out, and the gate was pulled back. Shaking slightly, I stepped inside. A soon as I was clear of the gate, it closed behind me. I looked over my shoulder. Already the world seemed slightly grey from inside the walls.

Underneath my hooves, gravel popped and crunched. Small bushes, reaching to about my withers, lined the skinny pathway. Small white flowers bloomed on the bushes, while pink, red, yellow, and orange wildflowers grew out behind the building. A halo of trees surrounded the building, as they had cleared a circle in the forest to make room for it. Time seemed to speed up as I walked towards the large wooden doors ahead of me. I reached them in no time.

I opened the doors, finding them lighter than I would have thought, and walked inside. A blast of air conditioning was the first to meet me, followed the the cold. Compared to the humid, warm air outside, this was almost torture. I looked around, only seeing a reception desk and a pair of glass doors off to my right. I walk over to the desk, my hooves clacking against the tile floors.

“Can I help you?” the mare at the desk asked. I realised I wasn’t sure what I should say.

“Umm,” I started, sounding completely intelligent. “I was hired for the security job about a week ago. I am not really sure where to go..” my voice trailed off. I must have sounded like an idiot. But the receptionist just smiled and reached under her desk. A second later, a small buzz rang out, and the two glass doors slid open.

“Go right in.” she said. “Three doors down on the right, then hang a left. It’s the door at the end of the hall.” She smiled again. She had a very pretty face, which threw me off a little. I nodded my thanks, seeming to have lost my voice, then turned and walked through the doors. After a few second, they shut behind me. I looked over my shoulders, noticing that the glass in the doors was one-way. I could see in, but not out. Something about that made me feel scared. I knew I wouldn’t like this place. I guess I was right.

I followed her directions, and soon found myself facing a brightly polished wooden door. The sounds from the patients were even louder now that I was inside, and I found it very disconcerting. I was already on edge, and I had only been inside for about three minutes. I raised my hoof and knocked on the door, waiting for a response.

After a moment, I got one. “Just a moment.” a gruff voice said. A moment later, the door opened, and a stallion stuck his head out.

“Yes? What do you want?” he said briskly. I was thrown off track again.

“I, ummm...”I said nervously. “M-my name is Sky Spark. I was hired--”

“Ah, yes, I remember you!” the stallion said, opening to door a little wider. “Please, come in. We have some things to discus.” He turned and walked inside the room. I followed him in, feeling a welcoming blast of warmth.

“I thought you might like to meet here instead of the employee lounge.” The stallion said, smiling slightly. “At least there is a heater in here.” I smiled, looking over the stallion. He had a dark grey coat with a sandy brown mane. His eyes were dark green. He walked with a slight limp, but I saw no signs of an injury. He sat down behind a desk that was the same wooden color as his door was. He pointed to a chair opposite him, and I sat down.

“I normally have to tell the new recruits what they will be dealing with.” the stallion said. “But I see that you already have some basic training. Where did you get it?”

This was one question I really didn’t want to answer. “My sister.” I said, my voice quiet. “She heard voices all her life, right up to the day she...died. I had to take care of her, help her when she was really bad. Comfort her when the voices wouldn’t even let her think straight. That is my prior training.”

“I am very sorry to hear, but stories like that are far too common around here.” the stallion said, looking over his shoulder at a framed picture. A young filly was smiling away, a backdrop of flowers and clouds behind her. “Far, far, too common. How long did you take care of her, if you don’t mind me asking.”

“Seventeen years.” I answered. “My mother didn’t want to send her to a place like this, so she kept her at home. I still think that is part of the reason she died.” The stallion nodded solemnly.

“Normally we ask our recruits to take a training course, but I think you are well suited for what we are giving you.” he held out his hoof, and I shook it. “All you need to do is pass the probation period, but I think you will do just fine.”

“Where do I have to go now?” I ask, more nervous than ever.

“The locker rooms, two doors down. You will find your locker and uniform there. You will also find another employee, Silverhoof there. he will show your your duties.” I nod, standing up.

“Thank you for hiring me. I am probably not the most qualified.”

‘No, but I can tell you have a kind heart, and you need that in a place like this.” I nod again, turning and walking out of the room. I didn’t realize until then how much I was shaking. This should be second nature to me! Why was I shaking so much? I close the door behind me, and I leaned up against the wall. Was this a mistake, I asked myself. But I knew it wasn’t. I turned and walked back down the hallway, heading towards the locker room.

I push the door open, peaking inside. The room was smaller than I thought it would have been. Rows of lockers, stacked two high, ringed the white walls. Spare uniforms hung on wires at the very back of the room, flapping slightly in the air conditioned breeze. The place looked deserted, but it wasn’t.

A locker off to my right closed, and a stallion stood up. He had black fur with a light grey mane. Deep violet eyes stared out at me as he turned, smiling. Small accents of Silver around his hooves was the only other color about him. He walked over and held out his hoof. I took it in my own. My purple fur stood out against his own black.

“So, you’re the newbie, I take it?” he said. His voice was slightly higher than I would have thought it would have been. I nod, losing my voice again. Meeting new ponies always did that to me. “My name is Silverhoof, and it is my job to show you around this little slice of heaven.”

“Sky Spark.” I said quietly. “I was told I had to get a uniform?”

“Well, your locker is right over there.” he said, pointing to a locker labeled “S. Spark”. “You will need to put the uniform before I can take you into the ward.” I nod, walking over to my locker. Taped to the door is a small piece of paper with the combination to the locker. I stare at it for a few moments, then laughed.

“What is it?” Silverhoof asked, walking over. I wave him off, turning back to the locker.

“It’s nothing. It’s just the combination is also my birthday.” I spin the dial around, then open the door. Waiting inside is a uniform like the ones I saw on the wall, a small orange bottle of pills, and a mirror, which was turned away from me. I spun it around to face me, and was startled to see what was reflected back. My bright yellow eyes were wide, almost afraid. My blue mane was slightly disheveled, and the white stripe was less prominent, sinking in with the other color. I try my best to straighten it out, and only succeed slightly. At least you could see the white stripe clearer now. Next, I pull out the uniform, which was a white tunic, buttoning up the front, with my name sewn into it with gold lettering. I slipped it over my fore-legs, letting it fall into place on my shoulders. I buttoned up the front, then my eyes fell onto the small orange bottle. I pick it up and turn around to look at Silverhoof.

“What is this for?” I ask, shaking the bottle. The pills inside rattled as I did. Silver ran a hoof through his mane.

“Ohh, boy. how to explain those?” he said, turning in place a couple times. “Those are for, well, if one of the patients gets a little too....rowdy” he said, not looking at me. “We force them to take one of those, and they are out like a light. It doesn’t sound pleasant, I know. But it is better than letting them hurt themselves or us.”

“I guess...” I said, putting the pills in one of the side pockets on the uniform. But there was something else inside the pocket. I pulled it out, seeing a wad of white cloth. I looked up at Silver, confused.

“It’s just a handkerchief.” he said. “You never know when you might need it.” I nod, putting it back in my pocket.

“What now?”

“Now, I show you where you will be stationed.” Silver said, turning and opening the door to the locker room. I walked outside, closely followed by Silver.

“We usually give the newbies the same patient to watch over.” Silver said, starting to walk down the hallway. I had to trot to keep up, as he was taking long strides. “She is a tough one, and she usually whips the newbies into shape in no time. But I heard you already had some experience.” he said, looking sideways at me. “So I guess it won’t be any trouble for you.”

“I guess it won’t.” I agree. I didn’t know why, but I didn’t care much for Silver. “What is her..problem?” I asked, hating the term.

“We don’t know exactly.” Silver said. “She has never been properly diagnosed. As far as we can guess, she has acute dementia with some Schizophrenia. She seems almost normal at times, but at others, she can get violent or severely depressed. As a result, we had to move her to the isolation ward.” We had reached the end of the hall by now, and were standing in front of another pair of glass doors. Silver pulled a keyring out of his pocket, chose one of the many, and slid it into the lock. He opened the door and stepped through, I followed, and he shut it behind me.

It took me a moment to realize that this was an elevator. Silver turned to a row of button, pushing the one at the top. The elevator gave a little jolt, and began to rize. I never liked elevators. I always felt trapped inside of them. But I guessed I would have to get used to them if I wanted to keep this job.

“Isolation is at the top floor.” he said. “We felt it was the best place for them. At least they aren’t hidden underground somewhere.”

“It’s probably best.” I agreed, as the doors shut.

Her mind worked as it always had, trying to comprehend what she was seeing, even though she had seen it everyday, every second, for as long as she could remember.

White. White lights. White walls. White world. That is what she knew. But she knew there was more. More color. She saw it every time she shook her head, and her mane fell across her eyes. She saw it every time that little place in the door opened. Or when they brought her food. She liked food. She especially like the colors.

She was looking up at the ceiling, trying to remember how she got on her back. Wherever she was, it was soft. Comfortable. She moved, and was startled to realize something was on top of her. But she wouldn’t let that stop her. She moved some more, and whatever it was slipped off of her and onto the floor. She straightened out, placing her hooves on the floor.

Suddenly, she remembered. It was this world. It wasn’t the other. A mixture of grief and relief washed over her, soon replaced by anger. She wanted to be in the other world. The other world was more fun. It had her friends. It had color. She wanted to go back, but she didn’t know how. She just went there sometimes. Just thinking about it made her head hurt worse than normal.

She started to walk, remembering her normal routine. She walked around the room, as far as she could go. She made no noise, even her hoof-falls were muffled. As she walked, she trailed a small hoof around the wall, as she had always done. But she never looked over at the wall. She wondered why she had never done this, and decided to look.

She had to blink several times, wondering what she was seeing. Right where he hoof was, white against white, was a small groove in the padding. The groove wrapped all the way around the room, coming back to touch her hoof again. She cocked her head, wondering where that had come from. She hadn’t noticed that the last time she looked. But then she wondered when the last time she looked was, and couldn’t remember. Had it been before the other world? It had to have been.

But what did the other world look like. She felt another wave of sadness wash over her as she realized she couldn’t remember the other world. It was just a blur of colors. She slowly lowered her hoof to the floor, only to let out a gasp of pain as she put weight on it. She looked down, but saw nothing but the white floor and her white hoof. She tried again, but let out a sharp exhale as she was met with the same result.

She looked around the room, remembering the feeling from the day before. She didn’t know what happened, she just hurt. She limped over to her bed, sitting on the edge. She didn’t want to hurt again, but she didn’t know what to do. She tried to think back to the other world, but she could barely remember anything. All she could remember, was a warmth. Something she was sure she had never felt before.

Suddenly, she heard a noise. She looked over to the one corner. That corner. It never opened, at least that she saw. Just a small window opened every now and then, and that same face looked in at her. The only color in her white world. She heard hoofsteps, as she usually did. But she also heard something else. It sounded like voices. That was something new. She got up and limped towards the door.

The doors opened onto a hallway that looked completely unlike the others. Unpainted concrete walls with white tile floors went on for about twenty feet, before ending at a metal door. A small office sat off to the side, with a pile of magazines and books stacked on a chair. I looked up at Silver, who smiled at me.

“Not much, I know.” he said, walking out of the elevator. “But we all worked here once. Kind of a rite of passage, you could say.”

“Is she through that door?” I asked, pointing at the grey metal door at the end of the hallway. Silver nodded, gesturing for me to follow him. I walked with him, and as we got closer, I could hear a soft sound coming from the door. It almost sounded like whimpering, but I wasn’t sure. We reached the door, and Silver pulled back a small metal door near the top, about on eye level. He looked through, and frowned. But he stepped back and pointed at it. I nodded, walking forwards and looking through the hole.

All I could think of at first was how white it was. The floors, the ceilings, even the very metal that held up the bed was white. Even the light was a white fluorescent bulb. But there was one thing I didn’t see. A patient. I tried to move my head to get a better view, but nothing. Suddenly, my vision was obscured by blue, black, and white. I let out a soft yell, jumping back a couple feet. When I turned back, I saw whatever the colors had been was gone.

I turned to Silver, who was laughing, leaning against the nearest wall. “I knew she would do that!” he said, trying to stop himself from laughing. “She always does that when we bring in someone new.”

“Those were her eyes?” I asked, startled. Silver nodded, pointing back at the small hole.

“Look again, you probably scared her more than she scared you.” I give him a suspicious look, walk back up to the door anyway. I peer through, and this time, I actually got to see her.

What stuck me the most, when I first saw her, where her eyes. I had never seen anything like them before. Large, very large. And blue. Amazingly blue. I don’t just mean the typical blue you see on most of the blonde mares. These eyes were the clearest blue you could ever see. Blue like the tropical oceans ponies always put on calendars. But that wasn’t what kept me looking. Every time she moved, the light would catch a speck of silver in the irises. Some mares eyes sparkled because of her make up. Hers literally sparkled. And they were deep. They looked like they went on forever. It was like looking into the morning sky, just before the stars vanish.

Against my will, I tore my eyes away from hers, looking at the rest of her. Her fur was white, perfectly white. So much so that she seemed to vanish into the back wall. If her eyes weren’t open, and her mane and tail of curly pink hair weren’t there, I didn’t think I could have spotted her. But the strangest part was, she just kept staring back at me. I somehow got the feeling she was the one studying me, not me her.

She cocked her head, looking at me with a mixture of fear and curiosity. She slowly stood up off the bed, and walked towards me. I was startled to see, with every other step, she limped. A soft whimper escaped her lips, the only sound I had heard her make. I looked back and forth between Silver and the pony in the cell.

“How long has she been limping?” I asked. Silver shrugged, and I felt anger flare up inside of me.

“She has been limping like that for a few days now.” Silver said, shrugging again. “We thought it would heal if we just left it alone.” My eyes narrowed, and I turned back to the door. I was starting to really not like him. I looked down at the door, seeing the handle and the lock. I reached down and opened the lock, pulling them metal bar out of its socket. Silver eyes widened as he saw what I was doing.

“You can’t go in there!” he yelled, grabbing my hoof. “You can only go in if there is a real problem”

“A patient is hurt.” I said, pulling my hoof out of his grasp. “This is a real problem.” I reached back down and opened the metal door. It squeaked on its hinges as it opened, and I heard a rustle of hooves as I stepped inside the small cell. Silver watched me with bated breath, both worried and curious about what was going to happen.

The mare had backed up into the opposite corner, her eyes wide and afraid. I did my best to make myself appear less threatening. “It’s OK.” I said, my voice quiet and calm. “I’m not going to hurt you.” I slowly inched forward, moving as slow as possible. Those stunning blue eyes followed my every move, occasionally flashing back to Silver, but only for a fraction of a second before coming right back to me.

“I’m not going to hurt you.” I say again. I could see her slowly begin to relax, coming away from the wall slightly. But she kept her hoof off the ground, pulling it in tight to her body. I looked over my shoulder at Silver, who was still staring at me. “Can she understand me?”

“As far as we can tell, she understands a little. But we aren’t sure how far that goes.” I nod, turning back to the mare.

“I am going to touch you now.” I said quietly. “Please do not be afraid.” As I said this, I pulled the white handkerchief out of my pocket. The mare just blinked at me, but she didn’t try to move. I decided to think that she understood what I was saying. I inched forwards again, now about a foot away from her. Up close her eyes were even more spectacular. The small specks of silver glittered more rapidly, and the deep blue was exactly like a sapphire. I reached out, slowly and calmly, and touched she shoulder.

Immediately I felt a reaction. A visible shiver ran down her entire body. She sucked in a quick breath, and her whole body tensed. Behind me, Silver inhaled loudly, but the mare didn’t move again. She just stared at me with those beautiful eyes. I stared right back, trying to explain to her I meant no harm. After a few moments, I felt her body relax, and only then did I dare to move again.

I moved my hoof down her fore-leg, the one she was holding close to her body. Gently, I pulled it away from her chest, out into the air. With my other hoof, I held up the handkerchief, twisting it and showing it to her. She watched it, mesmerized. Then I folded it until it was in a long rectangle, and I wrapped it around her hoof and wrists. I felt her try to pull away, but I kept my grip and stopped what I was doing. After a few moments, she relaxed again, and I tied a small knot in the cloth. I pulled it tight, which brought a small gasp from the mare, but then I let go. She pulled her hoof up to her body again, staring down at the cloth on her fore-leg.

She looked up at me, then down at the cloth again. She cocked her head once or twice, but then her eyes lit up. She got off her haunches, still holding the hoof off the ground. But then she slowly started to lower it. She placed it on the ground, keeping most of her weight off of it. She walked a couple steps, still limping, but not as bad as before. A smile lit up her face as she took a couple happy jumps. I held out my hooves, afraid she would hurt herself. She stopped jumping immediately. But something had changed in her.

The mistrust I had seen in her eyes was gone. Replaced was something else. Not quite trust, but if there was something that could be both mistrusting and trusting at the same time, that was it. She blinked at me a couple times, a small smile on her lips. I smiled back, backing out of the cell. As soon as I was out, Silver shut the door and bolted it. He slammed the shutter in place on the small hole, then turned back to me.

“That was risky. Too risky.” he said, pulling me away from the door. “Do not do something like that again.”

“She was hurt!” I protested. "I had to do something!”

“Well, call up a medical team next time.” Silver said, depositing me next to the chair and pile of books. “You could have hurt yourself, let alone her.” He ran a hoof down his face, turning in one spot a couple times. “Just, don’t do anything like that again.”

“Fine.” I said through gritted teeth. “Would you care to tell me what my job is then?”

“Your job, is very simple.” Silver said. “Watch her, make sure she doesn’t get into any trouble, and try not to go crazy from boredom.”

“That’s it?” I asked, stunned. “I just watch her?!” Silver nodded.

“I never said it was fun, but everyone had to do it. Even I did. I am the one who brought the books in, so you’re welcome.” he said, starting to turn away.

“So I just sit here, and make sure nothing happens?” I asked, unable to comprehend. Silver reached the elevator and turned around, smiling a mischievous smile.

“Have fun!” Then he pressed the button and walked through the doors. I let out a sigh, collapsing into the chair. This was crazy! I should have been helping with the severe cases, not stuck up here with.... My mind stopped working there. I realized that I hadn’t asked silver her name. But then I had an idea. I got up from the chair and walked over to the cell. I pulled the hatch open, peering inside. There she sat, on the edge of her bed, looking up at me. She didn’t seem dangerous, and she barely seemed mad. But looks are deceiving.

“Umm, hello.” I said. She blinked at me, a small smile returning to her lips. She raised her hoof, showing the cloth I had just put there. “I am glad it is feeling better. I just want to ask you something, is that alright?” I didn’t know if she could understand me, but she cocked her head, so I took that as a yes.

“What’s your name?” There was a slight change in her demeanour as soon a I asked that. A flash of fear crossed her face and her eyes widened more than that already were. But after a few moments, it passed, and was replaced by a look of relief. She got off her bed and turned around, pointing down at a something on the bed. I squinted, trying to figure it out. She was pointing at...a bolt? No, no, that couldn’t be right..

But as soon as I figured that out, she straightened up. This time, she pointed at her shoulder. I shook my head, showing her I had no idea what she was telling me. She blinked a couple times, then held up her two front hooves. She pressed them close together, leaving a small gap between.

“What...small...is it something small?” I asked, she lowered her hooves and cocked her head, blinking again. I took that as meaning correct. Then she pointed at her shoulder again.

“Heart? Is that right?" She blinked a couple times more, looking around her cell. She began pointing at anything her eyes landed on. The walls, the ceiling, her bed. I tried to figure out what they all had in common.

“White?” I said finally. “Something small and white.?” She blinked once, lowering her hooves to the ground. I waited for her to gesture again, but she didn’t. “Something small and white....” I rolled that around inside my mind. Finally, something jumped out at me.

“Is your name Pearl?” A large smile crossed her lips, and she blinked again. She walked forward and placed a single hoof through the small hole. I looked at it, wondering what she wanted. But then I remembered what had happened to her when I touched her shoulder. That shiver that had run through her body. Carefully, I reached out to her hoof. I gingerly placed mine on hers, and I felt it again. The same shiver, almost as if she had gotten shocked. Her eyes closed, and a smile crossed her lips again. Why did this happen to her, I began to wonder. When was the last time she had been touched by another pony? She pulled away, her hoof slipping out from under mine. She blinked at me again, then turned and went back to her bed. She sat down on the edge again, facing the opposite wall.

I knew Silver said that I would get bored here, but I didn’t see it happening. There was something about her, something I couldn’t place. A grace to her movements, as if every one of her small twitches and movements were planned out minutes or even hours before. I leaned up against the door, keeping my head resting against it so I could see her at all times. I tried to imagine what it was like inside her head. What she must see the world like, if she even knew what was going on around her. She didn’t seem to notice me anymore, she just focused on the wall across from her.

After a while, I didn't know how much time had passed, I started to see those brilliant eyes close. She started to sway a little. Before long, she slumped sideways into the bed, eyes fully closed. Her small chest slowly rising and falling with each breath. I smiled, it had been like watching a foal fall asleep when they didn’t want to. The disheveled curly pink mane only added to the picture. I quietly closed the small hatch, tip-hoofing back to the chair. I sat down, settling in for my first day with this pony. If only I had know how much my life would change within the next week.

The looked up at the groove in the wall across from her. She tried to remember when the last time she had seen the walls, but she couldn’t. Everything was such a blur. She didn’t like blur. She wanted to remember. But she did remember her hoof.

She looked down at it, seeing the cloth that had been placed over it. It was white, like her fur. She liked white, but she wanted something else. She was glad it didn’t hurt so much anymore, and she liked the new pony. He had helped her, unlike that other pony. She had heard that other pony yelling at the new one. That had made her mad.

Out of the corner of her eyes, she could see the little door opened, those yellow eyes looking through at her. Normally she would have been upset, she didn’t like ponies watching her. But he had helped her, so she didn’t mind is he watched her. She felt he was different from the others. But she couldn’t tell what.

She felt that feeling in her eyes, and they began to close. That was the only other color in her life. Black. She only saw it when she closed her eyes. But she didn’t like it either. She wanted something new. Something happy. But it was only those two. That, and the color of her mane, she didn’t know the name for it.

She felt her eyes close, and she fell sideways onto the bed. The last thing she saw where the yellow eyes looking in on her. She liked yellow. It was a happy color. Then her eyes closed completely, and she was taken by sleep.