Lightening the Load

by Silent Bob

Helter Skelter

"Residents of Ponyville. I am known as Nomad-1. Your cooperation is imperative to your safety. Bring forth the Elements of Harmony and no civilians will be harmed," a low, robotic drone of a voice stated.

With that, a few denizens of Ponyville actually paused in their panic, seemingly contemplating the subject over. Eventually, a single voice spoke up, it belonging to Scootaloo:

"Elements? What Elements? No Elements here unless you count the weather."

"Yeah! The Elements you're looking for must be... east of here!" Sweetie-Belle called.

"Feigning cognitive ineptitude will not save you. Intelligence reports indicate the Elements are located in this town. I do not wish to bring harm to it, but I will if given no other option."

"Oh look at that, a droid with a conscience," Envy cackled, before grinning back towards the Doctor and spitting, "pathetic."

"I take it its not a friend of yours?" the Doctor glared.

"Nope, I have no idea who this Zim guy is, if he's the one who sent that rust bucket. I'll have to remember to thank him, though, because that idiot ripped open a pretty big hole in this universe. It allowed me to come through to keep an eye on you."

The Doctor gazed at him suspiciously. "And I wonder who sent you?"

"Take a guess, genius," Envy said, grinning wickedly. "Now, let's have a private moment together, shall we? I have a few regards to send from Him."

The unicorn's horn quickly charged up, and with a flash both him and the time lord were gone.

"DOCTOR!" Ditzy screeched, flying into the scene, only to realize it was too late. She fluttered to the ground, panting before her attention was trained on the droid, her and the rest of the town waiting for it to make its move.

"If you want the Elements, you're going to have to get through us!" Applebloom called, the three crusaders forming a line in front of town hall and glaring up at the machine.

"Yeah, you're not going to touch a hair on their manes!" Scootaloo growled.

Sweetie-Belle gave a grin. "You know what this calls for, right girls?"

"Yeah!" Applebloom beamed.

"CUTIE-MARK CRUSADER ROBO-ROCKERS!"

"Gah! Their cuteness is making my squeedly-spooch rupture!" Zim said, his eye twitching as he gazed upon a monitor showing the scene. "Nomad-1, destroy them! Make them an example to the rest of the town of what happens when you oppose ZIM!"

"Error. Order contradicts ethical program Delta-5."

"I'm overriding those initiatives," Zim growled. "NOW GLASS THEM ALREADY!"

"Dawww, but they are so cute!" Gir bounced. "I just wants to hug them!"

"Their cuteness is nothing more than an evolutionary trait that gives them an edge over their adversaries. DON'T GIVE HEED TO IT!"

"Cutie-Mark Crusaders. I have been given orders to eliminate you. I am equipped with dual Tharix-Class laser cannons. You will not survive a hit from them. You have ten seconds to vacate the area."

"Not happening!" Scootaloo said with a tiny growl, entering a combat pose.

"I NEVER SAID GIVE THEM A TEN SECOND WARNING," Zim roared.

"You never said not to."

"GRRRRRR-AHHHHHH!" the alien shouted, a vein in his forehead throbbing as he pounded upon his computer's keyboard. "That's it! From now on, you will give NO MORE WARNINGS. Is that clear?"

"Crystal."

Zim then gave a sigh. "You're really taking the FUN out of FUMIGATING, YOU KNOW!"

"Your grievance has been logged."

At that, the droid's cannons began to hum, wisps of light dancing about their barrels. The Crusader's eyes widened in horror at that, the three huddling close together.

"I think we bit off more than we can chew this time," Applebloom gulped.

"Ya think?" Sweetie-Belle squeaked.

Two beams of light blasted forth from the weapons, the three Crusaders letting out a ear-piercing screams as they clung tight to each other, waiting for the end. A second later, they disappeared, a crater in the ground remaining of where they once were. However, there was something else in their place as well, a rainbow-colored streak of light.

"You kids alright?" Rainbow Dash gasped, the three crusaders clinging to her tight as she flew towards the outskirts of the town.

"Y-Yes," Sweetie-Belle squeaked, a few tears forming in her eyes.

Rainbow Dash gave her a slight smile. "That was very brave of you three, though next time just let my friends handle ourselves on our own, OK?"

"W-Will do, Rainbow," Scootaloo stuttered.

At that, Rainbow dropped them off, and the six Elements taking up position near the town hall with Solar Flare watching nearby, Captain Harness and the g-mare quickly moving up next to her.

"Damnit! So it was hostile after all..." Jack growled.

"We've taken down bigger fish than that, before," the g-mare said confidently, lifting her sunglasses to get a better look at her newest target.

"Yeah, well don't get cocky. We've never seen anything like this," the Captain said warily. He then turned towards Solar Flare. "What are you doing just standing here, anyway? And where's the Doctor!?"

"I'm not sure," Chrysalis gulped. "I haven't seen him since he left with-"

"Captain Harness!" Ditzy shrieked, quickly galloping up to the trio.

"Bubbles?! You need to get out of here!"

She shook her head. "It's the Doctor! Somepony just Doctor-napped him!"

"What?!"

She opened her mouth to say something else, but at that moment Rainbow Dash spoke up:

"Alright Zim, Nomad-1, whoever you are!" she shouted, glaring up at the droid, it still hovering above town hall as she stood upon the ground. "You wanted the Elements? Here we are!"

"Bahahahaha! So you six make up the best Equestria has to offer?! A single Irken ship could take this whole country! THIS WHOLE PLANET!" Zim cackled.

"I'd like to see you try!" Twilight called.

"Oh, I'd definitely like you to, but you won't be around to see that show, unfortunately!" Zim sneered.

"Carrying out orders to neutralize targets," Nomad-1 droned, and curiously, his twin laser barrels were glowing a bit less red hot at this.

"Come on! Let's test this nutjob's metal!" Rainbow Dash grinned.

"Oh my..." Fluttershy squeaked, gazing warily up at the droid. "What are we supposed to do against that, though?"

"We kick the crap out of it, that's what!" Dash said.

"We need a plan, though," Twilight said. "We can't fight this thing in town, somepony could be hurt. We'll need to lure it it out."

"How are we going to do that, dear?" Rarity said.

"Hello!" Rainbow Dash smirked. "Fastest mare in Equestria?! I've so got this!"

With that, the rainbow-haired mare streaked up towards the droid.

"Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash! Gonna kick some robo-ass!" she sang, still moving as fast as a bullet as she performed a backwards spin, her hind legs screaming towards one of the droid's turrets-

"AAAAACCKKKK!" She shrieked as she struck an invisible barrier, and as if she had hit a trampoline, she then flew in the opposite direction as fast as she hit it, slamming into the side of Sugarcube Corner and right through the wall.

"Rainbow!" Applejack shrieked, before simpering towards Twilight. "Alright, what's plan B?"

"Working on it," Twilight grunted.

"Well, now that you have a taste of how doomed you are, LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED! Stop stalling, Nomad! Take them out!"

"Complying with orders."

With that, the droid began firing a series of blasts at the five remaining Elements, the quintet shrieking and scattering. The ground glowed a bright red where they struck, no longer forming craters. Eventually, after firing at the five randomly for a bit, it seemed the droid had picked out a target, that being Twilight.

Noticing she was in trouble, the purple mare took deep breaths as she zig-zagged towards a nearby house, the droid lowering itself to the ground at that and hovering to her level.

"Terminating cover," Nomad-1 droned as a missile streaked from a hidden launcher on its back, engulfing the house in flames.

Twilight gasped and twirled about the face the machine, sweat dripping down her forehead. However, at that, her eyes narrowed in resolve as her horn began to gather energy. As she let out a war cry, a piercing beam of purple light shot forth from her forehead only to hit the droid's energy barrier, it flickering a brilliant red.

"Pathetic," Zim smirked, gazing at the droid's shield readings with satisfaction. "Absolutely pathetic."

Twilight then began to march towards the droid as its barrels began to charge up for another shot, her determined to pierce its barrier no matter the cost. Despite all her efforts though, nothing could get through it, and within another few seconds, two piercing flashes of light emitted from its guns sending two laser streaks her way-

Only for them to hit a green magic shield that formed around Twilight. The purple's mare's eyes widened as she gazed upon the origin of it.

"C-Chrysalis?!"

The queen stood near her, her horn glowing a bright, brilliant green as she winked down at her former adversary. "Heh, couldn't let a changeling supporter be fried, now could I?"

"This doesn't change anything," Twilight glared.

"Maybe, but I've got a karmic scale to tilt," Chrysalis smiled. "Fate brought me here for a reason, I believe, and here I will make amends."

"Obstruction detected in the way of target. Proceed to another?"

"Negative, Nomad! Send them packing to the next world! Both of them!"

Upon his orders, the droid's cannons charged once again, sending two laser blasts into Chrysalis' shield, her letting out a gasp upon impact, collapsing upon her knees.

"One more hit and this shield is gone!" Chrysalis gasped.

However, at that, a voice called from nearby:

"Hey toaster! How about a taste of your own medicine?"

Streaking through the air with a pair of well-trained pegasus wings, the g-mare twirled, slowed herself, and actually melded through the droid's shields, her holding some sort of black ball with a pin atop of it. At the same time, Pinkie leapt towards it as well, a massive mallet in her hooves.

"Stop! Hammer time!" she grinned, before taking a leap and moving through the shield as well. As the g-mare pulled the pin out of what Chrysalis assumed was an explosive device, Pinkie struck at one of the machine's cannons with a massive CRACK, actually denting it. She then leapt off the droid as the g-mare stuck the black ball on the side of it, leaping off of it as well.

"BAH! STUPID HOTZONE CLASS SHIELDS! Slow moving objects can pierce them if they aren't given the right attention!" Zim growled.

"Watcha gonna do now, Master?" Gir asked.

"I'm going to make sure that never happens again, that's what! MODULATING SHIELD FREQUENCIES!"

At that, the black ball detonated, the machine tilting to the side and careening into the ground.

"Error. Starboard anti-gravity device damaged. Releasing nanobot swarm. Commencing automatic repairs," the machine droned as if nothing had even happened.

"A good use of such primitive technology," Zim actually complimented. "Too bad it's never going to work again!"

"Daw, but my hammer demands more blood!" Pinkie grinned, the entire group raising eyebrows at her. "Metaphorically speaking."

"And I've got plenty more sticky grenades where that one came from you xeno piece of-"

"Anti-gravity systems re-enabled," Nomad-1 stated as he began hover off the ground once again. "Shield frequencies adjusted to compensate for previous encounter."

"Uh-oh," Twilight said.

"What does that mean?!" Pinkie gasped. "Stupid technobabble!"

Twilight's eyes widened in horror. "It means don't try that agai-"

She was too late, as at that moment the g-mare, holding another sticky grenade, flew into the air, twirled, and-

"BUUUCK!"

Struck the shield, sending her flying backwards in a similar manner to Rainbow Dash, careening towards the ground and sliding backwards.

"Rid yourself of that annoyance, Nomad," Zim growled.

"Complying."

At that, the twin barrels of the droid charged once again as it began to turn towards the downed mare.

"Hit that thing with everything you've got, Twilight!" Chrysalis shrieked.

"And take this, you ruffian!" Rarity screamed. "I dare say I'm going to be fixing my hair for days thanks to all this running around!"

With a surprisingly skilled feet of telekinesis, Rarity lifted an entire commerce stand and chucked it at the droid. In the meantime, both Chrysalis and Twilight took aim and began sending both green and purple blasts towards the shielded machine. Unfortunately, its barrier merely shrugged the assault off, and its guns were now aiming directly upon the g-mare.

"DON'T YOU DO IT!" Jack screamed, barreling towards his fallen comrade.

However, he was too late. As the g-mare's eyes widened, a pair of laser beams struck her, sending her flying back into a nearby building's wall, electricity dancing through her body as she let loose an eardrum piercing shriek.

"SHADYSTAR!" Jack bellowed, before turning back towards the droid, glaring daggers.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Zim cackled, clicking open a can of soda and taking a deep gulp. "HERE'S TO THE FIRST OF MANY, NOMAD!"

"I fail to see how this is a cause for celebration."

Zim gave the computer a blank look. "You really need to get into the spirit of things, you know that?!"

"Narcissism, egotism, and sadism are not inherent to my programming."

Zim rolled his red eyes. "I'm so glad you're going to be self-destructing soon."

"That makes two of us."

"Whyyyy?!" Gir cried, gazing at the downed g-mare. "Why did you have to kill the poor lil pony?"

"Oh by the Tallests, I'm surrounded!" Zim gasped.

As Captain Jack narrowed his eyes upon the droid, Ditzy approached him.

"I'm sorry about your friend, Jack, but if you don't act now you're going to lose another," she whispered. "Can you use one of those spells of yours to trace where the Doctor went to? I think whoever took him is going to...." She gulped, a few tears forming in her eyes.

"Not now, Bubbles," Jack said, practically fuming with rage and not even looking at her. "I serve Equestria first, and that means I serve the Elements, not the Doctor. I'm going to scrap this son of a bitch!"

"Target neutralized. Shifting to previous orders: neutralize the Elements of Harmony. Further interference may be met with continued retaliation."

At that, Captain Harness took a deep breath before addressing the remaining combatants. "Alright people, don't ask me how, but I know a few things about advanced shielding technology. They modulate at a specific frequency, but in-atmosphere it's possible to shift that."

"AGH! STUPID TECHNOBABBLE!" Pinkie said, gripping her head as if it were about to explode.

"What are you talking about, Captain?" Chrysalis yelled.

He narrowed his eyes. "We're going to need a really loud sound for about ten seconds!"

With that, a certain slightly-obnoxious mare made her presence known.

"Did somepony say they need something LOUD?!" Vinyl grinned, standing at her door as she began levitating a record player slash speaker combo out of a nearby window.

"EVERYPONY, COVER YOUR EARS!" the voice of Octavia shrieked from inside.

Vinyl then let out a laugh. "TIME TO SUCK ON SOME WUBS, MOTHA BUCKA!"

She activated the player, at which awesome happened:

TROLLLLL, LOL-LOL-LOLLLLL,
LALALAAAA, LAAAA, LA-LA.
OH HAHAHAHAHO, HAHAHAHAHO-HEHE-HO...."

"Damnit! Wrong record! Those aren't wubs..." Vinyl pouted silently to herself.

Ten meters away, Chrysalis gazed upon the droid warily, backing up from it as it turned towards Vinyl's wub machine.

"It knows it's threatened," she whispered inaudibly, covering her ears the best she could.

At that, the shields of the droid began to flicker, Jack's eyes widened, Chrysalis gazing upon him. He opened his mouth to scream an order, but it was incomprehensible. Thinking quickly, he then simply pointed at the droid and charged up his horn, letting loose a beam of energy at the machine. Twilight and the changeling queen followed in his example, letting loose their own barrage of magical energy. Blue, green, and purple trails grazed the air, penetrating the droid's shields and melting its hull after a second or so.

"NOMAD! TERMINATE THE LOLS! TERMINATE THE LOLS! CLEAN UP THAT NOISE POLLUTION!" Zim shrieked, Gir dancing in the background.

"For once, I happily obey."

With one quick blast, Vinyl's record player was shattered into a million pieces, sending her flying back through her door. However, the shields of the droid were still flickering.

"Come on folks, turn up the heat!" Jack growled.

"I'm trying the best I can, Captain Harness!" Chrysalis yelled.

"Come on Pinkie! Rarity! For Equestria!" Twilight roared over the send of her screaming horn.

"Don't forget about me," Applejack winked, running up to the scene with Big Mac, the two wielding a pair of pony-fitted blunderbusses. "Come on, Big Mac! Let's show that thing what happens when you mess with a small town!"

"Eeeeeyup!"

BLAM!

CRACK!

The two moved in close and fired near simultaneously, their rounds bouncing off the metal hull of the mechanical beast, denting but not penetrating it.

"Rarity! We need something flammable and a lot of it! Uhhh... lantern oil!" Twilight called.

"One second, dear!"

"Pinkie, reacquaint Nomad-1 with your hammer in the mean time!"

"Yes ma'm General Twilight ma'm!" Pinkie said, sticking her tongue out and giving a small solute as she bounced towards the droid, leapt upon it and sent her hammer of doom down upon the same turret she had dented earlier, now causing it to spark.

"Oh you annoying PINK BOUNCING PONY!" Zim growled. "I'm going to mount your horrible smiling head on my ship!"

At that, Nomad-1 turned to fire upon Pinkie as she scurried away from her hit-and-run attack, her dodging shots with almost supernatural agility.

"Na-nanana, nana, nana, can't touch this!" she sang, sticking her tongue out at the droid. "Na-nanana, nana, nana- EEEP!"

A blast sailed too near her, sending her flying into the air and crashing down a few feet away. The droid charged its barrels again and-

"Forget about somepony, my dear metallic monster?" Rarity smiled as she levitated an entire barrel of lantern oil over the machine and dumped it.

"Light it up!" Chrysalis called towards Applejack and Big Mac.

The two winked towards each other and-

BLAM!

CRACK!

The machine was engulfed in flames, the group watching the fireball in ernest.

"Systems overheating... malfunctions detected... malfunctions detected..." the machine groaned. "I am... sorry... i-it was nothing... ERROR: SYSTEM TWENTY-SIX... it was nothing... ERROR: SYSTEM THIRTY TWO... p-personal."

It crashed to the ground, the entire group gasping for breath and collapsing.

"GRRRRRAAAHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Zim screeched, pounding upon his computer console again. "CURSE YOU, PONIES! CURSE YOUUUUU!"

"Engaging automatic repairs," the machine stated.

Zim quirked an eyebrow. "Repairs?" He then gave an evil grin. "Ooooh you wonderful machine. I knew you had more in you than that! Hehehehe... HAHAHAHAHA... HAHAHAHAHAHAH-"

TROLLLLL, LOL-LOL-LOLLLLL,
LALALAAAA, LAAAA, LA-LA.
OH HAHAHAHAHO, HAHAHAHAHO-HEHE-HO...."

Gir giggled as he danced to a replay of a recording of the LoLs.

"GIR! TURN THAT OFF!"

As two of Ponyville's houses danced in flames, and another completely collapsed, Twilight took another deep breath, turning towards Chrysalis. "You could have ran if you wanted, you know..."

The swarm queen gave her a smile. "Wouldn't want you to think I'm a coward, would I?"

The two shared a small laugh before being interrupting by a yawn. Turning, the two gazed upon Spike as he rubbed his eyes, exiting Twilight's still intact treehouse and gazing upon the carnage around him.

"Woah! Did I miss something?"