//------------------------------// // Ponyville // Story: My New Life In Equestria // by MaxBeezy //------------------------------// I had no idea how long I was knocked out. After falling through the portal to Equestria, I went into a state of unconsciousness in a matter of moments. Strange thing though, I didn’t dream when I was out. I normally dream a lot when I’m asleep. Then again, I hadn’t been knocked out before, so the brain probably works different when it comes to dreams. All I could see and hear was nothing. Time seemed to move slowly for me in this state, so it felt like hours when I finally heard something familiar. I heard Twilight’s voice, talking to someone. “This is exciting, Princess! The first and only human in Equestria! Think of all the things we can learn from him!” “He looks rather strange, There’s not much hair on his body. Then again, those garments are covering most of him up.” I hear another voice say. I’m not familiar with this voice. It was still female, but more…what’s the word…ethereal? I think that’s the right word to say. “I can fix that.” I heard Twilight say. Suddenly, I felt a tug on my belt buckle. I opened my eyes to see Twilight; her teeth clamped on my belt, trying to pull off my pants. My reaction was rather normal for this kind of situation. “Hey!” I shouted, startling Twilight from her pants removal operation, “Dinner and a movie first, buddy!” She took a step back from me, embarrassed that I regained consciousness during that awkward moment. I got up from the bed I was sleeping on, readjusting my pants. However, as I stood up, I immediately felt light headed. Maybe getting up quickly wasn’t the best idea. Predictably, I sat back down. “I apologize for my student’s behavior. She can get very…enthusiastic when it comes to learning new things.” “No problem…” I said, rubbing my recently smacked forehead. “And who are…” I looked at the source of that lovely voice, and found myself face to face with an equally lovely mare. She was pure white, taller than Twilight, and possibly myself, with a mane that flows in the air, even when there is no wind present in the room. So, this is what being on drugs is like. Wait…I wasn’t on drugs. I don’t think I was…nevermind. “…you?” I completed after a long pause of staring. “I’m Princess Celestia.” she replied, smiling, “I am the ruler of Equestria. And you are Matt, Twilight told me everything about you when you were out. I welcome you to our land.” “Land? So…I’m in Equestria right now?” It was all coming back to me. The hit, the fall, the bright light before going out. I looked around the room, and found myself in a house that looked like I was inside of a tree. Books adorned the walls, and a giant window was right behind me, overlooking the land. Much like the ponies themselves, it was very bright and colorful. “Yes.” Celestia continued, “You fell through the portal into our world. We never had a human here before, nor have we heard of you creatures until now. It truly is an honor to be in your presence.” While most people would go totally bonkers after being talked to like that, I was still way too shocked at my situation to react to such a thing. Seriously, she had a pseudo-messiah thing going with that speech. It’s like she then expected me to fly in the air, and call myself ‘The One’ or something. “O-Okay.” I stuttered, “Not that I’m not humbled, but how long will it take for Twilight to get her magic ready to send me back? It took a couple days last time, so…” I saw the look of someone about to tell me some very bad news. “What? Don’t tell me the portal turned into a black hole, and destroyed my universe, did it?” “I…” Twilight paused, “I don’t think so.” she looked at Celestia, “Can portals do that?” Celestia shook her head. “No? Okay.” she turned back to me, “No, your universe is fine. It’s just…” “We cannot send you back.” Celestia finished Twilight’s sentence. “What do you mean, you can’t?” “Let me rephrase. The thing is, it’s not that we can’t…it’s that we won’t.” Celestia said with an air of authority. “Why not?” “Inter-dimensional travel is forbidden here in Equestria. The fact that Twilight did it not once, but twice, is a punishable offense. Who knows what dangers could have come out of the other side? But, since it was an accident, I’m going to let it slide. However, the fact remains that we cannot have an incident like that ever again.” “But, it’s easy. Just ‘pop’, and I’m out of here, right?” “Twilight got lucky getting back to our world. I do not expect lightning to strike twice in the same spot again. I’m sorry, Matt, but that’s the way it is.” “So…what you’re saying is…I’m a permanent resident here?” "Yes." Celestia nodded, "From here on out, you will be living in Equestria...forever.” “I see.” I then proceed to submit myself into a very long pause. Neither Twilight, nor Celestia could make heads or tails of my absolute silence. “Now…when you say forever…” I continued, “You mean like until you get sick of me, and send me back ‘forever’, or like until the end of my life ‘forever’?” “I mean the latter.” Celestia replied, “This is, for all intents and purposes, your new home.” Once again, absolute silence fills the room. My mind raced with what I was leaving behind back in my world. My parents, whatever friends I had, that box of money, I’ll never see them again. I can only imagine my parents doing a worldwide search for me, and some robber going into my room, and taking that money for himself, so he can pay off a loan shark, or gamble, or something shady. All that time saving, and now I couldn’t even use it. Instead, I’m stuck in a magical pony kingdom, with me being the only human resident. “Oh my god.” I said, burying my face into my palms, “Oh my god…” I repeated, sounding muffled to Twilight and the Princess. I felt Twilight put a hoof on my shoulder, in an attempt to comfort me. “I can’t imagine how you must feel.” She said. “I’ll get over it…eventually.” Repeating what I said to Applejack the night before. I really will, just not right now. I raised my head from my palms, looking at Celestia. “So, what happens now?” “Now? You live here.” “Yeah, but how?” I wondered, “Since I’m human, I don’t know if I ever could follow your customs.” “Yes, I can see how that can be tough for you.” Just then, an idea sparked inside her head. “Then again…” She paused, thinking. “Maybe it wouldn’t.” “What do you mean?” “Well…I COULD turn you into one of us.” My eyes widen. She could do that? She could turn me into a pony? That’s simultaneously cool and scary at the same time. “You can do that?” “I’m an Alicorn. I can do what I want.” she said with a smirk, “I can turn Twilight into an Alicorn if I wanted to.” “Really?” Twilight’s eyes grow big and sparkly. “Maybe later.” Celestia responded. Twilight pouts in disappointment. With the option in front of me, I thought about the positives of being such a creature. I would fit in a lot better, I wouldn’t have to worry about broken fingers, or stubbed toes, and I would have a pretty awesome backstory to tell those that do not know me. However, I had grown rather attached to my limbs and appendages during my twenty four years of life. Sure, I would stick out amongst the crowd, being what I am now, but there’s no way I would ever… “That sounds like a good idea.” Okay, I guess some part of my brain felt the need to take over for my mouth. Honestly, at that time, I had no frakking clue why I agreed to such a procedure. I guess I have some deeply rooted desire to be someone else, or look like something else. I got to tell you, I’m not much to look at. I mean, I’m not someone you would look at, scream, light yourself on fire, and jump out a window, but I’m no Thor: God Of Thunder either. Wow, that sounded nerdy. “It’ll take awhile to prepare, however.” she said, “Transformational spells are very difficult, and my royal duties will keep me from focusing all my attention on the spell.” “Then, how long will it take, until it’s ready?” “About three months. Maybe more.” “That doesn’t sound too bad. I think I can manage until then.” “Good. In the meantime, you’ll be staying with Twilight, until we can find better accommodations.” “Oh…no.” I said, turning to Twilight, “I really don’t want to impose.” “It’s no problem, really.” she said, “After all, you took us in.” “Yeah, but that was for a couple days. This is three months. I don’t want to be a bother.” “You won’t be. I have a spare bed, and as long as you help around the house, there won’t be any problems. Besides, with you here, you can tell me all about humans, so I can write it down for my book.” “Then it’s settled.” Celestia said, “I hope you enjoy your stay, Matt. Twilight, I bid you good day.” In a flash of blinding light, she disappeared, leaving me and Twilight alone in the house. I suppose I was in Twilight’s house, since we aren’t moving. The rows of books should have been a dead giveaway. “Does she have a sister?” I blurted out. Hey, she may have been someone of a different species, but even I couldn’t have denied that she was pretty…well…pretty. “Yeah. Her name is Luna. She rules the night.” Twilight responded in a matter of fact tone, “Now, what do we do about this?” she looks over at my back, running a hoof along my spine. “Hey now.” I said, “I don’t know you well enough for that.” “Enough to mention about how dirty your back is?” I moved my shirt to see that my entire back is covered in mud. At least, I hoped that it was mud. Smelling it, it definitely was mud. That’s good, I would have been a tiny bit disappointed that my first event in Equestria, was landing on top of a massive cow-pie. “Oh. My clothes are a mess! How am I supposed to last three months with this?” “Relax. I’ll take you to Rarity.” “What can she do? Take whatever money I have left?” “No. She can make you clothes. She’s a fashion designer.” “Huh. I never would have guessed that.” “Don’t tell her that. She might get angry. Come on, I’ll give you a tour of Ponyville on the way.” “Thanks, Twilight.” “It’s no biggie. Actually, I find you being here rather exciting.” “As long as you don’t try dissecting me in my sleep, I think we’ll be alright. By the way, I didn’t land on anyone when I came here, did I?” “No. Scared the hay out of some birds, though.” she chuckled. “Ah, well…that’s okay then.” The two of us went outside into Ponyville. It was a small town, but well-populated, with many ponies walking around. I had to admit, it looked awful nice. We walked around the area as we made our way to Rarity, with Twilight pointing out the most notable areas. “That’s Sugar Cube Corner, and upstairs is where Pinkie Pie lives.” She points to another area. “That’s the town hall, where the Mayor makes her announcements. Up ahead will be Carousel Boutique, which is also where Rarity lives.” “What about the others?” “Fluttershy lives not too far out from Ponyville, Rainbow Dash lives in her mansion made entirely from clouds…” “A cloud mansion?! Jesus!” “There’s that name again. Who in the hay is Jesus?” “Um…” I had to think what to say, “Just a form of expression.” I Wasn’t in the mood to talk about religious figures. “Anyway, she only goes there during the night. You can find her sleeping in clouds, or on tree branches.” Twilight looks up, “Oh look, there she is now.” I look up to see Rainbow Dash hanging out on a floating cloud. “Hi Rainbow!” Twilight waves. “Sup?” Rainbow Dash gives a half-hearted gesture, as she floats on by our vision. “What about Applejack?” I asked. “She lives over on Sweet Apple Acres. It’s down the road past my house. You can’t miss it.” I made a note to visit her later on. I continued to look around Ponyville, in admiration of its architectural design, not to mention that it looks better than most small towns I’ve seen, and this one was built by ponies! As we got closer to Rarity’s, I had one clear thought. “You know, Twilight. I think I’m going to like it h…” POW! Something collided with my head, sending me flying back a good ten feet away from Twilight. I hit the ground with a large thud, but a second thud followed suit. Twilight ran past me to the location of the second thud. “Derpy! What have I told you about flying low?” “Sorry, Twi! My eye’s acting up again, and I was in a hurry. Won’t happen again.” “Be careful next time.” I then heard the sound of somepony flying away from the scene, as Twilight came back to me. My vision was in a daze, and my head hurt like hell. It was a miracle that I wasn’t knocked out. Hell, it was a miracle that I didn’t suffer permanent brain damage from that hit! “Are you okay?” I answered with the most coherent sentence ever. “I don’t want to go to school today! I’d rather stay home and bake cookies with you!” Okay, maybe not. She holds a hoof up to my face, moving it around to get my attention. “How many hooves am I holding up?” I examined it carefully. Squinting my eyes to get a clearer view. “One, with five ghost hooves haunting it.” “Close enough.” she said, helping me up. “Come on. We’re almost there.” I stumbled into Carousel Boutique with all the grace of a wrecking ball, still in a daze after being struck in the brain by an unidentified flying pony. After almost crashing into some cabinets and tables, I slumped onto a nearby chair, as I hold my head with the mother of all aches, and I hear another pony walk in. “Oh, hello Twilight. What are you…WAHAHAAAA!!!!” I assumed this was Rarity. That posh voice she was expelling was hard to mistake for somepony else. I hear her gallop over to me, and I suddenly feel two hooves on my shoulders, as I am shaken from my battle with pain, and am moved around by this fashion pony. She looks at me, inspecting my wounds, but most of all my dirty clothes. “What in all of Equestria happened to you, dear?” I was a gentleman about the whole ordeal. “You’re reeeaaallllllyyyy preeeetttyyyyyyyy………” Nevermind, I totally wasn’t. I reached out, putting a hand onto her soft cheek, caressing it rather lovingly. I do a lot of stupid things, when in a daze, and this was definitely one of them. Rarity scoffed, as she pushed me away from her, and went back to Twilight. “What is wrong with that human?” “Derpy hit him at mach speed. He’s a little…odd, right now.” “I can tell. I know just the thing to do.” I watch her walk out of my sight. Moments later, she came trotting back in with a bucket of something, I’m not sure what. I found out in seconds that it was a bucket of ice cold water. How do I know this? Because she splashed it on me. The impact of the water with my aching head drove me right out of my strange daze, as I shot up from the chair, rapidly looking about the room, whilst splashing leftover water onto Rarity and Twilight. “Wha? What’s happened? Where am I?! What day is it?! What year?!” I asked in a panicked state. “You were hit in the head by a mailpony named Derpy Hooves, you’re in carousel boutique right now, and it’s Tuesday the nineteenth.” Huh, she didn’t tell me the year. It wasn’t important anyway. It was enough to get me to stop moving around so much, that’s for sure. That cold water really did the trick though; my head was no longer in intense pain. I turned to Rarity, who was still a little freaked out by my behavior. “Sorry…if I did anything to weird you out.” “It’s fine, darling.” she says, going back to her more pleasant tone of voice, “Now, I assume you’re here to get some new clothes, correct?” “How did you know?” “You’re clothes are a mess, dear. And from what I remember, you didn’t bring a suitcase with you when you fell through the portal, unless you did, and I was mistaken.” I should have been a little peeved about the way she was talking to me. However, her cynical tone of voice was pretty charming, actually. Instead of looking at her with a scowl, I chuckled at what she said. “No, you’re right. I definitely didn’t go back to my apartment, gather up my clothes in a suitcase, then proceeded to hit my head on a tree branch, and fall through the portal with it in hand.” I said with a smile. “Well, now that we know, what kind of clothes would you like?” “Umm…a t-shirt and jeans?” I shrugged my shoulders. “T-shirt…and jeans….I see…” she looked at me like she had no idea what I was talking about, “Because I think you would look rather dapper in a suit, if you don’t mind me saying.” “That’s nice, but I don’t think that would be very casual.” “You have a point. Step up onto the platform, and let me take your measurements.” I did as she asked. Armed with a long piece of measuring tape, she proceeded to do my measurements, using her magic. It was nice not having someone touch you as they were measuring your height and width; I found that to be very awkward when getting fitted for a suit back where I came from. With Rarity, she was fairly far away, letting her floating tape do all the work, as she simultaneously wrote down notes on her pad. After a few seconds, she was done. “Excellent. Is it safe to assume the t-shirt and jeans you speak of are the items you are wearing, right now?” “That would be correct.” “And…what about undergarments. Do you wear those underneath your pants?” “Yeah.” “I would like to see them, to get an idea about what they look like.” “You’re the second pony today that has tried to get my pants off.” “Excuse me?” “Nothing, nothing.” Twilight quickly interjected, “He’s just being funny, that’s all.” Reluctantly, I unbuckle my pants, and let them drop to the floor, revealing my boxer briefs. Rarity simply nodded, and wrote down a few extra notes, showing a surprising amount of class for a pony who hadn’t seen a pantsless human before. Twilight looked at me, like I was the greatest science project ever conceived. That made me a little worried, not going to lie about that. Rarity gave me a nod to pull my pants up, and I did so quickly, before Twilight got curious to see more. She looked over her note pad, making sure she didn’t miss anything, then looked at me with a smile. “Perfect. I’ve seen all that I need to see. You may step off the platform, Matt.” I do so. “Are you sure you wouldn’t like a suit, or something? I’m rather curious to see you in one.” “Not right now, Rarity. But thanks for the offer. If I do require one, I know who to go to.” “Me, right?” “Yes. You.” I chuckled. “Well, a small collection of shirts, pants and underwear coming up. Do you also need socks?” “Sure, that would be fine.” Rarity nodded, and left to go behind a curtain to do her work. For about an hour, we heard her cut and stitch everything together, sometimes with machines, other times with her magic. We also saw various fabrics of different colors flying around, before disappearing from our sight. Every once in a while, we would hear her quietly curse, probably due to getting pricked by a needle, or praise herself with much enthusiasm. Finally, she came walking out from behind the curtain, with two boxes of clothes. She stacked them up, and floated them over to me. She looked very proud of her work. “Here you are; the clothes you will need for your stay. I took the liberty of picking out the colors that would match with your style, I hope you don’t mind.” “Not at all. Thank you so much Rarity.” I saw her blush from my words to her. It was pretty cute to see. I never made a girl blush before. “Well, if you need anything else, just come on by the store.” “How much to I owe you?” “Nothing, darling. I wouldn’t dream of charging my friends a single bit.” she said. My heart skipped a beat. She considers me a friend? Even after I got mad at her back home? I didn’t say anything of it, but just smiled. “That’s very generous of you.” I told her. “I am the element of generosity, you know.” she stated proudly. “What?” I asked. What did she mean by that? “It’s a long story.” Twilight said, pushing me out the door, “I’ll see you later, Rarity.” “Ta-ta!” Rarity waves, as we go out the door. After a short walk, we made it back to Twilight’s place. She escorted me to the spare bed she had lying around. While there, I changed into my new clothes. The shirt was soft, smooth, almost like I wasn’t wearing a shirt at all. The pants fit just right; a perfect match to the jeans I was wearing, without the added dirt, of course. All in all, the clothes were fantastic. I walked out of the room, to show Twilight, when an owl suddenly hovered above me, squawking at me in anger! “Ah! What the hell?!” I screamed, waving the owl away. “Owlicious!” Twilight yelled, “He’s a guest! Leave him alone!” This…Owlicious... obeyed her command, and landed on a nearby perch. It stared at me with those big owl eyes, and I stared back, wondering if it was going to attack me again. “Hi.” I introduced myself…to the owl. Don’t know why I was doing this. “I’m Matt.” “Who?” the Owl said. “Matt.” “Who?” “MATT!” I shouted. Holy god, I was arguing with an Owl. I guess with the talking ponies, I figured that the other animals knew English as well. I was wrong about that. I waved Owlicious off, and walked downstairs to Twilight, who was writing inside a huge journal. “Owlicious?” I asked her. “That’s his name.” she said with a giggle, “Don’t you name your pets back in your dimension?” “Yeah, but we usually call them Bob...or Optimus Prime, or something.” “Optimus Prime sounds like a weird name to me.” “Hey, Optimus Prime is an awesome name.” “Whatever you say.” she looks at my new clothes, “Nice threads.” she said, “Rarity did a good job.” I wholeheartedly agreed with her. “What is that?” I wondered, pointing at the big book she was writing in. “This? This is my journal. I write about all the scientific findings I see all around Equestria. I’ve seen quite a lot of things not mentioned in any of the books I read.” “Anything interesting lately?” “Well, I’m starting a whole new chapter on you.” “I don’t think I’m that interesting.” “What are you talking about? You’re the only human that has ever stepped foot inside Equestria. You are the scientific find of a century!” “You’re talking about me like I’m some kind of beast.” “I…I didn’t mean that.” she said quietly, “I just mean that plenty of ponies, especially scientists, biologists, and doctors, are going to find you very fascinating.” “What did I say about dissecting me in my sleep?” “Not to do it, I know.” she said, “I have an idea. How about you tell me all about yourself?” “You mean, like my personal history, or…” “I mean, how your species came to be. I want to know everything. Leave no stone unturned. I have a lot of room in this book for whatever you dish out!” “History wasn’t exactly my strongest suit in school.” “Doesn’t matter. Whatever you know, I want to know.” She looked into my eyes with a wide smile, anticipating the story to come. My knowledge of how my species came to be was limited, but still knowledgeable. She didn’t know a thing about humans, so I was free to say whatever I wanted. It was time to put my skills as a speaker and a storyteller to good use. “Okay, Twilight. I’ll tell you everything I know…”