Buying stuff
Angel charged towards me, spoon raised and ready to slash and tear me to pieces, I took a step forward, prepared to meet him halfway, eyes locked on his weapon, his spoon...
I frowned and took a moment to think about what was going on.
A rabbit with a spoon, against a man...
"Err... Fluttershy? What's going on?" I lowered my fists and turned to face the yellow pony, wondering how in the hell I got so worked up over a rabbit.
"Iron be careful!" Fluttershy cried out in concern, how adorable, the pony thought a rabbit could harm a human being! The strongest, most powerful and superior of species in the world!
The little rabbit jumped into the air and raised the spoon, menacingly glaring at me while readying his strike.
I smiled at him and extended my arms to defeat the tiny motherfucker with a hug, aren't inferior beings simply adorable?
"Come here you adorable ball of fluff!"
"Iron what are you doing?! Run!" Fluttershy looked in horror as Angel got ever closer to me, I simply turned to face her and started to explain why the bunny wasn't a threat, when...
Horrible pain, a white light, and a shriek of agony were the last things I heard before collapsing to the ground, my head was hurting badly, up to this day few things can compare to the pain I felt as Angel's spoon hit me square in the forehead.
"Ah! Fuck!" I held my head with both hands and tried to regain control of my sight, it had gone slightly blurred from the pain and the fall had not helped at all.
I was laying on the ground, confused and injured, but more importantly...
Defenseless...
The rabbit had bounced off my head and landed perfectly behind me, looking like a hero of old, the bastard picked up a red napkin and tied it around his neck before posing with his spoon held high in the air.
Several other rabbits began cheering from behind the couch, urging whom I guess was their leader to fight.
And the bastard complied.
Letting out a mighty battle squeak, or whatever rabbits sounded like when giving battle cries, Angel jumped on top of me and began pounding away at my face with the spoon, much to the enjoyment of his gang.
"Angel stop! Please?" Fluttershy flew next to him and tried to stop the onslaught, the rabbit simply shook his head and landed another blow, now on my hand as I tried to slap him away while shouting at the bastard to get off.
"Ah shit! What the fuck is that spoon made of?!" I tried to roll around to get the beast away from me, but the little rabbit was determined, nothing I did could get him to stop, he was fast and furious, like a bullet he struck.
The attacks were merciless, I was barely able to fight back, rolling around and slapping at him to force him back to no avail, nothing seemed to stop him, my hands were badly bruised by now, trying to swat him off had only given him another target to hammer with his spoon.
But never fear! Valiant Fluttershy, as a good friend, did her best to get him to stop!
Yeah you guessed right, she just flew close by and asked him politely to cease the ass kicking, not doing much else to prevent the onslaught.
After administrating an overdose of pure pwnage, Angel jumped onto a couch and swung his spoon around victoriously, his evil henchmen cheering and waving flags with a carrot on them at him.
He received the ovations as I lay on the floor catching my breath and trying to get on my feet.
And then, he glared at me one final time, the room fell silent, his supporters stopped the cheering and gazed at him with awe in their little eyes, Fluttershy gasped and covered her mouth with both hooves, it was as if the world itself stopped and looked at what was about to happen.
I looked at him and he looked at me, our eyes meeting, the amount of rage in his tiny eyes was immense, like a sea of anger, and, you know how they say looks can kill? I assure you, that its not true, otherwise I wouldn't be able to narrate this...
Angel broke eye contact to look at a group of female rabbits, I'm assuming they were females because the entire group was swooning and making sexy eyes at him but I dunno about rabbit preferences...
He winked at the group and they all fainted immediately, sighing happily as the white rabbit acknowledged their existence, I simply mouthed the words 'what the fuck?' as the whole scene unfolded before me.
But no time for being confused, Angel's glare returned fully to me and he jumped, spoon raised and cape waving with the wind as he rushed towards me to end the fight, but I was not going to lose so easily.
"Oh no you won't!" I growled and rolled to the side, the bastard missed me by mere inches as his strike connected with the wooden floor.
"Eat shit bunny!" I got on my feet as fast as I could and threw myself at him, the growing shadow of my body encompassing his little self as realization sunk into his brain, he was done for, no time to run or dodge, the battle was over.
I landed on top of him, a loud thud was heard as my elbows hit the wooden planks below me, I m=had made sure that my chest didn't squish Angel though, wouldn't want to mess up my shirt.
"Oh my, Angel!" Fluttershy gasped in horror and flew towards me as Angel's fandom ran around in circles, terrified at having lost their leader. "Iron what did you do?!"
Grimacing and massaging my swollen knuckles I moved to the side and allowed the bunny to see the light of life.
"Agh, he's fine! Not sure whether that's a good thing though..." I groaned and stood up, the pain in my head was stinging as bad as it could and I was sweating slightly from the effort and the massive ass kicking I received. "I swear, I'm never underestimating a rabbit again in my life..."
Angel was trembling, he must have thought it was the end for him, and as far as I was concerned, it was too bad that it wasn't...
"Angel! Thank goodness you're alright!" Fluttershy beamed at the sight of her pet and rushed over to fuss over him before giving the rabbit a stern look. "Now what do you have to say for yourself?"
The little ball of fluffy white fur glared at me and reached for his spoon, Fluttershy caught him in the act and took it away from him before he could do any damage with it.
"You ought to keep him away from the kitchen knives, you know? Not sure whether I'd like to see him with one..."
Fluttershy hid a slight smile behind her mane and put Angel inside a rabbit hole by the door, making sure to lock a small wooden door that seemed to be the entrance to Angel's home, the rabbit furiously battered against it before huffing angrily and disappearing into the depths of his house.
"I'm sorry about that, he just gets nervous around ponies he doesn't know, he won't do it again." Fluttershy seemed confident of it, but I seriously doubted it...
"Heh, ok." I decided to act like I hadn't just been beaten up by a bunny and walked over to the kitchen, the jog and fight had left my throat as dry as a desert and my muscles were aching.
It didn't help at all when upon reaching the majestic room of cooking I became aware of a lack of cider. "Hey Fluttershy! Where do you keep the glasses and cider?"
I scanned the entire place for any sign of glasses or the alcoholic beverage but my hopes were crushed as I found out that most shelves simply held plants or herbs and small boxes labeled with names I didn't recognize, but no cider...
"Um, I don't really have any cider Iron, but I think I do have some tea leaves and I could boil some water, if that's ok with you..." Fluttershy entered the kitchen and in the most polite and timid voice anyone could muster she asked me if it was ok for her to make tea, that belonged to her, in her own kitchen, inside her house!
Correct me if I'm wrong but, shouldn't it be the other way around? Like, me asking for the tea?
"Uhm... Yeah sure, thanks." I looked at her over my shoulder and smiled, pulling out a small wooden box that, as far as I could tell, contained tea.
Pulling one of the chairs closer to me, I sat down at the small table in the middle of the kitchen, Fluttershy walked over to me and took the box with the tea leaves, but not before asking politely if it was alright for her to do so, of course.
"Fluttershy, you don't need to ask for permission to do every little thing, this is your house after all!" I smiled, trying to lighten the mood a bit.
"Oh, sorry." Fluttershy smiled apologetically and took the box from me, she then flew over to a small stove and started to boil some water in a kettle.
I smiled and shook my head, these ponies all seemed to have a weird part to their attitudes, all of them either exaggerated on a certain trait, or lacked it completely! The only normal one so far seemed to be Flintlock, and even she was a little too trusting!
I frowned as the thought hit me, maybe she trusted some people more than she should...
It had been a single day and she had agreed to run off from a restaurant without paying, trusting me with the meaning of her mark, joining a fight that wasn't hers, and conspiring along with me to trick Snowflake into believing his gang couldn't use her weapons.
Fluttershy placed the tea in front of me, smiling as she told me to be careful, it was hot after all.
I simply nodded, staring off into space, lost in my thoughts.
Was there more to the golden mare than what met the eye? I mean, she wasn't bad looking, aye? But there was the species issue, one does not simply go up to another creature and... you know...
But still, what were the chances of me going back home anytime soon? I was trapped in Equestria for as long as it took for the kids to grow up and make lives of their own, was I simply going to become a monk until then?
What about my age? When I returned I would probably be old and tired, without the energy to do much else than complain and talk about the good old days...
If that was the case then I was entitled to some fun before going back, hell, even if I did return young, I was not going stay a saint until then!
But then again, there was the possibility that I was probably over thinking everything... She probably didn't feel that way, we had just met! It would be stupid to jump into conclusions.
I grimaced, having made the same mistake with many a girl in the past, thinking they felt someway about me when they were just being friendly, but you learn from your mistakes, aye? By falling down you learn how to do it right, and then you stand up and carry on.
I shook my head to clear it of the thoughts, sad as they were, they didn't matter for shit anymore, it was no use trying to fix the past, and the hurt from before only made me stronger, I would not make the same mistake again, buuuuuuut, there was still the question...
"Hey Fluttershy, can I ask you something?" I took a sip from the tea and spat it back in as it burned my tongue.
"Um... I guess so, what is it Iron?" Fluttershy sat down on the other end of the table, her cup of tea in front of her.
Time for some awkwardness!
"What can you tell me about relationships in Equestria?" I leaned in so her soft voice actually got to my ears.
She looked at me with a blank expression before understanding of what I was asking sunk in.
"Oh, I... Um... Well, what do you want to know?"
Huh, what did I want to know?
"You know, when a pony gets the hots for another one, do they just walk up and say it? Or is there some sort of satanic ritual?"
"Satanic?" Fluttershy blinked and gave me the confused pony look I had been getting a lot.
"Nevermind that," I waved the subject away, no point freaking her out right now. "So how does it work?"
"Um... I... Um..." Fluttershy hid behind her mane and looked at the floor, embarrassed for some reason. "I don't know..."
Not wanting to press her any further in case it was a delicate subject, I decided to kill the subject right there and then.
"Yeah... Forget it, doesn't matter anyway..." I shrugged and drank some more tea, smiling at her, trying to lighten her up.
"Sorry, I just don't ..." Fluttershy looked at the floor, blushing from embarrassment.
"Don't worry about it, I never got together with many girls either." I said, trying to make her feel more comfortable about her insecurities, because we all know that feel bro, unless you're cool and successful, in that case you've got everything set and ready to go.
She looked up, surprised, not really believing that the big mean human that wasn't afraid to smash someone in the face didn't have the guts to ask a girl out.
"Really? But you're brave and not afraid to go after what you want, there must have been at least one mare."
I smiled at her and shook my head, there had been some girls, yes, not a total failure there, but nothing too serious.
"Nah, there were plenty who liked me, and I'm not complaining, aye? But there was always that one mistake, that one mess up from either one of us, and I simply never got serious with any of them."
I threw a hand up in the air and took another sip from the tea.
"It's not like it matters though, anymore I mean, with me being stuck here and whatnot..." I shrugged and finished my tea, glad that Fluttershy wasn't on the verge of tears anymore, pony insecurity crisis, averted!
"I always thought assertive people always got what they wanted..." Fluttershy frowned and sipped from her tea.
Got it wrong there, assertive people get fired sooner...
"Nah, being assertive usually lands you into more trouble than it's worth, but some level of it is needed, yes." I turned my cup upside down in front of my eyes, trying to see if I could get any more drops out of it.
"Did you get into trouble for being assertive? If you don't mind me asking..."
Lecture time!
"Yeah, sometimes a teacher would be a bitch and speaking my mind never helped... After a while you learn that sometimes it's best to grin and bear it." I frowned at the strange words coming from my mouth, I couldn't let ponies know that I had problems like they did! I had to seem indestructible! "Not always though, sometimes you have to stand up and kick ass! It's just a matter of knowing the difference from the right time to do it and the shit time to try, get it?"
"I... Um, I'm not sure if I do..."
"That's ok, no one here seems to need that kind of advice anyway, this place is as friendly as can be, even dangerous aliens like me get to walk around normally!"
Fluttershy smiled and I returned the gesture, we finished a second cup of tea and then said goodnight to each other.
Fluttershy headed to her room and I settled in mine.
A mattress, blanket and a pillow were the only things inside the small place, not that I really cared anyway, it was only for a couple of days, then I would probably go somewhere larger.
I said goodnight one last time, weird quirk of mine to repeat it a lot, and locked the door behind me, wouldn't like to have my throat slit in the middle of the night by Angel.
I smiled and approached the bed, glad to have people, or ponies, on which I could rely.
It was getting rather annoying though, not having a place to call my own, having to take advantage of other ponies's kindness wasn't something I liked.
I sighed and told myself it would only be temporary, that I'd get a place of my own and pay them back for everything, but Twilight had been right about one thing at least.
I needed to get a job, charity just wouldn't cut it after a while, the kids would need food, Aquilder just couldn't eat grass and shit, Ectorius was part human, I think, and so was Lightshine, so they would need some meat.
Hell, Iwould need some meat! It had been an entire week of only vegetables and fruits! I wasn't sure how long it would be until I found myself roasting a pony over a fire...
Maybe there was some sort of black market where they sold meat? I dunno... But I was going to feed those kids, even if it killed me!
I frowned and laid down on the bed, pulling the blanket over my stomach but no further, I didn't like the warmth too much...
"Whatever man, I'll just take Flint's gun when its ready and kill some deer in the forest..." I punched the pillow and got as comfortable as possible.
Sleep found its way into me rather quickly, and I slipped from consciousnesses in minutes.
The following day was rather planned out for me, helping out around Flutter's house, heading over to the market for some baby supplies and food, then finally helping Twilight move the kids over to Flutteshy's before spending the rest of the day hanging out with them.
I was actually looking forward to that, they never failed to amaze me, or cause an overload of cuteness, I had come to love the little ones.
With pleasant thoughts and my plans laid out for the next day, I went to sleep.
Next day... Or is it? Yeah it is...
Sunlight flooded the room, entering from the only window behind my bed, the rays of light falling right on my face.
I stood up after a while, the morning sun not being kind to my eyes as it invaded the room, I groaned as I moved about the place, it was small and I was still sleepy.
I walked towards the door and opened it, the smell of food immediately filling my nostrils.
"Awesome, food." I smiled and walked towards the kitchen.
Only to trip on a laid out string of rope outside the kitchen door.
"Shit!" I fell face first to the wooden floor, barely being able to raise my arms to cover my nose. "The fuck was that?"
I raised my head and looked around, angry at having been tripped, but there was no one around me, no one except a smirking rabbit.
"Oh you little shit!" I glared at the bunny, he simply stared back, we stood there for a couple of minutes, piercing holes into each others heads with our gazes, before the smell of food became unbearable.
"I'm watching you motherfucker..." I bared my teeth at Angel and left before seeing his reply, bitch wasn't worth my time anyway...
Fluttershy had prepared some breakfast and she seemed to have already taken care of morning's mundane activities like brushing her teeth and stuff, I on the other hand, was still a mess.
I entered the kitchen, stifling a yawn, and sat down.
Fluttershy smiled and placed a platter full of different assortments of food on the table, pancakes, fruits, yogurt and many other things that I could eat were beckoning to me, no bacon though.
She sat down on the other end of the table and picked her share of the food, after politely asking if it was alright for her to do so...
"So Fluttershy, what's the plan for today?" I asked in between mouthfuls of pancakes.
"Well, I was going to feed my animal friends and then tend to my garden, but I need some things from the market too." She hid behind her mane again and poked absentmindedly at her pancakes. "I was kind of hoping you could help me with that... If it isn't too much trouble of course..."
I smiled and nodded. "No problem Fluttershy, just tell me what you need and you shall have it!"
She smiled and thanked me, we finished our breakfast and I went upstairs to take a shower, sucks for me, a certain asshole decided it would be funny to pull the lever of the toilet as I showered and the water came out like fire, but besides several burns, my morning went fine.
After I was done showering, peeling off the burnt skin, and putting on my clothes, I walked downstairs and helped Fluttershy with her garden for a while before heading out towards the market.
"Lets see... Milk, carrots, cabbage, what the fuck is radish? Oh, nevermind..." I read the list Fluttershy had given me as I walked towards the town, it wasn't that far away but it was still quite the walk.
The sun on my skin felt warm and the cool air helped to keep the heat comfortable, it was a nice day, birds chirping and sun shining and shit.
The rocks on the ground made it somewhat tiring to walk but not too much and I soon found myself getting closer and closer to town.
Several ponies were already going about their daily lives, not a worry in the world.
"Well, time for some more quality time with the locals..." I muttered as I walked, I hadn't had the best of introductions with the town so far. "Well, here goes nothing!"
Pulling my hood down, I liked my hood shut up, I moved into hostile territory.
"Good morning! How's it going? Looking good! Is that a new saddle?" Doing my best 'haters gonna hate' walk, I greeted the ponies like a boss.
They were starting to get used to my presence by now, even if they weren't comfortable enough to engage in conversation, some of them even smiled and good morninged me back!
I smiled and moved towards the market, it was a single street with food stands on both sides of the sidewalk, some sold vegetables others fruit and there was also the odd one out that was selling only apple products.
Take a guess on who was standing behind that one...
"Howdy pardner! Looking fer some apples?" Applejack asked some ponies as they walked by her stand, they nodded and then traded their souls for the mighty protein filled product of apple!
If you actually thought that happened then fuck off, they just bought a couple of apples and left...
I looked down at the list Flutterpony had given me and scanned the products listed.
"Hay, celery, carrots, radish... Aha! Apples!" I fist pumped and kicked at the air, drawing odd stares from several ponies.
I stood in the middle of the crowd, which had fallen completely silent, all eyes on me.
"What? It's perfectly normal..." I shrugged and walked towards the apple stand, a few onlookers kept on staring but most returned to their own shit after I moved on.
As I got closer to the stand Applejack waved at me and smiled, I returned the greeting and leaned on the counter, pulling out Fluttershy's list and the bag of coins.
"Heya Iron! What can I do fer ya?"
"Hmm, I'm not sure if you can help me, Applejack..." I stroked my chin and looked to the side, faking doubt.
"Huh? Why not?"
"Oh well, you see, I need some very specific products, the kind I'm not quite sure you would have..." I leaned in, closer to her, our faces mere inches away from each other, she closed in the distance and I whispered, ever so softly.
"I need apples..."
I almost burst out laughing, holding my stomach with one hand and covering my mouth with the other, ignoring the ponies that had begun to look at me oddly again.
But once more, unamused Applejack was unamused...
She gave me the 'are you fucking kidding me?' look, and pointed at al the apples laying around her stand.
"Heh heh, you know Applejack, Twilight does that face better, your usual smile looks prettier on you..."
What's up with this ponies and their lack of humor!? I'm funny! Right? Guys?
Applejack seemed to warm up a bit with the compliment and chuckled lightly.
"Ya seem in a pretty good mood Iron, somethin happen?" Applejack pulled out a bag of apples from somewhere under her stand and placed them on the counter. "Take yer pick, fresh from them trees!"
"Thanks a bunch Applepony, and nah, ya know, just feeling good." I took the apples and placed a bag of coins on the counter. "How about you? How's it been?"
"Applepony? Ya know, it ain't kind ta call somepony by their race... Ah ain't calling ya hooman am Ah?" Applejack took the money and tossed it inside a chest full of coins.
"Ok... Just joking though, no need to go Rarity on me..."
Applejack and I shared a laugh at the joke, we both knew how worked up the unicorn could get over every little thing.
"Oh well, guess I'll see ya later Applebee's, save one of those apple tarts for me, k?" I winked at her and walked back a couple of steps, wouldn't want to be near the blast radius of Applepony's rage.
"Goshdarnit Iron! What good are names if ya ignore em?"
I made a 180 degree turn and raised both arms to the sky, trying to do a backwards moonwalk but failing...
"No can do Pony McApples! Rules were meant to be broken!"
Applejack rolled her eyes and sighed, she was smiling a little though so I win!
I turned to face the market, still needed more stuff for Fluttershy, and I was greeted by three baby ponies, one of them I recognized as Sweetened Ball, Rarity's sister or something, the other two I had no idea who they were.
I scratched my head and looked at them, they were just standing there, eyeing me curiously, so I decided to socialize.
"So, you looking for so someone or..."
The ponies were an odd group, one of them was wearing a red ribbon on her red mane, another one had messy purple hair and wings, and Sweet Balloon was pointing at me with a hoof while grinning creepily, the other two had their mouths open and their eyes wide.
"See? I told you! Rarity found one!" Sweaty Belle said happily in her squeaky voice, the other two looked at her and back at me, still surprised.
I decided that being awesome would probably be too much for them to handle, so I decided to be normal instead.
"Found what exactly?" I asked, completely freaked by the enthusiasm in Squeaky Bill's voice.
"Whoa! So that's a real life werepony? Ain't them fellers supposed ta be hairy?" Red Ribbon pony asked her friend...
Wait, I was a what now!?
"Nah uh! They can only turn at night! That's a mutant diamond dog!" Purple hair corrected red ribbon pony, and Squeakers corrected them both.
"Those are even hairier! Girls, what we have here is a..."
Normality doesn't work for shit! Time to do something Twilight wouldn't approve of!
"...prince." I finished for Sweetie Brawl, and the three of them turned to look at me, as if they had barely noticed I was there.
"A what now?" Red ribbon pony tilted her head in confusion, her two friends following suit.
"Yeah! Haven't you heard of the legend?" I sat on the floor and beckoned them closer.
All three ponies looked at each other and then moved a little closer to me, after they sat down on the floor I decided to tell them a story.
Guess which one it was? Yup got it right! Friday the motherfucking 13th!!
Nah it wasn't, I was saving that one for my own kids, I told the three mini horses the tale of the prince that got turned into a frog, nice bedtime story that one, definitely nothing bad could come out of it.
"Got it? That's why I'm not a pony anymore!" I stood back up and cracked my back, sitting down like that got tiresome after a while.
"So all ya need to do is find your special somepony to turn back ta normal?" Applebloom, I had made the mistake of calling her red ribbon pony and she got pissed, asked as if an idea had sprung into her mind.
Her two friends blinked once and then smiled, they turned to look at each other and then nodded, freaky I know...
"Um, sure yeah, why not? Err... Look! Gotta fly see ya later!" I smiled and waved at them while walking away, the three friends said goodbye and ran off into the distance.
All I could hear as they departed was something along the lines of
'Let's give it another try! No potions this time though...'
Whatever that meant...
I shrugged it off as ponies fucking logic from behind yet again, and walked through the market stands to the one that I assumed, sold carrots.
I knocked twice on the wooden counter and waited for the pony... Oh shit...
"Hello, one twenty four." Chief Golden Star greeted me as he turned around to face me.
Deep shit man...
"One and a what?"
"You broke the record, Ponyville's no arrests record that is." Golden Star looked at me coldly and placed a bag of carrots on the counter. "First prisoner in twenty four years."
I returned the cold stare and pulled out the coins Fluttershy had given me, placing them on the counter, I slowly took the carrots.
"And the best your tiny kennel will ever have the pleasure of holding." I smirked and turned to leave.
"You think acting tough will get you much? Getting you behind bars is all it will do, think about that."
I walked away, damn ponies and their damn pony talk, I was a boss!
Without a job, house, or anything to call my own... Except three kids.
But still a boss!
The rest of my market run went without much other excitement...
"The horror! The horror!"
"Goddamnit! Why? Huh? Why! You do this every time I walk by your stand! It's not even funny anymore!" I groaned and turned to look at the cause of my annoyance.
The pink mare stopped her screaming and a look of embarrassment spread across her face, her short blond mane was adorned with a lily on the side.
She wasn't bad looking either...
Whoa! What in the fuck...? Was I checking out mares now? Fuck... I needed to stop eating salads, that shit can mess with your brain...
Shaking my head to clear it of the thoughts, I walked over to the mare's stand and pulled out a coin.
"How much for a flower?"
The mare looked at me, a little surprised, before pulling out a small flower I didn't recognize.
"Um... Two bits..."
I smiled and placed the coins on the counter, then I picked up the flower and gave it a sniff, it wasn't that bad, but then again, I never cared much for plants.
"Nice! Never seen this kind of quality in a... Um, flower before! Say, do you grow them by yourself?" I flashed a grin and placed the little plant on my pocket, careful not to harm it.
The mare smiled back, a bit shaken but still a smile, and nodded.
"Yes, I... Well, Roseluck and Daisy help me out with some of the others, but I grow the lilies on my own, it's my special talent after all!" Her smile was genuine by now, ponies seemed to take pride in their marks, and it was a pretty good conversation starter.
As long as you didn't mention their flanks, never mention the flanks! Learned that the hard way with several nurses during my stay at the hospital...
"You're pretty good at it too, um...?"
"Oh, my name is Lily."
"Pleased to meet you Lily, name's Iron."
I extended a hand and she accepted it hesitantly, after the ancient ritual of 'hi' was completed she seemed more at ease.
"Um, I... Sorry for screaming like that, I thought you..." Lily looked at the floor and blushed from embarrassment.
"Not a problem, gotten used to it by now, nearly everyone greets me like that." I shrugged and looked at the sky, sun was still rising from the east, so I still had some time until the kids woke up.
Not much though.
"Well, it's been a pleasure Lily, but I gotta run, clock is ticking and all that." I smiled and made a little bow.
She smiled and said goodbye as well, I made my way out of the market since I had already bought everything the Flutternator needed, and started walking to Twilight's house.
The town in general was rather peaceful, few things actually worth noting, mostly just your average village with nothing interesting going on...
Except for the bastard that had been following me for a few blocks now...
I put the hood on, made me feel kinda safe, and took a quick glance behind my back.
A shadow, almost impossible to see, quickly darted behind the cover of one of the buildings to the left side of the street, hiding in between alleys had been his play for a while, every time I turned around, the bastard hid, every time I stopped looking, he probably came out of hiding and followed me some more.
I was getting bored!
"Bitch, you wanna hide inside an alley like some cheap prostitute? Two can play that game..."
I made another quick turn to see where he was, once again he hid behind a wall.
I took my chance and made a run for the next alley in between buildings, purposely exaggerating the sound my feet made as they hit the ground, I needed this bastard's attention.
Sweat was running down my brow, more from adrenaline than exhaustion, it was like the fight at the bar, only that the feeling of being by myself made it dangerous.
And danger was fun.
I got into the alley and quickly pressed my back against the wall, making sure I wasn't visible from the street, I forced myselfto breath normally and waited.
Nothing.
I frowned, the pegasus was bound to have seen me disappear by now, shouldn't he be...?
The sound of approaching hooves reached my ears and a slight smirk crossed my lips, the idiot had fallen into my trap.
"Ponyfeathers! Ponyfeathers!" The pegasus muttered as he made the turn into the alley, failing to see me. "Horseapples! I lost him! What will madame-"
"Morning bitch!" I shouted and brought a fist crashing down into his face, hitting him square on the nose, the force of the blow made him scream out in pain and he fell backwards, crashing into some trashcans behind him.
Not giving him time to recover, I quickly grabbed a loose plank and hit him on the back of his head, the pony blinked stupidly and then he slumped to the ground, completely still aside from his breathing.
Knock out.
Panting and sweating, I slowly dropped my weapon and assessed the situation.
One passed out pony, check.
Reason for knocking him out, missing.
"Oh shit..." I grimaced and facepalmed, why did I always act without thinking!? I had no proof the bastard was going to hurt me, he was just following me around! That wasn't a crime! Or was it? I dunno...
What was I going to do with the pony now that he was passed out?
"Well, I can't drag him around in the middle of the day..." Was there a river somewhere around here where I could dispose of a body?
Oh sit man, this was bad, really bad...
"Ok, ok, think bro, think! What have videogames have taught you so far?" Thinking back to all those sessions of shooting madly, cursing, killing dragons, claiming to have fucked someone's mom, and...
"Looting!" A large grin spread across my face, how had I been so stupid? It was the obvious thing to do when you beat someone...
I squatted beside the unconscious pony and looked him over.
Like all ponies, he was naked, so no pockets or anything like that to check, he didn't have any saddlebags either, so nothing there either, and I was NOT checking inside his ass... Fuck movie logic, if someone hides something inside their asses that's their fucking problem not mine!
"Fucking nasty..." I grimaced and stood up, giving up on my looting attempt.
I slowly turned around and began to leave, let shit sort itself out, aye? But then the idea crossed my mind, I hadn't checked under his wings! He hadn't been using them, so maybe he was carrying something there.
I turned around again and knelt beside the pony, not giving much of a damn I simply pulled both wings open rather roughly.
And voila! Out of them fell... A letter...
"Fuck me man... I killed the mailman!" I gasped and took one of the letters in my hand, then frowned. "What the fuck? This doesn't have an address..."
The envelope was blank, completely blank, no names, no address, no nothing except a large, red wax seal that held it closed.
I moved a finger to break the seal but found out that it already was, so I simply tore the envelope open and read the letter.
Ponyville.
Monster.
Teach him a lesson.
Go to the forest, we'll find you.
"Simple tasks for a simple mind..." I looked down at the pegasus, he began to stir and a slight smile appeared on his face, pleasant dreams huh?
Feeling a sudden anger rush to my head, I decided to let some of it out, and kicked the bastard in the gut, he gasped and struggled to breath, but remained unconscious.
"Guess Twilight will have to babysit for tonight, Snowflake and I are gonna go for a little trek to the woods..." I smiled and nodded slowly, but then frowned. "Nah that's kinda gay... We're bringing Flintlock too."
I tore the letter in two and tossed the halves at the pegasus face, spat on him, and then I pulled on the hood and walked out of the alley.