//------------------------------// // What Do You Mean? // Story: Not My Little Diamond // by MagerBlutooth //------------------------------// Chpt. 6 - What Do You Mean? Saturday, March 22 The train was running precisely three minutes ahead of schedule, and while the six possessors of the Elements of Harmony anxiously waited to arrive at their destination, a certain blue pegasus was going on about their recent victory over the forces of disharmony. "Twelve hours! A whole night in the Everfree Forest! Now that’s what I call a workout!" "A workout for the gums maybe," Applejack replied, "seeing as how we musta spent at least ten a those hours just hollering at each other." "Yeah!" Pinkie shouted, popping her head up to where Applejack and Rainbow Dash could see her from where they were sitting. "And another hour getting slobbered all over." Rarity shivered at the memory of getting drenched by that monster’s disgusting saliva over and over again throughout their encounter. "Honestly, I hope I never see another green liquid for as long as I live," she said. "Me neither," Pinkie agreed, "except for pickle juice. I gotta have my pickle juice!" Pinkie reached behind her back and pulled out a well-sized jar filled with green pickle juice. Without missing a beat, she started guzzling it down right in front of a very disgusted Rarity. "What I don’t get is how that thing’s spit kept making us all so mad at each other. You’d think we’d become immune to it or something after at least the first six times," Rainbow Dash said, thinking back to the whole ordeal. "Y’all know better than trying to understand how magicky stuff works, Rainbow," Applejack chided. "Besides, we coulda got covered in that gunk six hundred times, but we just got too strong of a friendship to let a little anger come between us." "I’m just sorry for all the nasty things I said," Fluttershy stated apologetically, speaking up for the first time since they’d boarded the train. "You all know I didn’t mean them, right?" "I think we all said a few things we’re not proud of, sugarcube. Like a certain Wonderbolt fan saying I work so much I got apples where my brains should be," Applejack said, glaring over at Rainbow. "Or a certain farm pony telling me I fly so much I should just trade in my legs for another pair of wings," Rainbow Dash replied accusingly as she countered her friend with a glare of her own. They continued staring each other down for a few seconds, causing Fluttershy to shy away in fear and take cover under her seat. As the tension reached its climax, both of them had to drop their glares and burst out laughing. They both knew better than to let a few silly insults come between them, especially ones caused by the effects of evil saliva. It was a good thing too, because otherwise they might not have been able to overcome their foe. "Anyway, the important thing here is that nopony got hurt, right, Rarity?" Applejack asked the green pony sticking her head out the window. "Hmm?" Rarity asked, pulling her head back in to respond to the question, "Oh yes, yes, most definitely. I don’t even want to imagine what might have happened if we hadn’t used the Elements when we did." "You’re telling me," Rainbow exclaimed, leaning forward in excitement. "That thing was huge! Did you see the size of those claws? I could have made an obstacle course out of one of those bad boys!" "I know Twilight got a good look!" Pinkie exclaimed after finishing her seventh jar of pickle juice. "She got her crown knocked clean off her head by that big meanie." "She did what now?" Applejack asked in shock. "When did that happen?" Rainbow Dash asked, about as surprised. "Is that where that bump on her head came from?" Fluttershy asked, sticking her head back out from under her seat. "When I asked about it, she said it was nothing." "Oh, it was something all right, Fluttershy!" Pinkie cheerfully shouted like she was describing a major sporting event. "I saw the whole thing! Remember when we first got to the forest, and we split up so we could go find the monster faster?" "Yeah, why did we do that again?" Rainbow asked as she recalled how well that plan turned out. "Well, I ended up finding Twilight, and then the monster found us!" Pinkie said without even a slight drop in enthusiasm."I didn’t think it could be that sneaky considering how big it was, but it really got us good. Too bad it wasted its big chance. It didn’t even shout ‘surprise’ when it jumped out at us. All it did was swing one of those big claws at Twilight’s head. Totally unoriginal if you ask me." "Goodness! Twilight dear! Why didn’t you tell us about this earlier?" Rarity asked, turning to the unicorn on the other side of the train. "I’m not nervous!" Twilight shouted from her seat as she heard her name being called. She squeezed tightly onto the decorated chest in her hooves as she turned around to see what her friends wanted. A combination of anxiety and exhaustion was making her tremble violently, and she had a manic look in her eyes that was distinctly absent when she first boarded the train. Pinkie took it upon herself to answer for her. "Oh, it’s okay, Rarity. The monster didn’t actually hit her head. She ducked out of the way just in time, and all it did was knock her crown off. But I’m telling you, that sucker flew! It was all 'woosh'! Then it hit against a tree, and it was all 'clang'! And then Twilight was all 'aaah'! And the monster was all 'raaar'! And I was all…" "I think we get the idea, Pinkie," Applejack said, a bit more focused now on the trembling unicorn holding the gaudy chest than the discussion that was going on. "So how’d she get that big lump if the thing never touched her?" Rainbow asked, also looking over towards the unicorn. "Oh that?" Pinkie said, giggling about it. "That’s just from the tree branch she ran into when she dashed over to get her crown back. It was so funny I just had to laugh, you know? It was kinda weird, though. The monster didn’t find it very funny at all. He didn’t even smile when she started walking around like this." Pinkie stuck her tongue out, crossed her eyes, and started stumbling around the train, causing most of her friends to at least giggle at her impression. "That’s because Malice is the spirit of hatred and malevolence," Twilight said, surprising her friends at her sudden participation in the discussion. "It has no control of its emotions. It wants only to spread anger and destruction wherever it goes. That’s why we had to seal it away with the Elements of Harmony. There was simply no way to reason with it." She refused to take her eyes off the case throughout her explanation, and her friends were getting a bit worried at how much she was shaking. "But that doesn’t matter!" Twilight shouted, going off like Pinkie's confetti cannon. "All that’s over now, and we’ve got a new mission to worry about. Not that I’m worried about it or anything. I mean, I don’t look worried do I? Nope, no worrying here." She forced a laugh, trying to cover up how worried she was. "Hey, you think Twilight’s okay? She seems a little…off," Rainbow Dash discreetly said to Rarity. "Now, Rainbow Dash, it’s perfectly normal for her to be a tad shaken up about this whole ordeal. Just think about how much we’ve been through today. I’m sure she just needs some time to calm down, and she’ll be fine," Rarity elegantly whispered in response. "What are you looking at?" Twilight yelled to the one random pony sitting near them on the train, hiding her precious case behind her back. "I’m watching you," she threatened, pointing one of her hooves right in his face with her eyes fiercely narrowed. The stranger’s eyes shifted back and forth before he slowly made his way out of the train car into a different room, Twilight watching him the entire time. Rarity and Rainbow Dash both had the same blank expression on their faces as they glanced at one another, clearly thinking the same thought. "Are you feeling okay, Twilight? You seem a little…tense," Fluttershy shyly said. "Actually you seem more like a lot tense. Like overdue library book tense!" Pinkie said. Twilight turned back to her friends with a disturbingly sweet smile across her face. "Tense? Who’s tense? I’m not tense! I’m just peachy! Sure, we’ve been given the responsibility of protecting the only things that have prevented all of Equestria from falling apart all these years, and maybe there’s some creature with power beyond our imagination coming to steal them from us, but why would that make me tense?" Twilight’s left eye twitched as she finished her sentence. "I think you need to calm down, Twi. It’s not that big of a deal," Rainbow said as she reclined back in her seat. "What? How could you possibly say that?" Twilight shouted, jumping onto Rainbow’s seat and almost sending her flying off it. "These are the Elements of Harmony we’re talking about here! We have no idea what sort of evil creature might show up to try and take them away from us or even what form it might take! If we don’t take this seriously, the consequences could be disastrous!" "Now hold on a sec there, Twi. Ain’t nopony say nothing about not taking this seriously," Applejack replied, momentarily confusing the purple mare with her quadruple negative. "Ain’t that right, Rainbow Dash?" Applejack expectantly turned to the blue pegasus for a response. Rainbow regained her composure after Twilight’s sudden episode and cautiously replied, "Yeah, Twilight. All I’m saying is it doesn’t matter what sort of evil crazy thing comes to take that case from us. We just used the Elements to take down a two-story monster with evil spit! If we can handle that, there isn’t a monster in all of Equestria that could take them away from us." "We don’t know that for sure! Twilight retorted. "Maybe that letter was written by something that can consume light and turn invisible. Or maybe it has crazy eye lasers that can erase things from existence!" "Ooh! Or maybe it has magic snot that makes you do whatever it tells you to do!" Pinkie suggested with great enthusiasm, making Rarity stick her hoof in her mouth and stick her head right back out the window at the very idea of such a creature. "Um, Pinkie, maybe you shouldn't," Fluttershy said, uneasily glancing at Twilight. Rainbow continued speaking. "Anyway, all I’m saying is that with everything we’ve been through, we can handle protecting a crown and some necklaces for two measly weeks." "Exactly!" Applejack added, trying to brighten her distressed friend’s mood. "It’s just like we told the princess, Twi. The Elements of Harmony ain’t going nowhere while we’re on the job!" "You’re right…you’re right. We can do this…probably," Twilight replied as she tried to force a smile. "I mean, we’ve never let Princess Celestia down before. I don’t see why we’d start now. We’ll just do our best, and it’ll all work out…I hope." "That’s the spirit!" Applejack cheered. "No, it’s not," Pinkie said, causing Applejack to stuff her hoof into Pinkie’s mouth to keep her quiet. "We’ll just wait until we get back to Ponyville before we put them on," Twilight said, looking over the case with a serious, unblinking gaze. "Wait, what?" Rainbow asked in confusion, jerking out of her relaxed position. "Uh, beg pardon, Twilight, but wouldn’t it just be simpler if we kept ‘em in the case? Like behind one a yer magic forcefields or something?" Applejack politely suggested. "That’s a great idea!" Twilight said incredibly earnestly. "But we can do better than that! Instead, let’s lock them up in a magical vault protected by a spell that only something as powerful as Princess Celestia can break. That’ll make sure they’re absolutely safe. But we don’t have one of those in Ponyville, so I know! Let’s use the one in Canterlot Tower! Oh, wait!" "All right, all right, no need to get all huffy. I’m just saying it’ll make it a lot simpler if we kept 'em all in one place," Applejack pointed out. "That’s right, Applejack," Twilight stated with a hint of frustration in her voice. "It’ll make it much simpler for the whatever-it-is that’s coming to try and steal them from us if we have them gift-wrapped and ready to steal all at once." "Now arriving in Ponyville," the conductor said to the six mares as the train's whistle blared, signaling that they were nearing their destination. Twilight stopped talking and resumed her firm grip on the case as the conductor entered the room, eyeing him suspiciously. "Ooh! Ooh! Can I blow the train whistle? Can I blow the train whistle?" Pinkie squeaked to the conductor. The conductor rolled his eyes and stepped back so the pink pony could pull the cord that activated the whistle. Before long, the train came to a complete stop, and the six ponies made their way outside. "Twilight!" Spike called as he ran up to his best friend to give her a hug. "You’re back!" "I know I’m back, Spike. We don’t have time to point out the obvious! We’ve got serious work to do!" Twilight retorted, placing Spike onto her back with her magic before he could fully embrace her. "Uh, you okay?" Spike asked, looking to Twilight’s friends for a sign of what was going on. All he saw was Rainbow Dash making the "screw loose" gesture with her hoof and Rarity looking beautiful as always. "No time for that now. Hold this," Twilight said, shoving the precious case that had her so riled up right into Spike’s claws. "What’s this?" Spike asked, opening the case immediately out of childlike curiosity. "The Elements of Harmony!" he exclaimed loud enough for the crowd of passengers and train workers to stop and stare at him. Twilight chuckled sheepishly and loudly stated, "Yes, Spike. The Elements of Harmony sure is one of my favorite books. In fact, I think I'll go read it right now." She ran from the station at full speed, causing Spike to hang on for dear life while her friends followed closely behind. After escaping from the train station, Spike caught his breath and asked, "Why do you have this? Is something coming to attack Ponyville?" "Yes…No…We don’t know!" Twilight let out an annoyed sigh before giving Spike the letter she had placed in her satchel. "Just read this." Monday, March 31 Getting your entire body crushed by a piano: It has to be the single most embarrassing experience a single person can go through. My body starts to pulsate up and down like an accordion as I try to stop my eyes from spinning wildly around in my head. The bluebirds of endless tweeting circle around my forehead again, and thanks to the piano squishing my hands flat, I can’t even shoo them away. Despite my disorientation, I make sure to keep my mouth shut to avoid revealing all the piano keys that got stuck in my teeth. The last thing I need right now is an involuntary piano smile to make me look like a complete imbecile. Thankfully, Rook’s the only one here, so he and you are the only ones actually witnessing this. I don't exactly know how big my audience is right now, but it’s moments like these that make me just hope there’s only a few of you out there. I guess there can’t be too many of you; otherwise I’m sure I’d have just set off a laugh track or something. Besides, I don’t need to feel embarrassed about this. It’s not like any of you think less of me for getting piano'd, right? Right? Don’t look at me. I’m too ashamed. As I spit out the piano keys so I can speak again, my ears are graced with the sound of the signature laugh of Rook Bishop, which sounds like some crazy audial combination of popcorn popping and a pirate earning his eyepatch. Still, it’s much less cacophonous than the laugh of the North wind. "Hammerhead, what in my name were you thinking?" he asks amidst his laughter. Ah, it feels so good to be appreciated. "What do you mean?" I ask, struggling to repress a couple hundred increasingly vicious thought bubbles. "Come on, Hammer. Think," he tells me while finally easing back on the laughter, putting his finger to his head to emphasize his statement. He did not just tell me to think. What have I been reduced to when someone has to tell me to think? "I’m afraid I don't follow," I reply before blowing on my thumb to reflate my body. He points his finger up to indicate the sound of his theme noise still playing, and the realization of what I just did makes me feel like I just got hit with another piano as nature's trombones play their jeering riff. How could I forget something so obvious? His power food's still active! This whole building beside us could fall on him and he wouldn’t even feel it right now! "Whoops, guess I forgot about that. Sorry," I chuckle as I try in vain to scoop up any remnants of my dignity. Rook gives me a funny look. "Sorry? You take a piano for me for no good reason and you’re sorry?" Is he getting mad at me for apologizing? It turns out he’s not, because he starts laughing again, giving my face a quick saliva bath. "You’re just too much, Hammerhead. You’re supposed to say you’re sorry for pushing someone into the way of a falling piano for no good reason. Not out of it." You know, when dealing with egomaniacs like Rook, I find it difficult to not automatically hear "and that's another reason I'm better than you" after every sentence they complete. He calms down from his laughter again and looks over at all the debris. "Anyway, I guess we’ll need another piano for our awesome, new clubhouse. We’ll need a new rope to pull it up too. Tell ya what, since you did something for me, I’ll do something for you." What’s this? That type of thinking isn’t written in the Rook Bishop Code of Conduct. "I’ll take care of the piano mess by myself, so you don’t have to worry about it," he says as if he’s doing me the greatest favor the world has ever known. I wasn’t worried about it, good sir. You said you’d handle it from the beginning! "Thanks," I politely remark, that smile springing back onto my face as happy as ever. "Oh, by the way, you still need a lift back, right?" he asks, probably still believing that I lost my transitioning license. "That’d be great, yeah," I say, feeling relieved in every sense of the word to have reached the end of this little distraction. He shouts down from his high horse, "Okay, but that’ll be two favors, so you owe me one now. In fact, you owe me two if you count the trip here." Well, that's one less favor than I usually owe you after doing you a favor. He grabs my arm and pulls me with him again as we transition back to the big fountain where all this mess began about five minutes ago. "Hey, you know what? I can’t stop giving today! I’m gonna let you pay off those favors right now! How about that?" Sounds great… "Sounds great!" I say with enough enthusiasm to power a dam. "That’s what I wanna hear! See, since we got a new place to hold our tennischess meetings now, I’ve been thinking about recruiting some more members. I mean, the way we fixed that place up, it’d be a shame if only the five of us used it, right?" "Makes sense," I agree. And maybe you can find a new sucker to let you win all the time. "So, go ahead and take these," he says as he pulls out a stack of papers from his hammerspace and hands them to me. "I made a bunch of flyers to advertise the club. Go ahead and pass these out to everyone you see so we can get the word out." I grab the sample flyer he hands me and casually glance over it. I suppose you could say it advertises the club. If I squint closely, I can see the word "tennischess" under the grand display that is Rook Bishop’s name and smiling visage. I feel compelled to ask him if he’s trying to get the word out about the club or promote his upcoming blockbuster hit, "Rook Bishop: Leggo My Ego". However, I know better than to say such things to my ostensible superior. "All right, I’ll hand out as many as I can," I respond as I grab the stack of flyers and place them into my own hammerspace. "You know, Hammer, anyone ever tell you that you got some shiny hands?" he asks as I notice him staring closely at them. "Yeah, they’re shiny all right," I chuckle, pulling them behind my back and trying to laugh off his comment. I almost consider asking his prestigious opinion of my shiny hands of mystery, but his question reminds me of a mental note I had made before I took my exam: Store, doctor, sleep. I check my watch again. It’s 8:32. I’ve only got about an hour left until that apple juice should start wearing off. I decide I need to end this discussion like I should have done six minutes ago so I can be on my way. Luckily, even if it doesn’t interest me anymore, I can still use my psychological abilities to very easily accomplish that objective. Rook's mental state is defined by a sense of narcissism and self-importance. That makes him one of the easiest types of people to manipulate. "You know, you really did a good job on those flyers, Rook," I compliment, pulling one back out to glance it over. "I did, didn’t I?" he boasts, rubbing his shirt with his knuckles. "Nice of you to notice." Perfect, and now... "Yeah, in fact, I don’t think I can wait any longer to start handing them out, so I’m going to head off and get right on that." That’s checkmate, Rook. Now you either have to let me leave or make me take back my compliment. "That’s the spirit, Hammerhead! You get going and start doing that, and I’ll get to work on coming up with that other favor for you to do for me." Okay, so he still wins, but I got what I wanted. "Thanks! See you later, then!" I call out as I start walking away from him, trying not to seem too eager to leave. However, true to his nature, my captain manages to get the final word in before I can get away. "No problem, buddy! Take it easy!" Rook Bishop just called me ‘buddy’. What sort of lucid dream have I entered? Seriously, what’s going on with me today? First I forget to buy a spare toothbrush, then I lose my passion for psychology, and now I'm mindlessly diving in the way of pianos for no good reason. There has to be an explanation for what's going on with my brain today. It's not like it's broken or anything. I just successfully manipulated someone with it; although, even that wasn't any fun. Come to think of it, was it even fun when I did the same this morning with that clerk? I can't even remember. Maybe all this has something to do with my shiny hands. Maybe this shine took all my interest away. Maybe I’ve been infected with some kind of virus that messes with the neurotransmitters in the brain and sends all my passion into my hands, making them sparkle like this. True, that makes about as much sense as using a bonesaw to cut my hair, but so does waking up with mousetrapping shiny hands! Anyway, what am I doing again? Oh, right, my schedule. Store, doctor, sleep. I suppose I’ll just let the doctor figure out what’s wrong with me today. He’s the professional here after all. I would just go straight there, but my head will explode if I have to make another toothbrush run at five in the morning, so I’m sticking to my original plan. I just have to remember the toothbrush I buy cannot be green. I'd prefer it if my eyes stayed inside my head for the rest of the day. Saturday, March 15 "Someone’s gonna try to steal the Elements of Harmony?" Spike asked as surprised the other six were when they first heard the news. It almost made him fall off Twilight’s back as they made their way into an empty field right outside of Ponyville. "That’s the way we see it. But I think I’ve figured out exactly what we need to do to make sure we keep them safe." Twilight still seemed a bit nervous as she finished explaining everything to Spike, but the weather was so beautiful in Ponyville right now that it had calmed her down considerably. She wasn't even shaking anymore. "You sure you’re okay? That bump looks pretty nasty," Spike said, observing the red bump Twilight received from her earlier escapade in the Everfree Forest. "I told you, I’m fine. Now let’s stay on topic here. We need to make sure we don’t let our guard down even for a second." Twilight turned back to her friends who had also come to notice how beautiful of a day it was and were taking a moment to enjoy it. "Twilight! You gotta check out how nice this grass feels! It’s like a cloud on the ground!" Pinkie exclaimed while rolling around in the grass right past Twilight and Spike. After an annoyed sigh, Twilight opened the case containing the six Elements and distributed them appropriately among her friends and herself. "We need to focus here, girls. Remember, these are incredibly powerful artifacts that the princess has trusted us to guard with our lives." "Our…lives?" Fluttershy asked, feeling a bit apprehensive about what they would be doing over the next two weeks. "And so," Twilight continued, now marching in front of her friends like a drill sergeant wearing a sparkly crown, "it is our job to make sure that nothing happens to them for any reason! That means they should be kept either on us or in a location where we can see them at all times. Also, we need to make sure that we don’t do anything reckless that could accidentally cause us to lose them." "Why are you looking at me?" Rainbow Dash asked after her friend started staring her down. "Because I don’t usually see Rarity practicing her daredevil moves on a regular basis," Twilight responded with a completely straight face. "What? Oh come on, I can’t just not practice my moves for two weeks! I have an image to keep up!" Rainbow flew into the air a bit in agitation. "And I have a duty to the princess to make sure the Elements of Harmony don’t fall into the clutches of evil! In fact, we both do!" "But I mean, two weeks with no flying practice? Why can’t you just get Applejack or somepony else just look after mine?" "Come on now, Rainbow," Applejack interjected. "We all promised the princess that we would watch over the Elements of Harmony. We said that we’d do our best to make sure nothing happens to them. Don’tcha think that’s a little more important than your image?" Rainbow Dash crossed her forelegs and looked at the ground as she hovered in mid-air. "I’m sorry, Rainbow, but until this mess is over, you’re just going to have to be responsible and take the flying down a couple notches," Twilight said, trying her best to be sympathetic. "If your necklace fell off during one of your stunts, this threat could find it before we do. We can't take that chance." "Fine," the pegasus regrettably replied as she returned to the ground, looking at her necklace as if it were some kind of heavy chain. "And, lastly, the most important thing for us to remember is that we can’t let anypony know we have the Elements here with us in Ponyville." Pinkie spoke up as she remembered her promise, "Oh, I’m all over that Twilight. I won’t let anypony spill the beans while I’m on the job. Not even these beans." Pinkie pulled out an open can of beans, balancing it on her hoof with extreme determination regardless of its unimportance. "Sorry, Pinkie, but I’m afraid that’s not going to be good enough. Remember, whatever’s trying to steal the Elements could be anyone or anything. It could have spies all over Equestria for all we know. If we go parading around town wearing them for two weeks, think how easily it could find them!" "Doesn’t that seem a bit fanciful, darling?" Rarity asked, wondering if that bump on Twilight’s head was affecting her reasoning. "You heard the princess. We can’t take any chances." Twilight’s horn lit up as she prepared to cast a spell. In the blink of an eye, all six of the Elements of Harmony and their owners were each consumed by individual purple auras of magic, and in another blink the auras were gone, everything appearing to be unchanged. "What was that all about?" Spike asked, still watching everything from Twilight’s back. Twilight replied, "That was a spell that’s going to help us keep everything under control for the next two weeks. It’s a spell that allows me to make an object invisible to everypony aside from the ones affected by the spell. Now, until it wears off, we’re the only ones who can see them, and I’ve set it to last for exactly fourteen days from today. With this, now we–" "Now we’ve got nothing to worry about!" Rainbow Dash shouted as a large smile spread across her face. "If no one else can see them, then no one else can steal them. So that means we won’t to guard these things after all." Rainbow Dash tossed her necklace back into the case and flew up into the air, doing a few spontaneous tricks mid-flight out of excitement. "Actually," Twilight said, stopping Rainbow Dash in place, "the spell only applies to magicless creatures and ponies. I didn’t cast the spell on Spike, but even he should be able to see them right now." "It’s true. I can," Spike said, double checking the large crown on Twilight’s head. "So if this threat is really as powerful as we believe it to be, it’ll still be able to see them," Twilight said. "What?" Rainbow Dash said as she landed back on the ground. "Then what’s even the point of this spell?" "I told you, we need a safeguard against word of mouth. The fewer ponies that know about this, the safer the Elements will be from falling into harm’s way." Rainbow let out a heavy sigh and started mumbling angrily to herself as she walked over to reluctantly take her necklace back. "All right, girls, we have two weeks to make sure the Elements remain in our hooves. Let’s make Princess Celestia proud!" As the six ponies and dragon cheered in anticipation of their mission to save Equestria once more, it seemed that at that particular moment, Fluttershy wasn’t the quietest one in the group. Monday, March 31 I step in between the cracks of the path in front of me as I try to decide what to think. I could keep trying to decipher the meaning behind my mysterious hands of luminosity. Then again, the fact that the core of my studies just slapped me in the face with boredom, leaving me clueless on what I want in life now is worth a thought or two. Of course, there’s also the fact that when I get back to my apartment, my roommate will be most likely be there waiting for me. All of these thoughts reek of uncertain catastrophe that seems to taint my entire future, and all of them have happened over the course of about two hours. However, it turns out it doesn’t matter what I decide to think about, because yet another voice drags me out of my imagination and back into reality. I happen to notice it because it sounds something like a cry for help. "Help! Somebody help me!" I glance over to see what all the commotion is about. An awkward-looking stranger with very large, squarish glasses and an even more squarish head is kneeling down in the grass a few yards away, and he seems to be looking for something. I look around to see a few other people around who could easily check what the problem is, but they all curiously continue to ignore him. That’s when a term from my studies in psychology pops into my head. The Bystander Effect – A social phenomenon in which people are less likely to provide needed help when there are more people present than when there are not. Psychology may have lost all its flavor to me, but I’ll sooner ask my roommate to be my dance partner than let myself fall victim to something related to quite possibly the only thing I can do well. I make my way over to his location as he continues calling out for assistance. Him being a complete stranger, his introduction theme starts playing over the BGM as I approach him. If it were yesterday, I’d probably do what I normally do and play my little game of using his theme music to try and figure out his personality, but instead my mind only chooses to wonder what could possibly have him so troubled. He turns up to look at me once I get right next to him, so I quickly ask, "Problem?" "Oh, hey! You’ll never believe it! I was walking to class, minding my own business, when all of a sudden this ginormous, freaky-looking black cat jumped out in front of me and scared the bejeepers out of me!" "Oh! And…you still can’t find them?" I ask, doing my best to sound concerned. "No!" he shouted, punching the ground. "I’ve been looking for the past fifteen minutes now, but still nothing. Stupid cat." That isn’t good. Bejeepers disappear after five minutes of being outside the human body. I wonder if this guy knows that. "Um, well, you might not want to hear this, but I think...they’re gone." "Gone? You mean I can’t get them back?" he asks with pure fear in his voice. Before I can say anything else, he starts crying, a river of water pouring out of his eyes and all over my shoes. It's strange, but I feel bad for him. Losing his bejeepers is something that can cost him half his audience if he's a boring enough person. He won’t be able to zoom, transition, or even montage properly without them. It’s thankfully never happened to me, but it wasn’t a pretty day in health class when we watched that video on the subject. I couldn't sleep for weeks after watching that. I look at the ground, trying to think of a way I can help him, but all I see is the dancing grass and the pencil in my hand. Wait a minute. Maybe that’s it. "You know, I could try to draw you some new bejeepers," I suggest as the idea starts to form in my head. His tears immediately stop as he looks up at me. "You, you could? Are you like an art major?" he asks with a sniffle. "No," I admit, "but I did write a term paper about them once. I could give it my best shot." He doesn't take much time to respond. "Well, I got nothing to lose. Go for it," he encourages, standing up to watch. Feeling a bit of stage fright, I take the pencil in my hand and start to draw the general shape of some bejeepers right there on the tear-stained ground. I put as much detail as I can remember from that diagram I studied during all my research into my work. I even sing that little childish song to myself as I draw to make sure I have all the essential parts of the bejeeper accounted for. It's actually a more complex organ than you'd imagine considering how small it is. The task is pretty daunting, and I sincerely recommend no one try this on their own without adult supervision. It would probably be a bit easier if I had more than just a pencil. The average person has about thirteen bejeepers, so it takes me about twenty minutes to finish drawing them all. My finished creations look even worse than something a third-grader could make, but as long as they're anatomically accurate, they should do their job. "Wow!" he says as I finish, sounding way too impressed for the quality of my artwork. He plucks my drawings off the ground to observe how they look in three dimensions. "You sure you’re not an art major? These look just like the ones I lost!" This isn’t the first time he’s lost his bejeepers, is it? He swallows his new bejeepers and immediately tests them out by transitioning away with an odd bubble transition effect. I wait a few seconds in the awkward silence for him to come back, but soon half a minute goes by and I’m still just gawkily standing there next to some singing wildlife. Still feels so good to be appreciated. I figure he’s not coming back, so I just decide to continue on my way to the store for that spare toothbrush I’ve needed all day now. Then, I see a few bubbles in my path, and a pair of square glasses appear right in front of me. The man has a book in his hand now, and from the looks of that smile on his face, one would think he's never cried a day in his life. "Sorry about that. Didn’t mean to snub you there. Just had to grab something to thank you for the help." He hands me the book he's holding, which boasts the title More Boring Than Anything. "You have no idea how much trouble you just saved me there. I thought I was gonna go have to stop by the doctor." "Okay," I reply as minimalistic as always, taking the book to be polite. "Name’s Reed Page," he says, extending his hand in friendship. "That book’s one of my favorites, but I want you to have it. From the sound of your intro theme, it sounds like something right up your alley." Thank…you? Preferring not to let another person see what shiny hands I have, Grandma, I end up standing there like a lampshade as he continues holding his arm out like a bespectacled slot machine. Eventually, he confusedly puts it back down and looks at me with pupils much too big for his age. "So, is there anything else I can do for you?" I start panicking as my mind races to figure out a way to prevent this from turning into another house remodeling scenario. In a random spark of inspiration, I reach into my hammerspace and pull out one of Rook’s flyers. "What’s this?" he asks, taking the flyer from my hand. "Rook Bishop? Isn’t that the guy who got kicked out of the boasters club for being too self-centered?" He squints, appearing to read what's written at the bottom. "So, he’s captain of the tennischess club now, huh? Oh, I get it; you want me to join, don’t you?" I smile and nod instinctively, resisting the urge to check my watch. "Well then sign me up, friend! Tell Ol’ Rook that you’re looking at the newest member of the tennischess club. In fact, I’m going to the library right now to learn what tennischess actually is. Thanks again! Really, you’re the best!" He transitions away again, and this time I don’t think he’s coming back. I guess my tennischess flyer plan, if you could call it a plan, worked better than I planned. I can feel the wind chill start to pick up again as I near the store. The wind usually doesn’t like talking to the same person twice in the same day, but it seemed to be having a special amount of fun with me this morning and, to be fair, my transition did cut our conversation a bit short. I figure I have the odds of my bathroom light turning on to get back home without having to suffer through that laugh again. Okay, so here's my plan: I’m just going to buy my not-green spare toothbrush, attempt to not get sucked into another conversation with the clerk or the wind, swing by the doctor for a quick examination, and go back home to try to use sleep as an excuse to not talk to my roommate. However, once I finally arrive at that familiar old convenience store, I happen upon something right next to the front entrance that I truly do not expect to see. I woke up this morning with glowing hands, got crushed by a piano, and bizarrely lost all my passion for my greatest life interest, but that’s normal life compared to this. It starts a new whirlwind of ideas inside of my head, blowing every other idea completely out of focus. I don’t exactly know what to make of it, but it suddenly dawns on me that I may want to alter that plan I just made a bit, because I think I just found a new way to spend my day.