Dark Wanderings

by ed2481

The End of The End

Rarity and Twilight sat across the table from each other, Rarity stabbing into her pancakes with the kind of tenseness that spoke of violent thoughts. Meanwhile, Twilight was just enjoying the chance to bask in the radiance that came from sitting next the princess of the sun. As the fluffy texture of the pancake rolled over her tongue, Twilight’s mind began to wander back over the events of the last ten days.

Her initial introduction to the wasteland had involved being shot, and then having battlefield surgery performed by a complete stranger. Her second day she’d suffered a mental breakdown. It went on like that for ten days straight as she battled horror after horror with Ethan and his many friends. She’d seen things that would put most of the ponies in Equestria into a shock induced coma. And yet, she couldn’t help but wish that she was still there.

Deep down, Twilight Sparkle felt a deep longing to return to the land of radiation and monsters, if for nothing else then she would like the chance to spend more time with Ethan. That was probably the strangest thing.

At first Twilight had disliked the man. His sense of humor was crude and at times completely incomprehensible; he was callous and occasionally rude, but above all that he was a killer, and nothing that anyone could say or do would stop him from killing someone that he truly hated.

Despite all that Twilight had grown to like, (and in a non-romantic way) love the man for those very qualities. While he was crude and incomprehensible, he was also good humored and approachable. He was callous to the point of indifference about things like a raider dying, but if you laid a finger on his friends he would drive a railroad spike through your chest without a moment’s thought, and then comfort you about it. He could kill in an instant, but he was also regretful; and he’d occasionally done great acts of mercy, some of which ended badly but it was the thought that counted.

All and all, the man was an oxymoron that Twilight’s mind just couldn’t wrap itself around.

“Twilight, are you alright?” Celestia asked suddenly, breaking off Twilight’s train of thought.

“Hmm? What was that Princess?” Twilight asked, shaking her head slightly to clear it.

“I asked if you alright. You had the same look on your face that Luna gets when she’s envisioning what her night with Bluestreak will be like. Well, minus the drool of course.” Celestia told her with a smirk.

“So I looked horny?” Twilight asked with a chuckle, which caused Rarity to spit the milk in her mouth out in surprise, where it was caught in a ball of magic by Celestia, who hadn’t even been looking.

“Not horny exactly, more like longingly.” Celestia replied with a wider smirk as she noticed Rarity’s mouth opening and closing without any sounds escaping from its depths.

“Sorry, I’m just thinking of a friend that I made.” Twilight said with a chuckle.

“What was her name?” Celestia asked.

“It was a stallion, well, really it was a man, but for our purposes let’s just call him a stallion.” Twilight replied with a shrug.

“I see. So, what was this stallion’s name?” Celestia asked interestedly.

“Ethan Smith, aka the Lone Wanderer, aka that Crazy Son of a Bitch.” Twilight says as a smile slowly crept across her face at the thought of the man’s moniker.

“He doesn’t sound like a very refined person.” Rarity said with an indignant sniff, now that she’d recovered from hearing the Princess say the word horny.

“He’s not. Hell, I’m pretty sure that if he ever met the word refined he’d shoot it.” Twilight said with a chuckle.

“He truly sounds like a gift to the world.” Rarity said, rolling her eyes.

“Rarity, please don’t insult Ethan around me.” Twilight said calmly.

“Or what, you’ll kill me like you did the hydra?” Rarity asked with a slight sneer.

“It was a monster!” Twilight shouted, slamming her hoof into the table, causing her empty plate to jump. “A monster that was trying to eat you to be exact!” Twilight added.

“Stop it both of you.” Celestia said calmly interrupting. “Twilight killed the hydra; I would’ve killed the hydra (albeit with less bloodshed) but I would’ve killed it none the less.” Celestia said with finality that made Rarity gap openly. “My little pony, I know that you’ve been through Westhoof. What did your commander there tell you about monsters?” Celestia asked.

“I hated that place.” Rarity said while she sent a glare off into the distance.

“But.” Celestia said.

“But Commander Vimes would’ve stabbed that hydra through the heart and then taken a puff of his cigarette.” Rarity said with a disgusted look on her face.

“Yes he would’ve. That’s because Vimes knows what a monster like a hydra can do if left unchecked. Look at your friend Rarity. Underneath that eye and the scars is she any different than the mare who disappeared ten days ago?” Celestia asked Rarity piercingly.

Rarity turned to look at the now alien face of her friend. The normally purple mane was stained a slightly red color after repeatedly being drenched by blood splatters. A spidery group of mostly healed scratches traced over the right side of her face, giving it a kind but hard appearance. The left side of her face however, was still covered in scars that appeared to be much more significant, and her normal left eye had been replaced by a steel encased, shining blue orb that sparked with an unnatural life which sent a slight shiver down Rarity’s spine. Then, she looked into Twilight’s eyes, past the metallic and blue glow and she found herself looking into the eyes of her friend.

“Twilight, it’s really you.” Rarity said softly, before the tears began to leak from the sides of her eyes.

“Yeah, yeah it is Rarity.” Twilight replied with a smile, as she got up from her seat and walked over to Rarity so that the white unicorn could wrap her in a tight hug. Rarity began to weep, and Twilight squeezed her friend tightly with her nonmetallic hoof.

“We looked everywhere for you Twilight, and Dash started going out with Gilda, and then you came back in such a dreadful fashion, I just didn’t think that it was really you!” Rarity said around small ladylike sobs.

“It’s okay Rarity, I don’t blame you. The way that I made my entrance wasn’t all that well thought out.” Twilight told her with a blush.

“But I’ve been an utter shrew since you got back; I tried to take Spike away from you!” Rarity added with another sniff.

“Rarity, if you disappeared for ten days, then returned and made your entrance by cutting a hydra to bloody ribbons with a bunch of diamonds then I’d be afraid of you. Hell, I’d probably try and have you locked up for your own protection.” Twilight replied with a dry chuckle. Rarity laughed and let go of Twilight with a smile on her face.

“Twilight darling, I’m going to go and smooth things over with the others, Celestia only knows what crazy theories they’ve thought up while I’ve been here.” Rarity told her with a chuckle. “In the meantime, and I hope that this doesn’t make me sound rude you should take a shower. No offense dear, but you smell like you haven’t taken bathed in days.” Rarity added while scrunching up her nose in disgust.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Twilight said with a wink.

“Alright then, I’ll leave you three here. Meet us all at Applejack’s farm in an hour or two.” Rarity replied with a nod before gracefully walking out the front door.

“Want me to go and start the shower for you?” Spike asked.

“That would be great Spike.” Twilight replied with a smile.

“Okey-dokey.” Spike said, heading off towards the shower.

“You know, you’re pretty dirty Twilight, perhaps I could help clean you.” Celestia whispered in Twilight’s ear. Twilight squeaked in surprise at the unexpectedly lusty voice next to her ear, and turned a bright shade of pink.

“I-I” Twilight began, but her brain was suddenly full of very stimulating imagery.

“Of course, I suppose if you don’t want my help I could just let you clean yourself.” Celestia added with a wink that made Twilight stutter a little more before her eyes hardened.

“NO! We’re doing this together!” Twilight said forcefully, and Celestia smiled down at her with a smirk that quickly disappeared as Twilight’s lips met hers in an impassioned kiss.

“You two know that I’m still here, right?” Spike asked from where he stood at the top of the stairs. Neither answered, apparently too caught up in their makeout session. “Alright then. Twilight, keep making out with Celestia if you say that it’s okay for me to borrow a hundred bits from your wallet.” Spike called down. Twilight let out a deep moan as Celestia picked her up in her magic, and began to carry her upstairs.

“I’ll just take that as a yes and leave now.” Spike said, shaking his head as the two walked past him without noticing that he was there. Spike retrieved Twilight’s wallet just before the first impassioned screams started. “Gah, I hope I’m never like that.” He muttered as he closed the door and Celestia’s sound spell prevented him from being exposed to the two mares’ sounds.

Spike walked into Sugar Cube Corner and saw Pinkie cheerfully placing a group of baked goods on the counter. She looked up at him and smiled.

“Hi Pinkie, do you think you have any of those gemstone covered cupcakes?” Spike asked.

“Yep, that’ll be twenty bits Spike.” Pinkie replied with a smile as she deftly grabbed one from a shelf behind her with her tail and lightly tossed it to the dragon, who caught it easily. “So, are you glad to have Twilight back?” Pinkie asked as Spike counted out the bits.

“Yeah, it’s great; I didn’t realize how much I missed her until she got back.” Spike said with a wistful smile.

“Tell me about it, things have been so quiet here without her! Well, except for the hydra and the zombies, but they don’t really count.” Pinkie said with a shrug.

“Zombies?” Spike asked in surprise. He hadn’t heard anything about zombies.

“Don’t worry, I stopped them. Turns out that all you need is a sunflower.” Pinkie replied with a shrug.

“Okay…” Spike said, trailing off uncertainly.

“So how’s Twilight doing?” Pinkie asked, easily switching over to a more relevant topic.

“She’s good. Rarity came over to try and protect me from her, one thing led to another, and now Twilight and Celestia are making out.” Spike said with a helpless shrug.

“You sound strangely unsurprised about this.” Pinkie said, giving Spike a raised eyebrow.

“I’ve slept in the same room as her for years; this isn’t exactly news to me.” Spike said with a slight grimace. “It’s why I wear earplugs.” He added.

“Well, I hope things are going well for her.” Pinkie said with a shrug.

***

They say (very quietly) that of the two alicorn sisters Luna may be the more adventurous of the two, but Celestia is the one who brings the most passion to everything that she does. Being the alicorn of the sun this is to be expected, after all the sun is much more expressive then the moon. Throughout history there is only one pony who has managed to bed both alicorns. According to Clover the Clever, having sex with Luna is like lying on a moonlit beach as the ocean slowly caresses you. Having sex Celestia is like diving into a raging volcano head first while you scream in fear (or in this case passion). Twilight Sparkle, who had never read Clover’s secret memoirs, had just discovered this.

***

“That was…incredible…!” Twilight exclaimed breathlessly as Celestia telekinetically poured another bucket of warm water over her head, in an attempt to un-dye her mane.

“You weren’t so bad yourself my dear.” Celestia replied with a chuckle as a small amount of Twilight’s mane returned to its natural purple color. Celestia knew that they’d never truly wash out the blood stains, but every little bit helped.

“I thought Luna was the goddess of sex, not you.” Twilight told Celestia with a wry grin.

“My sister is the goddess of sexual fun, along with the night. I am the goddess of the sun and passion.” Celestia said with a chuckle as Twilight instinctively flushed at the tone of her voice. “Besides, I have a lot of built up sexual tension.” Celestia added.

“What do you mean Princess?” Twilight asked.

“I haven’t been with anything, even my own hoof, for a thousand years; ever since Luna was banished I just haven’t felt the urge.” Celestia said with a shrug. “Well, at least untill lately anyways.” Celestia added while her eyes twinkled and her ethereal mane flowed around her face, looking significantly pinker then before for some reason.

“Wait, it’s been a thousand years since you last had sex?” Twilight asked in shock as she moved a sponge up and down her body in an attempt to remove more dirt.

“Yes, it’s why I may have seemed a bit rusty this time.” Celestia answered, looking slightly embarrassed.

“If that’s you rusty, then I can’t wait till you’re all greased up.” Twilight said, leaning over to kiss the alicorn on the cheek from where she was standing beside the tub. Celestia’s face was warm, warmer then it should’ve been; it almost felt as if she was on fire. Strangely, that didn’t affect Twilight any more than it had when she’d been exploring the alicorn earlier. Instead, the heat brought a smile to her lips and provided Twilight with a sense of familiarity and security.

“Was that a figure of speech or a suggestion?” Celestia asked with a smirk.

“Either or.” Twilight replied with a grin before shutting her eyes as a stream of conditioner flowed down her face.

“I had no idea you could be so forward Twilight.” Celestia said. “What happened to ‘yes Princess’?” She added

“I killed someone and then watched my new friend torture information out of another.” Twilight replied with a shrug. Celestia’s eye widened in surprise, and her jaw fell; Twilight missing both of these events thanks to her eyes being closed.

“Who was this friend?” Celestia asked, her voice tightening with slight malice.

“It was Ethan.” Twilight replied with a shrug.

“I thought you said that he was an honorable, kind, and dependable person, even if he is a total ass.” Celestia said with a hard tone entering her voice.

“He is; it’s just that the wasteland doesn’t allow him to be those things very often.” Twilight said with a sigh. “If it makes you feel any better Princess, he was trying to find out why the group of mercenaries was after me specifically. They’d also taken me captive a few minutes earlier and had a gun pressed against my skull.” She added with a low growl. It was a sound that Celestia had never heard Twilight make before, and she was momentarily stuck speechless by the sheer malevolence of it.

“I’m sorry dear.” Celestia said as she bent down to kiss Twilight’s forehead, sending a wave of heat rushing over the purple mare’s body.

“It’s not your fault Princess.” Twilight said with a sigh. “It’s a fact of life there. Kill or be killed, fight or die, slay or be slain, and yes I know how redundant that is. What really matters there is how much good you can fit in between the death.” Twilight said with another sad sigh.

“Twilight, please call me Celestia or Tia. It’s what those I love call me.” Celestia told Twilight as before giving the mare another kiss. Twilight let out a low hum that could’ve been mistaken for the purr of a cat as the heat washed over her body.

“Alright Tia.”

***

“So what you’re saying is that the one who showed up is actually Twilight?” Rainbow Dash asked as she flew in place at Rarity’s eye level, with a slight scowl.

“Yes, I’m positive of it for several reasons. One of which is the fact that Celestia is there endorsing her, another is the fact that she reacted just the way that you would expect her to if someone tried to forcibly take Spike away from her, and the last one… well let’s just say that there is something about her that just screams Twilight Sparkle.” Rarity replied with a shrug.

“So you’re sure?” Rainbow asked.

“Dash, I’m pretty sure that Rarity’s already answered that.” Applejack said while she scratched her chin thoughtfully with a forehoof.

“Yeah I know, I just wanted to make sure.” Dash replied.

“But Twilight would never have killed the hydra that way, how could she?” Fluttershy whispered unsteadily from where she sat in an armchair, drinking a glass of tea.

“Ah don’t know sugarcube, but I’m hankering to find out.” Applejack said, rising from her sitting position on the couch and walking towards the door.

“Wait! Hold on, what if she’s dangerous?” Dash asked as she quickly flew in front of Applejack, blocking her path.

“Then I’ll deal with her like I deal with unruly cattle.” Applejack answered with a significant nod towards the lasso attached to her belt.

“When did you start wearing a belt darling? If you’d told me I would’ve loved to make you a nice leather one.” Rarity asked, looking at Applejack’s belt with interest.

“It’s not mine, ah’m borrowing it from Big Mac.” Applejack replied.

“Can we worry about Applejack’s belt later?” Dash asked, and got a nod from the others before continuing. “Anyways, AJ you saw what she did to that hydra, do you really think that your rope will stop her if she wants you hurt you?”

“It’s worked before.” Applejack said.

“Okay, whatever. But if she turns you to ash because your rope got disintegrated, don’t blame me.” Dash said, crossing her forelegs in front of her chest in annoyance.

“You can come to you know.” Applejack said with a grin. “After all, I know ya missed her just as much as ah did.” She added.

“Awesome! And if it is really Twilight then I can show her my new moves!” Dash exclaimed.

“Were you even scared of her earlier?” Rarity asked, astonished at the cavalier attitude that her friend was displaying.

“Nope, there’s nothing in Equestria tougher than me! I was worried about you girls, especially Fluttershy.” Dash said, shooting Fluttershy a worried look.

“So then why did ya try and talk me out of going?” Applejack asked, giving Rainbow a raised eyebrow.

“Just because I’d be fine doesn’t mean that you would be Applejack.” Dash replied with a shrug.

“Are ya saying that you’re tougher then me?” Applejack asked, narrowing her eyes and getting in Dash’s face.

“Um, girls? I hate to interrupt what I’m positive would be a very predictable argument before it can get going, but aren’t we going to see Twilight?” Rarity asked.

“Oh right, we were going to Twilight’s, weren’t we?” Dash asked as she flew away from Applejack’s face.

“Yes we were. Are you coming Fluttershy?” Rarity asked, turning to the timid yellow pegasus.

“Umm, oh, hmm, maybe.” Fluttershy answered uncertainly.

“There’s nothing to worry about darling, I promise you that it is Twilight Sparkle.” Rarity said, giving Fluttershy a comforting look.

“Oh, well, I don’t know, she was very scary yesterday.” Fluttershy said softly.

“We’ll protect you if she does anything scary Shy.” Applejack told her reassuringly.

“Well, I guess if you three are there it won’t be as scary.” Fluttershy said tentatively before getting up from her chair and joining the others at the door of her cottage.

***

Pinkie suddenly began to grin wildly.

***

Twilight and Celestia had moved downstairs and were preparing to leave the house in an attempt to track down Twilight’s friends and make amends.

“Would you like a kiss for luck?” Celestia asked with a grin.

“How could anyone say no?” Twilight asked. She stretched her lips towards Celestia’s and the two melded together, tongues intertwining in a passionate embrace, right as the door opened. The sound of four jaws hitting the ground simultaneously was surprisingly loud in the midafternoon air. Twilight was jarred out of her lover’s lips by the sound, and she turned to find that four out of her five best friends in Equestria were staring at her and Celestia in open mouthed amazement.

“Humina, humina, humina…” Applejack said, her eyes quickly sliding back and forth between her friend and the Princess.

“I must be dreaming…” Rarity offered before passing out on the ground.

“Eeeeep!” Fluttershy said, before she joined Rarity on the ground.

“Twilight, you were just making out with Princess Celestia!” Dash exclaimed.

“Yep.” Twilight replied with a grin.

“Right on Twi!” Dash said with a wide grin before she swept her friend into a hug.

“Wait, aren’t you scared of me?” Twilight asked in surprise before leaning into the hug.

“Twilight, I routinely have sex with someone who by her nature should want to kill and eat me, there’s almost nothing that you could do to legitimately scare me after that.” Rainbow replied with a shrug.

“Oh dear, I just had the oddest dream, Twilight was kissing Celestia.” Rarity said as she staggered to her feet.

“I was.” Twilight told her with a smirk.

“Oh my. I must still be dreaming, please excuse me.” Rarity said, before she fell backwards into a couch that had magically appeared behind her.

“Twi, what are ya and Celestia doing kissing?” Applejack asked in confusion.

“Our tongues were getting to know each other better.” Twilight replied with a smirk.

“Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” Celestia inquired with a grin.

“Actually no, we call it making out; your majesty.” Rainbow Dash replied with a smile as she hovered in midair.

“And here I had no idea. Thank you Rainbow Dash.” Celestia replied.

“Could we go inside please?” Fluttershy asked from the ground where she lay (she hadn’t fainted, she’d just temporally lost control of her legs.)

“Sure, come on in.” Twilight replied with a grin. “Oh, and would one of you mind dragging Rarity in, can you imagine what she would say if we just left her out there?” Twilight asked her friends. Applejack easily grabbed the white unicorn and brought her inside the library.

“So Twilight, will you tell us your story?” Pinkie asked from where she was sitting in an armchair.

“Pinkie, how did you get in here?” Twilight asked in confusion.

“They ran out of syrup on the wall.” Pinkie replied with a shrug.

“Do I even want to know?” Twilight asked flatly.

“Nope.” Pinkie replied with a grin.

“Alright then, moving on. I woke up on a blood stained…”

***

Ethan looked at Cassandra, who was lying next to him on the bed reading some prewar book.

“Do you think that Sparky is doing okay?” He asked, breaking the silence.

“I’m sure she’s fine dear.” Cassandra said leaning closer into him.

“I hope so; I did my best to keep her safe while she was here, but I failed.” Ethan said with a sigh. Cassandra rolled over onto his chest and gently cupped his chin in her hand before leaning up to kiss him on the lips.

“Ethan, you’re the best man I know. If you say that you failed then it means that there’s not a god dammed person in the world that could’ve done a better job.” Cassandra told him forcefully after she broke away.

“Do you really think so?” Ethan asked with a sigh.

“Of course I do, I’m the Courier.” Cassandra replied.

“Well then, that’s good enough for me.” Ethan said before he reached over and turned off the light.

***