//------------------------------// // CHOLD Chapter 11: What is This, a Soap Opera? // Story: I've Got PONIES for ROOM MATES! // by Daaberlicious //------------------------------// Chapter 11: What is This, a Soap Opera? I should get my head checked again... The Sandwich Quartet sang "Rhapsody in Blue" this time... And they made horrible lyrics for it. I rose from my bed like a member of the (luckily unhindered) undead, and tromped down the stairs. Work and ponies were on my mind. What am I going to do to keep them safe and sane while I work? They're horrendously bored as it is, and I'd hate to think what could happen when they're unsupervised... A vengeful landlord pops to mind. Vivid imagery of a horde of news media crowded around my apartment for eternity sprung into my head without mercy. However, routine dragged me to the cupboard where I keep my pop-tarts, undaunted by the concept. I planned to toast and eat a set of poptarts, and then be heading out the door quickly. Maybe I should rethink my schedule a little- "AAUGH PINKIE NOT AGAIN!" The resulting explosion of confetti was strong enough to make me loose my balance. I had to grip the table to stay up! Once my balance was in control again, I confronted Pinkie Pie, who was apparently armed with her party cannon, and most certainly restraining giggling. "What are you doing in my cupboard?" "Twi told me to remind you that you promised that we'd be getting ready to go on a wild goose chase with the strange old man you met in the soopermarket to find out how we got into your dimension! Why would we be chasing wild geese anyway? Only two of us can fly, and geese aren't very good for farms or anything- Oh! unless you want to eat them or something else-" *mmph?* My hand seemed to be quite used to the particular motion required to silence the jubilant earth pony. "Thanks, Pinkie. It helps me remember that I'm going to ditch work for the safety of earth and Equestria." My job is SO dead. "...I'm going to make my PopTarts now." I grabbed a silver lined package (regrettably, the last one) and made my way to the toaster. "Wait! Derpy got a job with UPS and delivered our other box this morning! Isn't that great? And how can I help pack?" "First of all, are you sure you feel better, Pinkie?" She jumped out of the cupboard with a double front flip and struck a cheesy pose. "Yupperooni!" "Good. Twilight should have something for you to do, but I have other things to attend to right now." Pinkie gleefully bounced into the living room and loudly woke Twilight up. Not my intended result... Meanwhile, I turned to the exhausted form of Chelsea Belrose. Her hair was messily spread out over the pillow, and the comforter she laid comatose under was crumpled. It was all matched by her mouth being agape. She looked so beautiful that I wished she didn't have to get up at all... But she can't leave the house with decent attire, and she can't get it if she's asleep. I ran a hand through her hair. "Chelsea... You should-" "Go away, Laurie. You are not my alarm clock." "Well then! Does Laurie wake you up all the time, or are you forgetting what occurred in the past 24 hours?" She shot up with a gasp, but to her credit, gained her composure milliseconds afterwards. "Yeah, actually. Every day of class, ten minutes before my alarm. I don't believe I forgot the ponies." "Good, because you have no plea for incompetency like I do." "Pfft. Shut up. You're not incompetent." She cracked a smile. "Now why am I up at 6:00 in the morning?" I stated the obvious for the heck of it. "Well, I first woke up..." "Yeah?" "And then I got up..." "Really?" Her voice came out with amused sarcasm. "And then I got you up." She laughed. "You don't say?" "But I do. My daily routine is just so... so... shocking." She gifted me with another laugh. "I'd be just as shocked if my life resembled yours. Now really: Why am I up?" "We've got everything. Just need to get packed and decent for the trip." "Oh! Good! Do you have anything that I can wear?" "Silly question. My wardrobe is open for your taking." As Chelsea hopped up and ascended the stairs, I took a look at the box that was delivered last night. "Twilight? Are you awake?" "Rrrgh. Yeah. You can thank Pinkie for that." I heard the sound of approaching hoof-steps, and soon found the sleepy looking, dedicated student of Princess Celestia in my vicinity. "Are you ready to unbox last night's package? Curiosity has been tearing at me since we got it." Her ears perked up, and she gave a little gleeful smile. "More than ready! I could feel the laylines ever since it came in!" "Great. Let's open it, then." The cardboard collapsed to pieces in Twilight's eager magic, leaving it's contents amidst a pile of shredded packaging. Nothing seemed to catch my attention at first, but as I laid eyes on the sheathed knife, my head began to tingle. I bent down to pick it up. It's sheath consisted of well polished white steal and black leather, and contained a blade just shorter than a typical short sword. Intricate curves and knobs of steel held the leather in place over the sheath's core, and tiny green symbols flashed randomly around the opening. Six steel latches held the blade in place, each glowing constantly with a green symbol. The whole set was extremely light, and I could feel a light tingle in my hands where I held it. The steel latches clicked open as I took out the knife. The double-edged long knife had a blade that reflected like a mirror, and a hilt of the same polished white steel as on the sheath. A complex intertwining design which fit both my hands perfectly wound down the grip to a crescent moon with it's blunt points pointing outward. The middle of the guard had a symbol of a sun engraved in it, and it's ends tapered off into knobs. Both reminded me of Celestia and Luna's Cutie Marks. The blade was lighter than air, propelled inexplicably with wind when swung, and sent pulsations of strong tingles down my arm that I griped it with. I could only conclude that there was hefty portions of magic pushed into the weapon. Chekhov's gun If I ever saw it. A misuse of the phrase, in retrospect. I turned my gaze toward the gloves and hoof covers. Their simple dark brown cotton makeup paled in comparison to the knife, but seemed to have their own ambient tingles as well. "Twilight? Are you up to an experiment now?" Twilight had her nose buried in the footnote riddled copy of "Super Naturals", currently resting open on the floor. "Give me a moment. I'm still memorizing page 32." Eye roll. "Time for that later, Twi. It's not like we won't have it with us when we're traveling." She let out a disappointed sigh, closed the book, and walked up to my side. "What do you have in mind?" "Activate it." I said, holding the knife up to her horn. She gave me a confused look, then opened the instruction packet and leafed through it. She came back about a minute later, and sent a flicker of light into the reflective surface of the blade. A huge shock wave-tingle shot from my arm to all other portions of my body and faded into a more numb one. At the same time, symbols flashed across my body from my arm, and the blade glowed bright green and left a trail of misty light when moved. I could see strange violet winding lines twisting around Twilight's horn, and a lingering violet cloud condensed into more transparent lines around my knife. Stranger yet was the complete consciousness I was feeling in my mind, and the green twisting lines leaving my body to surround my knife. The weapon continued to pulse it's same tingles, except much stronger. I felt alive. There was one phrase that stayed loyal to me whenever I expressed intense shock or awe, and I wasn't about to let it fail me now. "Holy FLIPPIN CRAP." "Ah! Great! Flipping poop for sure! Can I shut it up now?" "'shut it up'?" "That heavily enchanted weapon of great power is making so much magical NOISE! It's driving me crazy! I thought I would have to yell through it!" "Oh! Um... Yes. Do that. Shut the enchanted thingy off." All effects except for the ambient tingle left me, and the blade returned to it's normal state. Twilight let out a brief, relieved sigh. "There. Now I seem to recall a certain male homosapien resident was going to help me pack?" "But, I was the one who decided we should do it in the first place..." "Think, Louis: I woke up early, Pinkie was the cause, I made a huge checklist, this needs to be done, and you are dawdling. Who do you think is the leader because of this?" I rose my hands in slight shock. "Wow, Twilight... Egomania?" "You, because I'm in no mood to put up with any horse-apples from anyone else! And as your friend, I vote that we start now, because you said that we needed to get out of here ASAP! You said so yourself! So hop to it!" Thank goodness I was wrong... I went into the living room with Twilight, and then properly ransacked the place until it could be used for organizing supplies. Five more ponies woke up and were ready and able to work, although one wasn't particularly willing. Rainbow Dash, just in case you're clueless. Packing was quite easy after several amendments to Twilight's ridiculously long checklist (Quadruple check? That's going too far, Twi!). It essentially consisted of enchanting the white, Cutie Mark emblazoned custom saddlebags with holding spells, then putting even amounts of stuff in each. As soon as Chelsea emerged, looking better in my clothes than I do, we all put on basic winter gear, locked up the apartment for goodness knows how long, hopped in the car, and drove off to the address provided on the box. Tirek sped across the cold early morning landscape impossibly silently, blasting gaping holes in the dimensional divide with his stolen magic. True to his word, Starry stayed warm and healthy from his suspended position, but it was certainly no heaven. For every hole ripped open, more equestrian terrain, and by extension, it's inhabitants, situated itself on the planet and steadily increased the resulting chaos. Needless to say, things in humble Michigan went from hunky-dory to a huge sack of crap. Tirek grinned with enjoyment as his one-man-army advanced outside of the state and into the rest of the country. Starry could not do much but cry silently: Few wouldn't if they were forcefully separated from family, kidnapped quickly afterwards, and then transformed into a helpless tool of mass destruction. Tirek's magic energy grew to huge proportions as he blew gaping chunks out of the dimensional divide. Transforming the barrier between universes into Swiss cheese had him in a good mood. He chose to talk to his captive audience while he wrecked havoc. "Do you know what I'm doing, little colt?" Starry Lanes remained silent. "I supposed you wouldn't like to talk right now." He continued to blast more holes. "What do you want?" The voice in Starry's head came out shaky, just like it would of had he been able to talk. "Do you know what I'm doing?" "...No?" "The dimensional divide has served me well in the past, distracting the natural inhabitants from my presence until I could grow in power... Yet I must still remain undetected." The sounds of pain and terror began to echo across the landscape. It made Starry hate Tirek all the more. "Equestria has plenty of terrors on it's landscape to keep the humans at bay, and Equestria itself will be distracted by the increasing disappearances of prominent landscapes and important ponies. In the meantime, I can raise an army of my own to smite the humans and ponies who dare oppose my master, and set the sky to the glory it deserves." "Why do you want eternal night? What will it-" "Silence. you do not understand because you never look up." The car trip was slow due to unusually heavy traffic, but soon Twilight, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Chelsea and I were standing in front of a pleasant looking little old cottage. It had white siding and black shingles, a well kept garden along it's side, and various lawn decorations by the sidewalk, like lawn flamingos and wind sculptures. I was more concerned by the clearly audible sounds of a rushing old man bumping around in the dark. I would have been worried that he'd break a hip if it were not for what he was actually saying. *tromp tromp tromp THUMP* "OOUFF! Pony feathers! Honestly, what in Celestia's name could someone want of an old man at 6:00 AM? *Grumble grumble...*" *Thunk!* "Ohhh HORSEAPPLES. There goes that picture. The feather-brains at G.E. had better get their flanks going to get the power up! Urrgh!" Two seconds after, the cheerful face of "The Friend in Deed" popped out of the door. "You knocked?" "Uhh, no sir." I said, absorbed by the spectacle which had occurred moments before. "Hmm! My hearing must be doing funny things again. Either way, You fine upstanding ladies and gentleman must be out here for some reason. May I help you?" "...You told us to get packed and ready to leave to meet up with you as soon as possible. We're here, and eager for an explanation. Why have the Mane Six appeared on earth?" He gave a sly smile. "Good answer." Afterwards, he opened the door and motioned us inside. We were ushered into a small living room. It seemed to have features from everyone's grandparents' house. "Miss sparkle, could you put up a light? My house has no power, as you can probably see." Twilight did as told, although with confusion. "Thank you, Twilight. While I could have done it myself, I now know which one of the six you are." Pinkie whispered in Twilight's ear. "He's smart!" "Question, Sir: why didn't you make some light coming out to meet us?" "It's much more thrilling to bump around in the dark then to see a proper path! Don't you think so, Miss Sparkle?" He said with a raise of his hands. "Uh... I guess. I'm... Not much of one for thrill." He waved a hand at her. "Heh. I'm not much of one either. Not most days." "GET TO THE POINT!" Rainbow Dash interjected at high volume. "Whoof! You got some lungs in you, doncha?" The old man poked at an ear with his finger. Then he took a more business-like stance, while still looking relaxed. "Ladies, Gentlemen, Fillies: Welcome to the humble home of Starswirl The Bearded. He gazed over our faces. Nobody's mouth wasn't agape. The air was thick enough to break a butter knife. It was so silent that crickets wouldn't chirp. Rainbow had enough, and made certain to show the man what she thought. "I spent two days of worrying and setting up for this? Two whole days of wringing my hooves over the fate of Equestria and everypony there, and of working my butt off just to finally meet up with some crazy person who hasn't even TOLD US what this "LEAD" OF HIS EVEN IS? It's GARBAGE, and your act is foalish! You can't be Starswirl! He's LONG DEAD, and only three ponies can compare to his skill! You're not Celestia, Luna, or Twilight are you?" "No I'm not, Miss-" "DIDN'T THINK SO. You're just another person who wants SOMETHING OUT OF US, like those thousands on Louis' stupid laptop. Girls! We need to get outa here. No good comes from hanging around a crazy fan of My Little Pony." Needless to say, I was indignant. "Rainbow! Give him a chance! You gave me one!" "Don't get me started with you... You nearly killed me when we first met! Why should I trust you?" "Don't you go there! You're just claustrophobic!" Twilight tried to save the worsening situation. "Rainbow! Calm down. We don't have time for this." "You're right, Twilight. We DON'T. We've been wasting our time with people who think they know us for too long!" "Rainbow, of course I know you guys! You're just like you are out of the show!" I received a full force buck in the face for that. "You don't know anything! You just know the ponies from a show for little fillies! YOU DON'T KNOW TWILIGHT. YOU DON'T KNOW APPLEJACK, PINKIE PIE, RARITY, OR FLUTTERSHY. YOU DON'T KNOW ME!" "You're just like a student who copies another's work, but doesn't know that everything's wrong." She turned to address "Starswirl" too. "Grow up and get a life. Don't talk to me again until you do." The door slammed hard as Rainbow left. Slowly, the other five ponies reluctantly went through the door as well, leaving Chelsea, the old man and I inside the living room. I sat awkwardly in the corner where I landed, silently bleeding from the nose, and gave Rainbow's rant quite a bit of thought. Somewhere in that time, Chelsea handed me a bit of kleenex for my nose, and the old man walked over to gaze steadily out the window. The power had probably come back, but none of us were wanting to turn on the lights. Finally, "Starswirl" poofed in a small light-show of blue magic and wasn't seen again. In his place sat a brown furred pony with the same long white beard and hair that the old man had. His Cutie Mark was a white-outlined star with a swirling bright blue galaxy inside it's dark blue background. He looked ordinary for a pony, but about a million questions (read: one very huge one) swarmed into my head once I saw him. He addressed us with the old man's voice, confirming that said old man changed into a pony. I could probably bet nopony inside Equestria knew that trick. "Well, I must first apologize: I was not sincerely expecting such a violent reaction towards that, foolish as it may have been to presume you all to be so trusting of a stranger's word. Regardless, I figure I must do my part to mend what bridges have been broken between you guys by giving sufficient proof that I am who I say I am." Chelsea and I stared, completely dumbfounded that his claim held merit. "Would you care to continue this conversation in the kitchen? I imagine my 'Mr. Coffee' can brew something to pep up your moods." He said with his mischievous smile and accompanying eye-twinkle. Rainbow Dash pouted like a grouchy puppy. She laid motionless in the middle of the lawn, her head resting between her forelegs, while her hind legs sprawled out to her left. Her friends sat in the corner of said lawn and discussed what to do with either Rainbow Dash, Louis, the old man, or Chelsea, because no one was certain for sure who was at fault for the heated words exchanged. "That was really outa line for her, ya know? She can be harsh, but there's no excuse fer blowin' up jes cuz somebody is offa their rocker. I say we drag her back in there and make her apologize. Hogtie her, if we have ta." Applejack chided. "That would seem a tad bit too aggressive, don't you think?" Rarity disapproved. Fluttershy nodded. "If it's not too much to say, she might have had good reasons for being so mean. Louis really was guessing too much about us from the start..." "How so?" Twilight asked. "He seemed to be able to get along with me pretty well." "He's kind of like you, Twilight... I think." Pinkie seemed to just be growing more confused. Then again, it's hard to tell if somepony like that is really tracking a conversation or is just off in their own world. "Really, Fluttershy? He can't be like me at all. We aren't interested in the same things." Rarity jumped in. "Well, Twilight, dear, if you consider the situation he grew up in, and just how different it is from yours, is it any wonder the specifics are completely different from you? But then take into account how social and studious he happens to be: I imagine you will find he's nearly the same as you in that respect. He enjoys his alone time, and seems to have a firm head upon his shoulders, Just as you do... If you will permit my flattery." Pinkie proved she was tracking the conversation very well. "Yeah! He's like Cranky-Doodle, except with way less crank!" "That's all fine and dandy, Pinkie, but what about our mopey blue bomber over there? A pony really shouldn't hit somepony else in the face, even if that pony was mighty offensive. ...I'dve been tempted myself, but that behavior ain't right comin' from anypony." Applejack twirled her stetson in her hooves as she spoke. Rarity laid a hoof on the country mare's shoulder. "I'm not saying you're wrong, Applejack, but I think this situation has more than just a single pegasus involved. Perhaps we've all contributed to this in our own way?" "I don't believe it." Applejack crossed her forelegs. Pinkie had other things to say about that, however. "Well if you don't mind me telling you how I think it's happening, I think Louis is absolutely and totally confused. He hasn't been in any similar situations, and he has no way of knowing how to deal with this, so he clings onto the closest solutions he can. First are those ponies that he saw in that funny color-box, which we know aren't us, or at least not totally us. Then he clung onto the promise of help from the old man/pony/whatever the heck he is because he needs a second mind who is willing to help and knows more about stuff in general. Then he went to his girlfriend (very nice lady) because he's been going out with her for a long time and can trust her with a lot. Then he's just got himself, and he doesn't trust himself and is prone to mistakes. And while he's thinking and doing all this stuff, We're here being very scared, kinda mean, and generally not trying to help with much at all. I think Twilight's the only pony who's been very involved with helping him help us. I know I've just been eating PopTarts while he worries." Rarity blinked. "Are you saying that we all should be feeling somewhat guilty for our recent behavior towards Louis?" "That, and my tummy can't seem to handle PopTarts. We should pack something other than those. Ohai Dashie!" Rainbow gave Pinkie a brief, awkward hug. "Pinkie, you don't make much sense half the time I listen to you, but this time you took the cake!" "I took a cake? I promise to make it up to you!" "I meant to say that everything you've said is right!... at least, for me... I need to go back in there to see what I can do to make things up to him. He is trying his danged hardest to get us back home, after all." "I knew that!" Pinkie giggled. After delivering a friendly shove to Pinkie, Rainbow Dash trotted briskly back through the door of the nice little house. "... Well, I'll be, Pinkie. I swear you know too much about ponies to do anything bad to em!" "I got lucky. What about you other girls? Are you going back to say sorry? I know I am!" The earth pony made a little frown. All other ponies nodded. Having solved yet another friendship problem, they got on their hooves and headed back through the door. "Seriously. How did I NOT see this coming? It's so obvious! I wouldn't have even wrote it into my fan fiction!" The wizened unicorn took a sip out of an exceptionally good cup of coffee, part of a brew of two others like it. "Think of it this way, Louis: It was so obvious that it was the last place you'd possibly look, because it would just be a waste of time, right? So, naturally, it was my first choice for disguise. I was just similar, and yet just different enough from the real Starswirl The Bearded to pass by as a hardcore brony which attracts freak occurrences, such as the sudden holding enchantment on your car trunk. Nothing against bronies, mind you. You seem to be quite an admirable one yourself." "Wow... That's just..." "Yup." "...Wow." "All in a day's work." Starswirl smiled, and took another sip of his coffee. "How did you do it, and manage to keep your magic? Humans really don't do magic." "Hideously difficult transformation magic, and a heavily enchanted ring tuned to my inherent magic. It was rather risky, especially if I were to find out that, post-transformation, humans did not have any inherent magic, and I would be trapped in this form. Would you believe it? I had to come up with that human form on my own!" "Wow... If you'll permit me," "Yes?" "How did you get my enchanted knife working?" Magic aura disappeared from the unicorn's horn, causing the vessel containing the caffeinated beverage to fall upon the wooden table and break, spilling it's contents on the table, as his face contorted into one of pure surprise, shock, and whatnot. In layman's terms, he dropped the cup and made a mess out of surprise. "By Luna's nonexistent beard! I hadn't finished enchanting that thing! Did you activate it?" "I didn't fully test it, if that's what you're wondering! You know humans can't preform magic!" Just then, a familiar Cyan pegasus burst through the door, tailed along by her five other friends. Said pegasus pinned me to the table by my shoulders in just a way that I couldn't move. OH NO SHE'S COME BACK FOR MORE BLOOD- "LOUIS! I'm sorry for giving you another nose bleed and saying you know nothing! You're a great person! Really! I just didn't know it at the time! I've been so angry and frustrated and sad and just plain rotten! You've gotta forgive me!" She shook me vigorously. It seemed she had switched from administering nose bleeds to whiplash. I think my eyeballs are doing an exotic dance... "*Urrgh*... Don't kill me... I forgive you." "Phew! Glad that's over!" She leapt off of my chest and wiped away some sweat with her forehoof. "...Alright... Why the sudden change of *HHHH-*" Pinkie jumped onto my chest at the least opportune time. "Me too! I've just been eating stuff when I should have been helping you! You're my H.B.F.F.! I should act like it!" " I like that acronym, but we've just-" A sad looking Fluttershy added her weight to my chest. "And me. I've just been hiding from you in whatever corner I can find, just like a scared bunny rabbit..." "Well I'm trying my hardest not to be scary, so if you would-" Then I was hit by an apologetic hurricane. Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rarity broke down into tears (although I was certain that Rarity was "drama queening" at the time), while Applejack hung her head in silence. The sheer strength of the emotion these four were outputting was proving it was genuine, but Twilight obviously thought this was going about things the wrong way. "Stop suffocating him!" She barked, pulling Pinkie, Fluttershy and Rarity off of me. "We do not need waterworks or drama or excessive shame right now." Pinkie was scathed. Livid, perhaps. "WHAT? I was just apologizing!" "No, Pinkie... You were letting an emotional roller coaster drag you into impulsive behavior just like the rest of us. That is the biggest problem here." Everyone present was silent. "Loosing some ponies while gaining others is never fun, but when your situation hangs in your hands, you need to calm down and work on fixing it. Taking responsibility for your own situation, even if you can't fix everything, is much more important than you would think. I know I'm not exactly the best role model for that, but it DOESN'T MAKE it less true. Apologizing is not a bad thing, but we're on a tight schedule, and have to get home as soon as possible. Finish up, and then start searching for a way to get out of this mess. We'll come out of this alright. Trust me." Needless to say, no one in the room was willing to make any conclusions to the affirmative or the contrary, but Twilight definitely seemed to be correct on this issue. Everyone's recent behavior seems to go with an explanation. Twilight did not consult her friends enough, because she was needlessly worried about the possibility that they would do something unwise as a result. Because she only talked with me on what she found, her friends could not help with anything except with what they happened to overhear. Pinkie took things too lightly for the situation, and the fact that she avoided talking about it under any circumstance, like her friends, did not improve her helpfulness. As a polar opposite, Fluttershy seemed to be thinking far too much about her situation, instilling in her a sort of paranoia she didn't know how to deal with. She was too scared to help or even think about how she could. Rainbow Dash seems to react with hostility to anything that confuses her, so she distanced herself to avoid setting herself off. This distance prevented her from helping with anything, and only made her more hostile when others tried to do something for her. Rarity, much like Fluttershy, worried herself sick. She was only able to be of help because she had such a huge passion for her talent: one of the few talents any of the mane six had which could be exercised safely. While Applejack was willing to help her friends get out of their mess, she wasn't willing to accept any help. She never knew how important it was that her friends knew what was bothering her. If they didn't know, they wouldn't be able to help her, and thus have her help them at the peak of her abilities. Meanwhile, I had presumed and assumed too much. I supposed that these ponies, whose caricatures I was very familiar with, were the same as those I had seen in the show. I also made the mistake of thinking that since these ponies were not at all familiar with the problem they faced, that I would somehow have to get them all back home with what little I had. We all had to realize that not only did we need to form an alliance to fix this problem, we needed to take that seriously. I wasn't simply helping charming cartoon characters return back to their happy little world, I was helping six living, breathing, dynamic individuals go home to a real place, to real families, to real siblings and parents, friends, employers, co-workers, mentors, subordinates, and children. That thought set another one into motion: I'm not doing this because I want to. This is nothing more than something that is simply significant to six real individuals. I'm doing this because I must, and nothing else. "Bravo, Lois! That's an impressive leap into maturity for anyone." Starswirl commented quite suddenly. "Oh, Come ON! That was my own personal internal monologue! Why'd you go and spoil my moment?" "For one thing, I need to reveal myself and give you the important information I promised. Twilight? Do I resemble anyone from anything you've read?" Twilight gazed deeply over the brown unicorn's form, taking note of his face and Cutie Mark. "... Yes. Starswirl the Bearded. Spitting image." "And if I told you I was him?" "Considering Pinkamena Dianne Pie seems to casually defy all known laws of physics and can even predict the future to some extent, it wouldn't be too hard to presume that you are who you said you are. I'd especially believe it if you were the ol- My gosh. You're the old man!" "Mmm hmm." "How did you DO IT?" "7,200 Thaums to the cerebral identity region and 490,000 to the physical region, 4,920 Thaums removed from the outer-physical region, 1,293 runes consisting of dri, krev, baj and zi, and two hours of thaumic condensation. I also have a ring enchanted to draw out 490,000 Thaums from my human form to reset me and conduct magic as necessary." "Sweet Celestia... That would take me months to construct! ...So why?" "A basic need for hiding, Twilight. May I brew you some coffee?" Twilight declined, but asked for tea instead. Soon, all were present at the table and listening to the old unicorn explain why they had all gathered in the little house. "A bag of certain ill intent." The unicorn said, swirling the dregs of his coffee in his cup. "Unremarkable in appearance and typical in structure... Yet I've lived at this small cottage long enough to know it was NOT typical. In fact, it gave me kind of a nasty chill whenever I approached it." "Did anyone else notice it?" I asked. "It would have been impossible for any human to notice it at all... The thaumic signature was too low. At any rate, I made a habit of preforming small illusion spells on it to keep it from being picked up and being moved somewhere ideal for getting more strength, but it just shook them off every time." "How's that prove anything? Illusion spells aren't permanent anyway." Twilight said sceptically. "Well, Twilight, if it were simply an object with an unsettling enchantment on it, it would have stayed in the form I gave it for the exact 23 hours, 59 minutes, and 59 seconds I had set it to, but it was dis-enchanted every single time I came over there. I should know, because I walked that path twice a day." He scowled, downed the remaining coffee, and continued. "Eventually, after four months of doing this, the bag itself happened to have disappeared overnight. Bear in mind, now, this thing hadn't been touched in MONTHS, and it looked horrendously grubby and even a little weak and worn. No one could have possibly even wanted to stick it in the TRASH.. But it was now gone. Doesn't this make you a little curious?" "No." Rainbow dash said flatly. "Hm. Well, we've heard from the lovely cyan mare, but does anyone else have anything to say to the contrary?" "It seems kind of scary..." Fluttershy did her best imitation of a timid bunny. As another silence settled over uncertain faces, Twilight looked like she was pondering something... In fact, it looked as though something was on the tip of her tongue. She finally gave up and said she didn't know what it was. But since it was our only lead, we chose to head back to the certain spot where it had formerly rested and track it's thaumic signature. Obviously, this is going to be a slow jog... I really have nothing to say. No excuses for tardiness, no announcements, nothing. Source!