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// 'Zecora Can Be Spiteful' Totally Counts As A Lesson 
// Story: A Study In Nonsense 
// by Professor Piggy 
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Five days. For five days Iron Will had knelt before the door, unmoving. Unspeaking. Waiting. For five days she had ignored Iron Will completely. She hadn’t even glanced at Iron Will when the door’d opened that first morning – just walked right past Iron Will, without a word. Iron Will had known it was coming, though. She’d all but told Iron Will.


If my affection you seek to earn, patience is a virtue that you must learn.


And she was worth the wait. Anyone who could crack out slogans like she did was someone worth knowing. So Iron Will had waited. And waited. Annnnnnnnnd waited. It had been really, really boring. There’d been no fighting. No music. Noone telling Iron Will how great Iron Will was. And the stupid goats had run off after just a few hours, apparently for pizza. But they hadn’t bought Iron Will any pizza – that made Iron Will mad. And also sad. But mostly it made Iron Will hungry.

It didn’t help that the zebra had been cookin’ up something delicious at least four times a day. Or  that he hadn’t really thought to bring any food. Apparently the zebra’s idea of patience wasn’t quite what his was – he had been expecting to wait like, five minutes tops. But he had said he’d wait, and Iron Will was a minotaur of his word – and that word today was patience.

Because if somepony’s being impatient, they’d just have to … be … patient …

Okay. That had been awful. That was okay. That was why he was here. To woo the zebra, and get someone with an actual talent for catch phrases on his side. And she was good at lots of other stuff too. He’d been watching. She could make potions, she was good with kids, she sang like an angel and she could rhyme better than he could ever have imagined. He had only spoken to her once, but he knew all there was to know about that zebra.

And he knew they were meant to be.

“You there, minotaur so proud!” Her voice echoed through the silence, and he spun to face her. There she stood, eyes narrowed and frowning. She was beautiful. “Are you unaware that you are speaking aloud?”

Iron Will stared back, for a moment, as he tried to think of an answer – then, when he couldn’t, he plastered a grin on his face and flexed his arms. “So, you’ve finally decided to talk to Iron Will! That’s fantastic! You should date Iron Will – he guarantees you a real thrill!”

The zebra rolled her eyes, then fixed him with a smile. “It seems that I have won a bet – but to be certain tell me, have you learned your lesson yet?”

“Uh…lesson? Patience, you mean? Yeah! Iron Will waited days. Just for you! That’s how patient Iron Will is!”

“Ahhhh,” she shook her head slowly, “That is not the lesson I wished to impart – it seems you misunderstood me from the start.”

He blinked, shocked. “Not…not the lesson? Then what was!? Iron Will can learn!”

“The lesson is simple, in the end. The unicorn named Rarity – she is my dear friend. You threw her in the dirt, and for that you had to be hurt.”

And then she was gone, the door to the hut slamming shut behind her with an air of finality.

For a moment, Iron Will stared after her. Then he shrugged, got up, and wandered off to buy pizza. Because really – it had been kind of a jerkish thing to do, and nopony would ever say Iron Will didn’t try to learn from his mistakes.

Because those who didn’t try to improve will always, always lose.

With a sigh, he shook his head. The first step, he decided, was coming up with just one good catchphrase.