//------------------------------// // Chapter 12: They're Called What? // Story: Only Human: A Lyra Heartstrings Production // by Smoking Gun //------------------------------// Only Human: A Lyra Heartstrings Production Chapter 12: They're Called What? By Smoking Gun "Now that's just wrong," Ditzy groaned as she watched the movers in the kitchen. "What's wrong now?" asked Bon Bon as she exited the bedroom. The two were standing in Lyra's new apartment, with Lyra overlooking the city from the balcony window. The furniture was set up, and the electronics plugged in. The movers Ditzy was addressing were in the kitchen, standing by the spice rack over the stove. "These guys don't understand funcksway," Ditzy answered. "The spices need to be turned ninety degrees so they face the living room." The movers rolled their collective eyes as they put the finishing touches on the remaining furniture. They quietly head out the door, but the leader waits on the other side. The head mover cleared his throat. "We're all done here, ma'am. Now, there's just the matter of the... tip?" "Ah, right!" Ditzy said as she smiled and nodded. "Here's one: Learn a goddamn thing or two about interior decorating. Ditzy slammed the door in his face. "Idiots." "A bit rough there, don't you think?" Bon Bon asked nervously. "You gotta be straight forward with ponies you're paying to do a job," Ditzy explained. "The movers I initially hired to set up my restaurant couldn't do anything right and wouldn't listen to a word I said. I just kept wondering if I should kill them then-and-now, or if I should give them bad press and watch them slowly loose money and starve." Bon Bon darted her eyes around the room, looking for a new topic. "Lyra! Do you like your apartment?" Lyra was standing upright, leaning against the balcony window that looked out over the city. "Was 'humanes' not taken?" she asked herself. Bon Bon put her hoof on Lyra. "Honey, don't worry your pretty, little head about it. And hey, more viewers means more money, right?" "More money than I'm making," Ditzy mumbled to herself. Lyra looked back to her friends, smiling. "Sorry, guys. I'll be fine. And the apartment looks great, Bon Bon." The three mares gazed around the apartment. It didn't look particularly special, but had lots of nice things to fill it up, and a view to kill for. "I can't believe I finally have my own home... ish thing." Ditzy wrapped her hoof around Lyra. "And just think of all the wonderful things you have to look forward to now. Like bills... and taxes! Plus, you don't have to sneak around me when I'm working when you want Bon Bon to come over." Lyra blushed as her eyes darted around the room. "In my defense... I got nothing." "As much as I hate to leave so soon," Bon Bon said as she pecked Lyra on the cheek, "But I have a lunch meeting to at Sky High." Lyra gasped. "Who are you meeting there? I thought that was just were the one-percent went to get high." "Oh, they do that, too," Bon Bon said with a nod. "But Structuring wants me to meet him there. Don't know what for, though." "Maybe you'll get a promotion," Lyra said, poking Bon Bon in the tummy. "Just remember me when you're at the top of the food chain!" Lyra and Bon Bon turn to Ditzy, who just stared at them until she spoke. "If I let my eyes roll while watching you two, they'd be on the floor, begging somepony to step on them." Ditzy looked up at the clock. "And if you'll excuse me, I have some ponies to feed." "Ditzy? Everything OK?" Lyra asked, letting the concern show in her voice. "You seem angry." Ditzy leaned up against the door frame, sighing, her body slumped up against it, and her posture went bad. "I've been working so hard. I'm sorry, just give me a day or two to relax. Why don't you guys come over this weekend, breakfast on the house." "We're grateful, Ditzy," Bon Bon added. "Yeah, I'd certainly hope so," Ditzy mumbled as she closed the door behind her. "Anyway," Bon Bon continued. "I couldn't forget you, you'd be one of my favorite groupies." "Ah, you must be one of my groupies!" Vinyl said from the comfort of her swivel-chair. "You know good and goddamn well who I am, Miss Scratch," said Synergy, standing in the door way. "You're right," Vinyl continued. "What I don't know good and goddamn well is why you're in my studio." Vinyl spread her forelegs out, gesturing to her decked out studio. On the walls were several photos of her at concerts or with various ponies she knew, along with hoof-drawn sheet music and her framed degree from university. At the front of the room is long desk that takes up the length of the wall. On the desk is a large computer, with a giant monitor hooked up to the wall, a key board, and mixing board took up the remaining space. Underneath the table was a wide variety of musical instruments. "Because it's none of your business," Synergy responded. "Actually, if you plan on hanging out with me while I'm trying to work, it will be," Vinyl said, without a hint of concern in her voice. Synergy sighed. "Fine... but is there something else I can sit in?" Vinyl looked over to the empty chair that was identical to hers. "What's wrong with it?" "Because knowing what I know about you, I can only imagine what sort of filth has occurred in that chair." Vinyl groaned. "Firstly, if you wanna run down to store and buy a chair for yourself, go head, but we've already spent the show's budget for this season. Secondly, I'm already sitting in my sex/drug/other chair, that I one have for guests. Usually welcome guests, but I'll make an exception for you." "You flatter me," Synergy mumbled as she sunk into the chair. "So, as you were saying, why are you here?" Vinyl asked, raising an eyebrow over her trademark shades. "There's been some..." "Restructuring?" asked Vinyl. Synergy let her head sink into her hoof. "That son of a bitch... You're familiar with our senior executive, Structuring?" "I'm sure I would if I cared," Vinyl answered. "Well, he's had the bright idea of-" Synergy was cut off by the 'ding' sound of the computer. "Yes!" Vinyl screamed. "Rendering for the new track is done!" Vinyl turned to Synergy, holding her hoof in the air. "Give me some dap!" Synergy sat in silence, staring at Vinyl. Vinyl continued. "Make my hoof shine!" "And I want these glasses shining, along with wine you'll have inside each of them," Structuring said to the waiter that stood before him. "Of course, sir." The waiter left the table, leaving Structuring at the table, with Bon Bon sitting opposite him. Structuring continued. "You've gotta be straight forward with ponies you're paying to do a job." "So I've heard," Bon Bon said, taking in the view around them. "So why exactly did you bring me here?" "Look around you, Bon Bon. Do you like it?" "Sure," Bon Bon answered. "It's classy, food's good, great view-" "Exactly," Structuring said. "All this and more is about to be at your... well, let's say finger tips." Bon Bon chuckled. "Thanks... but why?" "Because as of the moment we get our Cabernet Savenjoin, you'll be promoted to executive of development. You'll be in charge of all the new shows we'll be putting into development." Bon Bon was frozen in her chair. "I'm sorry what?" Structuring smirked. "You know good and goddamn well what I said." "I know, I know.. it's just... why? Why now?" Structuring's eyes darted around the beautiful restaurant. "Well, Karen has been acting a bit..." "Crrrrrrreepy?" Bon Bon answered. "I was going to use a different word that started with 'c', but that works too," Structuring said with a shrug. "You see, if this Only Human business has taught us anything is that we need a creative mind in charge. Karen used to be able to fill that spot herself, but she's become so bitter and tired from her work all these years, that I think it's best that she be relocated to your old position as the supervising producer of Only Human. Who knows, maybe in a year or so, that creativity and burning passion she used to have might come back if she's in a creative environment." Bon Bon nodded. "OK, I can buy that, but why take me away from the show?" "Well," Structuring began. "You were able to get Only Human made, so your the most logical candidate. Besides, I think it's best that you keep your distance from Lyra." "What?!" Bon Bon yelled, drawing some attention from their fellow patrons. "During business hours, at least," Structuring explained. "This work has been known to tear couples apart. It's for the best if you keep your home-lives and home. Besides, I've heard you two have had trouble keeping your hooves to yourself during work." Bon Bon scoffed. "Come one, like... 3 times, that happened." Structuring raised his brow. "Per day?" Bon Bon glared. "Shut your old mouth, Simon." "You'd be making two-hundred-fifty grand a year if you take this job." Once again, Bon Bon was frozen. "Still want me to shut up?" "Will you please shut up?" Synergy groaned. Vinyl chuckled. "If you wanna stay with me-" "I don't!" Synergy shouted. "I can't stand being around Lyra, and this studio is basically my oasis from her, so I don't want to be here." "No," Vinyl said, glaring through her shades. "You just need to be." Synergy rolled her eyes and groaned. "Please, continue." "As I was saying, the first part of my creative process is to generate a mentally stimulating environment, I do so with the proper aromas. I get said aromas by lighting my candles." Vinyl levitated a cigarette lighter and lit up something that Synergy couldn't see. Synergy poked her head over Vinyl's shoulder. "Scratch," Synergy growled. "That's a blunt." Vinyl continued to light her blunt. "Let the aroma relax your nerves." "Good God, it's Burning Mare all over again," Synergy said, facehoofing. "You were at Burning Mare?" Vinyl asked. "Yes, Vinyl, I lived in the 80's," Synergy answered. "Although I put all that behind and grew up. Must you be inebriated all day? I only drink at business meetings." "That reminds me," Vinyl gestured towards the water coolers. "You probably don't wanna drink out of our water coolers." "Like I would touch anything that had your lips on it," Synergy growled. "Why must you feel the need to do drugs and pretend you're being creative. Is reality too much for you to handle?" "If reality is sharing an office with a bitch who has criticize everything I do instead of letting me do my job, then yes." Both mares went silent. Synergy sunk back into her. It must have been a good hour-or-so of Vinyl grunting in frustration as she tried to adjust some settings on a sound effect. "Stupid, damn, crackle won't go away!" Synergy examined the the screen, the mixing board, and the settings on the monitor. She quickly pushed Vinyl out of the way, making ever-so-slight alterations to mixing board and the audio editing program Vinyl was using. Rending the final product, the sound effect was coming through crystal clear. Vinyl went slacked jaw. "When my husband and I were making movies, we had to figure out how do to audio as we went. It took years before we figured out that celery was a great way of making the sound effect of somepony's neck snapping," Synergy explained with a shrug. Vinyl retracted her jaw and started chuckling. "And what is so funny?" Synergy sneered. Vinyl continued chuckling. "Did you two figure that out between midnight sessions of boning on the editing bay?" Synergy remained silent, blushing like an apple. Vinyl continued talking. "Did he push the equipment off first or did you guys just kick it off as you went?" After a moment of silence, Synergy broke out into a fit of giggles. "You may not be as dumb as you look, Miss Scratch." "Please, that's Duchess Scratch, to you." "Don't be an idiot," Synergy said, before the two shared a quick laugh. "Look," Vinyl began. "Can you promise me that you'll at least try to be bearable?" Synergy paused, feeling a sinking, guilty-esque feeling in her stomach. "Deal." "What is the deal, here?" Lyra asked herself. Lyra was sitting on her new couch with her laptop on the coffee table. The light was the only thing illuminating the apartment, along with the lights of Canterlot outside. Lyra scanned a number on her computer screen before levitating her phone over to her. She dialed the number and waited until someone picked up. "Hello?" an adolescent voice asked over the phone. "Hello, is this Samuel? The founder of Humanity Daily?" Lyra asked. "Who may I ask is speaking?" Samuel asked. "My name is Lyra Heartstrings, I heard you were a fan." Next: Know Their Meme!