“I think I understand your explanation of specific deities,” said Celestia. “But how is Poseidon the god of both horses and the ocean? Those are not typically counterparts.”
Josh shrugged, looking over his shoulder at the statue of the Greek god they had passed after leaving the aquarium. “It’s not my religion, so I don’t really know.”
“Could you tell me a little more about human religion?”
“Uh,” Josh looked uncomfortable. “Basically, don’t ever tell anyone what they believe is wrong, and they won’t try to kill you. Some of the bloodiest wars in history were over religion.”
“What do you believe?” Celestia pressed.
“Well, that’s changed a little since I met you,” he admitted. “I’m not really sure what to think.”
Celestia fell silent, unwilling to force Josh to talk about something he didn’t want to. After a moment to think of another subject, she asked, “What shall we do with the rest of the day?”
“The internet?” Josh grinned as if he was about to have some fun at her expense. The two of them made their way back to the hotel room and were presently seated in front of an electronic device that Josh called a laptop computer. He edged away from her slightly so their elbows didn’t touch.
Celestia was reminded once again of the technological difference between her home and current planet. The laptop’s bright screen displayed anything Josh commanded it to.
“It can do a lot on its own,” he said, “but when you connect it to the internet, you’ve got a link to the whole world.”
“How so?” asked Celestia.
“It allows you to use the resources of many other computers and get information from all sorts of database, encyclopedias, books, videos and even take university courses.”
“It links laptop computers together?” guessed Celestia.
“Well, also regular computers that aren’t designed to be portable. Also cell phones. With the internet, I can literally communicate with someone on the other side of the world in an instant”
That was eye-opening. Celestia asked, “Communication how? Letters?”
Josh grinned. “Yes, but voice and video too, not just text. You can see them, they can see you. It’s just like a regular face-to-face conversation.”
“You can talk a person in any part of the world?” said Celestia, amazement in her voice.
“Sure, as long as they have the same connection that you do.” Josh showed her something called Facebook that appeared to have lists of people he knew. “I have friends in Canada, the United Kingdom, Ireland, Australia, and a couple of places where English isn’t so common.”
“What, it won’t translate for you?” laughed Celestia.
Josh shrugged. “It can convert text. Speech, not really, but give it a couple of years. That’s the thing about technology. It builds on itself and keeps growing.”
Josh pointed his cursor at something and a new screen appeared. “This is a group. It’s got lots of people who share similar interests, even if you don’t know them.”
Celestia read the title. “What is ‘My Little Crows: Friendship Flock’?”
“It’s an animated show,” explained Josh. “Fans are called cronies. They have FlyFiction, their own website where they write stories about it.”
“So is the internet all fun and games?” asked Celestia.
“No, not by a long shot. This show is aimed at kids. That doesn’t stop people from turning it into something else.”
“Such as?” Celestia watched the cursor on screen hover over something marked “Rule 34.”
Josh didn’t click on it. “Let’s not go there. Just use your imagination.”
He showed Celestia a few more things that were probably more useful than children’s entertainment. So much information was so easily available. Each new discovery left her in awe, but Celestia managed to keep things in perspective. “With all this technology, how long until war is obsolete?”
Her sober words had a similar effect on Josh. “I imagine it never really will be. Despite all the bloodshed there is in the world, things are getting better, though. It doesn’t seem like it sometimes, but the average standard of living has been steadily rising all over the world.”
He was nice enough not to ask if she felt apprehensive about going aboard the ship. Earlier in the day, the two of them had heard of a small skirmish on the border between North and South Korea. The United States military, with a presence in the area, had raised their level of alertness.
Josh checked the clock. “It’s about time for evening chow. There’s a nice Japanese place just down the street.”
He typed the name of the restaurant into the computer and a map of the city appeared. With a click of the mouse, the map changed to an overhead view.
Celestia leaned forward. “How was this picture taken? With an aircraft?”
“A satellite,” explained Josh. “They orbit the planet and use powerful cameras to see things like this.”
“Orbit?” she asked.
“Yeah, out in outer space and traveling in the Earth’s gravitational pull.” Josh didn’t ask why she was confused, and that was probably a good thing. Her explanation of raising the sun and the moon probably would have invalidated the natural laws he called physics.
The two of them went down the elevator once more and walked to the restaurant. It was rather dim inside, but Josh explained that it was part of the atmosphere. He told Celestia to expect a show.
They were seated with a few other diners at a table that faced a griddle. Once again, Josh moved his chair to put a little distance between himself and Celestia. She wondered about it, but was distracted as the chef walked over with ingredients for the meal. Without saying a word, he set to work preparing the food while they watched.
He squirted oil onto the cooking surface and picked up a knife. Celestia suspected he was cutting meat, but couldn’t tell what kind. The chef flipped the cubes he cut off into the oil. Adding vegetables, he also mixed in some rice.
Celestia had been pleased to discover the dexterity her own hands and fingers offered, but the chef was clearly a practiced expert. Working with a spatula, knife, and tongs, he deftly kept the cooking food moving around to make sure it heated evenly. He deftly tossed an egg around a little with his spatula, eventually flipping it into the top of his toque hat. A few of the hungry onlookers clapped. The chef let the egg fall out, breaking it cleanly and mixing the insides with the rice.
With a couple more maneuvers, a pile of onion rings were stacked up and alcohol poured over them, creating a miniature volcano of flame. The rest of the food had finished cooking, and the chef began dishing it out.
Celestia avoided a few of the items that didn’t look appetizing to her, including something that was clearly shrimp. Everything she did eat was excellent, however, and the show leading up to it had turned the meal into an experience. The chef took a bow and departed.
After eating, Celestia and Josh spent some time in the hotel watching television. There were a dizzying array of channels and things to see. Some things, like Jersey Shore, she objected immediately to. Josh mused that perhaps some things were tasteless no matter if you were from Earth or not.
Later that night, Celestia ventured into a human shower for the first time. It was not too difficult to figure out the facilities. While nude, she made an interesting discovery. Her cutie mark had darkened and appeared to be gaining traces of color. She touched her skin, wondering what had caused the change.
There was a trace of power under her fingertips. Was this somehow related to recharging her energy? Celestia continued to ponder it as she dried off and redressed. Her thoughts were abandoned, however, as she left the bathroom and realized that there was a problem. The room only contained one bed.
“You take it,” said Josh. You’re the guest.”
“We’re both staying at the hotel,” she pointed out. “It’s quite a large bed.”
He sighed. “I like you, Celestia, but you’re not Alice. I don’t want to be tempted by a doppelganger.”
Her eyes opened wide in surprise. “I’m sorry to make you feel that way. It’s rather embarrassing.”
“I’m just trying to do what I think is right, which is not sleeping in close proximity to you.“ He smiled. “If it makes you feel better, I thank you for not making me feel too uncomfortable.”
“It’s all right,” said Celestia. “I try not to date outside my species.”
Josh laughed and Celestia joined in. It was a good way to relieve the tension that had built between them.
“Actually, you take the bed,” said Celestia. “I would like to stay awake a while longer to learn more about Earth. I believe I understand how to use the internet.”
Josh nodded. “All right then. Have fun. Just don’t do anything I wouldn't do."
“Don't worry, I wasn't intending to do any searches on rule 34," smirked Celestia. Josh rolled his eyes and slipped beneath the covers. She turned to the computer and opened the browser.
“Tell me a little about yourself, dear,” said Rarity.
Alice thought for a moment. The train had just come to a stop at the Canterlot station and ponies were beginning to disembark. The shuffle of the crowd gave her some time to think about what wouldn’t make her sound crazy.
“I’ve been working with Colgate for a little while,” said Alice. The doctor had gone ahead while Alice volunteered to help Rarity with the large amount of luggage that she’d packed in the baggage car.
“Is that all it is between you two?” asked the unicorn.
“Yes. Why?”
“Darling, speaking from a completely detached, heterosexual point of view, you’re gorgeous. Furthermore, Colgate isn’t known for keeping stallions around.”
Alice was speechless. Colgate had never hinted that she was interested in something like that. “Are you sure?”
Rarity smiled sympathetically. “You just said that you haven’t been around Ponyville for very long, otherwise you would know that. She had a rather nasty breakup with her last marefriend a few months ago.”
“It’s okay, Colgate knows I have a lover waiting for me back home,” said Alice. “We’re friends. I don’t think she would do anything to put that in jeopardy.”
“Do you mind telling me a bit more about why you want to see Princess Celestia?” asked Rarity. Alice quickly picked up a valise with her teeth so she wouldn’t need to answer. She carefully maneuvered out of the small baggage car door.
Fluttershy might as well have been invisible. She hadn’t spoken while Rarity’s luggage was being unloaded. When Alice backed into her while carrying a couple of suitcases, it was hard to say who was more surprised.
Angel Bunny quickly retaliated, regardless of fault. He grabbed Alice’s smock and yanked her away from Fluttershy, displaying surprising strength for such a small creature. The fabric bunched up as she worked to relieve herself of the bunny, forcing Alice to drop what she was carrying and step away.
Mission accomplished, Angel sat on his little cotton tail, raising one paw to his eye and pointing it at Alice as if to say, I’m watching you.
Rarity tended to Alice, quickly pulling her wrinkled smock down to cover her wings. “Well, I suppose I see now why talking to the Princess is so important.”
“I’m sorry about Angel; he can be impossible sometimes,” said Fluttershy.
“I would never have imagined a rabbit could be impossible.” Alice looked at the bunny in disbelief.
Rarity rolled her eyes. "Darling, this is nothing! If you visit Fluttershy's house in the morning you might have to put up with seven or eight impossible pets before breakfast."
The press secretary poked his head into Luna’s office. “Pardon me Princess, there are a group of reporters gathering at the castle gates. They want a statement from the Crown confirming the return of your sister.”
Luna sighed in frustration. Somehow the word had leaked out. It was possible the Elements of Harmony had told their friends and families the news, but even that wouldn’t account for the sudden outbreak of rumors. Thankfully, it didn’t seem that anypony had guessed the shape in which Celestia had returned.
“What should I do, Princess?” asked the stallion.
“How many reporters are there?” asked Luna.
“At last count, four,” he answered.
That wasn’t even half the news printers in Canterlot. Unfortunately, wherever journalists gathered, more were sure to show up like sharks scenting blood. Eventually, there would be a big enough crowd that the Royal Guard would be tripping over them.
“Reporters, reporters everywhere,” Luna muttered, adding a curse about the scurrilous purveyors of libel and demagoguery, although not loud enough for the secretary to hear. A thousand years previously, such things were not an issue. Her mood changed, however, thinking about what her sister must have gone through not so long ago when rumors of Luna’s return from the moon had begun to crop up.
“Keep stalling them as long as you can,” she ordered.
“Yes, Princess. I think a nice spot of Chamomile tea would do the trick.”
Luna stared at him for a moment and then shrugged. “I suppose you’re right. Coffee would only give them energy. We’d like them as lethargic as possible.”
“So no sweet pastries then?”
“Not now. We can resort to that if we need to keep them busy eating.” The Princess was only willing to consider the option of passing out free salt licks if things became truly desperate.
The stallion started to depart, but Luna called, “If you’re going to the kitchen, have them send a few of those desserts to me.”
The Princess turned back to her work. With the task of running the country by herself, guiding both the sun and the moon, and trying to prevent a mass panic that would be caused by citizens finding out her sister had too many fingers and not enough hooves, she figured a little snack was the least to which she could treat herself. She sighed. Ruling Equestria was turning out to be a broadening experience.
Author note:
If you like this story, it’s probably due to the efforts of Dafaddah, the editor. The recurring Alice in Wonderland jokes are his work. At last count, he probably devotes about as much time to this as I do.