//------------------------------// // Issue #5.5: Where To Live // Story: Deadpool Vs. Equestria // by Live Light //------------------------------// Deadpool Vs. Equestria Issue #5.5 Where To Live Deadpool after falling through Weasel's portal to Equestria, came to Ponyville, and after a bunch of explaining his reasons for existance, Pinkie Pie decides to accompany Deadpool as he ate at Sugarcube Corner. However, he was taken to Canterlot Castle to be assessed on his danger-level, and after apprehending a psycho, is labeled dangerous. But now, Pinkie and Fluttershy have decided to figure out where to put him in Equestria, so he can lose dangerousness. __________________________________________________________________________ After the chariot dropped Deadpool, Pinkie and Fluttershy off at Ponyville, the dreaded White Box noticed something. {Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy have the very same voice actors.} No manure, Sherlock. [Oooh. Getting local, are ya, Author?] So are you. "So... where should I live?" Deadpool asked. "Well," Pinkie began, "Either we can place you with Lyra, during which she'll most likely go crazy over you 'cause you used to be a human, or, we can place you with Rarity where you can be near royalty, and have your awesome costume probably get criticized because Rarity might not approve, or, we can place you with Applejack where you can basically be with somepony who reminds you of that cowgirl from your universe who speaks the same accent, while probably doing work that has to do with kicking trees, or, we can place you with Rainbow Dash, in which you'll never be able to keep your footing because only pegasi can walk on clouds, or, you can stay with Twilight, and occasionally have to speak to a dragon the author hasn't gotten around to portraying yet, while also probably being asked a lot of questions by Twilight about what life on Earth is, and then proceed to be bombarded with knowledge, or, you can stay with Fluttershy, where you'll be treated very nicely by Fluttershy, but maybe not by the animals, or, you can live with me, and live with somepony who likes to PARTY! and bake etc etc, or, you can live with Snowflake, who always welcomes visitors, and steroids, or, finally, you can live with Mister Not-Appearing-In-This-Fanfiction!" {Walls of text. Really.} [Okay, we should probably go over what was offered so far.] {Soooo... we can live with a pony probably obsessed with humans, or an annoying snob obsessed with fashion who hardly does generous things despite being the element of that, according to the author...} [We can live with Outlaw-much(?) Earth-ponies, and have possible slave-labour, or we can live with ponies with obvious names, while falling down clouds and making jokes about double-rainbow-all-the-way, across the sky...] {We can be bombarded with pointless knowledge, and have to deal with a dragon that the author has no clue how to write, or be surrounded by cuteness by living with Fluttershy...} [Or we can live with Pinkie Pie, who's made Wade a target for comparisons in fan work such as drawings, occasional cross-overs and fan-fics, and an ideal friend, or, we can hang out with a weird guy who could be Arnold Schwarzenegger in disguise, but got his muscles illegitimately, who we, for some reason, already saw in Issue 3, or, we could live with... a reference that may or may not actually be a killer rabbit...] {I'd go with the reference.} Idiots. {Alright, fine. Pinkie.} [Pinkie.] "Well... I might live with you, Pinkie. There's something about steroids and Monty Python references that scare me. And you're still my favourite so far." Deadpool said. "Okay! Let's go and announce this to the Cakes!" Pinkie replied, dragging Deadpool with her, while bouncing, causing Deadpool to collide with the ground repeatedly. He was used to this, though. Fluttershy watched as they bounced away, their voices becoming more distant. "So, wait, you talk to comfort food?" "No, their surname is Cake!" "Oh." Fluttershy only had one thought on the matter. "...What's Monty Python?" She asked herself, before looking around, then walking home to her cottage. ----- The insane-in-the-membrane pair were once again in Sugarcube Corner. They stopped bouncing when they reached the counter. At that point, Deadpool had to stand up with motivation from his head voices. {Chimichangas, chimichangas, chimichangas, chimichangas} [Bea Arthur, Bea Arthur, Bea Arthur, Bea Arthur.] {Shush, Yellow Box, this is my job.} [My one was funnier than yours.] "I'm back, Mrs. Cake!" Pinkie announced. A blue earth pony, who looked like the stereotypical caring aunt, in horse form, came through. "Oh, hello, Pinki-" She said, before looking at Deadpool. "Oh, um... hello. Are you a friend of Pinkie's?" "Yes! And I am an acquaintance to people I've met, and a nuisance to people I haven't met!" Deadpool he replied. "Is that you, Aunt May?" "That's Mrs. Cake, silly!" Pinkie said. "I'll introduce you to Spider-Colt later." "Ah, okay." Deadpool nodded. [EEEEK!] What? Meeting Spider-Man in horse form can't be so bad! [No, the WORST thing has happened...] {What happened?} [We have 3 dislikes! It is THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!] We noticed that at the beginning. People have opinions. If you notice, we have 10 times the amount of likes than dislikes. {...That's boring. You're boring. Quit boring everyone!} "So... would your friend like something to eat?" Mrs. Cake asked. "Nope!" Pinkie replied. "Yes." Deadpool said. "Yep!" Pinkie alternated. "But he'd like something else, before he eats, is what I meant!" "And what is that?" Mrs. Cake asked... apprehensively. "The Guest Room!" Pinkie announced. Which got a gasp from Mrs. Cake and all the ponies eating there. Deadpool and Pinkie looked around at the silence that ensued. "Uh... was it something I said?" Pinkie said, shrugging. The ponies blinked, and resumed chatter and eating, albeit in a worried fashion. "So... can I stay in the Guest Room then?" Deadpool asked. "Well, err... it's next to our children's room..." "Ah. So am I too loud to be next to a room for babies?" "You mean foals." Pinkie intervened. "...Foals, then." "How did you know they were that young?" Mrs. Cake asked. "I could tell there were babies of some sort here. Babies creep me out, therefore, foals creep me out." Deadpool said, in a serious tone. "So... you won't... err... trouble them? They're asleep right now." Mrs. Cake asked, wondering as to the extension of Wade's sanity. "No. I veer away from what creeps me out. And they do not mean a threat to me here, which means I will not threaten them. But regardless, they creep me out." "Well... okay. You can have the guest room." Cake gives in. "Alrighty. Thank you. You will not regret this. Etcetera, etcetera." "This way!" Pinkie said, bouncing up the stairs. Deadpool followed, all the way up to his new room. ______________________________________________________ To be continued in the next issue! {Author, I have a complaint.} Yes? {What the hell did you do at the end of Chapter 22?} Isn't it obvious? {He's dying, and he's lonely now! WHAT UP WITH THAT!?} I needed conflict. Plus, this is an entirely different story. Leave me alone. {Okaybye}