//------------------------------// // And then Rainbow was a zombie // Story: In which Masterweaver just makes stuff up // by Masterweaver //------------------------------// "TWILIGHT, you just GOTTA help me!" The unicorn managed to keep herself from flinching as the pegasus charged her. "I'm sorry, Rainbow, but unless I know exactly how this happened I can't do anything without possibly hurting you." "But I'm a zombie! I don't want to be a zombie!" Rainbow Dash gestured at the rotting remnants of her wing. "Just look at this, how am I going to fly?!" "You could stick a rocket on your back," Pinkie offered, "I know where they come in bulk! Just think, DASHIE THE ROCKET ZOMBIEEEE!" "Technically she's a ghoul, not a zombie." "DASHIE THE ROCKET GHOOOOOOUL!" The rainbow-maned pegasus stamped her hoof. "No! This is not awesome! This is... sub-awesome! Zombies are killed by the kill people, they aren't the cool people!" She paused, lifting her leg to her face. "Aw, hay, look. MY LEG IS FALLING OFF. THIS IS NOT NORMAL. FIX IT." Twilight facehooved. "I already told you, I need to know how this happened before I do anything." She headed over to the bookshelves. "Dark magic, dark magic... huh, what do you know, there are multiple forms of dark magic. Wow, the more you know." "You never studied dark magic?" Pinkie tilted her head. "Huh, I thought you were the multi-master mage of mana!" "One, mana is just an energy snack. Bland, too. Two, dark magic is technically, how do I put this, illegal without a princess-mandated license. Fortunately Celestia saw fit to give me one after the whole Crystal Empire thing." "Oh yeah! Man being crystal was so neat, I could make music just by clicking my hooves together!" Twilight nodded. "My magic was greatly increased too...." Rainbow Dash glanced away. "I just looked girly. I mean, awesome, but... not in an awesome way." "Hey, I don't think your fans cared. They sent us all those plushies!" The pegasus rolled her eyes. "Don't remind me... AJ's been giving me these looks and I think she's wearing lipstick now. LIPSTICK. Applejack with LIPSTICK." She gagged. "She can wear whatever bizarre make up she likes. No need to sound so disgusted." "Actually I think I just coughed up my liver." Twilight turned around with a grin. "Oh good, I'll need that to test for...." She glanced at the organ on the ground. "...Rainbow, that's your pancreas, not your liver." "Well sooooooor-ry, I never had Pony Guts 101." "I did!" Pinkie piped up. "It's really great knowing exactly what a pony can stomach when you're cooking because then you can put together the weirdest combinations and so long as they don't throw up they'll only call it exotic which is really very neat!" Zombie and unicorn stared at the beaming baker. "...okay, never touching Pinkie's experiments again." "Aw, come on Dashie, you're dead! It couldn't hurt that much!" "Not that this isn't fascinating from a purely scholarly point of view, but I think we should focus on one world-altering event at a time." Twilight rolled her eyes and opened a massive tome, flipping through the pages. "Specifically, Rainbow's post-mortum animation. Now, I understand this question might confuse you, Dash, but I have to ask it: Do you have any idea how you died?" "Um... no?" The unicorn sighed. "Okay, how about this: Was there anything so very awesome that you've done recently that you thought you should have died?" "Um... how recent is recent?" Pinkie tapped Rainbow's wing experimentally. "Judging by the state of the rot on this thing I'd guess, hmmm, three to four weeks ago." The pegasus stared at her. Twilight coughed. "I don't even want to know how you knew that." "Well you see, back on the rock farm my sister--" "I'm sure it's a long and very interesting story with many crazy shenanigans that justify your knowledge of how a pony's body rots but I really have to focus on this problem or I'll get distracted with all my research and quite frankly I don't want that to happen. I understand you're trying to be helpful, Pinkie, and I genuinely appreciate it, just...." Twilight Sparkle waved a vague hoof trying to find a polite way to express her point. "You're distracting," Rainbow said bluntly. The baker blinked. Then her face contorted into a scowl. "You know what, fine! See if I help you in Chapter Five!" She stormed out of the library and slammed the door behind her. Rainbow Dash sighed. "Yeah... yeah, I could have handled that better, no need to lecture me Twilight. I'll try to make it up to her as soon as you figure out how to fix this." "...you know, when she slammed the door, your wing fell off." "Twi? Focus." The unicorn shook her head. "Right. Sorry." She gave the pegasus a stern look. "Like I said, I need to know when you could have died. So....?" "....well, okay. I guess there was this one thing I did. It was a super awesome stunt--" "--why am I not surprised--" "--which had been attempted but not achieved at least once a year. I read up all about it, made sure Fluttershy was nearby in case I had to go to the hospital, aaaaaand I may possibly have passed out from lack of air." "So... you suffocated to death." Rainbow shrugged. "Well, I guess that's possible. Fluttershy was standing over me, like, fifteen minutes later. So, yeah." Twilight Sparkle raised an eyebrow. "Fluttershy? Nopony else was around?" "Well... no." The two of them looked at each other. "...do you think Fluttershy did this?" "Maybe, but even if she didn't we should talk to her. She probably saw who actually did do it." "Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I don't know how Fluttershy would know dark magic though..." Twilight sighed. "If it was her... well, technically I'd be obligated to report her to the princesses, unless she has a license. Which I guess is possible but... when would Celestia have given her permission to do that?" "It could have been Luna." The unicorn snorted. "Just because she's the night princess doesn't mean she studies dark magic. Anymore. And besides, I don't think Luna would do that."