Twilight Sparkle: History's Greatest Monster

by PotatoJoe


If The Barding Fits...

Dressing oneself in someone else’s clothes was kinda weird.

Double if they were the exact same size as you, but wore a Tin Tyrant brand spiked plate mail, a monocle, and socks with a skull pattern.

Twilight would have elected not to wear the socks, but it seemed a shame not to finish the outfit - besides, the greaves of her armor would chafe a little if she didn’t have any underarmor lining, so it was not just personal style, it was practical as well.

But the weirdest part about wearing someone else’s clothes, when you didn’t usually wear clothes, was looking in the mirror and realizing that you looked good. She cast a striking, cutting figure, like a scoundrel of the highest caliber content to lavish herself in the most modern of villainous styles.

Twilight Sparkle sometimes regretted how much she was learning about fashion from Rarity, but if it had to be said, the fact that her armor had the type of clasps and riveting that were in vogue with today’s evildoers was strangely empowering.

Nonetheless, she was wearing evil clothes and had to prepare herself to pretend to be an evil her... who had taken over the world... and made at least one of her friends into a berserk rebel... and had written all over the pages of the latest Daring Do novel.

With a pause, Twilight looked back to the nightstand in shock.

In the melee before, the book had been knocked over and had fallen open to a marked page that was covered with scribbles. Many of them looked like homework corrections, judging by the red ink. Twilight rushed over and levitated the book up - she was well aware that the Twilight from this world - or onion and pepper casserole dream, as that theory was still pending - was evil, but this was another sort of depravity. Writing on a book? Especially this copy of Daring Do novel since it was collector's edition!

Oh, my, it was worse than that. The marks appeared to be Evil Twilight’s analysis of where the villain was making mistakes. True, it was detailed and well thought out, but to write on a new, luscious tome such as this? It was the worst sort of roguery! And she’d missed the part where Daring Do was able to loosen the ropes binding her to the idol because they’d used cotton cords to bind her instead of flax - if you had to make notes such as this, you might as well do it right.

Twilight ‘hmmed’ to herself as she noticed a few other missed mistakes, as well as a typo in the printing, and found herself agreeing with some of the notes in the margin. Evil Twilight was at least clever - she seemed to be mining the new traps with Rainbow Dash in mind, seeking to use what Dash would expect the traps to do to imperil the pegasus. Brilliant, really - as a fan of the series and a rather impetuous pony, Rainbow Dash would likely try and solve one of these traps as her hero Daring Do had. That would allow for some very easy tweaks to send the accursed pegasus to her grave - simply change the snake ejection pattern, rotate the column of griffoglyphs slightly to change the puzzle’s solution slightly...

“Oh, Celestia!” blurted Twilight, tossing the book away as she realized what she’d been thinking about. She’d been planning ways to kill Rainbow Dash! And they were good plans too!

It was like before, when Trixie had asked her about why Twilight wanted Fluttershy’s bruise looked at. Twilight had simply responded without thinking, like it was a natural thing she would say. But it wasn’t her - Twilight didn’t really want to hurt Fluttershy. Did she?

No.

Twilight focused, trying to fix the word in her mind.

NO. She did not want to hurt anypony.

It had to be something to do with this world/casserole. That was it - maybe her mind was changing. An idea quickly flitted into her head and she cast a spell to keep magics from affecting her - and instantly, the eye with the monocle went out of focus.

Removing the monocle, she found her sight was normal again.

Passive magic tended to be more subtle than active spells, but harder to resist. Twilight knew that fact well, having encountered poison joke before. She’d likely be able to keep the effect at bay for a while, but not forever, meaning that she needed to find a way to get home quick. Or, barring that, find a way to permanently weaken her regime so that the rebels, whoever they were, could easily overthrow her.

With a long sigh and a toss of her mane, she left her chambers and began to search for an advisor who could explain more about what was going on.


Fluttershy was no pony to trifle with.

But, weeks in the Everfree, eating little but what Applejack could cook up had left her a hungry pony. True, Pinkie could whip up the odd cookie when they weren’t both on a mission, but Fluttershy was a lover of salads... and hay fries... and honeybreads served with mushrooms...

… meaning that Fluttershy was definitely a pony to truffle with.

Before her sat a steaming plate of perigords. She’d tried to resist - obviously, any food she was served would either be poisoned, have a truth serum in it, or would at the very least be spat in. But the haute cuisine dish set in front of her was simply irresistible, even in the dank of the dungeons... the well lit, surprisingly not dank dungeons.

“Does madam prefer classical or romantic accompaniment to her meal?” asked the stallion with the violin, tuning it slightly. He was definitely from Prance, as was the tablecloth, silverware, and candles in Fluttershy’s cell.

“Oh, please play something you like,” she said politely, dabbing at her mouth before launching into another ravenous assault on her plate. The ambiance was really lovely, which was probably what that stupid-head up in the castle wanted. The musician began a slow, beautiful serenade as she devoured the delectable dinner, only stopping her gobbling to gulp down goblet-fulls of the most terrific tea she’d tasted in years. Strawberry and daffodil - how had the Lord Librarian known what kind of tea that Fluttershy liked best?

But, that was a question everyone was always asking about Twilight Sparkle - how had she done that?

How had she trapped the Sisters in stone? How had she mind controlled the entire Equestrian Guard? How did she make steel look so slimming? And now, how did she know what kind of tea Fluttershy liked?

It were questions like that that made the mare so terrifying.

Years ago, Twilight Sparkle had been an ordinary unicorn, though one noted for her unusual skill with magic - she’d been Celestia's personal student. And then in a few short months, she’d conquered Equestria and solidified it under a tyrannical hoof, having defeated her mentor in a sound, swift duel. The Celestian rebels were laughably outmatched, having rarely scored more than a moral victory. As Fluttershy considered the sauce on the last bite of her dinner - it was perfect - she thought fondly of her childhood as an awkward but happy little filly, back when she could have eaten anything she wanted, whenever. Those years seemed so far away as she rubbed her full belly.

“Madam, the masseuses are here,” said the stallion, bidding her farewell and vanishing with her dinnerware. He was replaced by a pair of mares that instantly got to work, giving Fluttershy the best backrub and hooficure that one could get while manacled to a wall. The pegasus felt her eyes drooping a little as the knots in her muscles and the pain from the fight were kneaded away.

If this was Twilight’s new torture method, Fluttershy decided she would volunteer to be captured more often.

But she kept focus, even if she was guiltily enjoying everything. She was a prisoner and a rebel commander, so of course Twilight Sparkle herself would lead Fluttershy’s inevitable interrogation. And when they got down to the dungeons and were about to begin, the other rebels would spring a trap - they were already close to finishing with the tunnel under Canterlot when Fluttershy had attacked. And then, they would have Twilight at their mercy - and they would not be nearly as nice as these masseuses.

Giving a little giggle at the thought of taking a few kicks at Twilight once they’d sealed her magic and taken back the land, Fluttershy gave herself fully to the pampering, dedicated to trying to enjoy it more than the Lord Librarian had hoped she would.


“Now, what is the status of the legions?” asked Twilight, walking alongside one of the last ponies she would have expected to be one of her chief lieutenants - Prince Blueblood.

She knew him. He was a jerk, a twit, and a boor, but he wasn’t a traitor... or even evil-ish! At least, her universe’s wasn’t. This universe had replaced him with... an exact physical copy who had a maniacal love leading armies of knights to ravage any countryside available.

Who wore an eyepatch with a frowny face on it.

“Ready as ever, my beautiful lordship,” he said with a haughty and flirty tone. “All of the legions are, as ever, well trained, well prepared, and lusting for the most violent sport available. With but a single exalted command, you could unleash me, as well as send them rampaging straight to the ends of the earth.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. He wasn’t as subtle as the Blueblood she was used to either, even if he was more muscled - a lifetime of siege warfare and pillaging apparently made for a firmly toned flank.

“That won’t be necessary, thank you,” she responded politely, drawing a cute little pout from him. “Now, how are my other lieutenants doing?”

“Oh, well enough for themselves, I suppose,” he said with flared sigh. “I suspect that Trixie is off somewhere plotting new ways to adore you and Flim and Flam have tinkered with an infernal contraption or two today, but the brothers so rarely do anything more than tinker. It’s unforgivable, really. If I promised to build you a death ray, I suppose I’d do it - their last one hardly slowed that rebel unicorn down at all, though it did at least light her tail on fire - I’ve rarely laughed as hard as I did at that sight!”

Twilight’s mind boggled, trying to take it all in and not react and understand everything she was hearing; no easy task to be sure.

“Now, that little pegasus minx is probably putting the Shadowbolts through formations - I do wish you’d give me control of them, Lord Librarian,” continued Blueblood as they walked down the West Hall of Canterlot. Gone were the portraits and statues that Twilight was used to, replaced with a ghastly array of torture devices, weapon racks, and disorganized bookshelves. Evil Twilight seemed to have no idea how to alphabetize or even the faintest clue what the Decimal system was! “I’m simply dying to have their commander serving under me and to have your most elite airborne soldiers at my disposal. And, if I may say so, while a powerful warrior, Derpy is hardly the best strategist.”

Twilight stumbled slightly as her brain hiccuped. Derpy? Sweet, goofy little Derpy? Was one of her... evil subordinates? And Blueblood was really so boorish as to say what he’d just said?

Aw, but that little frowny face eye patch took his persona from harassing jerk to overly flirtatious scum, so she couldn’t stay mad at him.

No! She could - she refocused her magic shield and felt more proper disgust at the Prince’s statement.

“And, last and least of all, your lizard is as he always is - hungry,” finished Blueblood as they came to an intersection in the hall. “So, my most majestic master, will you be joining me on the parade grounds to inspect the troops or seeing what disaster those idiots have cooked up in the laboratories?”

Twilight paused. She needed to sound aloof and evil, but if she went over the top, Blueblood might catch on. It was a small chance, as he had roughly three brain cells total and the two big ones seemed more focused on mares than intrigue, but it was a chance. It seemed simple enough, though - play to his ego, tell him what he wanted to hear, like the bad guy in the Daring Do novels did with his subordinates.

“I think it would be best to save what little remains of the laboratory while I still can - idiots can so rarely be left unattended,” she said, taking a rather harsh tone while sticking her snoot slightly into the air. “And run the anti-air crews through a few extra drills. Their performance this morning was unacceptable.”

“Of course,” he said with a bow before cantering off happily. With a sigh and a stomach churning in revulsion, she turned and began to make her way into the lab.


“This is not Twilight.”

“Release me, you spineless rebel scum!” bellowed what looked like Twilight Sparkle, sounded like Twilight Sparkle, but was decidedly not Twilight Sparkle. Spike, the other Elements of Harmony, and princess Celestia were assembled in the dungeon where they had manacled the unicorn to the wall.

Manacled, after she had built a giant robot suit and launched an attack on Canterlot castle.

“How do you know?” asked Rainbow Dash, looking to Applejack. Applejack, who had been the one to make the bold declaration, took a step forwards before speaking.

“Well... my first hint was when she shot lasers from her eyes.” Everyone nodded their heads at Applejack’s assessment - that had been rather telling. “‘an the whole evil cackling, bizarre ranting, and monocle thing. I didn’ even know that monocles were somethin’ ponies really wore.”

“At least, outside of the more prestigious Canterlot events,” said Rarity.

“But the biggest thing is that, well, she just... doesn’t seem right to me,” replied Applejack, giving a little shudder. “And right before she went all bonkers, Pinkie had those weird liver feelin’s-”

“And I’ve never had that show up in my Pinkie Sense before!” interjected the pink pony.

“Which means one of two things. This ain’t Twilight, or Twilight’s gone evil,” said Applejack, concluding her speech. “An’ I don’t think she’s gone evil.”

“So, then, if this isn’t normal Twilight, who is she?” asked Spike, his worry visible in the nervous stream of smoke rising from his nostrils.

“I do not know...” said Celestia, taking several steps forwards. Twilight snarled, struggling in her bonds. “But I can feel the magic of chaos in her, though it is quickly fading. I imagine that in a day or two she may calm down and be able to be questioned.”

“I’ve cursed you before, you miserable matriarch, and I’ll do it again the moment I escape!” ranted Twilight, flashes of laser vision flaring from under the enchanted blinders on her face. “Now release me lest I become truly wicked in my wrath!”

“...oh,” she said, pausing a few moments later. The purple unicorn took a deep breath “Sorry everpony, I was having a bit on an episode there. When I get stressed I still have the urge to monologue and shout doom to ponies.”

“... so, did you like, just un-become evil... or...” Rainbow Dash’s question trailed off awkwardly.

“No, definitely still evil, just more lucid,” explained not-Twilight Sparkle. “Now, seriously, we need to get me back to my home dimension while we still can. I’ve a very delicate scheme to take over the world in the works and if I am not there personally, an entire planet could be destroyed.”

“What?” exclaimed Spike in shock. “Take over the world? Destroy the world?”

“It’s a scheme that’s been done to death, I know,” said Twilight with a little shrug. “But I’m sure you agree, a conquered world is better than a vaporized one.”

“I don’t think it’s safe to send her back if she’s got some sort of world destroyin’ plan in the works!” stated Applejack. “Nopony with a scheme like that can be trusted to start with, an’ she’s right out told us she’s bad!”

“True, but there’s a world in danger and you seem a heroic assortment,” observed Twilight, before a rather wicked grin took to her lips. “And, as the more valorous sort, I should think that you will be forced by your conscience to choose the lesser evil.”

There was a short, tense silence, followed by the begrudging acceptance that they had to help Evil Twilight not destroy another world.